Kari: Scott! Where you at, pigga?
Scott: *walking sleepily out of the bunks* A-wha? *suddenly startled* WOAH KARI! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE!?!!
Kari: It's a long story.
Ariel: Kari and I have face herpes.
Kari: Ok.....so it's a short story.
Scott: So, whaddaya need, G-String?
Kari: Well.....we need some of your blood *yoinkes out random syringe*
Scott: AAAGGHHHH! NO!
Ariel: Bend over baby!!!!!
Kari: Baby?
Ariel: Sorry....
Louis: *stumbling out of Scott's bunk* Did someone besides me just tell Scott to bend over?
Kari: *stab* Blood....
Scott: OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That hurts!
Kari: *pop* There we are! That didnt hurt a bit now did it?
Scott: Yes.
Kari: Shut up. OK! Let's go make ourselves a cure for face/mouth herpes!
Ariel: Hey, wait a second! Scott and .....Woowiss?
Louis: Hey, we're the only wannabe Jews on this bus. Cept for Tara but she's a monogomus type prude.
Tara: *from somewhere distant* FACK JOO SLUT!!!!
Kari, Ariel, Scott: *shrug*

and that's my story. dude! Kari! I got your little happy packege! Thanks for teh shoelaces! I nearly creamed myself when i saw them! JOO ROCK! got some silly shit up here in NY to send to you too. ah well! lata mastabatas!
* tara *

Kari: *singing while mixing Scott's blood with a mysterious liquid that resembles blue Kool-Aid* It's just a simple kind o' lovely and the thought was just a novelty...
Ariel: I see you learned the wonders of Kara's Flowers.
Kari: Yes, it took me a while, but I discovered their greatness.
Ariel: Good. *gives Kari an I-love-you-so-much look* Hehe.
Kari: Hehehe. I can't wait until we get rid of our mouth stuff so I can, ahem, you know.
Ariel: Word. Let's hurry up and make this mo so we can do stuff.
Matt: *wanders in randomly* Did someone just say Mo?
Kari: Umm, yeah, dude, but not Monique Powell. Remember how much you hate her?
Matt: Oh yeah. She's a fucking whore, dude.
Ariel: Go back to sleep.
Matt: Is that what you call it nowadays? Geezus! I'd better let Carlos know what we've been doing for the past 5 hours is actually "sleeping"...
Kari: Umm... virgin ears!
Ariel: Virgin ears, my ass!
*Matt walks out, confused*
Kari: Almost... there! *blue/red liquid turns orange* Okay. Watching Dexter's Laboratory has finally paid off.
Ariel: Yeah. I can't wait for your film to be developed and see that shot of you with Dexter at Six Flags.
Kari: Shutup, homo, just drink the shit. *hands flask to Ariel*
Ariel: I hope this works. *gulps it down real quick*
Kari: Yeah, I know, me too... I'm horny as a mo.*
Matt walks in again*
Kari: No, not Monique Powell. Remember? Evil things. You hate her.
Matt: Yeah.
Ariel: *twitch* Uhh... is it working?
Kari: Not yet. Go away, Matt.
*Matt walks out again*
Ariel: How long does this take?
Kari: I don't know, dude! Don't ask me! I just followed the directions on the little packet over there!
Ariel: *spasms* ARE YOU SURE? Cuz I'm feelin' kinda weird and I can't understand...
Kari: *goes with it* Fuck Doug, I'm not goin' out like this... ARIEL! They're gone! They just totally disappeared!
Ariel: *grabs a mirror* Whoa dude, totally! I love you so much, Kari! You are so smart and I totally want to have your babies! I am so totally proud of you!!! (Have we said totally enough today?)
Kari: Now it's my turn. *downs the liquid*
Ariel: Ohhh... I'm so happy! This is great!! Yours are disappearing, too!!
Kari: Rock the fugg on! Scott is great! I love that little walking STD!
Ariel: *giggles*
*cutaway to Louis and Scott lying in bed, smoking cigarettes*
Louis: Was it good for you, baby?
Scott: I've had better.
Louis: *gasp!* How dare you!!
Scott: Relax! You're my first wannabe Jew. It was good. Not the best, but good. You can't do much with your little ding-a-ling anyway.
Louis: *looks down his pants* Well, yeah... That's true, I guess...
Scott: Nothing to be ashamed about, though.
Louis: Umm... Scott, I have something to tell you.

