Here is my ever-growing collection of some of the best clean farmer jokes that I've come across. If you are a farmer, please try not to be too offended; and remember, it's just words... unless they're true. At any rate, feel free to send me any jokes that you may have, and I'll post them here as well.
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Click Below for a Printable Version of a Joke: |
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Three Daughters
There was once a farmer who had three beautiful daughters. When his girls began to date, their father was very selective of the kind of boys he would allow them to go out with. Every time a boy would come over to pick up one of his daughters, the farmer would always answer the door. And he always took his shotgun along - just to show him who was boss.
On a particular night, all three of the farmer's daughters were to go on dates. Around 6:00, the first girl's date arived. The farmer , with his shotgun at his side, answered the door. The young man at the door said, "Hi, My name's Freddy. I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going to go get some spagetti. Is she ready?" The farmer feeling that this young man was okay for his daughter to date, went upstairs, got Betty, and sent them off on their date.
Shortly after, the second daughter's date arrived. Just as before, the farmer went over to greet the boyfriend. When he opened the door, the boy said, "Hi, my name's Joe. I'm here to pick up Flo. We're going to the show. Is she ready to go?" The farmer, feeling that this young man was also okay for his daughter to date, sent them on their way.
Finally, it was time for the final girl's date to arrive. Just as before, the farmer answered the door to find a well-dressed young man standing there. The girl's date began, "Hi, My name's Chuck..." And the farmer shot him.
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Farmer Joe's Accident
Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?". Farmer Joe said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say." Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident, a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling ?"
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Poisoned Watermelons
A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch every night to eat their fill.
After some thought, he made a sign that said, "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH CYANIDE!" He smiled smugly as he watched the kids run off the next night without eating any of his melons.
A week later, the farmer was surveying his field. To his satisfaction, no watermelons were missing, but a sign next to his read, "NOW THERE ARE TWO!"
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Visit to the Mall
A country farmer and his son were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"
The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching a wide-eyed old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the old lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the lights blinking as the elevator rose. They continued to watch the lights in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four year old woman stepped out.
The farmer said to his son, "Go get your Mother."
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Designed by Justin Jones
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