In eleventh grade English class, we read "Song of Myself" by Walt Whitman. I wrote a quick one-page response to it, filled with every expression I could muster of how much I hated that load of garbage. I hate Walt Whitman with my very heart and soul, and believe that the fact that he was ever taught to write is a travesty and an offense to good taste and all humanity.
That said, as my luck would have it, just about everyone else (in an authority position, at least) absolutely adores Walt Whitman. My English teacher, who is cool in most other respects, made us write poetry emulating Whitman's style. I don't know if I've gone off on this before, but I hate writing poetry. I've tried it before, and it's horrendous. The results are terrible and embarassing, not because I'm exposing some deep part of myself, but just because the writing is so AlvinToffler bad.
After I completed the assignment (the day it was due... hehehe! Classic!), I showed it to Nick and Smu, who both (with an "L" you slimy bastards) thought it wasn't so bad. Since this is a vast improvement over the traditional "absolutely horrendous, an affront against good taste and the English language," I figured I'd post it up here. Here goes nothing: