Hi I am an addict and my name is Michelle. I have been sober since September 13, 1989. I started using when I was about 9 years old and I got off on my asthma inhalers. Cute, huh? I just took more then the recommended dose. it was quite the high. I started smoking pot and drinking when I was 14 years old.
When I got clean in 1989, I had used cocaine, powder and crack, crank, acid, mushrooms, pills, etc? I had found what I thought was the heaven on earth. That feeling of emptiness was gone and filled with drugs. I loved drugs and I don't do them now becasue I love drugs.
I have been sexually abused, I grew up around addiction, and I have been diagonosed with Major Depression but........That's not why I used drugs! I used drugs because of that ultimate feeling of getting high.
I hit many bottom's in my drug use but I had "everything" when I got sober. My own place, a full time job with benefits, a boyfriend. The things I didn't have were a self esteem, any hope, and peace of mind. I had come to a point where drugs weren't working to eliminate the pain. I had experianced homelessness, crime, and near death experiances, but when I got clean I just didn't want to live any more. I didn't go to treatment and had no real intervention. I just told my boy friend that I didn't want to live any more and he suggested I talk to his mother. It seemed harmless enough, a shoulder to cry on , you know?
Anyway, I told her my plight and she recommended I go to an AA meeting. Yeah right!! I assured her that it was all I had left and needed to be loaded to function. She suggested that I look up Alcoholics Anonymous in the blue pages of the local phone book and find a meeting. I thanked her for her time and hung up. I didn't call. She called me back said there was a noon meeting at the local alano club and she would pick me up around 11.
So there it begun. It took me about a month to stay sober and then I was in for the ride of my life. I have struggled in my recovery and done just about everything in sobriety that I did using. I don't recommend it. I don't bull shit myself and I don't bull shit any one else. I have lost that ability to recognize defects and not change them! I stay sober because I don't use no matter what. I stay serene when I pray, get real with people who will either kick me in the butt or give me a hug when I need it, and I carry the message. There is more to the story and I am currently working on a page that will reflect my thoughts, called the Journey. Glad you came and if you need to reach me just sign my guest book or e-mail me. Or if you are around Forest Grove, Oregon at 7pm you will find me in the best NA meeting ever,and my home group, Born Again. Located at the United Methodist Church on 18th and Cedar. Take Care and Keep Coming Back.
