God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe?" 

Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."

God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." 

God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe?" 

"I believe you're in my chair."

President Dubya was awakened one night by an urgent 
call from the Pentagon. 

"Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely 
able to contain himself, "there's good news and bad 
news." 

"Oh, no..." muttered the President, "Well, let me have 
the bad news first." 

"The bad news, sir, is that we've been invaded by 
creatures from another planet." 

"Gosh, and the good news?" 

"The good news, sir, is that they eat reporters and pee 
oil."

Howard Dean is at the dentist's office for a routine appointment when the dentist notices that his plate is severely corroded, but can't figure out why.

The dentist says, "Mr. Dean, I've noticed that your plate is severely corroded. Have you had a change in your diet recently?"

To which Dean replies, "Why yes sir. Six months ago my wife introduced me to eggs benedict. I fell in love with the hollandaise sauce and now I put it on everything."

"That's it! The hollandaise sauce contains lemon juice which is very acidic. That explains the corrosion of your plate. I can replace your plate, but I have to make it out of chrome."

"Why chrome?" asks Dean.

"Why don't you know? There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."


Jesse Jackson got out of the shower and was drying off when he looked in the mirror and noticed he was white from the neck up to the top of his head.

In sheer panic and fearing he really was turning white and might have to start working for a living, he called his doctor and told him of his problem.

The doctor advised him to come to his office immediately. After an examination, the doctor mixed a concoction of brown liquid, gave it to

Jesse and told him to drink up. Jesse did and replied..

"That tasted like bulls*&t!" The doctor replied, "Yes Jesse. You were a quart low.

Might be some repeats lost my "send" file
-----------
Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing, pulled her out of the water.

She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted. 

The first kid says, "I want to go to Disneyland." Hillary says,

"No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane."

The second kid says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."

Hillary says, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!!"

The third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset!" 

Hillary is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you're handicapped."

The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning."


Balloonist

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am." 

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude." 

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican." 

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" 

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me." 

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat." 

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" 

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow now, it's MY fault. 

No kidding, this is true! God bless our fighting men and women and their wonderful sense of humor. Isn't it great to recognize that this generation of young competent Americans have that same sense of proportion and truth and humor that has always characterized their forebears -- from the Revolution forward. 

Here's the question: Have you heard what the troops are calling the Sikorsky Blackhawk helicopter Senator Hillary Clinton used on her Iraq tour? 

The answer: "BROOMSTICK ONE"