The Secret Diary of a Kaydet Girl
<survivor-MVpma>

First Encounters 26 February 2000 / Saturday You were in your last semester in UP. Graduation was looming ahead, and old folks has it that graduating students (much like brides-to-be) should be extra careful and avoid travel. And on that fateful Saturday, you should have been in your information systems class speak-up. Yet, compulsive, impulsive and spontaneous as you are, you grabbed a friend and hastily decided to jump onto a bus going to Baguio. (After all, you were due in Tarlac Saturday night, you say.) It was a place you never thought you would ever go back to. Perhaps, it was also your way of affirming to yourself that everything is all behind you now and no memory can haunt you. So, when you set foot on Fort del Pilar, you took in the sights like a first-time visitor. And when Adel approached, you introduced yourself, too, like a polite guest. Even if you long ago discontinued to have such a high regard for soldiers-in-training. Recognizing Don Henrico 18 March 2000 / Saturday Your last day of classes was supposedly in school, but this one saw you in Baguio City (again?!?). You were thinking of a perfect, cheap way to cap off your stint in college. And the best that you could come up with was a weekend in this place! Incidentally, you even saw Adel in the Recognition rites of class 2003. In a way, you have been at the right place at the right time, even without intending to be there. You even gathered enough grit to meet him at the Baguio Convention Center with your friends in tow. Yeah, you dined at Don Henrico's. You've always pined to eat there, but you never had the opportunity. The night being young, you went to Quezon Hill and met some of Adel's family and family's friends. You chatted about his life in the academy and the challenges of his everyday life. You weren't the least bit fascinated or curious. And yet, somehow, there was something compelling about that night which made you listen and ask more questions and yearn to know about him. Yeah, there was something about that night. Whatever that is, it's still one thing you couldn't quite explain or understand or dare to discover just yet. The Day After 19 March 2000 / Sunday Perhaps you had nowhere to go, or perhaps you had no one to talk to, or perhaps you had no choice - that's why you were seen once more on the grounds of Fort del Pilar. Then again, perhaps, there was a reason for your being there, although still an inexplicable one. Plaza 62 (or was it 63? whatever!) witnessed how you groped for words which, in other situations, usually came easy. You felt comfortable and uneasy, apprehensive and enthusiastic, curious and indifferent, all at the same time. Perhaps, it was just the weather, you reasoned. But, you knew very well, the weather wasn't to blame. Perhaps, it was Adel. But what could he have possibly done? It was one thing you would rather not reckon about at that moment. The Call Which Changed It All 27 March 2000 / Monday You got excited when he called, informing he's on his way to Manila. You were hoping that he called because he'd like to see you. And you were even flattered, thinking you're the one he'd like to see first on his first break from the academy. (Har! Fat chance!) A Lifetime In One Day 28 March 2000 / Tuesday Your day was made busy with holding children's courses at a summer school. Later in the afternoon, you prepared for your job interview at an investment house in Makati. While on your way home, you were looking forward to a sumptuous supper. Fifteen minutes away from home, you got a call from Adel. Now, you were looking forward to seeing him. You really didn't know how you finally agreed to meet him at such an abrupt notice. Perhaps, you missed him somehow. Or, maybe you're just excited to see him anew. Then again, it's probably both. The ice skating rink bleacher in Megamall was hardly your idea of a romantic rendezvous. Nevertheless, you were utterly fidgety as you neared him and took in his fresh-from-the-beach color (and his no-nonsense haircut!). He came straight from Quezon with his knapsack and all. When he held your hand as you began to walk, you felt like it's the most natural thing. The next flurry of events was somehow unexpected. You went to see the movie Deuce Bigalow: The Male Gigolo. It may not be the most appropriate movie for a first date, but it may have helped create some magic. After all, you were 'officially' a 'couple' when the movie was over. When you look back to this day and tell your children or grandchildren or great-grandchildren about your greatest love affair, you would always chuckle while narrating that you were once won over by Deuce Bigalow and a Big Mac meal! Moreover, this day marked several firsts in your couplehood. Together, it was your first date, first movie, first meal, first bus ride, first FX ride, first kiss. And you know your life will never, ever be the same again. Fumbling and Fidgeting 29 March 2000/Wednesday You met Adel at McDonald's-Philcoa and