by Joyce Meyer

I am told that the number one problem facing people today is grief and loneliness. People encounter major losses in their lives; and sadly, many never get over them. When tragedy occurs and the hurt seems unbearable, Satan sees it as an opportunity to attempt to bring a family or an individual into permanent bondage.

The death of a loved one, divorce, or the severing of a close relationship can bring grief; and most people go through a grieving process. The key to victory is to understand the difference between a normal, balanced "grieving process" and a spirit of grief that will try to attach itself to the hurting person. One helps the grieving person gets better with the passing of time; the other causes him to get worse and sink deeper and deeper into the pit of despair.

I believe that one of the reasons why people, especially Christians, get into bondage during these trying times is due to a lack of understanding about the "grieving process". The term simply describes a succession of events that may occur in a person's life when something or someone that means a lot to them is suddenly no longer there.

Obviously, all people do not experience the same things in the same degrees; but we do have emotions that can be wounded and bruised and must be healed. Healing is a process - unless God gives a miracle, which He does at times - but more frequently, He walks His children through things step by step.

Shock and denial are two of the first things a person may encounter when tragedy occurs. Actually, God uses these to protect us from devastation. To illustrate, consider an automobile's shock absorbers. They are designed to cushion the vehicle from unexpected bumps in the road. Without them, it would fall apart from the violence of the blows it encounters during its travels.

People are often the same way. We are traveling on the road of life, and most of us are not expecting bumps and potholes. Therefore, we are not ready for them when they suddenly show up. Our Holy Ghost-installed "shock absorbers" cushion the blow until we can readjust and adapt our thinking to accommodate the sudden change in the ride. Shock and denial are good if they are temporary; however, they become a major problem if people permanently refuse to face reality and to learn how to deal with them.

The next thing people may (and often do) feel is anger - at themselves. They begin to think of things they wish they would or would not have done that might have made the situation better or prevented it. Satan wants us to live in regrets. Who is alive that would not say, "I wish I hadn't done that!" or, "I wish I had done this."? Satan seeks to place blame; and it is intended to throw a person into a lifetime of guilt, condemnation, and self-hatred.

Endings always bring new beginnings. Satan strives to keep us out of the new place that God has prepared. He wants to trap us in the past and causes us to live in permanent misery. Self-anger and self-blame will accomplish the devil's purpose.

People may also experience anger at the person who left them -- even if they died. My aunt told me that after my uncle died, she would sometimes beat his pillow at night and yell, "Why did you leave me?" Obviously, her intellect knew that he did not purposely leave her, but her emotions were speaking. We must realize that emotions have a voice; and when they are wounded, they may react like a wounded animal. Wounded animals can be quite dangerous, and so can wounded emotions be, if they are followed.

The grieving person needs to be taught about this grieving process and some of the things he may experience. He must also be taught neither to place little or no value on his feelings - nor to follow them. For a person who has experienced a major loss, it is not the time to be making serious decisions nor the time to deal with other issues that may be anxiety producing or emotionally upsetting.

Anger at God is quite common. People frequently ask, "If God is good, all powerful, and full of love for us, why didn't He stop the thing that caused the pain?" Satan seeks to build a wall between God and the hurting person. He seizes the opportunity to say, "God is not good, and He cannot be trusted." However, we know that it is a lie. Satan is a liar and the father of lies. The truth is not in him according to the Word of God.

In other words, God is good; and He cannot be anything else. Furthermore, He is not one way one time and another way another time. He does not change. He is good, and that is the way He is. But what about the original question? Since God is good and all-powerful, why didn't He stop this thing before it brought all the hurt and pain?

To be very honest, these are questions for which we do not have completely sufficient answers.

I Corinthians 13:12 says, ... Now I know in part (imperfectly) ... Trust always requires unanswered questions!

We want answers to everything, but we must come to the place where we are satisfied to know the One Who knows and place our trust in Him. Being mad at God is foolish because He is the only One Who can bring, the needed help and comfort to the grieving or bereaved person.

Finally, people also get angry at the devil. This is normal and even good if the anger is properly expressed. The only way to repay the devil for hurt and devastation in our personal lives is to aggressively and vehemently do the works of Jesus. I receive much comfort and joy from Romans 12:21, ... overcome (master) evil with good.

People experiencing tragedy often go through stages of emotions expressed as sobbing and hysteria. These may come and go when least expected. Even people who are normally quite unemotional may experience a great deal of emotion during times of loss.

