Entry #5 - Entry #8
- Entry #5 -
Dear Journal,
Whoa!!! I was just looking at when the last time I wrote in here was and it was about 2 months ago. The tour has been CRAZY!!!! So much fun!!! The fans are really digging it. It's almost over though and then we go into the studio to record our new CD!!! Wow!!! Just so much stuff is going on!!!
Alright, well I have been having a TON of fun touring!!! The fans are great and the guys and I am having ALOT of fun!! I need to come up with some type of prank to get Chris back for his last prank on me. He decided to put a bunch on needles on me while I was sleeping. I am TERRIFIED of needles and that was SOOOOO not cool. I woke up and screamed so loud that I woke up everyone else on the bus and even our bus driver James stopped the bus to come see what was wrong.
I think next time the guys and I stay at a hotel and our rooms are high up I'm going to move Chris's bed onto the balcony so he'll wake up nice and high in the air. Or maybe some time we was go hiking or something and I'll pretend to push him off a cliff. Either one of those will do.
Joey has been surprisingly good and has not given in to any temptations even when he's really drunk. His fiancé and daughter were out here not too long ago and Brianna is the most adorable baby ever. She's almost 1 now and is just so cute. The fans have taken a liking to her to. It's great!
As for me. I haven't given into any temptations either. Neither has Nikki. We're still going strong after almost 3 months now. She's been out to visit me a few times. I figured the guys would have been kinda cold toward her because of what happened 5 years ago but surprisingly it was just like old times.
My life is going so good right now and I couldn't ask for anything else!! I'm just living my life day by day and am having a ton of fun doing it. Lance still has yet to find a girl. Chris I think is slowly starting to get over his ex-girlfriend. I felt so bad for him the first time he saw her with a new guy. On his face you could just see how much pain he was in and he seriously looked like he was about to cry.
Sometimes I just wish that I could take some of that pain away from him. I don't like seeing one of my best friends in that much pain and torture. But I dunno. He just won't really talk to anyone about it. I now know what the guys went through when me and Nikki broke up. I know how frustrated they got when I wouldn't talk about it. I don't think I ever thanked them for helping me. I should do that once I'm done writing here.
I just noticed that each time I write in here they're like longer gap periods between each entry.
Oh did I tell you that last night when we were performing I Want You Back, Justin started singing Tearin' Up My Heart. It was so funny. The fans and everyone was just laughing so hard. When it came to my verse I missed the whole thing because I was laughing too hard to sing.
You know it's been almost 6 or is it 7 years since the group firs started? I'm losing track. It's been a long time though. I don't think I could ever be happier than I am right now with my life.
The other day a semi- scary thought crossed my mind. I actually thought about asking Nikki to marry me. Is that crazy or what? I was in the bathroom when the thought crossed my mind and I just started arguing with my self. It was very weird and if I catch myself doing that again then I think someone should admit me into a mental hospital for arguing with myself.
Ah man!! I gotta go AGAIN. It is now time for me to head to our sound check party. It's like a meet and greet except we perform a few songs, answer questions, and sign autographs. They're pretty fun. So anyways knowing me the next time I'll be able to write in here will be in a few months. Later.
Josh (a.k.a. JC)
- Entry #6 -
Dear Journal,
Ah ha! I found ya! I am now back from the tour. Its been I think 4 months maybe since I last wrote. Part of the reason is because I was too busy to write and when I had time to write I couldn't find you! I have like 4 bags filled with stuff and I couldn't remember which bag I put you in. But now that I've been unpacking I've found you!
So the tour was so much fun! Like I've said a million times before. I got Chris back by putting his bed out on a balcony at some hotel. When he woke up I swear he screamed so loud it woke up everyone within a 2 mile radius. I know he woke everyone in the hotel up.
Well right now the guys and I have like 2 days off and then we're going to start recording our 4th album. I'm hoping to maybe do a little more song writing on this one. Lance wrote some good songs he showed me that we might possibly use. Actually ALL the guys did.
You know I still feel kind of dumb writing in here. I mean isn't writing in a journal something girls do? Oh well, it doesn't matter. All I use this for is to put my thoughts down and talk/write about stuff I feel like talking about.
Oh, I've got some big news! I asked Nikki to marry me and she said yes! I asked her about 2 months ago. Our wedding is next week. I'm kind of nervous. I mean this is a lifetime commitment here. I was actually beginning to wonder if I made the right decision by asking her to marry me. But I know I did because I can't imagine my life/future without her in it.
Joey and his girlfriend are now married. So I guess she is no longer his girlfriend but his wife. He was freaking out right before the ceremony began. He was totally cool until like an hour before. From what Nikki told me his wife was ALOT worse than Joey was. I can't even imagine how nervous she was. I was ready to seriously tie Joey down to a chair. He kept pacing in front of us and I could tell the other guys thought it was funny but it was also starting to get to them.
So I am soon to be married to the girl I've loved for so long. I sometimes wonder if we would have gotten married a long time ago if she hadn't cheated on me.
Now as for Chris. He has finally started dating again. I can tell he's still trying to get past his ex-girlfriend. Actually I think tonight he is out with some girl that Nikki hooked him up with. Judging by what she told me about her friend the two are PERFECT for each other.
I really don't know what to write in here but I just don't want to leave it so short. But so much stuff is going on right now I can barely form complete sentences. So I guess I'll stop writing in here. I probably won't be writing for a long time. I don't know how long but between recording the new CD, getting married, and producing for other people I am going to have NO TIME to write in here.
