"Perfect little dream,
the kind that hurts the most.
Forgot how it feels,
well almost.
No one to blame,
always the same,
open my eyes and wake up in flames.
It took you to make me realize
It took you to make me see the light
Smashed up my sanity.
Smashed up integrity.
Smashed up what I believe in.
Smashed up whats left of me.
Smashed up my everything.
Smashed up all that was true.
Gonna smash myself to pieces
I don't' know what else to do.
covered in hope and vaseline
still cannot fix this broken machine
watching the hole, it used to be mine
just watching it burn in my steady systematic decline..."

Nine Inch Nails - "Gave Up"

* * *

"Xander what are you doing?"

Xander snapped upright, almost tipping over his chair, he felt nauseous and fatigued. His body was dully burning with exhaustion. Buffy was standing next to him and Giles was looking up at him from his couch, an old dusty tome on his lap.

"Hey, Xander, what were you doing?" Buffy asked again with more force this time.

"What I just dosed off." he noticed the pencil in his hand.

"What were you..." she picked up the piece of paper.

"Xander, what is all this? It looks like some kind of... well I don't know. What is it?"

"I, uh have been studying my ancient... uh, languages."

"Which one, let me see." Giles actually sounded pleased with him.

Giles took the paper from Buffy, he looked at it for a moment then his eyes widened.

"Let me see something." He muttered to himself. He quickly ran off to his bookshelf and started searching for a book.

"Xander, you have really been making good on all your spare time haven't you." Buffy turned to see Xander with his head on the desk.

"Xander are you OK?"

He didn't move

"Xander!" She yelled

"Oh my god Xander!" she grabbed him and started to shake him.

"BUFFY GET AWAY FROM HIM!" Giles quickly grabbed her.

"Why, what is going on?"

"I should have recognized it earlier, with the raised patches and scarring."

"What?"

"Ok, uhm Buffy, Xander is going through a transformation. I'm not sure how, but he is becoming what the Ancient Welsh called a Solitaire. It is unmistakeable. The unrest, the welts and scars, and this." He held up the paper Xander had written on.

"These symbols Buffy, are the alphabet of a very rare and demonic language, know as Demagogue. It is a foul and evil tongue spoken by necromancers and other demonic forces."

"What are they doing to Xander?" Buffy was getting more and more fearful for her friend.

"I don't know what triggered it, but I do know that it can't be stopped and we are going to need lots of help. Call everyone you can. I'm going to call Angel in from LA, even bring Spike, he may be useful."

"OK," Buffy ran already planning her new task.

* * *

"OK Giles everyone I could get is here."

Giles looked around. Tara and Willow are standing behind the couch with Buffy leaning on Riley's arm near the front door. Spike is sitting in a chair tilting it back towards the corner. Anya was kneeling next to Xander's limp body on the floor. Xander is tied down with a rope going from each arm and leg to a corner.

"OK everyone listen to me, Xander somehow has become the target of a supernatural transformation. In the end the result should be very good, I imagine for all of us. But in the meantime he has become a centerpoint for everything wrong you can think of. He is very empowered and very weak. In this state demons and vampires and whatever else will be attracted to him like he were the Hellmouth personally. We are going to need everybody's help."

"OK Willow and Tara, I'm going to need you to put these wards around Xander." Giles held up a book

"Ok, but what..."

"I'm sorry but we don't have time for questions Willow it has to be now. Xander is in danger of being infected by the demonic or becoming possessed, we have to act now."

"Sorry, come on Tara." She took the book from Giles and starting reading and gathering ingredients.

"OK, Riley and Spike, I'm going to need you all to guard the immediate area of the house."

"Why should I help you blighters." Spike asked incredulously

"Because if you don't Xander is going to become something more terrible than you could imagine and he will do things to all of us, including you that will be extremely unpleasant."

"Well mate, if you say it like that." Spike went to the weapons chest and started rummaging about.

"I like killing, and if it has to be demons why not. Maybe someone will hit me in the face and break this chip..." he trailed off muttering to himself.

"Riley, do you think you could get the help of some of the ex-members of the initiative?"

"I don't know, they all pretty much scattered to the wind, but I'll try. I also managed to salvage some weaponry, I'll get that too." Riley quickly went to Giles's phone and started dialling.

"Alright Buffy, this is going to be difficult, I hope Angel would have arrived on time to help but...

"He did" Angel said while walking in the door, Wesley and Cordelia following him.

"Excellent, come quickly time is of the essence." Angel quickly stepped next to Buffy, the two acknowledging each others existence only with a quick glance.

"Buffy, Angel you have to get something to aid in Xander's safe transformation. Without this artefact the temptation is to great for him. Right now Xander is the piece of rope in a tug of war between good and evil. Good is fighting and uphill battle and without help Xander is certainly going to be forced into the legions of hell." Giles looked up, both Buffy and Angel looked concerned and glanced over at Xander. Anya was sitting cross legged holding Xander's head in her lap and stroking his hair.

"I need you two to quest, well, you have to go into the Hellmouth."

"What!" Buffy exclaimed.

"I know it sounds crazy, but we can cast spells for passage and return. Inside hell there is a great dark river, you've heard the story, the river Styx. The boatman on the river is Chiron. In the legends you must pay him two golden coins to cross. But you two don't cross, you have to persuade him to give you two coins."

"How do we do that?" Angel asked

"Well the only account of it ever happening is in ancient Assyria, when a hero journeyed into hell and brought back Chiron's fair on the river. The story says that he forced the dark boatman to drink of his river and lose his memory. The real problem is in the process the warrior lost his memory also from just touching the water. He wandered hell for a thousand years until his memory returned."

"Oh, Great" Buffy said " What do we do then, just wear some rubber gloves?"

"I don't know but remember time is very important. I will have Willow and Tara get to work on your passage spell as soon as possible."

"Cordelia, help Willow and Tara, Wesley your with me, we have a lot of research to do."

* * *

Xander was hazed and incoherent, his body was suspended in the middle of the room, the ropes were a little slacked as his body was floating almost 4 feet off the ground. He twitched and spasmed so quickly he looked like he was seizuring in super-speed. His face was twisting and wracked with pain. All around him there were swirls of light and flashes of thousands of colours.

"What is going on!" Anya wailed as she turned away unable to look at Xander pain.

"He is being transformed" Giles replied

"His body is breaking itself down and rebuilding, while at the same time every spirit and ghost within a hundred dimensions of him is trying to possess him."

Willow and Tara finished the last symbol around Xander's now floating body. Immediately he fell to the floor and started writhing about on the ground. The light and wind was gone but he still seemed to be in immense pain.

"Good job, now I need you two to start this spell." he handed them a pair of very old looking books "and Wesley should be back with the supplies any minute now."

"Ok..." she started to walk away then turned back towards him "Giles... do you think Xander will be OK after this?"

Giles sighed and took of his glasses. He looked up into Willow's eyes from where he was sitting. "Honestly Willow... I don't know if he will even be Xander anymore."

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