In general, people are afraid of emotions; and an uncontrolled display of these emotions is even more fearful. I encourage you to "fear not" because it will pass. Good understanding and a lot of help from the Holy Spirit will bring you through this kind of situation.

Confusion, disorientation, and fear are common. Depression and waves of overwhelming feelings are experienced by many, as well as, physical symptoms caused by the emotional stress, with which the wounded person is dealing. I believe the key word in these situations is balance.

The Bible talks of how King David was feeling depressed, but he resisted it. He did not sink into it, nor got into the pit of despair. He described how he felt, but he made a decision not to live by his feelings (read Psalm 42:5-11 and Psalm 143). People have often confided to me their discouragement from being made to feel (by others) that they had insufficient faith when they go through experiences like this.

I believe it often takes more faith to go through something victoriously than to be delivered from it. There are some that experience complete deliverance from grief after a great loss, but that does not happen to all people. There are others, and I might even say most of us, who go through very emotionally difficult times when tragic loss occurs. Those who are walking in faith come out of it, and they come out of it better than when they went in.

Love's complete perfection]. -1 John 4:18

In years past, when I read this scripture, I misunderstood its meaning. I thought it was saying that if I could reach the place where I walked in perfect love towards other people, I would no longer experience fear in my own life. I diligently tried to love others, but it seemed like I always fail. I could not even love them imperfectly, let alone perfectly!

I had a lot of fear in my life - fear that manifested in insecurity and mental torment of every kind. A person, who is fearful, worries. He is anxious about many things. The past, the future, finances, what people think, etc., these are his constant companions, which literally bring torment. The King James version of I John 4:18 certainly describes fear accurately when it says that, "fear hath torment."

There are many evil spirits that Satan uses to make people miserable, but I personally believe that fear is the master spirit. Fear seems to be the root of most of the problems that steal our peace. For example, if we find ourselves uncomfortable in a group of people, it is usually because we fear what they think of us. If we are trying to control a situation and it is causing us to get into strife, it is often because we are afraid that we will be taken advantage of, if we don't control everything.

THE CONTROL ISSUE

Trying to control people, circumstances, and even God is a hard task. As a matter of fact, it is impossible. Out of fear, I spent many years trying to control everything and everyone. I was fearful of being hurt or taken advantage of, as I had been in the past. I had not yet learned about "perfect love that casts out fear." I was busy being in charge of everything - being the great choir director of my life. The Holy Spirit wants to guide, direct, and control us. If we allow Him, He will direct us into great blessings for our lives. We are to operate in self-control and give the Holy Spirit control of our lives, but we should never try to control other people. Satan uses manipulation and control to get his way, but these are not the methods that God's children should use to get what they desire.

We are to trust God, pray about what we want, and believe that He will do the best for us at the right time. This is difficult to learn because all too often our experience with people teaches us not to trust. We must learn that people and God are not alike. All people are imperfect - and even those who try not to hurt others, occasionally do. How can imperfect people love us with perfect love? If they could, we would have no fear. Our fears concerning people -- being hurt and disappointed by them, would be ended.

Because the emotional pain of rejection, judgment, betrayal, criticism, etc. is very real and devastating, we naturally avoid it once we have experienced it. It seems that people fall into one of two categories, they either withdraw in fear and live lonely lives where they avoid close relationships, or they do what I once did. They want to have relationships, but they can never really develop proper ones because of all their fears.

Insecurity is said to be an epidemic in today's society. There are so many insecure people trying to have relationships with other insecure people. We find a very high percentage of this kind of relationships, which the world calls dysfunctional. This simply means they are not functioning properly.

Most people are raised in dysfunctional homes. They go out into society and continue the dysfunction, and each generation adds to the last one's problems until society becomes increasingly more dysfunctional. There is, however, an answer. His name is Jesus Christ.

When Jesus said in John 14:6, ...1 am the Way..., He not only meant that He was the Way to the Father and the Way to heaven, but I believe He also meant that He was the Way out of every wrong and messed-up situation.

If invited, Jesus can get into the middle of dysfunctional lives and make them functional again. He restores, renews, redeems, reconciles, and refreshes. Jesus is "re" everything. The prefix "re" means "to go back again, or to return to the starting place". Our heavenly Father, through Jesus Christ, intends to get us back to the place, where Satan messed things up, and to give us a new beginning.

