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ENTERTAINMENT
ALBUM REVIEWS
The Very Best Of The Singing Spatula's
For over a decade Marg and Merle Spatula, dubbed 'The Twins With Big Chins' have delighted audiences right across the Maritimes.
Their unique brand of hysterical wailing, chin stroking and knee-popping beats have at the very least raised one or two eyebrows! Now for the first time all their hits are available on one disc.
The classics include the million selling single 'Take My Chin Away'. 'Chinook', 'Another Chin Bites The Dust', 'Take Me Roughly By My Chin' and of course who could forget the classic 'By The Hair Of My Chinny-Chin-Chin'.
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The Kuntry Bumpkins: Jes Like Ma Pa
Teen country sensations Sally and Bobbie Lee MacFinkle first took America by storm late last year by winning "Country Idol" - The virtual TV show for attention seeking neurotics.
Their debut Album "Jes Like Ma Pa" is released later this month and features their idol winning track "Fiddle, Diddle, Diddle". Other great tracks include "Fat O' The Land", "Texas Ma Home", "Bumpkin Bop" and the slow tear jerking ballard "Where The Buckwheat rolls".
Goldi-loxx: Rough Me Up Mamma
Obese vomit metal rockers - Goldi-loxx are back with their latest long player 'Rough Me Up Mamma' This is the Nova Scotia natives 3rd Album.
Rod Loxx, lead singer is fatter and angrier than ever. The track 'Vrrraa! Vrrough! Rouuuggghh!' is classic vomit-rock.
'To vomit like Rod you have to be God' says band manager Herbie Shuttlecock. Other great tunes on this 11-track outing is 'Teddy Bears Bull$*+t', 'Who The f#$@k Took A S$!&t In My Chair'
and 'Horny $%#@ Jays In My Bed'.
OBITUARIES
Stinky Weismuller - Dead At 46.
New Brunswick's most celebrated wrestler after Christophe "Cruncher" Cormier has died following a bout of acute asphyxiation.
Weismuller, 46, aka 'Stinky The Clown' was due to step back in the ring for a special one-off show when he became a victim of his own intoxicating odour.
In his heyday as 'Stinky The Clown, Weismuller manager to topple his opponents just by merely lifting up his leg. The wadt of unwashed trousers and body sweat was so intense that his opponents would end up being first round drop-outs.
However as the years passed more opponents got wise to Stinky and began fighting back using clothes pegs and Febreze. Sadly Stinky The Clown became all but a name. Gone but not forgotten. We'll miss you Stinky!
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LEISURE
Rick O'Shea's Back Country Beer Guide.
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A hearty hello to my fellow beer lovers! Welcome to my little column where I aim to bring you the best in local brewing establishments across Canada.
Last month I ventured out into the Prairies to the small town of Knee Joint in southern Saskatchewan. There I met Gustav Igorsson owner of the 'Kermitt's Keg brewing Co.
Gustav and his friends have been brewing for the best part of ten years and my curiosity led me to sample a few of his alcoholic delights. The first beer I tried was 'Leaky Udder'. Tasting this reminded me of tasting watered down cod-liver oil! It also had a hard to swallow lumpy residue that resembled rotting cottage cheese. The smell was appaling. Verdict: An udderly dreadful beer. 0/10.
Next I was presented with 'Farmers Felch'. It looked and smelled like a dead skunk. After a couple of sips I was a little confused. It had no taste. Then 'whoosh' I burped and it tasted like cow dung! Euurgh! My nose started to run and my eyes began to water, and black liquid began foaming up from my belly. Gustav insisted I drink the whole bottle before serving judgement. So I reluctantly did. Within seconds I had soiled my underpants. If you want a cure of constipation try this! Verict: Crap. 0/10.
Feeling very unwell, I decided I could only sample just one more beer. Harvest Crunch. A light brown ale. Not to stiff on the nose. Nice full creamy body. I sipped it. Oh Boy! It tasted like Honey and rolled oats! I quaffed the lot down, ordered another and got right into that one too! Soon I was swaying and giggling like a girl. I giggled so much I fell backwards onto a tree stump setting off a nest of angry bee's. One trip to the hospital later and I was able to give this Crunchy little number a 10! Until next time beer lovers....
Trevor The Lemon's Tips For Stupid Folk
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LADIES: By putting your mouth and chin inside a beer glass and sucking hard for three minutes is an excellent way to give yourself a "Fred Flintstone" five o'clock shadow.
ROBBERY PREVENTION: Simply move everything in your house into your bedroom when you go to bed, then In the morning, simply move it all back again.
IMPOTENT MARRIED MEN: Why waste money on expensive drugs like Viagra? Spend it on necessary things like booze instead. Your happy and your wife will think its just the drink!
Until next time dudes...
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