| |
CLASSIFIEDS
1.
$$$$$$$Van Gogh Masterpiece$$$$$$$!!!
|
|
Pascal's Art Showroom;
Cole Harbour, NS
|
|
|
|
This is a signed painting of the original 'Starry Night' by Van Gogh. Purchased in confidence from 'Auctions-R-Us' for a small but worthwhile fortune. Slight restoration required and has the name 'Bill' scribbled in the bottom corner in red letters. Asking $1,000,000 OBO. Call 555-7833
|
 |
|
|
2.
Cock Ring - 2 for 1 deal!
|
|
Kinky Kinkhammer's Ultimate Intimates;
Gordon St, Moncton, NB
|
|
|
|
This is an authentic hand-crafted Khazakstani made leather Cock ring. It comes with an easy fasten popper. Buy one and receive another absolutely free! A real-ring-a-ding deal! Offer lasts until Stocks run out! Get your Cock ring today! Call 555-RING
|
 |
|
|
3.
Robert Pickton's Battery Operated Joke Meat Cleaver!
|
|
Steeve's Serial Killer Memorabilia;
Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
A great treat for serial killer fans. Toy maker Masbro has just released the Canadian only limited edition 'Robert Pickton Meat Cleaver'. Comes complete with severed hand and chopping action. Batteries included! Call 555-7822
|
 |
|
|
4.
Standard European Trouser Press.
|
|
Roberts Olde English Accessories;
Enema, ALBERTA
|
|
|
|
One Corby 3300W, British made, Trouser Pants Press item for sale. Lavishly made from Walnuts. Canadian Sales Only! Has a 30 minute timer/pressing cycle. Beautifully finished additional Dish for keys and coins. This model can be wall-mounted and you can take it home for $35,000! Call 555-8333
|
 |
|
|
5.
Old Women's Nylons.
|
|
Eric's Brick-A-Brack Shack; Sussex, NB
|
|
|
|
Just finished clearing out my Gran's house. Found these relics in the loft. My Mother said they're great for hanging Onions in. A friend of mine also said these are quite handy for making juggling balls filled with rice. Make me an offer! Call 555-7934
|
 |
|
|
6.
Tactical / Anti-Stab Vest.
|
|
Saul Rubin's Safety In The Workplace, Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
You can never be too careful! Especially walking in Highfield Square Shopping Mall, Downtown Moncton. So here's the deal. One Tactical Vest, Handgun Holster for Glock & Beretta2 Pistol Magazine Pockets, One Flash/Knife Pocket, M16 or MP5 Magazine Pockets, Accessory Pocketswith Velcro Patch, Radio & C.P Pocket, Pen Holder, Free Size, Adjustable String Holder on both Sides. Also handy for protection against Taser-happy New Brunswick Police! Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
7.
Cheap Passports!
|
|
Malik's Affordable ID's; Dartmouth, NS
|
|
|
|
Planning a trip to the U.S? Then look no further than Malik's forged Passports of course! To the naked eye these make brilliant passes into the U.S. Our cousins south of the border won't bother to check them I can guarantee it! Coming back home however may raise a few eyebrows. But hey hold on to your Tim Horton's rewards point cards and Irving Milk Stamps and Presto! Welcome back to Canada! Call 555-1111 and get yours in the mail to-day!
|
 |
|
|
8.
Genuine Dolly Parton Bobby Sock.
|
|
Sylvia's Celebrity Sock Drawer, Rue Champlain, Dieppe, NB
|
|
|
|
This is the very sock worn by Dolly Parton during the video of the song 'Footloose Fanny'. This is the real deal country music fans! It still has some unpleasant odours attached to it! Kenny Rogers was rumoured to have kept the other one as he is an avid sock and panties collector. Own a piece of Dolly History. Asking $55,000 or best offer! Call 555-3454.
|
 |
|
|
9.
Hot Trowel Action - Copper plated handle!
|
|
Merle's Gardening Accessories, Moncton, NB
|
|
|
|
Start your pot planting early! Get this water resistant, copper plated handle bitch before stocks sell out! With its sturdy handle and rust proof stainless steel scoop you'll be the envy of all your green fingered loser neigbours! Call 555-2278.
|
 |
|
|
10.
David Beckham's Vomit.
|
|
Celebrity Soccer Stars Puke; Los Angles, CA
|
|
|
|
With the News that Dave & Becks are heading Stateside I thought I might put my well guarded vile of multi-millionaire celebrity David Beckham's dried sick up for sale! During the Last world cup England was Playing against Ecuador. I was the linesman at that match. As soon as David threw up I ran onto the pitch with a tissue and mopped it before pocketing it for prosperity. Its your now for $12,000,00. Call 555-7834.
|
 |
|
|
11.
Beautiful Ranch Style House. Low Property Tax! Cheap!
|
|
Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
|
|
|
|
Set in a scenic suburb in Sackville away from the hubub and bustle of fast paced Moncton. This wonderful 3-level, 8.5 bedroom, 2.75 bathroom property is the ideal home for a young family. With its log burning wood stove and propane heated basement you can afford to relax in relative heat without worrying too much about those crazy energy bills! Although the warranty has run out. I'm sure you'll find this the place of your dreams. Asking $359,000.00 OBO. Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
12.
For Sale! Almost Complete!
|
|
Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
|
|
|
|
The owners and developers had a dispute with this one! Should we? Shouldn't we? The wrecking ball got the better of the back portion of the house before a deal was reached! Still, it's a steal! Excellent room for renovation! Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
13.
Landlord Potential!
|
|
Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
|
|
|
|
Great six unit complex. Sizzling eye-appeal! Low income housing at a premium! Halfway house potential! Recently removed asbestos insulation and lead pipes. No fixtures and fittings available! No running water, no electricity hook-ups. Six rooms, 1 bathroom. Cellar/storage Moderate property tax payment of $10,000 annually! Asking 555,000,00. Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
14.
Crush My Balls In Confetti! 1994 Nissan Sentra!!! Superb Deal!!!!
|
|
Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
Super Dealz Wonderful Wheelz! A great starter car for your College bound Kid! Slight attention needed to the body. A few dents here and there but hey! Drive your kid away today! Asking $20,000.00 Call 555-DEALZ
|
 |
|
|
15.
L@@K! Beat Me Straight! 2001 Chevrolet truck!
|
|
Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
A Bargain Buy! One previous owner! An absolute bargain! My valet accidently sent this in reverse along the highway into an oncoming tractor tailer! My damage limitation warranty means it's yours to roll off the lot for $12,000.00. Call 555-DEALZCall 555-DEALZ
|
 |
|
|
| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2007 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
