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Dictionary for New or Soon-to-be Parents

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AMNESIAA condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
BOTTLE FEEDINGAn opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am too
DEFENSEWhat you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.
DROOLINGHow teething babies wash their chins.
DUMBWAITEROne who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
FAMILY PLANNINGThe art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
FEEDBACKThe inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
FULL NAMEWhat you call your child when you're mad at him.
GRANDPARENTSThe people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
HEARSAYWhat toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
IMPREGNABLEA woman whose memory of labor is still vivid
INDEPENDENTHow we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
LOOK OUT!What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.
PRENATALWhen your life was still somewhat your own.
PREPARED CHILDBIRTHA contradiction in terms
PUDDLEA small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
SHOW OFFA child more talented than yours.
STERILIZEWhat you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
STOREROOMThe distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
TEMPER TANTRUMSWhat you should keep to a minimum so as not to upset the children.
TOP BUNKWhere you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
TWO-MINUTE WARNINGWhen the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
VERBALAbility to whine in words
WEAKER SEXThe kind you have after the kids have worn you out.
WHODUNITNone of the kids that live in your house.
WHOOPSAn exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."


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