To the curious assemblage in the wine cellar, the Doctor exclaimed, "Oh dear."

 To himself, in Old Low Gallifreyan, he said something far less polite. For not the first time in his lives, the Doctor wondered what it would be like be able to work unfettered, with no bug-eyed monsters underfoot, no meglomaniacal dictators screaming for his head, and with no chance of being mistaken for someone on a mission from Them. He wondered what it would be like to be a train conductor. He liked trains, always had. He would, if given his druthers, serve on a train drawn by an old-fashioned steam locomotive, which he loved, and meet all manner of interesting people, which he also loved. There really wasn't much in the way of unpleasantness in train conducting. Well, a bad patch of weather, possible derailment, disgruntled passengers...but no bug-eyed monsters. Unless one were to count the disgruntled passengers, which, if caught at the wrong moment, could be worse. The train's moving too fast. The train's moving too slow. This is not the dinner service I was sold. I was not sold a dinner service. The train ride is too bumpy. There are a pair of hands around my neck.

 There are a pair of hands around my neck.

 Oh.

 "Gaghhhh," gurgled the Doctor.

 In the midst of his daydreaming on life as a train conductor, Leela had walked over and had begun to throttle him.

 Behind him, Rakshan said, "Doctor, this is not good."

 It's not good, Rakshan says, of course it's not good, my friend has got her hands around my neck and it's really begun to hurt....the Doctor thought to himself in annoyance.

 Aloud, he managed, "Ralligh?" He shifted his weight to test Leela's balance, and found that his assumption was correct: Leela was very good at choking people. Very good indeed. The Doctor squirmed again and sputtered, "Zvarhlisharga?"

 The Sevateem warrior leaned close to the Doctor. He took the opportunity to examine her eyes. They weren't really green. They were still brown, but an eerie green coating swirled atop the cornea. It behaved like almost like sentient oil on water.

 The upper lip of his friend curled into an uncharacteristic sneer. "Yes?" she said with an amused tone.

 "Grhhogfrhh," the Doctor burbled, "Gulophjm. Hurgggghh hollluwre zugh qwal sihqqk."

 "Indeed. Well, Doctor, you will find that this...magnificent savage is under my complete control. I've switched my accomodations to something far more inviting. It would appear that she is responding quite nicely." Leela's fingers tightened on the Doctor's neck. "Don't you think?"

 "Urrgggahhhh," the Doctor managed. Any more pressure and he might fall unconscious despite himself....

 The face of Leela smirked again and she turned to glance over her shoulder. The glowing alien walked into the wine cellar and surveyed the room with a turn of its head. When the expressionless face looked to Peret, the Frenchman drew himself to his full height. Rakshan looked from the Frenchman to the glowing alien, curious.

 The glowing alien walked to Leela and the Doctor. "Do you find the demonstration satisfactory?" said Leela's voice. The glowing alien titled its head and regarded the Doctor's limp form with detachment. "Yes. Although not an original part of the weapons system, you have effectively modified the erroneous component to conform to the agreed upon specifications." The alien nodded. "The modifications are satisfactory. The modified component will serve as the device for the control mechanism." "Contrullgh mechanishhhhhhhummm?" the Doctor gagged. The latest effort, although nearly intelligible, almost drained his body of his reserve store of oxygen.

 Rakshan stepped forward in an attempt to save the Doctor's life. "What have you done with his companion? How have you made her the control? You appear to be inhabiting her at the moment. Or have you now become part of the bargain?"

 The Matralan within Leela chuckled and the sound echoed within the small cellar. "No, my little Ajare, my poor little Ajare, this savage will become host to the control."

 The glowing alien joined in. "Yes. The control mechanism will exceed design parametres in this biologic conveyance."

 "Biologgghhhhhik kunvayyyyyanzzz?" coughed the Doctor.

 "Biological conveyance?" snapped Rakshan. It was too much, the madness had progressed to a point at which the Ajare could no longer handle it. "That is a homo sapien not from this time nor space, someone precious and unique, not a container for your jk'uhtil'in control!"

 Leela's green tinged eyes grew wide in anger and she threw the Doctor to the cellar floor. He collided with a sickly thud and began to cough loudly.