If we repent, He removes the reproach of the past, gives us a full recompense for our past hurts. Yes, Jesus is the only Way.

Why should Jesus help us in this manner? He does it because He is love--because He loves us. He is God's love gift to us. Jesus is the manifestation of Perfect Love. Only Perfect Love can cast out fear. One thing, we need to concentrate on and seek God for, is a revelation about the love He has extended towards us.

The word, abide means "to dwell in or live". It does not refer to "visiting".
It refers to staying or remaining. I don't visit my house; I live in it. We should learn to live in the love of God. I John 4:16 in the Amplified translation brings out the point that we should become

conscious and aware of the love God has for us. The knowledge of His love should not be some biblical fact to which we mentally assent, but it should be a daily living reality in our lives. This scripture says we should observe it and experience it.

And we know (understand, recognize, are conscious of, by observation and by experience) and believe (adhere to and put faith in and rely on) the love God cherishes for us. God is love, and he who dwells and continues in God, God dwells and continues in him (I John 4:16)

I was so desperate for a revelation concerning the love of God, that several years ago I began to keep a journal of the things He did in my life that I believed to be a display of His love. No matter how small they were, I recorded them. This process helped me to become more conscious of His love. I needed to dwell in God's love because I needed a lot of healing. I was insecure and fearful, and I have found out that the love of God is the cure for the insecure.

When people gave me things, I recorded it. When I was shown favor in situations, I recorded it. When God answered prayers and did things for me that I had requested, I recorded it. Many of the things I recorded seemed rather childish, but they were helping me become like the little child Jesus said we should be -- a child who is trusting, humble, lowly, and loving.

I believe God is showing His love for us daily in many different ways, but because we have not trained ourselves to be "conscious of His love," we miss what He is doing. His love is there, but it is not a reality to us. Therefore, it does not benefit us, as it should.

Paul's prayer for the church, as recorded in the book of Ephesians, indicates how very important it is that - we have a deep revelation concerning how much God loves us. Paul could have prayed for anything. He could have prayed for them to have power, to do miracles, to exercise authority over the devil. But Paul prayed for the church to be rooted deeply in God's love.

Paul knew that was the starting point - the place from which every point starts -- the place from which everything else grows. Power, miracles, victory, authority are all based on our being secure in the fact that God loves us.

These scriptures make it clear that we need to experience His love - not just have head knowledge, but a deep revelation, and that the roots of our being should be "securely" planted in His love.

THE FEAR OF LACK

There are endless varieties of fear, but one of the tormenting fears that many people suffer from is the fear of lack. They fear that their needs will not be met - that God will not come through in time.

Hebrews 13:5-6 gives great comfort to those in this situation. Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]

So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?

You may be in a situation right now that you have never been in before. You may be facing new responsibility that you don't know how to handle. You may have needs that are beyond your resources, and the spirit of fear is attacking you and telling you that you are not going to make it. You may feel all alone in your situation, like nobody cares, but God cares about you!

When God says in these scriptures to be satisfied with your present circumstances, He does not mean that you cannot desire change. But we should be content in Jesus, knowing that He has heard our prayers and believing that He will never fail us. We must learn how to enjoy where we are on the way to where we are going.

God is a God of progress. He is never standing still. Even when it seems to us that absolutely nothing is happening in our lives, God is working behind the scene on things that He will manifest at exactly the right time. God is Life and life must flow, otherwise it is no longer life. Dead things stagnate and no longer move, but life is always moving, stirring, making progress.

Beloved, God has a good plan for you, and He will manifest it right on time. Fear not, God is with you and He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will not leave you without support! If you need financial support, He will provide. If it is physical support you need, He will sustain you while you are waiting for your full manifestation of healing. If you need emotional support, He will comfort you with the kind of comfort that only the Holy Spirit can give. He will nourish you and bring you back to a place of strength in every area of your life. God is for you. He is not against you. Satan is against you, but God is for you. The greater One lives in you!

LET NOTHING SEPARATE YOU FROM GOD'S LOVE

Romans 8:35-39 speaks to us about difficult times and how important it is not to allow them to separate us from God's love. I have discovered over the years that His love sustains me in times of great trial and stress. During hard times, Satan works overtime trying to convince us that God does not love us - that if He did, either we would not be in this situation, or He would have delivered us by now.

I affirm out loud from my own mouth the truth that God does love me during these attacks of fear. I encourage you to say several times a day with authority, "God loves me!" Don't allow the devil to steal this truth from you.

