Trot Nixon, All Around Butthead!

Recently, Red Sox outfielder, and all around butthead Trot NIxon served a four game suspension for throwing his bat at defenseless pitcher Ryan "I love puppies" Rupe.

Although an attack on such a nice guy as Ryan Rupe is a surprise, it's not a huge one considering the source. Trot Nixon has a history of throwing offenses a mile long, the worst of which are unmentionable. Seeing as how the Julio web site feels the need to keep you updated on this nefarious ne'er-do-well's activites, we've put together a quick run down of some of his past throwing problems. Here are a few examples:

Summer 1980: Repeated incidents of throwing water balloons at the Olympic torch carriers, forcing them to return to Greece to re-light it, caused 61 teams to boycott the Olympics. A story was later concocted by the Nixon family to save face... something about Russians and Afghanistan...

March 5, 1994: Trot has a run in with the law after throwing an elderly woman into a mosh pit at a Pantera concert. Miss Agnes Rosenstein was brutally trampled to death. Trot Nixon was forced to pay a $50 fine.

August 17, 1998: Trot Nixon is caught throwing a box of adorable kittens into the pirhana tank at Sea World. Upon further investigation, it turns out that Sea World has no pirhana tank, and that a week ago he had also thrown a box of pirhanas into the dolphin tank at Sea World.

December 24, 2000: Trot is caught throwing cadavers decked out in red and white suits into people's chimneys. For more on this story, look for Dr. Julio's beloved children's story, "How the Trot ruined Christmas."

May 8, 2001: Trot is caught throwing up into McDonald's Big Mac special sauce at a location in Peoria, IL. Remarkably, no customers noticed any difference.

July 16, 2001: Trot is found throwing a ball at a target at a local fair. When the ball hit the target, a poor unsuspecting clown was dropped from a plank into the icy waters below.

Add these stunning charges to the recent Rupe bat throwing, and you can see why we at the Julio web site are wary of this evil mastermind's latest shenanigans.

On the bright side, Trot has been slumping since his return to baseball, and we can only hope that he keeps up that bad work. That's all for now!

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