Wishful Thinking
© 1999
Dian and Kait

March 1991


Talia hopped out of the car and gathered her belongings. A pink bag with the name TALIA in big bold letters and her bottled water. "You are picking me up right ma?" she asked.

"Yeah... picking you up in an hour and a half." Her mother smiled at her. A sad smile.

"Okay," Talia said as she slammed the door shut and started toward the glass doors of the dance studio. She almost immediately redirected her track. She knocked on the car window, breaking her mother out of some sort of daze. 

The window slowly rolled down. "I love you mom."

Her mother smiled. Genuine this time. "I love you too. Have a good practice."

Talia studied herself in the floor to ceiling mirrors of the dance studio. 'Advanced 10-12 year olds'. She looked around, studying all the girls who encircled her. Her body was long and lean for being ten. She had yet to adopt curves and was teased at school for her figure. Or lack there of. 'Stick' that's what all the boys called her. None of them showed a remote interest in her... yet.

"Bye Kimmy!" Talia waved through the car window at her new friend.

"How was your first day of advanced dance?" her mother asked, her voice betraying the pride she actually felt in her daughter at that moment. 

Talia looked at her mother and sighed. Once again, her eyes were shaded by sunglasses. "The sun has set mom if they're a fashion statement... they aren't working for you," Talia laughed. She leaned over and undid her ballet shoes and slid them into the bag. Replacing them with her old worn sneakers. "I'm going to need a new pair soon. Paula has these new Nike's they're sooooo cool."

"That's great dear..." her mother whispered.

"Are you crying again mom?" Talia asked. She had recently become concerned with her mother, she cried more although she'd almost always try to hide it. Her daughters question caused her wall of tears to break. "Why are you crying?" Talia asked as she rubbed her mothers forearm, "pull over mom."

For once her mother, Karen, listened to her daughter's quiet plea. She slid off her sunglasses and placed her forehead on the cars steering wheel. 

"I'll call dad... he can come get us. There is a payphone right there." Talia pointed across the street and undid her seatbelt.

"NO!" Karen demanded, her voice indignant. She caught her daughter's arm. "For a brief second I thought it might be easy to tell you this..."

"Tell me what?"

"Your father and I have decided to get a divorce." Talia zoned out at the words. Not her parents. They had just vacationed together two months ago. Sure, they fought, but didn't everybody? Everything became an echo. From her mother's sobs, to the passing cars, to the faint sound of New Kids On The Block on the radio. She was in a tunnel, gasping for air. This wasn't happening. Not to her family.

"What? Why?"

"A bunch of adult stuff Lia. A bunch of stuff you won't understand, a bunch of stuff even I don't understand but it has to be done. I'm unhappy Talia. That's no way for me... for any of us to live."

Talia felt tears sting the back of her eyes. Had they even thought of her? What this would do to her 10-year-old world? A world where everything was perfect for the most part. "What did I do?" Talia sobbed, unable to hold back the tears anymore.

"You? You did nothing," Karen whispered as she smoothed out her daughter's hair. "It's me and your father. That's it."

"Okay," Talia sniffled. She watched her mother slide her sunglasses back on the throw the car in gear.

When they entered the house Talia had to hold herself back from running straight to her room and crying into her pillow. Her father was seated on the couch, looking rather impatient. He first noticed his beautiful little girl, her eyes reddened and her arms crossed. He looks towards Karen who simply nodded in response to his unasked question. "How's my girl?" he asked.

Talia looked up and rushed to him, nearly falling into his open arms. She buried her head in his shoulder. "Why dad?" she cried. Karen had to turn and leave the room; the sight was way too much for her to take. 

"I'm sorry sweetie," he mumbled into her hair, "I'm so sorry."

Later that night, after she was supposed to be tucked into her bed safe and sound Talia couldn't sleep. She tossed and turned, finally deciding to get up. She pulled her plush panda bear behind her and sat in her window seat as the clock struck eleven. She heard the soft chimes dissipate into the hall of the house. Her mother, she assumed was nestled in bed. Her father was presumably at her grandmothers. She closed her eyes and one by one tears began to fall down her pale cheeks. She looked up toward the night sky and watched as a star fell from its place in the sky, leaving a long trail behind it. Wishes were supposed to be made on stars like that.

"To whoever listens to starlight wishes, this one is for you. I wish when I get older that I find someone to love me. Someone I won't fight with like mom and dad do... did. Someone I can be happy with forever. I want him to have blonde hair and blue eyes. He has to be nice and NOT have cooties. Someone tall and handsome would be just fine. And he can't smell like Randy who sits next to me in Mister Esposito's class. I want to meet him when I turn eighteen..." She smiled faintly up at the sky. "Oh... one last thing... he has to be able to dance." She leaned her forehead against the cold window and drifted off to sleep.