* * * * * * * * * * * * *
Warning. Beyond Frisky and about as out the other side as you can get without mentioning rude words.

 The Doctor stared up and down at the lithe, athletic daughter of his counterpart. "Apart from the fact that I suspect it's a good thing my other self never met Susan....ahem.... I'd have to say - what do we do now?"

 "Well," replied the Doctor, "we're in the middle of a field in an alternate North America, for reason or reasons unknown and Mortimus here seems to have something to do with it. I suspect that there is only one thing we can do."

 "Run!" they said in unison.

 And the Doctors and their companions ran off in all directions.

 "Oh fiddlesticks!" said Mortimus.

 ***

 Flashback

 "This alien creature will soon control the Matrix, Hedin. Is that really what you want?"

 "Well no, of course not, I really want you to lend me your concubine Nyssa for a couple of hours. But failing that - yes, I want this creature to take control of the Matrix because this creature, as you call it, is no alien. It is one of us - a Time Lord. The first and greatest of us all. The one who sacrificed everything to give us mastery over time and space and was cast out and shamefully abandoned in return."

 All at once the Doctor realised what Hedin was saying. "Uncle Omega??"

 "Yes, your uncle Omega."

 "But he's living in the Shady Pines home for the terminally bewildered. He thinks he's the codpiece of Rassilon."

 ***

 Unflashback

 After running for what felt like an age, Jamie, Peri and the Master collapsed in a barn. The Master had been forced to abandon his stilettos.

 "My poor feet," he moaned, "I swear I won't be able to do high kicks for at least a fortnight."

 "Accchhh, stop whinging, ya great Jessie," retorted Jamie. "Can ye no see yon lassie's fainted?"

 Peri had indeed fainted and was lying in a pile of straw, her mouth open, her breathing shallow, her body moving up and down gently.

 "Ah'm gonna have tae give her the kiss of life." Jamie placed a hand over his mouth and nose and blew, to check his breath was fresh, and ran a hand through his hair. He knelt astride the nubile American and moved forward, pinching her nose, moving his lips towards hers. Her eyes snapped open and with astonishing speed she lunged forward and kissed him deeply. Jamie closed his eyes and surrendered to her, rolling over in the hay, feeling her hands all over him - one on his neck, one on his back, one reaching up his kilt....

 Jamie opened his eyes and glared at the Master. "And what do you think *you're* doing?"

 "Sorry," replied the Master looking decidedly sheepish.

 ***

 Flashback

 As soon as the Doctor appeared in the Matrix, Omega materialised to confront him. "Well, Doctor?"

 "You're looking well, uncle. Incarceration suits you. And of course, you're unstoppable too. There's something about power that I find incredibly attractive, you know, almost magnetic."

 "Why are you here?"

 "I told Nyssa I'd ask how Tegan was. Has she driven you mad with her incessant whining yet?"

 "Really, I don't know how you put up with her. Her accent is so nasal, and she just shouts until she gets what she wants."

 "So you let her go?"

 "I even put her on the tram to Schipol."

 "So you're in Amsterdam!"

 "Oops"

 ***

 Unflashback

 The Doctor was trapped.

 In front of him was a sheer drop into a red rock canyon and almost certain death. Behind him was Mortimus. He seemed to have only two options.

 He raised his hands and turned around to face Mortimus.

 And almost toppled over with surprise. There were two of him. Between them, her hair blowing slightly in the breeze, was his other self's daughter, Susan.

 "How attractive," he thought, remembering the Susan from his universe.

 "I remember you," said Susan. "You were nice to me."

 "Yes, yes that's right." The Doctor smiled, stepping forward, slowly lowering his hands, reaching into a pocket, pulling out a crumpled paper bag which he offered to Susan.

 "Jelly Baby?"

 "Thank you," she smiled sweetly, taking one. "Now why don't we go back to our TARDIS and we can discuss exactly why it is that you have to die, and what I can do to make that a little bit easier for you." In the mean time, Mortimus and Mortimus here have some tidying up to do."

 ***

 Flashback

 Omega stood in the garden outside the big house, looking at the grass and the trees and the flowers. He threw back his head and gave a great laugh. To be alive again, in the real world!

 A world that, like all worlds would soon be under his control. He decided to go out and survey his kingdom, but looked down at his tatty cloak. First of all he would need suitable clothing. Some little way away a young woman in a short leather skirt was leaning against a lamppost, idly swinging a handbag.

 Surveying his kingdom could wait. Populating it with his offspring could come first.

 ***

 Unflashback

 Mel had sabotaged three of the Daleks, built a megabyte modem out of spare parts and patched herself in to the logic circuits of the TARDIS. Something had been bothering her, and it had to do with manipulation.

 Someone was manipulating things and it wasn't her, and that made her annoyed. And when she was annoyed, she liked to inflict pain on an underling. Not for the first time, she almost regretted getting a little bit overzealous on Adric on the evening after she discovered that the Rod of Rassilon needed new batteries.

 So she clobbered a couple of Daleks with the Baseball Bat of Rassilon. It wasn't much, but it made her feel better.

 The TARDIS only took a few minutes to come to a rational conclusion. Someone or something was trying to break in to reality, and needed to do some bio-electronic bonding. Or something like that. And it seemed like more or less any member of the Doctor's family would do.

 Mel had a sudden thought that she didn't like very much.