Ephesians 6 speaks of wearing spiritual armor during demonic attacks. One piece of that armor is the belt of truth. The Amplified Bible states that we are to tighten the belt of truth during attack. That means the truths we have learned from God's Word must be held onto tightly during trials.

Let me close with these scriptures from Romans 8:35-39 and I pray that they will comfort you right now;

For I am persuaded beyond doubt (am sure) that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor things impending and threatening nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

First, let me remind you that fear is not from God. Fear is from Satan. II Timothy 1:7 says, "God has not given us a spirit of fear; but of power, of love, and a sound mind." Every time you feel fear in your life, it is a manifestation of the kingdom of darkness. Fear is one of the ruling spirits. I often say in my teachings that fear is the "master spirit," or the spirit Satan uses to try to rule God's people and to keep them from coming under the leadership of the true Master, Jesus Christ.

Multitudes of people never fulfill the call of God in their lives, simply because every time they try to go forward, the devil uses fear to stop them. Is he using fear to stop you? Satan uses fear to keep people from enjoying life. Fear brings torment according to I John 4:18, and you surely can't enjoy life and be tormented at the same time.

I want to encourage you to take an inventory in the fear department. What are you afraid of? Are there any areas in your life that are being stifled because of fear? Satan is always going to bring fear against us at various times. It is one of his major weapons - not a minor weapon, not a cap gun, but a cannon. The thing that we all must learn is how to not "fear the fear". The devil brings fear, but you should choose not to bow your knee to it. David said in Psalms, "What time I am afraid I will trust in you". I believe, we can state the fact that, when God leads you to step out in an area to do something new or when He leads you to make a bigger commitment, you may (even probably will) feel fear. However, if you are reasonably sure God told you to do it, put your trust in God and go forward.

I have to apply this same principle to my life all the time. Last year in October, we realized we really needed more office space. At the same time, we needed two more employees, which would require more desks, computer terminals, phones, chairs, etc. We had a choice. We had prayed for growth so we could help more people. Everything had increased, including tape orders, speaking engagements, incoming phone calls, mail, letters to be answered, etc. It was God's timing, and He was moving. We had to make a decision either to stand still in fear, "play it safe" so to speak, or to move with God. If we hadn't been willing to rent more space and hire more people, we could not have maintained the growth. I can tell you for sure that fear tried to stop me. I heard things like, "Joyce, you're getting in over your head." "That's too much money to spend." "What if the increase doesn't continue"? Etceteras, etceteras… I'm sure you know the recording; you've probably heard it also.

We certainly don't want to move in the flesh or out of God's timing, but when God is moving, you must not be afraid to move with Him. In the situation I described to you, I had a choice to be "led by my head" or to follow the leading of my spirit. Satan brings fear to your mind and your emotions. You may even physically shake but listen to your spirit. Let the Holy Spirit lead you. Don't fear the fear, and what time you are afraid trust in Him.

Some of the more common fears are the following: Fear of lack, death, loneliness, sickness, people, authority, commitment, fear of heights, germs, closed in spaces, airplanes, driving, dogs, cats, birds, etc. Fear of failure, being wrong, rejected, laughed at, fear of being over-weight, fear of being married, even fear of being attractive, and fear of sinning. Fear of the past and fear of the future. It seems that the list is endless. We went to the library and got a typed list of known phobias. It was four (4) pages long and quite extensive. It even included phobaphobia, which is the fear of being afraid.

It convinced me even more how extensive Satan's work is, in this area. The bible says, "Fear not for I am with you". I believe God works gently with us in areas to bring us out of bondage and into liberty. For people who have been afraid of something, and desire to be free, the time will eventually come when you will have to face your fear and not run away from it. You can do it. Just take Jesus' hand and acknowledge that He is with you. If you are afraid of people with authority, the time will come when you will have to confront some authority figure and not cower under in fear. God will have arranged the time. He will be there, but you'll have to choose whether to "go through" or to "run".

We all have emotions, and they are here to stay. I believe one of the greatest goals of every believer should be "Emotional Stability". We should seek God to learn how to manage our emotions and not to allow them to manage us. An excerpt from the definition I found in Webster's Dictionary states that emotions is "to excite and to move out." Think about this: You're out shopping, but you've gone for just a specific item you' re in need of. You've made a commitment to the Lord to get out of debt. You've promised Him to tithe and give offerings as He directs. You've agreed to really watch your spending and not purchase things that you don't need. But now while shopping, you discovered that the stores were all having a big sale of 50 percent off the already marked down merchandise. What would you do? You get excited. The more you look around, the more excited you get. Emotions are rising higher and higher. They begin to move out (as the definition said), and part of the devil's plan is for you to follow your emotions.

