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Dear Abby:
My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning.
When I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse is everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also since he lost his job two years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is sit around the living room in his underwear and watch TV while I work to pay the bills.
And since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me. He keeps calling me a lesbian. What should I do?
Signed
Clueless
Dear Clueless:
Dump him. You're a New York senator. You don't need him anymore.
Governor Gray Davis has asked the California state Supreme Court to delay the October recall vote because he says that's not enough time to put on a fair election. Hey, let me tell you something. If we didn't need a fair election to pick the president of the United States, we don't need a fair election to pick the governor of California. -
Jay Leno
Gray Davis got some good news this week: the Clintons are out here in California campaigning for him. Actually Hillary is campaigning for Davis, Bill is out here for Larry Flynt. -
Jay Leno
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo Project, it took the astronauts to a Navajo reservation in Arizona for training. One day, a Navajo elder and his son came across the space crew walking among the rocks. The elder, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question. His son translated for the NASA people: "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"
One of the astronauts said that they were practicing for a trip to the moon. When his son relayed this comment the Navajo elder got all excited and asked if it would be possible to give to the astronauts a message to deliver to the moon.
Recognizing a promotional opportunity when he saw one, a NASA official accompanying the astronauts said, "Why certainly!" and told an underling to get a tape recorder.
The Navajo elder's comments into the microphone were brief.
The NASA official asked the son if he would translate what his father had said. The son listened to the recording and laughed uproariously. But he refused to translate.
So the NASA people took the tape to a nearby Navajo village and played it for other members of the tribe. They too laughed long and loudly but also refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.
Finally, an official government translator was summoned. After he finally stopped laughing the translator relayed the message: :
:
:
"Watch out for these assholes - they have come to steal your
land."
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.
They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first.
"Al, what do you believe?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe?"
Bill replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then address Hillary. "Hillary, what do you believe?"
"I believe you're in my chair."
The Real Cause of the 2003 Blackout
http://www.jillsjokeline.com/blackout.jpg
Politicians are like diapers.
They both need to be changed frequently -
and for the same reason.
At a U.N. meeting, the American ambassador turned to the
Japanese ambassador and whispered, "When was your last
election?" The Japanese ambassador turned
bright red and whispered back, "before bleakfast."
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