BJ Surhoff wreaks havoc with fabric of reality

BJ Surhoff has declined arbitration from the Baltimore Orioles this week, leaving the world to wonder what the hell he's thinking.

“I mean, it’s not as if he's not 163 years old!” said the frustrated Mike Flanagan, Co-GM of the team. "The years of his best years being behind him are far behind him!"

BJ Surhoff declines arbitration; smells turd.

Although once a powerful contributing force to the Orioles success, Surhoff is not the player that he once was. O's fan Benjamin Dover was quoted as saying, "It used to be that they'd put BJ behind the plate, at first, in right... whatever! Nowadays he's only versatile cause he's willing to play in the stands with a bag of peanuts around his neck."

Although the possibility of keeping BJ on as a nut slinger was brought up, Beattie and Flanagan seemed pessimistic, stating that they had "countless better options" on the concessions front.

Rodrigo Lopez, pitching in the Mexican leagues, wonders why the hell Guadalajara looks like Aspen.

Were this the end of the story, Julio would not even bother to report it to you... but that's only the beginning. Since BJ for some unfathomable reason decided to decline, strange weather patterns have emerged around the globe. Snowstorms in Mexico, volcanic eruptions in Kansas, tidal waves in Wyoming, and the strangest of all... a nice day in Cleveland.

"Do you have any idea how nice the weather has to be for anyone to forget the fact that they're in a shithole like Cleveland??" said Art Modell, all around cool guy.

As we speak Jorge Julio is trying to sort out these strange weather patterns to once again save the world. As of yet he is unsure why BJ Surhoff would decline arbitration, or what the connection is to this strange weather. There is some feeling here that Trot Nixon is involved, but as of yet that's mere speculation.

We'll keep you updated as more news becomes available.

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