Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean automobile jokes that I've come across. To the best of my knowledge these are just jokes and not based on actual facts; so please do not be offended if you have fallen victim to any similar circumstances. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.

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Home New Ferrari      There was this guy & he had just bought a brand new Ferrari F-50 and he was taking it for a cruise. He was stopped at a red light and this little boy on a mopehead stopped next to him and was at awe over the car. He asked the guy if he could take a quick look inside and he agreed. Just as he was getting out of the car the boy asked the man how fast his car could go and he said, "Oh, around 175-200. Want to see?" Of couse the boy nodded and waited for the light to turn green.      The man took off at a very high rate of speed. As he was traveling down the road he saw a little light catching up with him and then flew right past him. 'No! it couldnt be the boy on the mopehead could it?" He asked to himself. Then the light came flying back and went way behind him. The guy then realized that it indeed WAS the boy on the mopehead. Then the light started to catch up with him again.      He slowed down a bit to catch up with the boy to find out exactly how he got the little bike to go that fast and in a stunned voice the boy looked at the man and said, "Would you mind taking my suspenders off your rear view mirror?" Smooth and Uneventful Flight      A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOSH!"      Silence.      Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"      A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!" Traffic Light      One day, two guys decide to take a drive to a local grocery store to get some lunch. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red. The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, "What the devil are you doing? You're going to get us killed!"      Then the driver responded, "Don't worry, my mother allways drives like this."      So later on, the two guys came to another stoplight and that too was red. The driver sped right through the light. Again the passenger looked at the driver and said, "I thought I told you, you're gonna get us killed! Would you please stop this nonsense!"      The driver looked at the passenger and responded, "All right! I get it but I told you My mother drives like this all the time!"      Again, the two guys ran into another light. This time in was green. The Driver slammed on his breaks and stopped the car totally. "What the devil are you doing?" The passenger screamed. "This is the third time you almost got us killed. Why did you stop at a green light?"      "Well, my mother might be coming the other way!" The driver said. Slow Down or Stop      One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist.      The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer. The scene: The "F" train of the subway line in New York City      I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I'd finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job. How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it. A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear and asked the second most stupid question I've ever heard (someday I may tell of the first), "Are you reading that paper?" I stood up, turned the page, sat down on the paper and answered, "Yes."   Home