 The Matralan within Leela appeared to take great offense at Rakshan's usage of a rather coarse Matralan term. "That is enough from you, yh'allu Ajare-un," Leela hissed. Rakshan's body straightened to its full height as the Matralan returned the favour by using a choice Ajare insult.

 Before either possessed Sevateem or enraged Ajare could enter into a brawl, the glowing alien extended a limb to the Primus and said dispassionately, "What of the control, Matralan?"

 Leela straightened from her crouch and backed away from Rakshan. "Yes, it must be checked for any damage sustained during the incubation. The reverted human was a suitable receptacle, but I should like to be certain."

 The glowing alien nodded. "Yes, Matralan. As would we. If the weapons system is damaged, there will be a far more severe penalty than a thirty percent reduction."

 Leela's features shifted uncomfortably but soon regained a neutral appearance. She walked over to the Primus, which still stood at an awkward form of attention, and began a cursory examination of the nightmare.

 At that moment, Peret decided that he should step forward. L'argent was at issue and he could not remain still, non?

 "So it is agreed. You are satisfied with what we have provided, oui? So the paiement with l'organisation will be made as contracted."

 Leela swung around, a terrific scowl on her face. She glared at the Frenchman, the green glow to her eyes intensifying. "Who are you?" she asked in extreme annoyance.

 The Doctor, still laying on the cold floor, measured his breathing and monitored the damage to his body with one part of his mind, while another part raced to piece together recent developments. The Primus was the control, the Matralan was in Leela, the villagers were the biologic components to a weapons system, the mutated Ajare spore acted as the network, the French spy sold the village to the glowing alien, the glowing alien ordered the weapon, the Matralan provided the weapon and Leela was going to become home to the Primus.

 Perhaps he should have allowed Rakshan to destroy everything much earlier. No, Doctor, then where would the fun be in upsetting everyone's plans?

 Monsieur Peret was insulted. "Moi? You are wondering who I am? I am the one who has made the arrangements for this weapon to be transferred from Earth! How dare you question m'autorite! Cela ne se passera pas ainsi--"

 "Oh, do shut up. Ferme le bouche, if that didn't translate well enough for you."

 Peret's mouth began to open, but a laugh from the Doctor cut him off. The laugh soon deteriorated into a cough. "Frhgllyughqnm." He gingerly felt his neck. He would definitely have bruising, and his voice....

 "Are you still here?" Leela's eyes narrowed at the Time Lord. The Matralan made Leela adopt a very annoyed look.

 Rakshan found that the situation was almost beyond grasp. "What game are you playing at, Z'viska'hl?" The Ajare moved to stand next to a wine rack and leaned against it.

 Leela's glowing green eyes considered the symbiant hatefully. "It is not a game and I am not what's his name."

 "Then who are you?"

 "Hzarghhrafflyukj," the Doctor volunteered.

 "Why are you still alive?" the Matralan demanded. "And why do you sound like a g'hejl in heat?"

 The Doctor glared at Leela and slowly stood. He coughed and cleared his throat experimentally. It was a lucky thing for him that the Matralan was unused to a biped; a little more pressure and even his by-pass respiratory system would not have saved him. "I do not sound like a g'hejl in heat," the Doctor said petulantly. "Hmm, that's better."

 The Matralan guided Leela to stand before the Doctor. "Before I take pleasure in crushing your trachea and esophagus, what is the reason for your incessant blathering?"

 "Well, I have something to tell you," the Doctor said, his voice stronger than before. Under the pretense of a cough, he slipped one hand into his overcoat.

 "What?"

 The Doctor placed a finger to his lips pensively, squinted into Leela's eyes and said, "Green."

 "Green?" echoed the Matralan in disbelief.

 "Green?" repeated Rakshan, as he gently cradled his weapon. It was nearly regenerated now, much to his surprise. If that could only be communicated to the Doctor....

 "Green?" said the tall, glowing alien. It looked down to Leela and tilted its head.

 "Vert?" said Peret, who until then had sulked in one corner of the wine cellar.

 "Green," said the Doctor emphatically.

 "What is green?" inquired Rakshan innocently.