~Kari!
PS: I will NEVER get to see Less Than Jake! EVER! NEVER! FUCKING EVER! WHORES! BAND CAMP! WHORES! THAT'S WHAT THEY AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL ARE! And your mother also, punk rock Karl.

Scott: *ears perk up* Yes?
Louis: Just to make things more complicated and all, but I'm dying.
Scott: YOU'RE WHAT?!
Louis: Dying. I have a disease and it's taking the bounce out of my curly hair and out of my life.
Scott: NOOOOOOOO!!! *cries* You can't be!! First Aaron leaves me and now you're dying! I can't handle this shit. *pulls out gun* It's not fair! I live my life and I play trumpet and I sing and I make girlies happy and THIS IS WHAT I GET! Fuck you, God! Fuck you AND your mother! *points gun to head* I HATE EVERYONE!
Aaron: *stumbles in* Scott? *motions to Louis* What are you doing with this slut?
Scott: Oh Aaron!! You've come back to me?!
Aaron: Fuck yeah I have. I tried to rediscover the man in me, but it just didn't work. I was watching Happy Gilmore all week and it finally dawned on me. Subway. You. Me. You've been there for me since the beginning. And now I want to be there for you until the end.
Scott: *squeal* Do you really mean it? Honestly, do you?
Aaron: If I didn't, would I do this? Munchmunchmuch!
Scott: OH AARON!
Louis: Fuck this shit. *leaves*
*cut away to Tara, writing in her journal with her personalized crayons*
Tara: *voiceover* Well. Once again, things have seemed to return to normal. Dan is in the background with his wife person, Scott and Aaron are together, and Kari has found a new slut to fill the void of Dan. Things between Tavis and me, however, seem to be a little shaky. He's never home, and when he is, he just wants to cuddle. I'm afraid to ask what's going on for fear of losing him. *pause* But maybe it's time.

~Kari
PS-> Tara, don't hate me... it's gonna make for pretty conflicts. :)

*i think we left with Tara getting sick of Tavis' nuits. So awaaaaay we go!*
Tara: *knocking on Dan's door* knock knock
Dan: *from inside* Come in!
Tara: *poking impish little face in* Hye.
Dan: Hye. What's up, kid?
Tara: I'm.....uh......fucked.
Dan: Why?
Tara: MY UNIVERSE! MY PLANETS!!!! Everything is out of alignment! You can tell because I'm using correct punctuation!!!!
Dan: I see. So what exactly is wrong?
Tara: I'm......I'm......Tav Master......erg.
Dan: Erg? Why?
Tara: I'm sensing the distance vibes growing. Which means I'm getting dumped soon.
Dan: Older guys are dicks like that.
Tara: I know.....first you're having dry sex on the bottom bunk and watching cool low budget movies and the next, you're yesterday's cunt.
Dan: Ew, dude.
Tara: Sorry.
Dan: That was really gross.
Kari: *waltzing right in* Sup, piggas?
Dan: Tara just said cunt.
Kari: Ew, Tara.
Dan: Ew.
Kari: Ew.
Tara: I know.....ew.
Dan, Kari: Ew.
Dan: But anygay....
Kari: What are we talking aboot?
Tara: Tavis.
Kari: Oh yeah......that.
Tara: Why don't we just kill him?
Dan: Hey yeah! That's a great idea!
Tara: Yeah! Eminem kills people and they love him for it!
Kari: I've never killed anyone before....I dont think....
* image of Kevin Bacon flashes through everyone's mind and disappears just as quickly*
Dan: But if we kill him, who will play the trumpet on our next album?
Tara: Well, it's not like he's gonna DIE. We're just gonna kill him.
Kari: Yeah. Kinda like rap artists. They die every day but they still put out records.
Dan: Good point.
Tara: Provacative.
Dan: So how are we gonna do this?
Tara: I dunno....hey let's ask Bjork!
Bjork: *walking in* Hello, I am Bjork.
Tara: Word up, Bjork! Long tyme no see!
*hugs all around*
Dan: I've always wanted to hug a Bjork.
Kari: So, Bjork, we need your help trying to kill someone.
Bjork: Hmm...why don't we boil him in a pot and turn him into an iguana?
Tara: THAT'S FUCKING AWSOME!!!!
Kari: Random dude.
Dan: Hmm......this needs to be thaught out a little more...I'll go make some herbal ginsing tea.