God wants you to use wisdom. Wisdom says wait a little while until the emotions settle down and check if you really believe it's the right thing to do. The bible says in Colossians 3:15 to be led by peace in making decisions. Don't let your emotions make your decisions. A good statement to remember is this: "Wisdom says wait; emotions say hurry."

An emotional person is defined as: "One easily affected with or stirred by emotion; one who displays emotion; one with a tendency to rely on or place too much value on emotion; one whose conduct is ruled by emotion rather than reason."

Be honest with yourself in this area; and if you believe that you are not managing your emotions, begin to pray and seek God about "Emotional Maturity. "

In the past years of my life, I experienced a lot of ups and downs, or what we call "Mood Swings." Picture a swing, up - down, up - down, up - down. This kind of behavior was hard on me, as well as, everyone around me. I felt bad about myself. People out of control always feel unhappy about themselves. God created us to operate with a free will. We choose what we will do and what won't do. There is a God-given desire inside the believer to do the right thing. When we allow our flesh to rule, we know we are out of control; however, we are created to be operating in the fruit of self-control.

Self-control is a freedom not a bondage. You are free to use wisdom, free to obey God, free to follow the leading of the Spirit. You are free not to be pushed around by your feelings. You don't have to do what you feel like doing. You are free to do what you know is wise.

Self-control will help you feel better about yourself. When I was experiencing so many ups and downs, it also made me physically tired. It takes a lot of energy to go through all kinds of emotional changes. I noticed, as God helped me to learn to manage my emotions, I also enjoyed more energy. Maybe you should stop and ask the Lord if that's why you've been so tired lately. Do you let your emotions manage you?

My moods were hard on my family too. After I was well on my way to stability, my husband, Dave, revealed a secret. He told me that during the years I was acting up, while he would be driving down the highway after work at night, most of the time he would ponder on the thought, "I wonder what she will be like tonight?" It is really very sad to imagine a person to have to be put through that kind of situation. My husband has always been very stable, and it is very comforting to live with someone you can depend on to be level and in control all the time. He was very happy for me, and himself also, when I began getting victory in this area. Children also need a stable atmosphere to grow up in. Stability is really an important issue for all of us.

Jesus is referred to as "The Rock". That says in itself that you can depend on Him to be stable, the same Jesus all the time - always faithful, loyal, true to His Word, and mature, not one way one time and another way the next time.

I'm going to close with these statements for your consideration:

1. He who lives by emotions lives without principle.

2. We cannot be spiritual (walk in the spirit) and be led by emotions.

3. Emotions won't go away, but you can learn to "Manage Your Emotions."

Stress -- the dictionary describes it as mental, emotional, or physical tension; strain, distress." I would add to that "feeling pressured or upset". It is a condition that most of us are all too familiar with. Everyone is under stress - it is a normal part of everyday life, and none of us can get through a day without experiencing it in one way or another.

We live in a fast-paced world that seems to be placing more demands on us with each passing year. People are hurrying everywhere - and often they are rude and short-tempered. Many people are experiencing financial stress, marital stress, and the stress of raising children. There is mental stress on the job, and often, physical stress caused from overwork. Many times, this stressful lifestyle causes health problems, which only adds more stress.

Our bodies were created by God to withstand a certain amount of stress, but when we push ourselves beyond our limitations, then we begin to experience problems. Are you pushing yourself too hard? Many people today are living in a perpetual state of overload -- literally on the verge of collapse. They just keep stretching themselves to the limit like a rubber band…until one day they SNAP

It seems that the very atmosphere or the world is charged with stress and pressure. But the good news is that, as Christians, although we may be in the world, according to John 17, we are not of the world. We don't have to operate on the world's system, reacting like the world. Our attitude and approach should be entirely different. The world responds to difficulties by being upset, but Jesus said in John 14:27 that we should stop allowing ourselves to be agitated, disturbed, and upset.

This verse indicates that we need to have a change of attitude. I have noticed that the right attitude and approach to a situation can completely turn a situation around. If I approach something in dread, I am setting myself up for misery before I begin because dread creates stress. But if I refuse to dread or have a negative outlook, I open the door for God to work supernaturally and help me. The choice is mine.

