My First Commentary

Here is the garbage that they printed about me...

Height: 6'1" Weight: 215 Age: 23

Projected Role: Setup, closer

Contract status: signed through 2002

Career Year: 2001. In his first season above Single-A, Julio was 1-1 with a 3.80 ERA in 18 games.

By the numbers: Had three stints with the Orioles after beginning the year at Double-A Bowie. Didn’t allow an earned run in 13 of his last 16 appearances, registering a 1.80 ERA. Had 11 2/3 scoreless innings over seven outings. Became the sixth Orioles pitcher to gain his first Major League victory in 2001, a club record.

X-Factor: Julio has the stuff to be a closer, and the Orioles believe he’s best suited for the job. But it might be too soon.

Unbelievable, right? It would make it sound as if I was just any ordinary pitcher just getting his start in the Major Leagues, and that I may not even be ready to pitch at that level! Well, I assure you that I am not the type to hold a grudge, and have ever so graciously decided to correct the Sun’s profile! By giving you, the fans, the real scoop on Jorge Julio, I hope to overcome the great embarrassment suffered on my behalf over this falsified report. Here it goes...

Jorge "God" Julio

RHP (Although I can pitch left, I only throw about 100 MPH, so I usually pitch Right handed)

Height: 6'1" ½.... easy... Weight: 214! I’m not as fat as they said I was! Age: 23, but my experience belies my age!

Projected Role: God, closer.

Contract Status: Signed till the end of my career... we’re just in the middle of negotiating the contract.

Career Year: Every year. Last year was a fluke, bring it on woman!

By the Numbers: Prior to pitching in the major leagues, I’ve had 1,000 wins each season. Also, I hold a world record 4 strike out per inning average. In addition, I am currently leading the entire Solar System in saves, including the times that I’ve used my God-like powers to save the world!

X-Factor: An old comic book, and a crappy wrestling stable as far as Julio is concerned! Of course I have the stuff to be a closer! I can be whatever I choose to be!! Jorge will manifest his great destiny this year, and show all of the nay sayers the power of Jorge!

As you can see, the press chooses to distort the facts in an attempt to improve readership of their newspaper! Personally I feel that anyone who writes anything and distorts facts to get people to read is immoral, unethical, stupid, evil, and deserves to burn in hell.

What? What are you looking at?

That’s all for now. See you at the yard!

Commentaries 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7

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