"If only you could open up, say something about what's on your mind once in a while. I'd like to hear what my husband has been doing at work during the day. What interesting things might have happened," Carol complained to her husband.
"I've told you before. Nothing interesting ever happens at work," Stanley answered in a dejected tone, frustrated that he had not gotten his wife to understand before. "Working at a bank is really very humdrum. The only exciting events that can happen are closings by the FDIC and holdups, and let's hope neither one of those happens very soon."
"Well, at least it would give my husband an opportunity to communicate for a change," Carol said with a soft sarcasm. She had been complaining for most of the four years they had been married about Stanley's not "opening up." He had tried to change but had been confused on what he was supposed to talk about. Carol suggested they go to a marriage counselor, and he agreed it was a good idea. They had gone through marriage counseling in the first year of their marriage. Their problems at the time were mostly about communicating about finances and sex, and Stanley felt it had helped.
They went back to Dr. Emily Hochberg, a clinical psychologist who always seemed in a good mood. Stanley liked that she was patient and nonjudgmental, especially toward him. She also had pretty knees.
"I never know what's on his mind," Carol complained to Hochberg right away. "He has nothing to say. He watches T.V. a lot but doesn't have that much to say about himself or what goes on at his work. I remember when we were dating we used to talk a lot on the phone and he used to tell me about a lot of things and he used to tell me about what went on at this job."
"Yeah," Stanley interjected, "but remember you eventually became bored because so much of it was the same routine over and over."
"Stanley," Hochberg asked, "do you consider yourself as a type of man who doesn't like to talk about his feelings? Do you think that men shouldn't talk about things in their life because other people may get the impression that they have weaknesses that are revealed in their conversations?"
"No, not at all. I don't mind talking about a lot of things, and I'm not afraid to tell other people things I'm worried about. One thing I do mention about my work is that I sometimes worry about getting laid off. I'm fairly new in my position and you hear rumors every so often about how the bank isn't doing as good as it should. Sometimes I just kid about it with Carol, but she doesn't like me to talk about it much. She's said she'd rather hear more pleasant things."
"Well, that's understandable," Hochberg said jovially.
"When we were first going together," Carol mentioned with a dreamy smile, "Stanley wasn't afraid to talk about private things. I remember he used to tell me about his sexual fantasies. He used to think things about me all the time," she said looking down with a girlish giggle.
"We've been finding out that a lot of men hide their feelings and don't like to talk about what they're thinking," the doctor said. "They seem to be afraid to reveal their inner selves, apparently because they don't want to show their soft side or because they think that only women talk about feelings."
"I've been reading about those theories," Stanley offered, "but I don't think that's my problem. Like I said before, I have talked about my problems with Carol before. Besides my fear of getting laid off, I've talked about my fear of getting old and about politics, but she says she doesn't like to talk about these more serious things." Stanley was well read. He had the chance to read everyday on the bus he took to work, and for years he had noticed magazine articles talking about men's lack of expression of feelings.
The three of them talked about a few things besides communication, including the sharing of chores. Stanley complained that he had to measure up to the high standards Carol had in cleaning the house and that that was the whole problem with chores. He didn't mind helping out with work around the house as long as she loosened up a little. Stanley agreed to try to discuss what had gone on at work with Carol as well as other things on his mind as long as they were not uninteresting to Carol, but he asked the counselor, "There are some things that are too private to discuss, aren't there?" Hochberg answered that there were a few but not many.
For several weeks Stanley came home and discussed what had gone on at work that day. Carol listened and asked questions but eventually seemed bored with what he had to tell. "See. I told you you'd get bored," Stanley noted. "There isn't much different happens from day to day."
"I'm sorry, Stanley, I guess you're right. I don't really know what I want. Oh, Stanley, just come over here and hold me and tell me that you love me."
Stanley tried to remember to talk about things that happened to him and to express opinions he thought about. It was still clear that she was not interested in political discussions. Eventually, however, his sharing of conversation with Carol diminished and one day she got angry and complained again. They discussed the problem and went over the same territory they had covered many times before.
"I just don't feel close to you like I'd like to," she said. "I feel you're off in your world. I know most men are that way but you're special, Stanley. You're generally not like most men."
"O.K.," he said intently as he sat down in the living room couch. "I'll tell you something that I haven't wanted to tell you that I do think about a lot." Carol sat in the rocking chair.
"Oh, Stanley. I'm so glad you don't want to hide it from me any more."
"I'm warning you, though. You probably won't like hearing it."
"Oh, no. I want to know all about you and your feelings."
"You remember that poll a few months ago that said that men thought about sex about every six minutes throughout the day. Well, I have to confess. In that respect, I'm not much different from the rest of the guys. Most days I have a lot of fantasies. Work can be so boring that it helps getting through the day. I'd say here's a typical day. These are pleasant things I often think about.
"About 10 in the morning, Tina, Mr. Peckham's secretary, comes in to give me some papers. You know what a knockout she is, so in my mind I grab her firmly around the waist and bring her to me. She immediately responds and hugs me passionately as we start kissing uncontrollably. I start undressing her and before long we're both naked. I back her onto the top of my desk and we go at it. She's writhing with pleasure. We know we can't go on for long, but we make up for it with our intensity.
"At 11:30 the service rep comes in to do some periodic maintenance on my fax machine. It's a young woman. She's got this uniform with tight pants. She's bending over the machine and they get even tighter. Next thing I know I'm making it with her from the back in the anus as she runs her hands all over the machine in escstasy. She's also a real groaner with groans so loud I'm sure they can be heard all over the building, but luckily no one comes in. They're probably too much in awe. I'm thrilled since you've never liked that particular act."
A door slammed in another room but Stanley was too intent to notice it as he continued, "After a big lunch, I'm feeling kind of lazy and then a woman comes to sign the papers on a loan she's had approved. She's got long, wavy blond hair to her shoulders and her lips are full and wet. She is very friendly and before long we're in each other's arms and then I take her blouse off and suck her. She's well endowed. After that she says she'll do something she thinks I'll enjoy. She takes my pants down halfway and sucks me. Before long my pecker's big and real shiny like in that porno flick we saw some years ago. It feels great and I can see she's loving it.
"On the way home on the bus, there might be this young girl . . . ."
Stanley noticed the silence and turned to see that Carol was no longer in the chair she had been sitting in. He looked around and saw she was nowhere in the room. He then realized he had heard a door slam. He knew what happened now. He went to the restroom and sure enough he could hear her crying in there. She locked herself in the bathroom to cry whenever she got upset.
"Carol?"
"Oh, you men are all the same. You're just animals. You're like my brothers. All they could ever think and talk about when we were growing up was sex."
"I warned you."
Six months later Stanley and Carol were divorced.
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