Part Two: “Remember, whatever you do, it will return times EW!”
“No no no no no! That's wrong! That's allll wrong! We have two more rehearsals and that's the best you can do?!” Maggie exclaimed from the sound booth.
“I'm not touching it! It's gross and it's supposed to be dead!” Rosie yelled, looking at the Space Cowboy with disgust.
Ami causally shined the spotlight into Rosie's eyes, blinding her. Rosie stumbled back into a set piece, which rocked another set piece, which hit the lightning rig, which caused a traveler light to swing down and promptly decapitate the Space Cowboy.
“Ooops...” Ami said.
“Now where are we going to find another actor?” Sarah squealed in dismay.
Rosie, who had regained her sight, glared up at Sarah, Maggs, and Ami. “He'll be back.”
“I have a baaaad feeling about this...” Scully said as she dropped the little twins off with their sisters at the High School. “Alright you two, now listen, no horseplay, no fires, no ritual sacrifices, no sex, no drugs, no kissing, and that's final!” As Scully looked down at the twins, they seemed to magically age 12 years.
“Like, whatever do you mean mom? We're not like that,” Samantha said.
Scully shook her head. The twins were still just four years old. Scully smiled. Suddenly, Maggie shined the spotlight down on her, and she froze. “Oh, my God! Oh, my God!”
Sarah ran down to the stage where Scully was. “Where are you Mommalee?”
“Oh ... I'm, uh ... I'm with the others.”
“Are you in the ‘night place’?”
“Yes! And then ... and then it was gone. Oh, oh!”
“What is it?”
“It's, uh ... they're back.”
Suddenly Maggie cut the spotlight. “I think we've had enough fun.”
Scully's eyes rolled back in her head and she fell to the ground. Sarah took the twins by the hand and led them backstage, just as Seifer was coming on. He looked at Scully and then snapped his fingers. The Fan Club rushed out onto stage, got into FBI position and start shooting Scully with their water guns until she sat up, *thippeted* the crowd, and ran off.
“No no no, like this!” Rosie thumped her hand to her chest and then extended it straight into the air in Nazi form.
“Oh, I see now.” Max copied her exactly. “Hey, how did you learn how to do that?”
Rosie shrugged. “I dunno, instinct?”
“1, 2, EW check check check! I love you Toaster, check check check!” The microphones squeaked. Rosie suddenly got a bright idea and abandoned Max for a microphone.
“Alright ladies and gentlemen, I would like your attention!” Rosie exclaimed. Everyone stopped what they were doing and stared at her. She then started speaking with a German accent. “Repeat after me: No longer will we be oppressed and stricken down! We will rise up and beat back those who oppose us!” She gave the Nazi salute and everyone hesitantly followed her. She then extended the other arm. “Flap with me!”
The auditorium was filled with flapping people.
“For the thirteenth time you guys, would you please get it right? I want to go home!” Sarah whined.
The little twins started crying and Dani looked supremely annoyed.
“And...action!” Maggie yelled.
Dani walked on stage carrying a Toaster in a Toaster-case, because her luggage wasn't ready yet. Sarah actually hit the church bell cue on time and Dani obediently knelt down and made the sign of the Toaster, because she refused to give in to Christianity.
“Okay, okay, that's fine for rehearsals, keep going!” Maggie said from the front row.
Seifer then came onstage and Dani quickly rose to her feet.
“You must be the new governess,” he said.
“Well, duh.”
“DANI!” Maggie and Sarah yelled.
Dani winced. “Sorry...”
Seifer then pulled the schmatta off of her head. “This isn't Fiddler on the Roof, you know,” he said.
Sarah shined the spotlight in Seifer's eyes to reprimand him, and then burst out into song with Maggie. “Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch, bring me a...”
Seifer and Dani glared at them while Raven yelled, “Would you just shut up already?!”
“We're the directors and we can do whatever we want, so there! *thippet*” The twins yelled.
There was a long pause.
“Alright, back to the scene! Just skip to the part where the kids come in,” Maggie said, waving her hand.
Seifer went to blow the whistle around his neck...and found himself grasping thin air. He looked up at the sound booth, “Um, I forgot my prop...”
Ami glared at him from atop the lighting rig. “You know how to whistle, so whistle already!”
Seifer whistled and kids started pouring in, but Sarah screamed, “I couldn't hear that! Do it over!”
Seifer rolled his eyes and looked like he was about to whistle, but decided to *thippit* her instead.
