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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
I'm All Natural and All Yours!
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Luci; Age 32, Hollywood, CA
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Hey boys and girls here's your chance to share your life with some real Hollywood flesh! I am a kick-ass unshaven, uninhibited all-natural babe. Giving you the opportunity to nuzzle my fabulously furry armpits! Interested? Call 555-PITS
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2.
I Want Something To Sink My Teeth Into!
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Wolfboy;
Salisbury, NB
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Hey girls fancy having a bite to eat? I know I do! If you are into short-sighted, bald, dentally challenged
studs (like me) come on down! I'll even show you the metal plate I have inserted into my skull! Call Wolfboy
now! 555-WOLF
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3.
Ex Porn Star Seeks Hansome Beau!
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Tammy; Age 44, Moncton, NB
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Hi Guys! I'm Tammy Tweaks famous ex playboy playmate and hot erotic dancer. I was the queen of greasy pole
sliding back in my day! Alas years of heavy cosmetic corrective surgery to remove facial boils have ruined my
career somewhat. Now I am ready to be the love of your life. I have plenty of money too! Call me right now hansome
lover! 555-7865
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4.
Wanna Play My Banjo?
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Biff; Muddyview, NB
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Single, young pot-head. Likes dirt roads, back woods, playing the banjo
and eating jello and sardine toasties. If you like the lifestyle and love living off Government freebies give me a
ring-a-ding-ding you sexy little thing! 555-2322
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5.
Shy, Introverted, Self-loathing Girl seeking Affectionate Man.
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Binette;
Dieppe, NB
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Hello. I am a really shy, very quiet, sensitive University Student who is seeking a man who likes reading romance stories,
eating inexpensive health products and enjoys giving change to poor people. If you are a soft, warm caring
type of a man maybe together we can make mankind much better. Call 555-3345
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6.
Whats This Sh*t!? Rhonda Where's Me Fekkin' Beer???
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Elroy Lush;
Age 73, Burn't Brook Bay, NFLD
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I dunno what 'dis site is for but I want to send a message to me
wife Rhonda. I sent 'er out t' get a case of O'Larry's Premium Gold Beer two weeks ago an' she run owt
an me! Tha' friggin old sow! Rhonda If you see me message where's that fekkin beer! I'm thirsty owt here!
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7.
Exploding Volcano!
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Wanda The Wacko;
Lewisville, NB
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Wanna make the earth move baby? I shake with more force than an
earthquake and I errupt like a volcano. Do you feel like getting all hot and sticky with me? If you do then
bring some wet cement and industrial strength thinners. You'll need them sweetie believe me! Call Now! 555-0001
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8.
Original James Bond Booties HOT!
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Mervin's Movie Memorabilia;
Irishtown, NB
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Hot! Hot! Hot! Just in! A pair of Sean Connery's booties as worn by him in the hit flick "You Never Live Or Let Die"
For a spell-binding price of just $10,000 you can slip these size 9's on and impress your friends and loved one
for hours! "Hey I'm Bond, James Bond!" You can say, well at least your feet will be sharing movie history! Don't
delay! Call me to-day! 555-DEALS
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9.
Original Pair Of Pam Anders Bouncing Buddies ULTRA HOT!
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Mervin's Movie Memorabilia;
Irishtown, NB
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WHOA! Just in! A sizzling pair of Pam Anders chest expanders! Buy these and give 'em a squeeze!
You've seen them in 'Bay-be Watch' and you've seen them in 'ViP'. Now that Pammy's taken leave of
her excess baggage you can own them for, hmmm, just $1,000,000.01! Imagine waltzing into a bar with
these buddies, you could have a face like a flat iron and nobody would know! Ho! Ho! Ho! Don't
delay! Call me to-day! 555-DEALS
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10.
Antique Iraqi Plant Pot
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Middle East Antiques;
George St, Moncton, NB
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Direct from the Museum of Baghdad. One nicely painted
12th century plant pot. Estimated value $3 million. Yours at the knockout discount New Brunswick
price of $2.99 million + tax. Enquiries call Nancy & Ned at 555-7717.
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11.
Antique Iraqi Beer Jug
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Middle East Antiques;
George St, Moncton, NB
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Direct from the Museum of Baghdad. One beautifully decorated
beer jug. This item dates back to before the US invaded Iraq. Yours to serve beverages in for just
$50 + tax. Enquiries call Nancy & Ned at 555-7717.
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12.
One Used Scud Missile. Nice Garden Ornament!
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Gaiten's Weapons Of Mass Destruction;
Memramcook, NB
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BEAUTIFUL USED SCUD. One previous owner.
A nice piece of Gulf War memorabilia. Show this off in your garden and impress your
neigbours with this post-war weapon. A must for all bomb collectors! Buy it now
for just $500 tax included! Call Gaiten at 555-BOMB
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13.
HOLY-BAT-CRACK! Used RCMP Cruiser! Rock-bottom Giveaway!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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Get your fat lard-ass behind this law abiding beauty before I make you!
Don't delay purchase this Police Cruiser today! What can I say? A few dings and scratches to the paint work
never hurt anyone? Yours for $4,999.99 I'll even throw in the siren!
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14.
SLAP MY ARSE! The 1996 GMC Truck Giveaway!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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What am I thinking! I bought this for $20,000 now I'm selling it for $5000.00!
I must have a screw loose! Take it away! Leave before I make you! This truck is "AS IS!" Unfortunately a small
hurricane swept through the car lot yesterday and tipped the truck over so I will help right it for you! GOOD DEALS!
GREAT WHEELS!
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15.
I JUST WET MYSELF! 2002 VW. Crazy-Crackpot Giveaway!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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Let me offer you money to drag this from my lot! You'd be dumber than me to
accept! But I'll treat you to a deal that will make you think I steal! Yours for $10,000.00 Bring a tow truck though, a freak
gust of wind blew it across my drainage ditch!
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16.
DOWN BOY! This is the "DEAL OF THE DECADE!" Giveaway!
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Ricky's Auto Sales;
Albert Pines, NB
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Get the new RARE Chrysler Compact Convertible right off my lot today! See how
well this car parks. You can squeeze it anywhere you want! Even fill the cracks in your wall with it if you have to.
Or use it as a draught excluder! Take this deal away TODAY! Only $50,000
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Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors
© Copyright 2002-2003 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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