 The Doctor made a note to himself to tell the Ajare what a wonderful straightman -- woman -- straight-Ajare Rakshan had become.

 "Green," repeated the Doctor, and pointed to Leela. He moved very quickly and stood directly before her. "Green is not the best colour for you," he said with a frown. "I should think something in way of blue would suit your skin tone better."

 The Matralan forced a great sigh through Leela's lips. "This is perhaps the most frustrating characteristic about you, Doctor. Your undeniable compulsion to turn every situation into a farce. Have you no concern for your companion?"

 "Of course I am concerned for her!" the Time Lord shouted. "As I am concerned for the lives of the villagers, for my friend Rakshan, for that pitiful wretch in the corner, for the entire planet if your weapon is not decommissioned. You have no idea of what you've wrought in mutating the Ajare spore."

 "Don't I, Doctor?" Leela's face smiled. "I know what I'm doing, as well as I know that you are not enraged over the fate of this planet, you are enraged over the simple fact that you don't know what's going on." Leela stepped closer to him. "You don't, do you, Doctor?" There was malice in the painfully familiar voice.

 The Time Lord hung his head and kept his eyes to the floor. He did not answer. With a hand in his pocket, he carefully adjusted the settings on his sonic screwdriver....

 Z'viska'hl's mount wandered the undergrowth, feeling the flora and fauna in its own basic curiosity. It had began to investigate a large toadstool when a voice suddenly barked, "Hey! What do you think *you're* doing?"

 The mount retracted its tentacles in surprise.

 "I'm as shocked as you are, but at this point, I will take what I can get." The vocoder on the little black box fell silent for a moment. Then Z'viska'hl yelped, "Well, don't just stand here, get me back to that wretched house!"

 The mount shrugged and turned in the direction of the Andrews' home and began to trundle its way through the woods.

 Rakshan felt badly for the Doctor. It appeared that the Time Lord was indeed lost.

 "Actually, I do know something," the Doctor finally said.

 Leela leaned forward eagerly, the green eyes scrutinizing his expression. "Yes?"

 "Leela, it's time to go." The Doctor produced the screwdriver and activated it. A whine came from device and quickly moved from the audible to the inaudible range. Leela's face contorted into a mask of pain and she dropped to the floor with a cry. The glowing alien grasped its head and backed out of the wine cellar. The Primus, which had been patiently awaiting instruction from the Matralan, convulsed as the sound reverberated in the cellar.

 Peret began to edge away toward the cellar door, but was stopped when Rakshan placed a bottle of Chardonnay against the Frenchman's head, hard.

 The Doctor deactivated the sonic screwdriver and gave the Ajare a great toothy grin."A terrible waste of vintage," he said, "but you've a wicked forehand."

 "I do not understand what is happening, Doctor," Rakshan sighed, as he moved to assist the Doctor. He helped the Time Lord to stand Leela to her feet.

 "Are you all right, Leela?" The Doctor looked into Leela's eyes and was relieved to find them back to their normal hue.

 "The Glowing Man and the Box Creature attacked me in the woods," Leela said slowly. She shook her head and continued. "I had thought the Glowing Man would send me to Rez Q -- the Glowing Man and the Box Creature surprised me. It will not happen twice," she scowled.

 The Doctor smiled at her. "It sounds as if you are feeling better. Do you remember what just happened?" Leela shook her head in a negative. "I was afraid of that."

 Rakshan walked over to the prone form of the Primus. It was almost easy to feel bad for the monstrosity. "What of the rogue Matralan, Doctor?" he asked.

 "Oh, he's zipping about somewhere," the Doctor said. "On that account, we should really leave. Do you mind carrying him?" He pointed to Peret, who had begun to marinate.

 "No. I believe I can manage. What do you mean when you say that the Matralan is 'zipping' about?"

 The Doctor ushered Leela and the Ajare up the stairs to the cellar door. "Do you remember what I told you about the Matralan's control mechanism for the apes...?" The Doctor's voice faded down the corridor.

 The door swung to a close. The cellar was silent for a moment, and then the Vickers ape groaned.

 "Oh, ke'lani'q, not again...."

