Fantasy Baseball owner threatens to destroy world

Disgruntled fantasy owner Howard Stinkleman has threatened to destroy the world after a poor fantasy baseball draft has left him Jorge Julio-less.

“I mean, it’s bad enough that my last name is Stinkleman,” said Howard, “but to top it all off, I have no Jorge Julio on my team? The world must pay.”

Here is a picture of Mr. Stinkleman first learning that his star had been drafted by another team.

Upon seeing that another team had taken Jorge in the draft, Howard lost control at his computer monitor and began screaming obscenities until he passed out. When asked why they took Jorge Julio the “Metzarenumbr1” simply said, “He was the best closer available.”

Similar incidents are springing up all over the world as fantasy owners are denied the presence of Julio on their pitching staff. “In any given league, only one team can have Jorge Julio, so every other team is set up to be disappointed,” said Doug Arbuckle, senior VP of Woohoo! Fantasy Sports. “My advice to people would be to look for other players to replace Julio. There are some other good closers out there.”

The effects of Julio withdrawal are devastating to the human psyche. Soon after losing Julio, Mr. Stinkleman had gone 100% insane.

“Yes, but there are no other GOD closers out there,” rebuts the unhappy mister Stinkleman, “and for that reason all of the non-believers must pay.”

When last we saw him, Howard Stinkleman had purchased a white Persian cat, a monocle, and an insidious underground fortress. What his plans are we at the Julio web site are unsure of, but we can say that Jorge Julio does not, I repeat does NOT condone any sort of terrorist activities that are brought about for Julio related reasons.

“I’m a lovable guy… I don’t want people getting hurt because of me. I mean it’s bad enough that buying drugs, going to a gas station, or eating cream pies is a way to support terrorism… loving Julio shouldn’t be too…”

Wise words from a wise man.

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