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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
I'm All Woman
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Daniella; Dieppe, NB
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Fiesty Acadian twentysomething seeks a strong man who likes pumping weights, long runs, high fibre diets
and strenuous work outs in the bedroom. If you fit the description can you also recommend a good
dentist? Call now 555-9002
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2.
Good Ol' Boy Seeks A Good Ol' Romp
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Jeremy;
Hampton, NB
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Ding-Dong ladies! My name is Jeremy. I like trains, walks in the countryside and cheese cake with lashings of Jam.
I also keep a pet ferret in my pants. Do I crank your lever? If so call me! 555-8116
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3.
Hot Lips And All Smiles.
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Horny Helen; Sackville, NB
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Young, verile, peroxide blonde seeks wealthy man 60-80 years old. Likes candle light dinners,
social events, yachting, fast cars, lots of money etc. Willing to do anything except engage in sex and clean out toilets. Call me, 555-7889
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4.
Take A Look At This!
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Annoyed Widower; Muddyview, NB
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Life Insurance, my arse! Mortgage coverage, my arse! Pension plan,
my arse! Take! take! take! That's all New Brunswick does to people like me! Now I'm penniless and forced to sleep in a
shoebox in my daughters attic!!!
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5.
Matilda The Rhino
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Magnetic Hill Zoo;
Moncton, NB
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Matilda The Rhino has been missing since last Wednesday. She has been a permanent fixture at our Zoo since
1995. If you see her give us a call. Apparently Matilda had been saving up for a trip overseas to be with her
estranged Husband, George. Please if you notice any suspiciously large faeces on sidewalks and roadsides let us know.
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6.
Bathtime Joy
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Skip's Sea Creatures. Moncton's No.1 Killer Fish Specialists
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Hi! Skip Landry here with a real giveaway! This Month's catch is Terry the Great White.
Terry is five years old and completely house trained. Keep a TV nearby as he loves to watch Jaws movies. Otherwise
enjoy hours of memorable bathroom memories! Fish Tank sold separately. Call Skip 555-JAWS
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7.
HOLY-KRAK-A-TOWA! Bargain Property Bonanza!
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The Property Sharks (Moncton's Leading Realty Experts)
Dieppe, NB
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Strike while the iron is hot! Look what this fixer-upper's got! This 2 bedroom Palace comes
with 2 acres of prime woodland. Yours for just under $250,000. Location Bourque Rd, Dieppe. Call Silva Bras D'or for a tour. 555-SOLD!
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8.
HOLY-GUACA-MOLEY! Town house Showdown Spectacular!
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The Property Sharks (Moncton's Leading Realty Experts)
Dieppe, NB
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Feast yours eyes on a prime investment. Right in the heart of Acadie. A fantastic starter home for young
loved up kids or new families! Damaged by a gas leak late last winter. This superb 4 room house has
got the lot! Pay me $159,000 and we'll do the rest! Location Melanson Rd, Dieppe. Call Silva Bras D'or for a tour. 555-SOLD!
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9.
HOLY-SMOKE-A-STOGIE! Rural Farmland Bliss!
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The Property Sharks (Moncton's Leading Realty Experts)
Dieppe, NB
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Nestled deep in the Memramcook valley is this charming Dilapidated farmhouse complete with waterpump and barn!
Relive the memories of a bygone era when making hay was in it's heyday! Put some passion in this property. Send me
a cheque for $599,000 and we'll take a tour! Call Silva Bras D'or for a tour. 555-SOLD!
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10.
Anti-Aircraft Gun with Accessories!
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Country Joe's Army Surplus;
Sussex, NB
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For Sale. A 1982 Anti-Aircraft Gun plus jeep. A fantastic deal! Take your friends
away for the perfect duck hunting weekend and see how many ducks you can slaughter with this baby! Comes fully
loaded with some bazooka's I found floating in the Petitcodiac River. Call 555 - JOES Today!
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11.
Whoa! Check This Out Demolition Derby Fans!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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Slice me in two with a meat cleaver! I must have lost my mind!! This is as cheap as my wife's Sister!
I am offering you a 2002 Artic Dump Truck for absolutely nothing! This is the mother of ALL monster trucks! At $955,000! It's a giveaway!
Call 555 - RICKY Today!
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12.
Drop In And Taste My Cheese Cake!
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Debbie's Desserts;
Moncton, NB
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Hi Debbie here! I'm selling a hoard of Cheese Cakes this weekend at the Atlantic
Baptist-Protestant-Eleventh-Day-Rememberists Society Bake-A-Thon. Pastor Bill Belchwell will be on hand to make
sure all my cheese cakes go! Or if you want me to make some Ginger snaps just call 555-DEBS
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Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors
© Copyright 2002 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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