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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Lose Weight Fast!
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Penny Pharmacy, NB
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Fed up with being a fat, celulite ridden Canadian but feel pressured into sitting down all day and eating convenience food?
Then give us a call and we'll give you a bottle of 'Bulimix' fat free formula absolutely free! Yes 'Bulimix' is a magical
liquid that removes all fat and excess liquids from your body in seconds! Be sure to have a toilet handy! CALL NOW! 555-BULIMIX
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2.
Love Exotic Birds?
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Garp Muckingfuddle,
Sackville, NB
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This little filly is Blitzer the Macaw. 10 months old. Comes with stainless steel cage and some
cute little black socks I knitted. He's a real looker. Talks and farts in seven languages. Call G. Muckingfuddle 555-7896
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3.
Bouncer the Persian Cat.
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Dervla Cochrane, Richibouctouche, NB
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I will be ready to go to my new home on July 29th. I'm a gorgeous little Persian Cat. Male (last time I looked anyway).
My Mom calls me Bouncer. I am looking to mate with a female Maltese Cat before my balls are cut off!
Enquiries to Dervla Cochrane, Richibouctouche, NB. 555-9090
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4.
Hungry For Love
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Age: 38;
Muddyview, NB
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Oh yeah baby! Do you find my smile irresistable? I thought so! You lucky lucky girl! Suave, sophisticated Restaurant owner
looking for a prissy little thing to sink my teeth into. I can also whip up a mean plate of scrambled eggs! Call Albert now,
555-5678
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5.
Biker Chick.
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Age: 50;
Hollywood, CA
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Hi my name is Jill Leno. But don't let that put you off. I'm a really nice girl at heart. I'm an outgoing, outspoken
sort of a girl. My hobbies include drag racing and motorbikes. I also regularily let my neices and nephews slalom down my chin. So, if
you like big chinned babes with bikes call me on 555-LENO today!
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6.
Wanna Work For Me?
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67 year old Prime Minister,
Ottawa, ONT
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Hey! You wanna job? You wanna learn fast? You like running countries and stuff? Then come and work for me!
I love this business. The money, the travel. It's easy. I have a good pension and a loving wife and people that
likes golf. Hey you get a big office and all that too. If you can talk, read and write like I can in both official languages
of Can-a-dah and pretend you know nothing then call me now! 555-CRETIN
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7.
Annoying Bald Texan TV Psychologist
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Age: 51;
Texas, TX
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Hi I'm Dr. Dull McBore, a TV psychologist for empty headed housewives and knuckle headed husbands. Basically
I'm gonna try for the love thing here. I'm not mean, mad or sadistic, I'm not boring, attention seeking or in anyway attracted to my employer, Oompah
Whipme. I'm just a plain baseball headed Texan who is seeking a good time with a nice Cowgirl in high heeled booties. Call me for a free consultation at 555-OOMPAH.
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8.
House Cleaner Wanted
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Paranoid Brunette.
Vulgarville, NB
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Hello my name is Felopia. I can't remember what day it is let alone how old I am. I would like a nice old man to help me clean up my
house. I have not moved for over 5 years for fear of aliens abducting me like they did my parents. They said they were debt collectors. But I knew
differen't so I hid the basement and have not moved since. Please bring your own vaccum cleaner and rags. Call 555-7426
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9.
Seeking Male Companionship
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Age: 43;
Moncton, NB
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Hi my name is Wobbling Wanda. I'm a systems analyst co-ordinator for an innovative
e-business solutions company that makes paper a thing of the past for law firms.
I'm looking for a playmate male to wobble around with. If you think your as wild and wonderful as me call me at
Whitewash Technologies1-800-7149-890564
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10.
Seeking Female Companionship
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Age: 29;
Muddyview, NB
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Hi there Wobbling Wayne here. I'm a lonely Software strategist and reserach
development developer for a booming Software company. I'm looking for a real woman to hang around with
as all the ones I know have plastic personalities. If you like Hockey, eating cheeseballs and getting drunk without
your girfriend breathing down your neck call me at home 555-8905
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11.
Need A Date For Next Years Prom
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Age: 18;
Salisbury, NB
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I am an 18 year old girl called Betty, I live with my mom and pop. I am 5ft '6" tall but look taller as I have been letting my hair grow out.
I am a religious, church going vegan virgin. I especially love carrots. He! He! Anyway I'm advertising early for my graduation next year. Only skinny virgins boys need call. 555-7895.
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Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors
� Copyright 2002-2003 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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