~ THE SECRETS OF ~ JOY THAT MAKES OUR LIVES HEALTHY
Look what I found for y'all to browse through !
* * *HUMOR & LAUGHTER* * *
DIAGNOSIS : Stressed Out ! PRESCRIPTION : One Belly Laugh Every Hour Until Cured !
SOUND STRANGE ? Not really, according to experts. As far back as biblical times, people have recognized the power of humor in overcoming everything from stress to major illness. It has a positive impact on virtually every system in the body, plus provides a boost to the immune system and reduces pain. Even in the toughest of circumstances, a dose of appropriately used humor can make a enormous difference. It can serve as a way to overcome fear, anger and stress, plus boost creativity and well-being. And of course, prayer is the key that brings about this condition that will enable man to enjoy any humor and laughter in his soul.
PSALMS 126:2 " Then was our mouth filled with laughter, and our tongue with singing: then said they among the heathen, The Lord hath done great things for them. " VERSE 3 " The Lord hath done great things for us; whereof we are glad. "
,- - - I SURE DID ~ PASTOR BILL ~ GOD BLESS Y'ALL
Music Now Playing : " WHEN YOU ARE SMILING " So Please Remember To Keep On Smiling !
NOTE: EVEN AS YOU MOVE YOUR CURSOR YOU WILL FIND THAT MOSES AND THE EAGLES IN FLIGHT ARE FOLLOWING JESUS !
~ GOODNESS AND MERCY ~
Tommy was a little boy
his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him
walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the
couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not
want her walking him to school everyday.
He wanted to be like the " big
boys. " He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it. She asked a
neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to
school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close
enough to keep a watch on him. Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early
with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as
well so she agreed.
The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little
girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another
neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week.
As the boys
walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed
that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.
Finally, he said to Timmy, " Have you noticed that lady following us all week ? Do
you know her ? " Timmy nonchalantly replied, " Yea, I know who she is. " The
little friend said, " Well who is she ? " " That's just Shirley Goodnest " Timmy
said. " Shirley Goodnest ? Who the heck is she and why is she following us ? "
" Well, " Timmy explained, " every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm
with my prayers ' cuz she worries about me so much. And in it, the prayer
psalm says, " Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of
my life, " so I guess I'll just have to get used to it.
~ ALWAYS PAY ATTENTION ~ TO SIGNS & PEOPLE !
Two very religious ladies and a fanatic man from
the local First Holiness Church was standing by the side of the road next to a sign
that read, " The End is Near ! " And as each car passed by, they would shout out, " Turn yourself around now before it's
too late ! "
They had planned to point to the sign and shout out their message to every passing car.
" Leave us alone you religious nuts ! " yelled the first driver as he and his girl friend sped
by.
From around the curve they heard the screeching tires and a big splash.
" Say,do you think, " said one of the lady's to the other two folks, " we should just put up a sign that says :" Bridge Out ! "
~ PEP BOY'S ~ AUTO PARTS STORE " A AUTO PART " [ 710 CAP ! ]
The other day I was in the local Pep Boys auto parts
store. And a blond headed lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, " What's a seven ten cap ? " She said " You Know, it's right there on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one. " " What kind of a car is it on, " they asked ? Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said it's a Mercedes. " OK lady, how big is it ? " She makes a circle with her hands about 3 inches in diameter. " What does it do ? " We asked. She said, I don't know but it's always been there." One of counter clerks gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The other guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it.....and they just fell down behind the counter in hysterics.
IF YOU NEED TO, WRITE IT DOWN ON
PAPER! THEN TURN IT UPSIDE DOWN
MAILING A LETTER TO THE ~ THIRD CHURCH OF THE BACKWOODS ~
Deer Backwoods Preecher:
We-uns just moved here to Backwoods and we're hunten fer a good church to attend. Here air sum questshuns so as to find out if we ort to join your outfit. We-uns have ourselves a daughter who's at that thar marigable age.....31. Do you have plenty of then thar batchlors in yore congorgation ? Then thars our boy thats 15, which means that he would be in the Inturidiot department. He ast me to inchoir about yore fullupships. Say, what do y'all serve down thar.....lots of lemunade, donuts, kookys and hot pups ? Cause we ain't gonna pay muneys into a church what don't feed thar folks to well. How much do y'all charge in cash for yore Wednesday night fellership supper ? We think everbody whats under 32 ort to be free-for-nothing'. And no more than 2 bits is enuff fer anyone else. By the time we put a dime apiece in that thar collekshun plate, we jist barely have enuff left to keep our pikchure tube in good repair. We ben heeren that you brodkast yore nite service. It's all right then to stay at home ain't it ? We kin then look at TV and listen to the musick from yore church as a sorta type of background effek. When you cum on to preech, we'll hafta turn you off so we can enjoy ED. I dunn heerd sum of your sermums upset peepul so much they can't sleep, and Ed just makes us folks laugh and relax. Now me and the ole woman want it undestood that we ain't gonna be graded in that thar Sunday skool. We want to heer the best teechur yore church's got, even if everbody's thurty eigtht years older than us-uns. Oh, by th' way, whut class has the mos' socials ? That's fer me ! I kin put up with a secun-rat teecher if that thar class parties a hole lot. Kud eny of yore folks tell us about a nice house for sale, say for abour $ 1,500 bucks and with easy payments. We'd like fer the deecons to help us fix it up. They're servunts, ain't they ? We're agin giving a lot of muneys to misshuns. If you got sum money left over, give it to a pore fambly like us. Junir needs a portabl TV fer his room. It strains him to walk frum his bedroom to our setten parlur. We'll be a-tryin' you out this Sunday, so have a good sampul surmum fer us. And remember, if you don's notice us-uns, or smile at us-uns reel big, of ferget to shake us-uns hands, we shore will be a might mad at y'all ! Oh, and that go's fer yore deecons and ushers, too.
P. S. And be sure to tell that thar congorgation of yores not to refer to us-uns as " Hell-bellys " cause we get reel put out about that !
Sinsearly you-uns, And Maybe ! your Futcher church members, Zed Kluckenfutchit and fambly.
LADY'S ~ WHAT TYPE OF RELIGIION ~ WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOUR BRA AS ?
WELL, I'D SAY DUE TO MY GREAT SHAPE, THAT I WEAR A SALVATION ARMY ONE BECAUSE IT ALWAYS " LIFTS UP THE FALLEN ! "
WELL, I'D SAY DUE TO MY GREAT SHAPE, THAT I WEAR A CATHOLIC ONE BECAUSE IT ALWAYS " SUPPORTS THE MASSES ! "
WELL, I'D SAY DUE TO MY GREAT SHAPE, THAT I WEAR A PRESBYTERIAN ONE BECAUSE IT ALWAYS " KEEPS THEM STAUNCH AND UPRIGHT ! "
WELL, I'D SAY DUE TO MY GREAT SHAPE, THAT I WEAR A BAPTIST ONE BECAUSE IT ALWAYS " MAKES MOUNTAINS OUT OUT OF MOLE HILLS ! "
WELL, I RECKON THAT PREACHER FELLOW HAS WENT JUST A WEE BIT TOO FAR WITH HIS HUMOR, BECAUSE IT HAS EVEN MADE A OLD REPROBATE LIKE ME, " BLUSH "
RECKON, I'LL NOT FIND THAT IN THE BIBLE, HUH, BILL ?