 The Doctor had come to the end of his explanation as they neared the front door of Andrews' house. "....So, I merely amplified and refined the pitch of the signal, thereby disrupting Leela's brainwaves long enough to give the Matralan a heave ho."

 "Ah, yes, so it was simply a reworking of your earlier idea."

 "Nice and neat and tidy, don't you think?" the Doctor grinned.

 "Except for one thing," Leela said. She looked at the Time Lord expectantly.

 "What, Leela? What have I forgotten?" The Doctor opened the front door.

 Six hundred thirty-four villagers turned to look at the Doctor and hissed in unison.

 The Doctor slammed the door shut. "Oh, that."

 "What now?" asked Rakshan.

 A loud crash from the direction of the cellar answered the Ajare.

 "Oh, dear," muttered the Doctor.

 Leela peered through a window. "The sick ones are moving closer. They are too many to fight, Doctor. We should leave."

 "Yes, a very good suggestion, Leela, but where from?"

 "How's about the way I came in?"

 They turned to stare at the little black box on the many-tentacled mount.

 "Z'viska'hl?" Rakshan bent down and stared at the little black box. It hefted the still unconscious agent over its shoulder and aimed its weapon at the Matralan. The weapon hummed in the Ajare's claws, happy to be of service again. "Why should we trust you?"

 "You want to live, don't you?" The mount turned and began to shuffle away. "I wouldn't dally if I were you. Those biological components need to refuel at some point."

 Leela darted forward and placed herself in front of the Matralan. Z'viska'hl reared the mount back with a squelch from his vocoder. "You are lower than the Merion of my world. The scavengers of the dead are better than you." Leela extended her hands. "You did something to me, Box Creature, and you will pay...."

 "Doctor?" Z'viska'hl yelped. "Call her off!"

 "Only if you make a deal with me," the Doctor answered.

 "Deal?"

 "Time Lord, you are mad," Rakshan exclaimed.

 The Doctor shook his head and waved a hand at the Matralan. "Well, are you for it?"

 Leela made a feint for the black box for effect.

 "What are your terms?" the Matralan squeaked. It was not having a good day. He was not going to have that human woman paw all over him again. Besides, something had to be salvaged from it.

 "If you help us escape the villagers, deactivate the mutated spore, turn back your tall luminous friends, take care of the Primus and that rogue Matralan, I promise that I will do my best to keep Leela from ripping you apart."

 "That's it?!" The little black box almost shook with indignation.

 "Ah, no, you must also surrender yourself to the Ajare to stand trial. Of course, all help that you provide will go toward your defense, as will the fact that you weren't really in control of any of this."

 "What?!"

 The Doctor and the Ajare moved closer to the Matralan, and Leela closed in as well. The mount shrunk beneath their glares. "It's a far better deal than you would get from the village, your friends in orbit or your mate down in the cellar," the Doctor said darkly.

 The Matralan thought for a moment. No weapon, no buyer, therefore, no money. But there was a chance at life. Where there's life, there's commerce.

 "Follow me," said Z'viska'hl.

 A slender metal tube sat betwixt two bottles of Cabernet.

 On the floor, the Primus began to move fretfully. The Vickers ape plod over to it, and began to make gurgling noises.

 He was not expecting the Primus to have a sentience as such, and so was delightfully pleased to find a consciousness in which to inhabit. He experimentally flexed a few tentacles here and there. Despite the grostesquery, there was a great deal of power in the malformed limbs. But that was nothing compared to the psionic potential in the consciousness of the Primus....

 The slender metal tube beeped once and a light at one end went out.

 >HR> [Running away from the house....]

 "Ah, Doctor, do you remember the control rod from Z'viska'hl's laboratory?" said Rakshan as Peret groaned loudly.

 "Yes. Why?"

 "I don't think that you will need to worry about detaining either the Primus or the other Matralan."

 "What?"

 The slender metal tube, nestled between the two bottles of Cabernet, right where Rakshan left it, beeped again and then clicked. Another light went out on the rod.

 The Matralan perked up, the messy carcass of the Primus body sitting at full up-right stretch. Depsite a lack of proper eyes, the Primus looked at the wine rack, and then to the Vickers ape.