proceeded to check your grades in UP. Afterwards, you went to Glorietta mall. You first had a meal at the Mongolian Grill where he burned a hole on his shirt with a cigarette. Then, you saw Three to Tango where he left his wallet (you were already on the bus when he remembered leaving it and you had to go back to the cinema to retrieve it.) With all this clumsiness, you wondered if he was as apprehensive as you were. Yeah, it was a day full of laughs - but one which showed both your human sides. Goodbyes Were Never Good 02 April 2000/Sunday You woke up early and hurried off to the bus station in Cubao. Along the way, you began to ask yourself what you were doing. You never saw someone off to say goodbye. Never. But, this very first time, you tried to muster enough courage to see him off (not even the breakfast at Chowking was enough to soothe you). Perhaps, deep in your heart, you knew that this was one thing you better get used to - because he'd be saying goodbye for so many times. Dating = Privilege 15 April 2000/Saturday It was the first time you went out together while he was on privilege. You saw The Story of Us. The storyline may have been more about married couples. However, love is a universal theme and practically everyone could relate to the story (including you!). When problems arose between the main characters, they tried to separate and get a divorce. In the end, love prevailed. As Michelle Pfeiffer put it, we may have problems. but, I'll also encounter problems with another man. I'd rather have them with you. S.O.T. in V.Luna 26 April 2000/Wednesday You met in Megamall between 8-10PM. Now, you understood why they call these short breaks privilege -just lucky enough to have their officers to allow them to go out. You also saw his mistahs staring at the two of you discreetly, perhaps wondering who the girl he was with. But then, you couldn't care less - you only had eyes for him! Of course, time did run out for both of you. You struggled to say goodbye and leave. You knew there would be other opportunities to see him. However, you weren't still quite used to saying goodbye and so it still hurt a little to leave. On My Own 07 May 2000/Sunday For the first time in your life, you braved the six-hour long travel to Baguio alone. All you had for him was the Famous Amos cookies which you didn't finish eating. You wished you could have brought something. But you were in such a hurry. Your visit was unexpected. You weren't quite sure if he appreciated your coming or not. That realization dampened your spirits. You strolled in the academy with him at your side. You yearned to hold his hand and embrace him. But then, you're aware that physical expressions of affection must be set and held within the confines of this conservative institution. Before leaving, he gave you his company jacket. And all the way to Manila, you clung to it like he was there. Would You Be My Partner Forever? 27 May 2000/Saturday The Incorporation Day of Class 2004 gave you both a chance to attend a hop. For the first time, you held each other while music played. But then, you refused to dance to the tune of Kaydet Girl. Maybe you thought dancing to it could jinx your whole love affair! On that day, you gave your birthday present to him - a blue button-down shirt & a pen with cow prints. You could only hope that he appreciated it. Meanwhile, you welcomed the fresh evening breeze when you stepped out of the dance hall. You must have been caught up with the moment and the mood of the night... because, for the first time ever, you told him those three words which you have been holding off to say right there and there, you knew that nothing could be more sincere to describe how you feel other than those three words. After the dance, he saw you off at the bus station. This time, it was his turn to watch you leave. If he hated seeing you go, you had just as much difficulty leaving him there. All the way back home, you couldn't help reminiscing what a wonderful night it has been. You also kept replaying in your mind what it's like to be under that rock for the first time. Independence Day 12 June 2000/Monday Your eyes were glued to the television screen, searching for that familiar face amidst a sea of almost identical faces. When he came over your place that night, you learned he wasn't able to join the parade because he was sick. Since the parade was over, that also meant that their stay in Manila was over. While you slept, you wondered how you'd be able to say goodbye to him the next day. Meet the Parents 20 September 2000/Wednesday You were invited by Maileen, Adel's elder sister, to her birthday celebration at her boarding house. You were expecting only her classmates and friends to be there. Much to your astonishment, her parents were there. You and her dad talked about his job abroad, Adel's childhood, among other things. Everyone's eyes were on you and they were all teasing you about being on the hot seat. Maileen's friends were fun to hang around with and it wasn't hard for you