You thought you knew me so well...

I guess the best way for you to know what life as me is like is to give you some insight into the inner workings of myself.  No, I'm not going to unleash the chaos that is my mind completely--this is the Internet for crying out loud, anyone could read this stuff.  But here's your chance to find out a little about how my mind (and my heart) works.  I'm not much of a soul bearer, I'm too freaking sensitive for that...so tread lightly and handle with care. 

I only claimed to write some poetry...never to be a poet...but here goes:

This is a poem I wrote for my Creative Writing class my Senior year of High School

Getting to Know Me

I think it's time you got to know me.

Look in these blue-green eyes and you'll see                                     

A girl whose duties are never ending.

I slave at Steak 'N Shake to get money for spending.

Can't waste too much, have to pay for school.

You think I'm staying here? I'm no fool.

In three short months I'll be off to Truman U.

I can do anything I put my mind to.

My little Cavalier is how I get around.

I try to keep my feet firmly on the ground.

I rarely succeed  in this, dreams are such fun,

My goal in life is to achieve every one.

I want a house in Chicago and one by the beach.

I know these things are not out of reach.

My man stands beside me--he's great you know.

I can't seem to do it, but his friends call him Hermo. (clearly these aren't the original words)

But this poem's not for him, it's about only me.

Will it ever end?  Just wait and see.

I'm coming to a close, just a bit more to say.

If you're gonna be rude, better get out my way.

To make people happy is what I like to do.

I always wear a smile, they call me Lucy Lu.

This is a poem I wrote about a friend named Timmy who passed away a few years ago, I was inspired one day when I was looking at a picture of him.

Always With Me                                                  

Keeping your memory alive,                                 Capturing what I need to see,

Not letting it fade away.                                        The smile that so many saw.

Within the frame you lie,                        Remembering the way you used to be,

I miss you every day.                                                        The picture says it all.

So far away you are right now,                    I'll never again look upon you here,

But here within my hand.                              Though someday in a better place.

I get upset, start wondering how                      I'll see you again, I have no fear,

I could bring you back to this land.                  And touch your longed for face.

These are a few excerpts from my "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Journal"

Learning Lessons:    5/14/04    I think I've learned so much from my relationship with Elmer.  My mistakes have helped me grow beyond anything else.  I've learned that love takes time and full knowledge.  I've learned not to base so much on flighty feelings, but on the heart and reason together and that ever-lasting feelings that produces.  I've learned more about the kind of person I want--and don't want--in my life.  I've learned that it can't always be rainbows and butterflies, there has to be an element of reality.

Relationships: "Write about the first time you were in a relationship." My first relationship was with Brad Madry.  It was a joke.  I leaped into it because he was the 1st guy to ask me out, he was nice, and my friends said he really like me.  It was a bad idea all around.  "How did it end?" Well, I got grounded so he said we should break up because we would never see each other--a bunch of crap.  And I realized he was a complete tool and not right for me in any essence of the word.  I didn't even like the kind of person he was.  I haven't seen him in almost a year and I think that is a very very good thing.

"What is the best thing about being in a relationship?"  5-14-04    I love knowing that there is someone who's always thinking about me, who is always caring about me.  When you have a crush, you think about him/her all the time and it is so gratifying to know that person is thinking about you also.  There's always someone who'll do anything to make you smile, and if you've found someone really awesome (like I have) it won't take much.

Family:     5/14/04    Sometimes I realize how lucky I am to have such an amazing, loving family.  Sure, we have our problems and oddities, but I think for the most part my family is awesome.  Nobody else makes me laugh as hard as they do.  No one else understands me quite as well as they do--well, some of them.  I am so blessed.

Tough Stuff: "Do you believe that pain makes us grow?"    12/26/98    In some cases.  Like when you burn your hand on the iron you learned not to touch the iron when it's on.  But in massive destruction that causes pain, like a bomb goes off in a building full of people, I don't think we learn anything from this.  But now that I think of it, we do grow, in love for and a desire to help those people.

Follow Your Dreams: 'What is your number one goal?"     1/19/01    To be the kind of person I want to be, someone people look up to and like to be around.  To be happy, really happy.  To be satisfied with me and what I have.

Life As Me            My Chick Peeps            Get the Picture?