Humor on the Golf Course 4



I hit my ball into the edge of the water and when I got to it, there was a frog sitting on it. I could still hit the ball as there was no bank and the ball was just barely in the water.

As I started to remove the frog it said, "Kiss me and I will turn into a beautiful young woman and I will stay with you for the rest of your life."

I put the frog in my golf bag and hit the ball. As I was driving down the fairway I heard the frog say, "Mister I don't think you understood me, I said if you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and stay with you for the rest of your life."

I turned to the frog and replied, "At my age I would rather have a talking frog."



It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker - "Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the men's tee, please!"

Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Again the announcement - "Would the man on the women's tee kindly back up the men's tee!"

Mike had had enough. He shouted, "Would the announcer in the clubhouse kindly shut up and let me play my second shot!

"Mike and Bob had just finished the the first nine and it was obvious that Mike was having a bad day.

"Gee Mike, you're just not your old self today, what's the matter?" asked Bob.

Mike, looking pretty glum, said, "I think Mable's dead."

"That's terrible," said Bob, "you think your wife is dead. Aren't you sure?"

"Well," responded Mike, "the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up."

Standing on the tee of a relatively long par three, the confident golfer said to his caddy, "Looks like a four-wood and a putt to me."

The caddy handed him the four-wood, which he topped about fifteen yards off the front of the tee.

Immediately the caddy handed him his putter and said, "And now for one hell of a putt

One under par is a birdie,

one over par is a bogey,

now theres the "Lewinsky".

This is where the shot lands 3 feet from the hole.

Two golfers are at the first tee:

Golfer one: ``Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!''

Golfer two: ``Great trade!!!!''

After a long day of drinking and golfing at the local golf course, Bubba got into his truck and proceeded to drive home.

On a hair pin turn Bubba lost control of his truck and crashed. The truck burst into flames. Bubba died and was burnt pretty badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. His two best golfing friends, Daryl and Gomer were sent for.

Daryl went into the morgue first and the mortician pulled back the sheet.

Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad, roll him over."

So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, sure ain't Bubba."

The mortician thought this was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body.

Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup he's burnt pretty bad, roll him over."

The mortician rolled him over again and Gomer looked down and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

Gomer replied, "Well Bubba had two ass holes."

"What? He had two ass holes!" replied the mortician.

"Yup, everyone at the club house knew he had two ass holes. Everytime we went out to the course, folks would say 'There goes Bubba with them two ass holes.'"

Free Advice

A golfer named Joe was paired with one of the club’s good players, and he was anxious to get some free advice. Hitting first, he swung awkwardly and topped his drive. "Do you see anything I can correct?" he asked.

"I see you’re standing too close to the ball," the other remarked. "After you hit it."



A man was golfing one day and was struck by lightning. He died and went to heaven.

Saint Peter told him when he arrived at the gates of heaven that the bolt of lightning was actually meant for his golf partner.

But, because God doesn't want it known that he makes mistakes,the man would have to go back to earth as someone other that himself.

Well, the man thought about it for awhile and announced to Saint Peter that he wanted to return to earth as a lesbian.

Saint Peter asked the man why a macho guy like him would choose to return as a lesbian.

The man answered, "It's simple really, this way I can still make love to a woman, AND I can hit from the red tees"!!

..........[ Back ]....................................................[ Front Page ].................................................... [ Forward ]