Julio Created Peter Gammons?

AP - HARTFORD -- A crazy rumor has appeared recently in select baseball circles. It swirls around a well-known baseball personality, who seemed to appear out of nowhere one night on the ESPN network, offering insight into the world of baseball. No one seemed to know where this man came from, but one man thinks he has found the answer.

While watching ESPN one night, Hartford, Conneticut resident Lawrence Weinerman saw something startling. "There I was, watching ESPN, when suddenly the twenty dollar bill was on the TV screen! I was freaking out at first and thought I was going crazy, until I realized I was just looking at Peter Gammons," Weinerman said. He pulled out a new twenty and compared the two, startled by their similarities.

Above: Twenty dollar bill, left. Gammons, right

Weinerman immediately contacted ESPN to get the background to Mr. Gammons. However, all attempts failed. "They just kept giving me vague answers," he said. "Like when I asked them where he was from, they told me 'Around.' And when I questioned when he was hired, they told me 'Oh, a couple of years ago. I can't really remember when.' It was really weird."

Mr. Weinerman, convinced that something was up, launched a background check into Gammons. He was startled to discover that prior to 1998, no record of Gammons's existence existed. "Obviously, I knew something was really up," Weinerman told the AP.

Weinerman has been unable to give us any solid evidence of where Peter Gammons came from. However, he did offer two theories. "Well, first, I think one day, six years ago, Daryle Ward was walking down a street. Mind you, this was before he went to the Fat Camp at Duke University. I think he accidentally sat down on a twenty dollar bill and was so fat, he squeezed the guy on the twenty off," Weinerman exclaimed with furvor. "Daryle felt so bad for essentially robbing the man of his home, that he used his father's pull to get him a job in baseball. Thus exists Peter Gammons today."

Weinerman's other theory is just as wild. "Everyone knows about Jorge Julio, the closer for the Orioles, right?" Weinerman began. "Well, back in 1998, he was trying out for some scouts. With a mighty wrench of his shoulder, he threw a fastball charged with godly powers. The fastball broke through a protective barrier and hit a scout in the ass, right where he keeps his wallet. The deific power, combined with the speed, caused the twenty dollar bill in the scout's pocket to give birth to Peter Gammons. Julio used his godly powers to get him a job on ESPN."

Neither Julio, Ward, or Gammons could be reached for comment.

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