Frequently, we are reminded how difficult special days are when you've lost a loved one.  Mother's Day is especially though if you've lost one or more children.  This issue of Footprints Ministry Newsletter is dedicated to those of us who will soon face the "Holidays(?)" without a son or daughter.  Our hope is that something in this issue will bring some comfort to each of our readers.

 

"MOTHER'S DAY"
by Carol Blackman, 
Bereaved Parents Share, April 1997
reprinted with permission

In thinking of Mother's Day I was trying to choose which bereaved mother in the Bible to write about.  There are many mentioned.  Naomi is one of the first to come to mind.  We remember when she returned to her home town of Bethlehem after the death of her husband and both of her two sons she told everyone, "Call me not Naomi (which means pleasant) call me Mara (which means bitter), for the almighty hath dealt very bitterly with me.  I went out full, and the Lord hath brought me home again empty." Ruth 1:20,21.  It is always so comforting to read on in Ruth and in Chapter 4, verses 14 & 15, after Ruth's son was born: "Andthe woman said unto Naomi, Blessed be the Lord, which hath not left thee this day without a kinsman, that his name may be famous in Israel.   And he shall be unto thee a restorer of thy life, and a nourisher of thine old age; for thy daughter-in-law, which loveth thee, which is better to thee than seven sons, hath born him."

In our day with Social Security and pensions, it is hard for us to comprehend the plight of the widowed and childless women in Bible days.  If they had no husband or sons to provide for them, life would be extremely hard as they aged.  So for Naomi to feel great bitterness is understandable: she went out full, a husband and two sons; she came back empty, not certain if a kind near kinsman would be willing to help her or not.  Then Boaz brought hope and joy to both Naomi and Ruth.

"A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping; Rachel weeping for her children refused to be comforted for her children, because they were not."  Jeremiah 31:15.  There were two times Rachel (symbolizing the mothers in Israel) was weeping for her children.  Once when Israel was in bondage in Egypt and the Egyptian king feared the Israelites' strength so he commanded all the baby boys be killed at birth.  This is when the deliverer Moses was born and saved alive by that king's own daughter.  The other time is referred to in Matthew 2, verses 16-18:  "Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently inquired of the wise men.  Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremy the prophet saying 'In Rama was there a voice heard, lamentation, and weeping, and great mourning, Rachel weeping for her children, and would not be comforted because they are not." Both times God had brought forth a deliverer in the form of a baby, and the kings greatly so feared these babies, they destroyed large number of babies. 

ll Kings 4 tells of the Shunammite woman whose husband was old and she was childless.  God miraculously gave her a child in verse 17, that when he was grown, he went out to his father and the reapers in the field and had what appears to be an aneurysm or a severe allergic reaction, and he died.  Then God miraculously raised him from the dead.  Again in l Kings 17, there is a story of the widow of Zarephath whose son died and the Lord raised him again from the dead also.

Bereaved moms have all wondered why God miraculously raised some other bereaved mother's child from the grave but not ours.  There are so many mysteries here on this earth.  Only in God's time, when we are in His presence will we ever know the multitude of purposes in all the difficult things we have gone through.

Bereaved mothers have existed from the beginning of time.  Just a few pages into Genesis, only 36 verses after we read of Eve's creation, she becomes a bereaved mother when Abel was slain by Cain.  This is no mention of how she faced this heartbreak, but 17 verses later the Scripture says she had Seth:  "For God, said she, hath appointed me another seed instead of Abel, who Cain slew."

Then there is Job's wife who suffered such great loss of all their wealth and all their children, combined with her husband's health, all in such a swift blow.  Her pain so great she longed for death, hoping for relief from the pain.

I close with a promise from Isaiah 49:13-16 for all whose hearts are heavy with bereavement: "Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth onto singing, O mountains; for the Lord hath comforted His people, and will have mercy upon His afflicted.  But Zion said, 'The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me.'  'Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb?  Yes, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.  Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before Me." (the Lord replies) 

If you're looking for an answer this Mother's Day on why God reclaimed your child, I don't know.

I only know that thousands of mothers out there today desperately need an answer as to why they were permitted to go through the elation of carrying a child and then lose it to miscarriage, accident, violence, disease or drugs.

Motherhood isn't just a series of contractions; it's a state of mind.  From the moment we know life is inside us, we feel a responsibility to protect and defend that human being.  It's a promise we can't keep....

The longer I live, the more convinced I become that surviving changes us.  After the bitterness, the anger, the guilt and the despair are tempered by time, we look at life differently.

I talked with mothers who had lost a child to cancer.  Every single one said that death gave their lives new meaning and purpose.  And who do you think prepared them for the rough, lonely road they had to travel?  Their dying child.  They pointed their mothers toward the future and told them to keep going.  The children had already accepted what their mothers were fighting to reject.

This may seem like a strange Mother's Day column...but it's also a day of appreciation and respect.  I can think of no mothers who deserve it more than those who had to give a child back.

Get out something your child gave or made for you from a previous Mother's Day.  If you lost an infant, this could be the hospital wrist band

Buy yourself something special: a new book, perfume, software

Don't go to restaurants or church if it's too painful

Read a great book and don't even look up all day

Tie or tape ribbons on your mailbox in place of the card you won't be receiving.  You can do it on Saturday & get as elaborate as you like

At church, wear a blue or pink carnation for your child rather than the white or red for your mother

Keep a candle lit all day (safely)

Get out cards from other years.  Read them again & cry your eyes out if you like

Make yourself a Mother's Day Card but don't sign it.  In your Journal, if you keep one, write about things you would have done together.  Make this age appropriate 

Remember to share time with the children you still have; try to include them in whatever you do.  Remind them of your love for them.

Put a flower on your child's grave.  Bring a picnic & lawn chair and sit by the pond in the cemetery and tell each other stories about your child.

~EASTER~  NEWSLETTER ~ MAR/APRIL 1999

~FATHER'S DAY~ NEWSLETTER ~ MAY/JUNE 2002

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