"I still recall the taste of my tears,
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favourite dreams of you still wash ashore,
scraping through my head 'till I don't wanna sleep... anymore.
Come on and tell me,
make this all go away,
you make this all go away
I'm down to just one thing, and I'm starting to scare myself
make this all go away,
you make this all go away
I just want something
I can never have...

Nine Inch Nails
"Something I can Never Have"

Everything is sliding upwards, but slowly. I'm not falling, I'm sinking. Everything is swirls and colours around me, but I don't know if that's because of my eyes or just where I am. Sounds faintly carry like bass notes through me and sing pretty songs to me. Peace...peace.

"Now I am nothing" whispers forcefully through everything. I am drifting, my arms and legs comfortably fading with me and my body stops the fuss. I can feel the garrish beat of my heart giving in and slowing, why breathe... pleasant numbness. NO, I need Buffy, she can help me I don't belong here, I need Buffy.

"Shhhhhh..."

Now I am nothing.

The powerful but soothing whisper comes back "who are you?"

"I am Xander" I say it but without my mouth, I feel it and then it is communicated.

"Who are you?"

"I am Xander" My body is so warm and cosy... everything is OK.

"WHO ARE YOU?" The voice grew to a harsh tone of reproach, as if an abject lesson was being taught.

"I am Xan..." I thought, and stopped answering from habit. I let my feelings tell me.

"I am nothing" It felt like it was the only right answer.

* * *

"Bloody Hell, why are Fallam Demons here!" Spike growled through his barred fangs while throwing an overhand right into a many-eyed, guerrilla looking beast.

"Graham! Pull back and reform the line at the hedge!" Riley surveyed the scene, he had managed to bring in Graham and seven other ex-initiative members, which was rather amazing he felt. They were fighting well, but the enemy... the enemy, there were so many and so varied. He knew it was a matter of time. Spike, though an exceptional fighter, is a loose cannon and he had already given up on trying to give him orders, but he's still happy to have him, vampire or no.

"Watch the roof, The word is a cult of Sowki Demons are in town." Spike seemed to be handling a trio of vampires very well.

"Why the roof" Riley had never heard of any Sowki Demons.

"They are big bloomin' spiders mate, they'll web their way right up there" Almost on que Riley saw some shiny ropes starting to be cast across the roof.

"On it" He ran towards the lattice and stated climbing. This is going to be a long night.

* * *

Buffy and Angel were jogging across the lawn to the wreckage of Sunnydale High. Without breaking stride Buffy grabbed Angel's arm and pulled him closer.

"Angel, this is important." She stopped just inside the blasted ruins of the quad. He stopped next to her.

"Yes, what is it Buffy." He had an idea where this was going

"We have to be quick, and well, you've been, well to hell before, so could you take the lead here?"

"Buffy, we can figure this out hen we are there, what is this really about?" Angel saw straight through her and wanted to clear up the issue as fast as possible.

"OK, well, ok, I know you never really liked Xander, but he is really important to me. I want you to promise me, that we can put aside everything.' She looked up at him with a thousand emotions in her eyes, but the most prominent being pained longing.

"Buffy, you know that I will"

"Everything, our past, whatever disputes you and Xander have had. Everything, I can't lose Xander, I just can't"

"I promise" Angel hated loving her so much. At moments like this it burned in him so much he liked it, so much it hurt that he couldn't embrace it.

"Lets hope these passport medallion thingies work." She looked down to her chest at the golden disc with an engraving of a sun and several other symbols.

"Lets hope"

They ran through the school and quickly went to the sub-floor of the destroyed basement. Angel didn't spare a moment and spoke the words.

"Tak Ah Lah, En Tow! Ten Ah Lak!" He disappeared in a burst of fire and ash that immediately made Buffy uneasy. It too closely resembled dusting.

She stepped onto the crevice and spoke the same words. In a flash of pain and heat she was immediately transported to Hell. She wished she had a map, like Dante's Inferno right about now.

Angel absently spoke from beside her "...and into the valley of death rode the six-hundred"

She couldn't think of anything to say, the words were too "bibleish" and what she is seeing silenced her immediately.

"Lets go." Angel took steps forward into one of the many directions they could go in.

"Yeah, lets..." This wasn't what she expected.

Part 4