 One of the Daleks started singing a Leonard Cohen song. She threw a hand grenade at it and it exploded.

 Mel yawned and set the scanners to search for Grace's life signs.

 ***

 Flashback

 When the Doctor and his companions reached the end of the jetty, Omega was slumped despairingly against a bollard. He looked up at them and the two girls recoiled in horror.

 Omega was a terrifying sight. His face and hands were decaying and he was wearing a leather miniskirt that he really didn't suit. The face was twisted and malformed, the features already beginning to liquefy.

 "I warned you this would happen, uncle," said the Doctor. "You should have taken more vitamin D."

 Omega's voice was slurred. "Things could have been so ... different...Nyssa. The power and the greatness of Omega... could have been yours. But no... your hatred of..."

 "I didn't hate you, Omega," interrupted Nyssa, "I just don't fancy you much. Even less now, in fact."

 ***

 Unflashback

 "I've seen pictures of you," said Grace as she and the Doctor started their descent into the canyon. "You're the one who lived in Tibet in the 1960s and taught the Beatles about free love and the mop-top haircut, aren't you?"

 "I'm afraid not, my dear.... Grace, is it?"

 "Yes, Grace."

 "I'm not him, but in a sense I am him and he is me...."

 "And we are all together googoogoojoob?" suggested Grace.

 The Doctor simply stared at her.

 "Yeah, I know what you mean," she continued. "When I first met the Doctor he was a short guy who liked hanging around mausoleums and lying on operating tables pretending to be a corpse. So I deliberately mucked up fitting a catheter, just to *really* hurt him - the sicko - and he turned in to the gorgeous gentle guy, I fell in love with and now he's...."

 She was almost in tears now, and the Doctor placed a comforting arm around her.

 "There, there," he said, "I'm sure that everything will work out."

 "Ouch."

 "Ouch?"

 "The baby kicked."

 "Already?"

 "Already."

 There was a familiar groaning sound and a large blue Police Box appeared ahead of them.

 "Ah!" said the Doctor. "That'll be me, come to rescue us."

 The door opened, and a Dalek slid out. Grace hid behind the Doctor. Mel followed the Dalek out.

 "You have to come with me, Grace," she said, a sense of urgency in her voice.

 "I'm not coming, those *things* murdered the man I love." Grace waved a hand towards the Dalek.

 "I know, and I've told them off for it - but you still *have* to come with me."

 "Why?"

 "Because.... Because despite everything, I realise that I still love you, and because *he* wants to kill your unborn child, and will kill you to do it if necessary." Mel pointed to the top of the ravine.

 The distinctive figure of Mortimus was silhouetted against the sunset. He was carrying a rocket launcher. In each hand.

 ***

 Flashback

 Tegan looked challengingly at the Doctor. "Well, that's Omega trapped in the eye of Harmony and I lost my job at the knocking shop so it looks like your stuck with me, doesn't it?"

 The Doctor buried his head in his hands.

 ***

 Unflashback

 Zoe, Grace and Doctor Ulysses had doubled back and were sitting under a table in one of the tents in Doctor Ulysses' camp.

 "That dress looks very impractical," said Ulysses.

 "Sometimes," agreed Zoe, "but if I need to relax, I can burst the little air bubbles in the plastic."

 "This isn't really getting us anywhere," Grace chipped in.

 Zoe leaned over to Grace and whispered in her ear.

 "I was just thinking," she said, "about Doctor Ulysses' amnesia. I think I might have an idea of how to cure it."

 "Oh? And are you a medical practitioner?"

 "No. Is this a rational universe?"

 "In its own way."

 "Precisely."

 "Okay," shrugged Grace, "let's hear your suggestion."

 Zoe told Grace her plan.

 "Well, I can't see how it can do any actual harm.... And the old boy might enjoy it...."

 Zoe reached back, and firmly pinched Doctor Ulysses on the left buttock.

 He yelped, shot up towards a standing position, but failed to get there because of the table. He whacked his head into the tabletop with a noise of splintering wood before falling languorously forwards, his head landing on the floor with another thud.

 He was completely unconscious.

 Grace checked his head for damage.

 "Bruising at the back and the front, nothing too serious, and a minor nosebleed." She reported. Zoe nodded sagely.

 "And now we bring him round. How would you recommend we do that?"

 "Pail of water."

 ***

 Flashsideways

 In a little pocket Universe, squeezed into the gap where three or four other universes met but didn't quite fit properly, Omega watched, amused. Soon there would be only one of his bloodline remaining alive, and bonding could commence. And to think they had once called him mad. He looked round the great chamber of his home made castle, and beckoned over one of his plasma creatures.

 "You don't think I'm mad, do you?"

 "Blobby blobby blobby."

 He felt much, much better.

 ***

 Unsideways

 Ulysses eyes opened as Zoe poured water over his face and he spluttered, flailing his arms around and struggling into an upright position.

 "Must stop Omega," he said.

 "Who's Omega?" asked Zoe.

 Ulysses shook his head, clearing his eyes.

 "He's my twin brother, but more importantly, my name is Ulysses and I'm a Time Lord. Who are you two lovely ladies?"

 "Great," Grace slapped her forehead in despair. "He remembers who he is but he's forgotten everything else."

 "My name's Zoe, and this is Grace," explained Zoe patiently.

 "Zoe," mused Ulysses, "what a lovely name. Did you know that I can see your panties from here?"

 ... to go on a bit more....