2. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

3. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you do not want to hear.

5. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

6. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.

7. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

8. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

9. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

10. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

11. Crying is blackmail.

12. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

13. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

14. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

15. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

16. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

17. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

18. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.

19. Check your oil. Please.

20. Do not fake it. We would rather be ineffective than deceived.

21. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

22. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

23. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

24. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

25. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

26. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done--not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

27. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

28. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

29. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

30. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends - like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.

31. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

32. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

33. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

34. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

35. What the heck is a doily?

10 Things Men Will Never Hear A Woman Say.
10. What do you mean today's our anniversary?

9. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.

8. Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!

7. And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!

6. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I'm tired of being "just friends."

5. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

4. Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.

3. Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.

2. I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!

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