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CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Beautiful Blue Leather Seal-Skin Zip-Up Pencil Case
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Francois Fine Stationery;
Gallbladder Gut, NFLD
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Personally hand culled on the Ice-floes of Eastern Canada! This is the best you'll ever get in quality and durability. A seal-skin pencil case to hold your favourite pencils in! Ideal for school kids, artists and pencil collectors! This super smooth zip-up case comes in a range of colours too. Red, white and blue. Yours for just $19.99. Call 555-4141
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2.
Banana Holder.
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Balthazar's Bizzare Boutique;
Moncton, NB
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Does it piss you off frequently seeing a half eaten Banana lie to waste in the fruit bowl! I know! What a waste! Well not anymore! Balthazar's Banana Holder eliminates waste so you or whoever is doing it can enjoy half now, and half later. Balthazar's Banana Holder Keeps your sliced banana fresher, longer by reducing exposure to air. Great for storing cheese too! Dishwasher friendy. Call 555-NANA!
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3.
Barking Hot Dog Cooker!
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Katrina's Kitchen Appliances, Riverview, NB
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Hot Dog fans this is the gift for you! Get your mouth watering weiner fix with this the Barking Hot Dog Cooker. It "barks" when up to six hot dogs are steamed to juicy perfection. Come on! Deal of the century or what? Available now for $77.77. Plus Tax. Call 555-4442
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4.
Plastic USB Humping Dog.
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XXX Computer Gizmo's; Champlain St, Dieppe. NB
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Simply pop this excitable pup into your PC's USB port and watch as he starts high-speed-humping your machine. To use this USB Humping Dog make sure you have a USB port and only allow people over the age of 16 years to use it. It's size is 2.4" x 2.4" x 1.2" inches. Yours for $37.41 plus tax. Call 555-HUMP
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5.
Nipple Erector Set
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Vagella's Sensual Sex Toys; Sackville, NB
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Make your nipples perk with pleasure with this manual-pump nipple erector set. This is the perfect tool to arouse your nipples and keep them hard for a while. Simply slide the pump over your or her nipple and squeeze the bulb, then continue increasing the pressure until you or her achieve the desired nipple hardness. Afterwards simply slide one of the rubber o-rings over the nipple to keep it stiff. Repeat the process on the other nipple and hey-presto! - Identical twins! Easy-to-use and handheld, this set won't let you or the missus down. Call 555-NIPS
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6.
Nipple Pump Bulb
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Vagella's Sensual Sex Toys; Sackville, NB
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Much the same as the Nipple Erector Set except you just get the one bulb. But boy what a bulb! Not only does it get your nipples erect it also helps new mothers feed their babies quickly. The novelty is the little light that comes on when the nipple is ready! Only $79.99. Call 555-NIPS
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7.
Head-Knock With The Lord!
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Bob The Baptist Gifts & Memorabilia; Mountain Rd, Moncton, NB
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Jesus headknocker. For your desk, car or mantlepiece. Worship the man with this lovely nodding Jesus. This is high quality and comes gift boxed. Yours for $550.00. 10% of all proceeds goes to the Jesus Benevolent Fund. Call 555-3453.
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8.
Jesus Posable Action Figure!
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Bob The Baptist Gifts & Memorabilia; Mountain Rd, Moncton, NB
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Everyone has a different take on Jesus. But you will agree that this is the coolest G.I. Joe type action figure ever made! Each hard plastic Jesus Action Figure stands 5" tall with poseable arms to reach toward the heavens and wheels in his base for smooth glide action. Comes in our illustrated package with biblical quotes on the back. Yours for $221.97. 10% of all proceeds goes to the Jesus Benevolent Fund. Call 555-3453.
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9.
Bullet-Proof Apron!
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Kitchen Dealz; Riverview, NB
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The World's first bullet proof Apron has finally arrived! Cook in comfort and be secure in the knowledge that if you accidently find yourself in the midst of a kitchen shoot out while baking your favourite dish, your Apron will not only assist in your food preparation it could also save your life! This multi-layered Kevlar Apron is a must! It's your no-nonsense kitchen necessity and its's yours exclusively from Kitchen Dealz. Call 555-2232
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10.
Stripy Oven Gloves!
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Kitchen Dealz; Riverview, NB
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Get your hands on these awsome stripy oven gloves! Perfect for handling hot oven ready type things. Totally fireproof and heat resistant thanks to its multi-layer cotton and asbestos weave. These gloves are practical and totally hands on. Order your pair today. At just $55.03. Also comes in navy blue and white strips too! Call 555-2232
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11.
Pink Cinderella Waffler
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Kitchen Dealz; Riverview, NB
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Get Waffling with this pink Cinderella Waffler. It bakes a single 6 3/4" round waffle featuring Cinderella and Prince Charming. Perfect for your girly wife or Disney loving daughter to bite into! Ready light tells when to start baking and when the waffle is done. Comes with an automatic thermostat control. Premium non-stick coating, cool touch handles. Stands upright for compact storage. Dimensions: 12" x 6.25" x 9". Only $40.01. Call 555-2232
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12.
Potato Chip Deal Of The Century!
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Better Than Best Buy; Trinity Power Centre, Moncton. NB
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Here at "Better Than Best Buy" we are offering you the best in Canadian Potato chips. A whole year's supply of Canada's leading potato chip brand 'Old Crotch.' Get the Sizzlingly Spicey Hot And Humid flavour for the once in a lifetime price of $47.00 per box! That's 200 bags of Old Crotch for less than 25 cent each!!! Give your taste buds a work-out today! Call-555-5622.
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13.
Copper Phallic Faucet Set.
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Phallics; Hillsborough, NB
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A real turn on for Phallus lovers everywhere! This perfectly crafted copper male reproduction faucet set can urinate on you at a simple twist of the testicle. The left runs hot and the right runs cold. To add to this masterpiece watch in awe the phallus seemingly appears to shrink when the water runs from hot to cold! Get your hands round this hard to find number for a cool $2999.00. Call 555-4447
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14.
Female Boss Nut Cracker
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Trina's Trinkets And What-Not's; Salisbury, NB
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A perfect gift for your high-powered female manager or boss. Crushing ego's is what makes them tick so re-inforce their confidence by giving them some of your nuts to crush! They'll love it and you'll feel a lot more appreciated. Cheap gift at only $45.99. Free complimentary bag of walnuts included. Call 555-NUTS555-7845
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15.
Garden Gnomes.
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Charlie Doucet's Pottery; Bouctouche, NB
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Charlie Doucet has been making the finest crack-resistant garden gnomes for over thirty years. To celebrate Charlie has just released his 'F#*king Happily In The Garden' collection. Superbly detailed this realistic three-piece set involving two males and a female would be such an asset to your collection! limited to just 50 these rare f#*king gnomes will be gone in no-time! Order your set today! Call 555-F#*K
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| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2009 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
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