I have no fucking clue what's going on. I'm just totally 2nd day (even though im on the 3rd) and it's just gonna be a fuckin party! Or something....christ all mighty buddha relationships are fucked. WUH EH MM!
* tara *

Kari: Yeah, me too. I'll go make some herbal ginsing tea.
*Kari and Dan exeunt*
*In kitchen, Dan starts boiling some water*
Dan: So...
Kari: So.....
Dan: For old times sake? *raises eyebrows, pulls a packet of Fire sauce out of his nifty cargo shorts*
Kari: Umm, dude. No.
Dan: This is a first... Kari refusing sex...
Kari: Dude. I'm not a ho anymore. I'm a one man gal. And my one man is Ariel. And he's tasty. And fuzzy. And he has bootiful crotchinal regions.
Dan: God damn! I was going to turn back to you!
Kari: Yeah, well, fuck joo, buddy! You shoulda stopped me before I went a-whoring and got herpes ... which was ALL YOUR FAULT!! *says sappily* Now I have someone who loves me and will never leave me.
Dan: But I love you!
Kari: *turns away* No, you don't. It's not true.
Dan: *places hand on Kari's shoulder* Babe. It so is. It SO is.
Kari: *sobbing* Why do you have to fucking confuse me, assface?! I forgot about you! I forgot about all of the times we'd sit and play Sega Dreamcast and laugh and cuddle and hair dye and... *chokes back tears* tacos.
Dan: *hugs Kari* Awww babe. I want you back.
Kari: I'm sorry, I can't. *exeunt Kari*
Dan: *sighs* Fucking shit. I knew it.
*enter Tavis*
Tavis: Dude. What the fuck is going on, man?
Dan: Kari just turned down my nootz.
Tavis: Yeah, well, I'm about to turn down Tara's.
Dan: I heard... I guess.
Tavis: You know, I've been doing some thinking about my life.
Dan: Yeah? So? *whistley noise in background*
Tavis: The tea's percolating.
Dan: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot. *pours Tavis and himself some herbal ginseng tea*
Tavis: *sips* This is some good shit.
Dan: *gulps down the herbal goodness* Yeah... I'm feeling kind of... fruity.
Tavis: *raises eyebrow* You know, I've always wanted to have a real duet with you.
Dan: *giggles like a little school girl* Aww man. *blushes* Let's go for it.
*Exeunt Tavis and Dan, who run off into the bunks holding hands*
**Cutaway to Tara and Bjork, talking...**
Tara: Dude, didn't that dude try to kill you with that little bomb thing and he all painted his head?
Bjork: Yeah.
Tara: VH1 plays some fucked up shit, yo.
Bjork: You're telling me. *hums "It's Oh So Quiet"*
Tara: You have a funny nose.
**Cutaway to Kari running around the tour bus looking for Ariel**
Kari: Ariel!!! *opens door to kitchen, walks in on Scott and Aaron practicing some new moves... some new Yoga moves* Whoa dudes! Sorry about that. Have you seen my Jew?
Scott: Who, Enbar?
Kari: No, not Enbar. This is the OBS. Not BHS.
Aaron: Ohhh... Ariel?
Kari: Yeah. Where is he?
Scott: Aahh.. I dunno. Check the bunks!