“Okay, that's it!” Sarah shut all the stage lights off, turned up the house lights, and screamed to Maggs, “B-13, NOW!”
Sarah and Maggs stormed on from both sides of the stage. Maggie looked really tall and Sarah made herself look about four inches shorter than usual.
Maggie, in a deep voice, said, “Young man, I don't appreciate the way you're treating my daughter.”
Seifer blinked. “Moulder?”
“MULDER!” Maggie screamed.
Sarah, with a slight lisp, said, “I know guys today can take advantage of anyone who crosses their path, but really, you need to learn some manners young man. Now, I'm going to call your mother – ”
“STOP!” Seifer yelled. Sarah and Maggs returned to their normal heights. He looked at them. “Damn you're good.” He finally said.
“Back on track?” Maggie asked. Sarah went back to the light booth and switched the lights, Maggie went back to the front row, and the kids ran offstage. Sarah whistled from the light booth and the kids marched on again.
Dani, very disturbed by the scene that had just unfolded, said, “Who the hell are you?”
“Wait! I still don't have my whistle!” Seifer exclaimed.
“IMPROVISE!” Sarah yelled into a mic. Everyone covered their ears from the reverb.
Seifer clapped and Rosie stepped forward. “I'm Lisel, I'm sixteen, and I don't need a governess, so there.” She then proceeded to flick Dani off. Dani just smiled sweetly and thumbed her nose at her. Seifer clapped again and Rosie stepped back, looking miffed.
Seifer clapped twice and Tobias stepped forward. “I’m Fredirck, I'm fourteen, and I'm impossible.” Dani crossed her arms and gave him a skeptical look. “Oh gee, like I care.” She clapped twice and he stepped back, looking bewildered.
Seifer clapped EW times and Ari stepped out. “I forgot my lines.”
Raven stepped out. “I'm Brigitta, she's Louisa, and if she doesn't learn her lines really really soon, she's going to have to die again!” Raven then dragged Ari back in line with her.
Seifer lost track of how many times he was supposed to clap, and ended up clapping twelve times. Confused, Ratboy, Samantha, and Missy stepped out together. Missy and Sam then stepped back, realizing it wasn't their turn yet.
“I'm Kurt, I'm nine years old, and I'm a nasty smelly bastard.”
Dani looked at Seifer. “This is what you've been teaching your children?”
“It's called improv.” He stated.
“Whatever.” Kurt stepped back and Missy stepped forward. “I'm Missy...oops...I'm...umm...”
“Marta! You're Marta!” Maggie whispered from the front row.
“Oh! I'm Marta, and next week's my birthday. I'm going to be six, and I want a cerulean blue parasol.” Missy said sweetly.
“Really? Cerulean blue's my favourite color too!” Dani patted Missy on the head and sent he back into line. “So you must be Gretl,” Dani smiled at Samantha.
“No, I'm Sammy!” Samantha squealed.
“Pssst, you're Gretl!” Maggie whispered.
“Oh, okay, I Gretl.” Samantha said.
Seifer clapped his hands in an SOS formation, and the children looked at him curiously. “March!” He yelled. The kids ran offstage.
“Learn their signals and use them. Here's a, um,” Seifer reached into his pocket, pulled out something, and handed it to her, “a rubber band.” He started to walk offstage, when Dani got a malicious look on her face and shot the rubber band at him. It hit him in the back of the head and he turned around slowly. “Yes?”
“I'm sorry, but I don't know how to address you.” Dani said sweetly.
“Call me Captain.”
“Yes, Captain. Kiss this Captain.” Dani kissed her hand and smacked her butt.
Seifer jumped offstage and walked out the door.
“CUT!” Maggie yelled, throwing her beret on the floor. “Everyone, go!” Dani started to walk offstage, but Maggie pointed at her, “YOU STAY!”
Dani sulked, but didn't leave the stage. She knew better at this point.
“You little punkass freak, you're going to ruin it for all of us!” Maggie yelled.
Sarah suddenly cut all the lights. “Remember, whatever you do, it will return times EW!” The microphones sounded eerily. Ami covered her ears because she was really close to the overheads, and then jumped off the lighting ring to land on her feet. She decided it was time to give Sarah some more lessons in light and sound.
Dani shrugged and walked offstage past Tèa and D'art, who applauded her.
“Nice one, frosty.” Tèa said.
“Great show.” D'art said.
Dani growled at them and stormed off.
To Part EW!
Back to the index of our lives
Back to the cheese factory