Josh (aka JC)
- Entry #7 -
Dear Journal,
Wow. This is by far the longest it's ever been since I last wrote in here. It's been 2 years! yikes. I can't believe I went that long with out writing in here. Yet with all the stuff that's been going on in my life it's easy to see how it happened. Well the past 2 years Has been an emotional roller coaster for me. Now I'll tell you why.
Alright, the day of my wedding I Ws a nervous wreck but I made it through it. Our honeymoon was 2 weeks long and we went to Hawaii. We had a blast and I was sad the day we had to come back home to Florida but then again I was excited because then we could officially start the rest of our lives together.
When we got back she went back to work, as did I. The guys and I recorded our 4th CD and when it was released the first day and first week sales were about the same as our Celebrity CD.
By the time our new CD was released I found out that Nikki was pregnant. When the CD was released she was 4 months pregnant.
So following the release of our new CD we went on another tour. This one we did in arena's so it would be a little more intimate than stadiums. We were on the road for about 3 months and when I got back from the tour Nikki was 8 months pregnant.
We spent the rest of the time before the baby was born getting ready and finishing up things for the baby. We were both REALLY excited and nervous at the same time. We didn't know whether it was going to be a boy or girl because we wanted it to be a surpass.
On June 16, 2004 our daughter Desiree Adrea Chasez was born. She had light brown hair and blue eyes. She had her mothers smile and nose. She was the tiniest most precious thing in the whole world. I'll never forget how proud I felt when I first held her and when she opened her eyes. I knew that for the rest of my life I would do anything in my power to protect her. That night we took her home and whenever she would wake up I sang her to sleep.
That started the ritual that we still have. When she goes to bed I sing to her until she falls asleep. Every day I thank god for such a wonderful, beautiful, sweet little girl.
A few months later the guys and I were in the studio working on our 5th album. We wanted to make it THE BEST album we ever did. But of course that's what we want to do EVERY time we make a new album.
When our album was released we headed out on yet ANOTHER tour. Do you see a pattern yet? We were on tour for about 4 months and I was so happy to be home. By then Desiree was around 1. She was so adorable. My heart would skip a beat every time she called me "Daddy." I never thought that one little word could have such an effect on me.
So the guys and I took a few months break. Chris was finally in a long term relationship again as was Lance. Justin was finalizing his wedding plans with his fiancée. Joey was just spending time with his wife who was pregnant with their 2nd child.
About 6 months ago the guys and I decided to start recording our next album. All was going good in my life. Nothing could go wrong at all. Or so I thought.
About 3 months ago Nikki became very sick, very quickly. The doctors said they couldn't stop the illness and gave her 2 weeks to a month left to live. That has to have been one of the worst days of my life. Next to the day she actually died. 3 weeks later I woke up to find Nikki lying in bed next to me dead. I started sobbing like there was no tomorrow. The funeral was one of the hardest days of my life and I was just so torn up over the whole ting that the guys drove me and Desiree back home.
That was about 2 months ago now. I'm barely making it. I miss his so much it hurts. The only thing that keeps me going is Desiree. She's almost 2 now and she is such a pretty little girl. She asks me everyday where mommy is. I just tell her that mommy is on vacation and will be home eventually.
God I love Desiree. She is just so pure and innocent. Everyday is a new adventure for her. To her nothing in the world will ever harm her. She has the prettiest smile. Just like her mother's. At the end of the day I still sing her to sleep. Everyday I love her more and more. Just when I think I can't possibly love my baby girl anymore I do.
Well she just called for me which means she's ready for bed and wants me to sing her to sleep. So I have to go put my princess to bed now. I'll write in here again when I can.
Josh (a.k.a. JC)
- Entry #8 -
Dear Journal,
Hey. It's been about 4 months since I last wrote in here. Not much has happened. But I'll tell ya what has or whatever.
It's now been about 6 months since Nikki died. I'm slowly moving on. I can smile now without it being forced. I miss her like crazy. It's just so weird not having her around. That's something I may never get used to.
We're on tour once again and it helps to keep my mind of everything. Between always running around and taking care of Desiree I don't have much time to think. Which in a way I guess is a good thing. If I had a lot of time to think I might make myself really depressed by thinking about Nikki.
Everyday Desiree looks more and more like her mother. Desiree is actually now talking very well. She's turned into another Chris. Very hyper, crazy, and never shuts up. It's cute when she does it but annoying when it's Chris who is talking. She doesn't really ask for her mommy anymore. Every once in a while she does. I just wish I could tell her the truth but she's too young to understand.
The guys are the guys. Joey's daughter who is now 4 I think comes out with her mom every once in a while. It's nice because then Desiree has someone to play with. Joey's wife is now 7 months along in her pregnancy.
Justin and his girlfriend are now married. So the only one's left to get married are Lance and Chris. I think they're both getting ready to ask their girlfriends to marry them. I'm not sure though. I don't think I'll ever get married again.
I wish I could turn back time to before Nikki got sick and find some way to prevent it from happening again. I just remind myself that at least I have Desiree. If I didn't have Desiree I think I would be completely lost. She keeps me sane. Along with the other guys.
I remind Desiree everyday that her mommy loves her very much. That was one of the last requests I got from Nikki. She also asked me to take good care of Desiree and myself. The last words I heard Nikki say were "I Love You" when we went to bed that night. If I had known she wouldn't make it through the night I would have kept her up all night long talking instead of sleeping.
Well I'm sorry I have to cut this so short. Desiree just woke up. I think she had a bad dream so I have to go sing her back to sleep. I think this may be my last entry for a while. Or at least until I can think of what to say. But for now that's all I have to say.
Josh (aka JC)
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