Heheheh Tara... I feel like I'm reading those Choose Your Own Adventure books... I throw a conflict in your face, you solve it with another. I really love writing these things.
~K
And I really love AOF... and Shackle the Wind... pure beauty!

dude.....you and me both.
Dan: *tokin* mmm.....different.....
Tavis: *flicking the cherry of the jay* don't do that, it's bad for you.
Dan: damn....you're worse than a bitch.
Tavis: wuhehmm....
Dan: i feel happy
Tavis: i wanna talk aboot something
Dan: OK! OK!!!! I'll tell you!!!! just stop yelling at me!!!!
Tavis: *frusterated and confused* a-wha?
Dan: FINE!!! YOU TORTURE ME!!! Tara is gonna kill you! THERE!! ARE YOU HAPPY??!
Tavis: WHAT?!??!
Dan: You used me, Tavis. You knew I was vulnerable and you used me to get what you wanted.

2BCNTN'D. my mom is making me get offline

* tara *

Tavis: TARA'S GONNA KILL ME!?
Dan: STOP YELLING AT ME!!!!! *runs away, arms flailing, crying*
Tavis: Whaddafuck!? *crashes into kitchen*
*Tara, Kari, Ariel, and Bjork are all meditating around a jar of fluffywhip and cinimin toast crunch*
Kari: Shh.....we're meditating around a jar of fluffywhip and cimmimim toast crunch.
Tavis: What's all this shit about me dying?!
Bjork: Ohh! All zees excitement ees giving me zee goosepimples!
Tara: Goosebumps silly.
Ariel: Aww...how cute
Tavis: Tara...why do you want me dead?
Tara: Well, you know how there's all that post breakup weirdness?
Tavis: I guess....
Tara: Well....I hate going through that so I figured I would just kill you.
Tavis: We were breaking up?
Tara: I think so......weren't we?
Tavis: Um...well, considering the fact that me and Dan just rocked out wit our cocks out...yes?
Tara: YOU CHEATED ON ME?!?!?!!?!?!
Tavis: Um......yes?
Tara: WHORE!
Tavis: Not anymore.
Tara: EAT SHIT *throws tavmaster into the jar of fluffywhip and rolls him in the cimmimmimm toast crunch and puts him in the oven*

30 minutes later....

Tara: *takes Tavis out of the oven* Who wants Tavis Treats?
Everyone: I DO!
*everyone feasts on the tavis treats*
Kari: Well...that was delicious!
Bjork: What now?

Find out in the next episode!!!! You know what's better than breaking up?!!? getting back together!!! *GRIN* i am a happy impish girl. i will romp about the flowers like a bear cub.
* tara *
piss: BOSSTONES AND MXPX ARE COMING!! MU330 NEXT FRIDAY!!! WOOHOO!

We last left off with our crew pretty much...  ummm...  yeah...  Fuck, I don't remember.
Kari:  This SHIT ISN'T FAIR!
Ariel:  Dude.  Relax.  It's Thanksgiving.
Kari:  So.  You're Jewish.  Do you celebrate that shit?
Ariel:  Yes, I do.  Everything but the movies and Wal-Mart is closed.  I get a fucking holiday too.
Kari:  Mmm...  potatoes.... *sucks Ariel's face*
Ariel:  Hehe yeah.

**cutaway to Tara snipping out pictures of a magazine and whistling**
Tara:  HOLY SHIT!  Ohmygosh!  Kari sees the boys in concert tomorrow!!  I must seance in order for things to go well for her!  
*pulls out ziploc baggie containing some rolling paper and Dan's facial hair...  rolls a jay and lights it...  sitting indian-style without shoes on and hums*
Tara:  Ohmightyoneeeee...  allow Kari to succeed in her desires...  allow Dan to not be scared of her....  ommmmm....   *smokes Dan fuzz*
*Tavis walks in*
Tavis:  Hey babe.  You want some turkey?
Tara:  I'm seancing.  And I thought we weren't talking, anyway?
Tavis:  Whatev.  I'm willing to put it behind us.  What are you seancing for?
Tara:  Kari gets to see you guys tomorrow.
Tavis:  Oh, yeah.  I hear she's got a surprise planned for you.  
Tara:  Really?  *hits the jay*  That's good to hear.
Tavis:  Yeah.  And I think she's going to tape her website flyers all over the tour bus.
Tara:  *laughs*  I bet you fukin twenty bucks she'll do it, too.
Tavis:  I don't have twenty bucks.
Tara:  Can't wait til the first shore leave...  so I can get me some fukin poontang...
Tavis:  What?
Tara:  Go away, I'm seancing.  Make me a burrito and we'll talk.
*Tavis runs away*

