“I didn’t even get to say goodbye” I screamed into my pillow and my steady flow of tears soon turned into hysterical sobs. I knew the time had to come, but Lucy was DEAD! And I didn't know how the hell to handle myself! I picked up my bright blue vase and threw it at my wall, it smashing into a million pieces. Mom must’ve heard the commotion and she came running up the stairs.

“Jordy?”

“Leave me alone!” I yelled and she silently turned and I heard her trudge down the stairs. I flopped back onto my bed and cried. And cried. And cried. I cried for hours, not even coming down for lunch. Dad arrived home from work and tried to come and talk to me, but I just wouldn’t let him, even though I needed some comforting words to come from someone at that moment. I had settled down a bit by the time it reached late afternoon, but all it took was one look at the pictures of her surrounding my mirror and it set me off again. It was 4:30 when my phone began to ring.

“He…hello?” I sobbed

“Jordanna, it’s Teresa” a voice said quietly, on the verge of tears.

“Teresa, I’ve wanted you to call, can I come and see her?” My sobs subsiding.

“Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Well, actually no, not really.”

“I didn’t think so. You obviously heard”

“Yeah” I answered my voice cracking.

“She died peacefully. Slipped into a coma at home, then died a few hours later at the hospital, early this morning, so she wasn’t in any pain”

“I suppose that was better for her”

"Well...yes. How are you coping?”

“I should be the one asking that”

“Well, it had to happen sometime, but still, it’s different when it actually happens”

“I know, I thought I would’ve handled it a lot better than I have been, but it’s easier said than done”

“I know, but we'll get there. We will. You can come down if you want, but I don’t know if it’s that good an idea at this point”

“Yeah, I know. I don't think I can... I’m going for a walk, clear my thoughts, can you please call me tomorrow?”

“Sure sweetheart, oh and Jordanna?

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for everything, you know, helping us with her and not deserting her. And all that Hanson stuff you organized really made her last days worth living. Thankyou”

“It was my pleasure” I answered and I broke down. I couldn’t hack it. My best friend had passed on. How could Lucy be dead, I just saw her yesterday, she couldn’t be. I heard Teresa start to cry so I hung up. I laid face down on my bed for about 10 more minutes, then I stood up, walked over to my desk, took out a pen and some paper, and started to write...

Dear Lucy...
I can't believe you're gone. How is it up in heaven? Is it as good as it is down here, or isn't there much Hanson stuff up there? That'd suck if there isn't any Hanson music or anything... You know Luce, you've only been gone a little while, and I miss you already, but, I suppose, I should. You are and will be my best friend...FOREVER. I love you more than anything, and you wouldn't believe how much I'm dying inside Lucy, I actually thought you would make it through. Even when I was told you wouldn't, I knew you were a fighter, and I never gave up hope, and now, it hurts so much to know you're gone and never coming back. And the the thing that hurts most Lucy...is the fact that I didn't get to say goodbye to you, that hurts so much. I just want you to know how much I do and always will love you, and I'll never forget you, no matter what happens. I hope you DO realise how much I'll miss you, and the fun we had together, and I'm so glad you had so much fun at the concert...Zac loved you baby! I saw the way he looked at you! *wink* But seriously...even though I never really got the chance to tell you all this, or say a proper goodbye, I hope you know how much I love you Lucy. Nothing will ever be the same. You are and always will be my best friend, until...forever. I know you'll live for eternity, in everyone's heart, I couldn't count the amount of people you have touched in some way or another to find a place in each and everyone of their hearts. I'll see you when I get there and I love you Lucy.
Loving You Forever,
Jordanna
xox

"And, I, know you're shining down on me from heaven...

"Loved, so, many friends we've lost along the way...

"And, you'll know eventually we'll be together..."

"One sweet daaaaaayyyyyyyyyy"

That was when I couldn't take it anymore. I switched the CD player off and laid on my bed, crying, for god knows how long. Then, I got up, cleaned myself up again, and left the house without saying a word to anyone. I walked up the hill and past the old Hanson property. I stopped and looked at it for a minute, fighting back the tears. All I could think of was how much Lucy had loved the day we’d met them. I shook my head, then kept on walking.
I forgot the time, then glanced at my watch. 6:56pm! I looked around. Where the hell was I? I hadn’t even noticed where I was going! It took me a few more minutes of walking and thinking to figure out I’d walked right out to near where the NEW Hanson house was. That was at least 10 miles from my house! Who cares. I found the nearest park and had a quick glance at large family having a fun game of gridiron. I was jealous, they were having fun and I wasn’t. I sighed and walked over to the gazebo in the middle of the park and slumped onto a bench.