 The slender rod beeped again and then emitted an usual yet familiar musical chime.

 The Matralan would have blinked in amazement if it were possible. It was the bomb, the bomb he had placed in Z'viska'hl's lab for insurance.

 The Matralan sighed and sat back. The Primus faced the Vickers ape.

 The ape shrugged and said, "Bugger."

 Then the slender rod detonated.

 "Rakshan....!" the Doctor yelled.

 It was nearly seven moonfalls past the great ex-plo-shun as the Doctor called it. Leela's head still hurt from the ex-plo-shun, but she was grateful that she and the Doctor had lived though that day.

 The tall lizard man who was not a man had apologized to the Doctor for the ex-plo-shun. Leea had told the lizard man, Rakshan, that she would have done the same to stop the Glowing Man and the other Box Creature. Privately, Leela wished that Z'viska'hl had been in ex-plo-shun as well.

 The sick ones from the village had begun to give chase after them, so very few of the sick ones had died from the ex-plo-shun. The Doctor and the Matralan had taken some magic boxes and had waved them over the sick ones. The Doctor said that the ray-dee-ay-shun..radiation was at an acceptable level and that the sick ones would recover. Some had been hurt by the ex-plo-shun...explosion, and the Doctor and Rakshan had helped to fix them. More magic from the tall man called Doctor, good magic.

 The Glowing Man and his tribe had run away. The Doctor called it a strategic retreat. Leela knew that Rakshan's tribe, the Ajare, had come to help him. She did not see them. His tribe were in a high place called or-bit and could not be seen from the village. Leela knew that the Glowing Man and his people were cowards who did not want to fight and lose to the Ajare and he and the Doctor.

 The strange man with the voice that made her angry had awakened during the madness after the explosion. She did not know what happened to him. The Doctor said that he did not know the answer, but Leela could tell, the Doctor could see where the man was. The Doctor did not want to tell.

 Leela and the Doctor stood before the magic blue box, the one that was bigger on the inside than the outside, the one that took her from the Sevateem. The Doctor was shaking hands with the Ajare called Rakshan.

 "I must say, it has been a wonderful experience not being killed by you, Rakshan," the Doctor said, showing all of his teeth.

 "I am happy that I did not kill you, Time Lord." The Ajare's mouth turned upward and it showed its teeth. They were very sharp.

 Leela turned away and made an attempt to show her teeth like the Doctor.

 "Well, since everything is almost back to normal, Leela and I really should be going."

 "What of this human Peret?"

 The Doctor moved his shoulders underneath his large covering and showed his teeth again. "Oh, I'm certain that he'll turn up again, like a bad penny. His sort usually do."

 The Doctor turned and opened the door of the blue box. He began to step inside.

 "Doctor?" The Doctor stopped and looked to Rakshan. "Thank you for your help."

 "Yeah, thanks," squawked the black box under the Ajare's arm. Rakshan hit the box sharply. "Ouch."

 Leela was glad, but she wished she were the one to hit the box.

 "So long, Rakshan," the Doctor said with a wave of his hand. He entered the blue box.

 "Good hunting, Rakshan of the Ajare," Leela said. Rakshan nodded and raised a hand in farewell.

 "Good hunting, Leela of the Sevateem," it said in return.

 Leela followed the Doctor into the blue box. Her head began to cloud and she felt dizzy for a moment, and then she was fine. They were in the wooden room inside the the blue box. The big doors closed as the Doctor worked his magic at the altar. The glowing crystal at the heart of the altar began to move, and the Doctor stepped away. He turned and looked at Leela.

 "Well?" he said.

 "Well?" Leela echoed.

 The Doctor reached into his covering and produced a battered pouch. He took some jelly babies, not real babies, from the pouch and began to eat them. "What next?" he said, and showed his teeth. He took a jelly baby and offered it to Leela.

 She carefully took it into her fingers and bit into it. The taste was sweet on her tongue, like the lais bud, and it was chewy, like the angren root. She liked it.

 Leela chewed on the jelly baby and then looked up at the Doctor. She showed her teeth without thinking about it and said, "Magic."

 Fin.