**cutaway to Dan in kitchen**
Dan:  *singing*  Lettttttt's stay togeeeeeeethaaaaa...  loving you whether... whether...  times are good or baaaaad....  happy or saaaaaaaaaaad.
*Tavis walks in*  
Tavis:  Dude.  What the fuck?
Dan:  I want Kari back.
Tavis:  Well, you'll have to pull her away from her Jew hobag asscock.
Dan:  Umm.  I don't know.  I get to see her tomorrow and I wonder how that'll go.
Tavis:  She thinks you're gonna be scared.  
Dan:  If I am, it's just because I love her so much.
Tavis:  DAMMIT...  POUNCE HER!  SEX!  LOTS OF IT!  AND FUCKING SHAVE, YOU ASSPRICK!
Dan:  Jesus!  What is with you?!  You're the one that needs sex!  You're the only person in this group that doesn't have a woman!  Get a woman!  You have mad trumpet skills!  It's NOT that hard!  Don't make Kari bring her gay friend to the concert and have him use his GAYDAR on you, you fruity fuck!  And why don't YOU GROW SOME FACIAL HAIR?!
Tavis:  Umm...  dude.  *runs away*
Dan:  Fucking dick weed.  

Ummm...  yeah...
~K-FUCK

* tara lying on her back*
Tara: *mumbling* something thats inside of mee.....*mumble* generations yeah....*mumble* MY OWN FLAG!!!!
Tavis: Got yer burrito lapdance!
Tara: *snapping out of it* OH! thanks.
Tavis: Something wrong?
Tara: Boys.....boys......i just? i dont? i mean?
Tavis: What's wrong with boys?
Tara: I mean, good conversations...love....dry sex....it's all so good until they piss you off....
Tavis: I'll never piss you off.
Tara: Yes you will *bites fist* you'll never change.
Tavis: Dammit Tara! We cant go on like this!
*random platypi marches through the room and dissappears just as quickly*
Tara: I never got to see you.
Tavis: Youre seeing me right now!
Tara: Why live in Florida! AAAAAARG! GAY!
Tavis: Yeah....we've been purposly avoiding florida lately...just to piss you off
Tara: i knew it.
Tavis: i'm sorry. i'm so so sorry.
Tara: i forgive you.
Tavis: *leaning* say you love me....
Tara: *record stops* FACK DAT! Love is for gay men and pussies! Go get on those leather pants you've been holding out with!
Tavis: The best part of fighting is getting back together! *skips off*
Kari: *running in* Hye.
Tara: Hye duder! Have a hit! *passes the dan fuzz*
Kari: NO! I mustn't partake!
Tara: Why?
Kari: Ariel is good and all but...but....aaah! i dont knoow.
Tara: I see. One minute, you're half nekkid in the bottom bunk being thrusted upon, and the next his cocksucking twin come and there's just no time for TARA!!!! *twitch*
Kari: A-wha?
Tara: Nothing. Look, i think you and Dan look good together. You compliment. Like blue and orange. Mac and cheese. Dick and-
Kari: I get the point. But Dan's a tree hugging hippie now! I mean do you SEE his clothes? I think he stopped showering.
Tara: ew. *shiver* listen, i gotta go get the mail......we'll discuss more of this later

* tara *
piss: guess where i went......mailtime! mailtime! maaaaailtiiiiiime!