to feel at ease with them. You left with a wonderful feeling in your heart. Break, Crack, Rift, Split, Tear Apart 02 October 2000/Monday You were off to a good start. The usual morning rush traffic wasn't enough to rain on your parade. Towards lunchtime, you received a call from Adel. You were excited to tell him how your days have been and how you're doing at your job. However, not even halfway through your monologue, he launched in to his own. You hung on to his every word, but only a single phrase continued to painfully reverberate through your mind, heart and entire body - COOL OFF! Right at that moment, you thought you never heard of a word much more excruciating. You knew that there couldn't be any other reason except for a third party, because he said so himself in the past. Still, you easily bought his excuse that the pressure in the academy is killing him. Consistent to your conviction that there's no such thing as a cool off and resolute with your stance that you couldn't go through with an unfairly one-sided commitment, you decided to just break the ties that bind. You went through the afternoon in a daze, staring off into space, trying to find meaning from all that has happened. Later on, right after lunch, you accepted his call and couldn't resist his proposition for another shot in this whole love affair. You didn't know what overcame you to give the relationship one more chance. More than anything, you just simply never lose sight of the amazing love you both built together. By any chance, that could be the sole reason why you're taking the risks and going against all the odds. Happy Halloween 31 October 2000/Tuesday To borrow a few lines from Autumn in New York: "The scariest night of the year...  and only one thing haunts me...  that we may never have met." Perhaps, that could very well sum up how you feel. And so, when he called to inform you that he's in Manila, you were delighted. You found him on your doorstep with his bag and all, straight from Baguio. The Scary Movie 01 November 2000/Wednesday You met him in the afternoon, right where you met him for the very first time - the skating rink bleachers. You saw Scary Movie which was the least bit scary. Anyhow, you still had a fabulous time, precisely because you're together. Again, the day has to end. Like before, you wanted to buy more time, to hold the hourglass' sand in your hands if only you could. Through it all, the time and the distance which kept you apart has made you tougher and braver and less vulnerable in the face of uncertainty. But still, it hasn't made you any less numb to pain and woes and longing. The Real Scary Movie 23 November 2000/Thursday You were delighted upon receiving a letter from Adel first thing in the morning. What a good start, you say to yourself. But not even halfway through the letter, your heart sank (right through the depths of the Philippine Deep!) Your suspicions have finally been confirmed! (It also goes to show that a woman's instinct could be very reliable. Atta, gurl!!!) Finally, he admitted the real reason for trying to break up with you. There was another one. Now, your worst nightmare has been confirmed - straight from the horse's mouth! But this time, no tears rolled down your cheeks. Perhaps, you 'd seen it coming. Or maybe, you'd turned numb already. Still, you've carried yourself admirably through each storm. You're still seen wearing that infectious smile, exchanging a lively banter with everyone you meet, laughing as always about every imaginable thing. Walking Wounded 25 November 2000/Saturday You saw him at the mall. You even watched The Replacements and dined at Tia's. How you managed to get there, you didn't know. You never expected him to turn up in Manila, nor did you expect him to contact you once he's in town. It just didn't seem likely after the confession. You never thought a civil meeting would still be possible. As it turned out, you even talked about the girl. There were some tears and a little bickering. In the end, the desire to hold on and to preserve and keep what you've built together prevailed. "Was it worth another try?" you asked yourself. You weren't promised the moon nor the stars nor the paradise. And yet, you still placed your heart on the line. You knew that, at one point or another, things could get sour all over again. Still, you rolled the dice and crossed your fingers. And then, you realized, it was not about resurrecting old feelings or the romance. It's not about holding on for the sake of making things last. It's not just about having someone to call your own. Ultimately, it's about carrying on. knowing that a single failure can't break you... because you both know that you're made of tougher stuff. It's about still believing in love and in the happily-ever-after thing. especially in a world turned insanely cynical. It's about giving where instead of losing a part of yourself, you end up being complete. (Whew! How much luckier can this guy get?)

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