Kari:  And it's like...  I remember the Dan I fell in love with...  and I remember the man under all of that hair...  with the pink sideburns and the random affection.  Now he's all serious and getting into a groove and shit.  But I know that the person that I love so much is still somewheres inside.
Tara:  I know hygeine means a lot to you, especially now that you've moved on to Ariel who has the pretty penis, but it's not everything.  Wow.  This sounds really weird coming from me, but go with what's in your heart.
Kari:  My heart says I want change.
Tara:  Is Ariel not making you happy anymore?
Kari:  Not really...  He's always all, "Let's hold hands," and shit and I want some bow chicka bow in there, you know?
Tara:  Dude.  I so fucking know.
Kari:  *sigh*  I just wish someone cute who looks like Beck that likes Strawberry Pez and plays guitar for Square would just randomly appear and knock me off my feet.
*Just then, a shadow appears in the corner, the only light being his lit cigarette...  he slowly moves into the light with his hands in his pockets, wearing boot cut faded jeans and a dorky collared t-shirt (like <"a href="https://www.angelfire.com/punk2/ballsSQUAD/images/SexyGirls.JPG">Kari's)*
Kari:  Holy shit, Tara.  Am I dreaming, or is that James Valentine?
Tara:  Dude.  Who the fuck is James Valentine?
Kari:  He umm... plays guitar for Square, looks like Beck, and steals little girls' only packet of Strawberry Pez because he insists its his favorite.  He plays neer neer for the boys now that Aaron had a masturbating accident.
Tara:  Neer neer?  You mean guitar?
Kari:  Yeah...  sorry, I make strange *HONK* noises when I fall in love.
Tara:  Oh, so that explains the eepege?
Kari:  Yeah.
Kiley:  No ege!

~K-Funk

Tara: Um.....i think i should go see what Tavis is doing.....
James: Hi
Kari: Hi
James: Hey
Kari: Hey
*cue Good Riddance cover of "I Melt With You"*
James: Care to nooky?
Kari: Um.....hi
James: Cool.
* they leave*
Dan: *running in* KARI! I've decided that I love you! Kari? Where'd she go now?
Tara: *running in with a giant toothbrush* Huh? Oh hey Dan!
Dan: Um...where's Kari? By golly I love her and that's all there is to it!
Tavis: *cue Ed, Edd N' Eddy theme song* *skanks in* Come you crazy little minx!
Tara: Silence, wretched!
Tavis: Sorry.
Tara: Dan, Kari's in the back with some St. Patrick's Day guy.
Dan: You mean Valentine?
Tara: That's it!
Dan: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tara: Um right. Bye.
Tavis: Wait for me!
Dan: *cue "Still" by Geto Boys-the "die muthafuckas" song from Office Space* I'LL KILL!!!!!!

* tara *

*Dan immediately runs to the back lounge (hahaha I KNOW THE INTERIOR OF THE TOUR BUS!!!) where the pot smokege and sexege goes on at to find James an Kari getting a little..  rowdy with the tongues.  Mmm.  Making out*
James:  So, you know this is kind of weird, right?
Kari:  No.  Just kiss me, you cock.
Dan:  HEY NOW!  James!  This is no way to start out as a guest guitarist in MY fucking band.
Kari:  Whoa, hey, whoa, hey, dude!  You don't like me!  I am unhearted by you!!  You ran off and got married, you whorebeast.
Dan:  But I realized, dear, just how much I love you and how perfect we are for each other at the concert Friday night.  You're so awesome and purty and I just...  I had so much fun being in awe of you again... that I...  I want to be...  random again...  fruity and light and retarded for you.
James:  Listen, bitch.  She obviously doesn't want you anymore, or she wouldn't have come for me and my sexy ass.
  Dan:  I already TOLD YOU to shut up!!  This is between ME and the WOMAN...  not you!  Get out of here!  You're not even really in the fucking band anyway!  
Kari:  Boys, boys.  Listen to me.  I have an idear.  How about this.  Since I love Dan with all my heart and stuff, but the grindege is not interesting anymore...  how about weeeeeee take this relationship as a trio?
James & Dan:  WHAT?!