Jesus didn't promise that we would never have to deal with stressful situations. In John 16:33, He said, ... In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted/! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] This verse teaches that we don't have to react to stress the way the world does. Because Jesus has deprived the world of its power to harm us, we should be able to approach the challenges we face in life in a calm and confident manner.

Luke 10: 19 says, Behold! I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions, and [physical and mental strength and ability] over all the power that the enemy [possesses]; and nothing shall in any way harm you. Here Jesus is telling us that He has equipped us to overcome the world's system. Even though we will be faced with trying and stressful situations that will not always be easy to handle, He assures us that nothing can defeat us if we handle things the right way - His way!

An important factor in enjoying a peaceful, stress-free life is to learn to be obedient to the Lord. Following the leading of the Holy Spirit in obedience will always lead you into peace. He will never lead you into stress, because He is the Prince of Peace. Common sense tells us that God is not going to stress us out and lead us to do more than we can do-we often do that ourselves.

It is so important not overcommit ourselves. Do you have too much to do? This seems to be the number one complaint I hear today. "There is just too much to do and not enough time to do it all." This is often the result of not saying "no" often enough. Sometimes we say "yes" and commit ourselves to doing something that we really don't want or need to be doing. We take it on just to keep other people happy. We really need to be careful in this area. We need to be sure that our mouth is not saying "yes", when our heart is saying "no".

We also need to be sure that we're not overextending ourselves by trying to do too many things that we want to do-whether it's a part of God's plan for us or not. If we are doing something He has not approved, He is under no obligation to give us the energy to do it. I believe one of the major reasons why many people are stressed and burned out is because they are going their own way instead of following God's plan. We need to follow the leading of the Spirit as to what we

are to be involved in and where we are to use our energy. We must learn to say "yes" when He says "yes" and "no" when He says "no". When we are obedient to His leading, we will be able to accomplish what He gives us to do and walk in peace.

To be honest, we are not really that capable of running our own lives. That is why Jesus sent the Holy Spirit to lead, guide, and direct us. Romans 8 says we are to be led by the "prompting" of the Spirit. I can remember numerous times when I was tired and the Holy Spirit prompted me to rest, however I would continue to push myself to go out or to have company. Then I would end up exhausted, instead of just being tired. As you know, exhausted people usually get grouchy and impatient, which I became. And this often caused strife in our home ... which even led to more stress. If I had been obedient to the prompting of the Spirit, the entire problem could have been avoided. Obedience is exalting Jesus above our own natural, selfish desires. Are you exhausted … or is Jesus exalted? I really believe obedience is the key to victorious, healthy, happy and peaceful living.

Another important lesson I've learned is "to bend so I will not break." The Bible says,...readily adjust yourself to [people, things]and.. if possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:16, 18). Before I made the Word of God a priority in my life and decided to live an obedient life, I had to have my own way. I was not adaptable. I wanted everyone else to adapt to me. Of course, that resulted in more strife and stress. I have now learned to bend. it is not always easy on the flesh to give in and do things differently than we had planned, but it is easier than being upset and miserable.

A prompting is a "knowing" down inside of you that lets you know what you should do. The prophet Elijah referred to it as a "still, small voice". While you may not hear an audible voice, I believe you can sense God's wisdom giving you direction in certain situations.

I remember one time when I had been shopping for several hours, and I was getting very tired. I had only purchased about half of the items I intended to buy, so I kept pressing on. I heard the prompting of the Spirit within me telling me to stop and go home, but because I hadn't accomplished my goal, I didn't do it. Even though the other things I intended to get were not immediate needs, I didn't want to leave until I had accomplished the goal I had set for myself. As I pushed myself beyond the point of being tired, it became difficult for me to think clearly. And then I began to be impatient with other people. Even after I finally went home, I was out of sorts, and it affected my time with my family.

If I had obeyed the prompting of the Spirit and gone home to rest and relieve the stress, I would have felt so much better and the situation at home would have been much more pleasant. We can avoid many stressful situations simply by obeying the Holy Spirit's prompting.

Burnout comes from physical and emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress. When stress depletes our body, our immune system becomes weak and sickness (even depression) can set in. Signs of burnout include; extreme fatigue, headaches, insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, tensions. Other manifestations may also be; nerves tied in knots, unable to relax, and the doctor can't find anything wrong. Emotional exhaustion (crying easily), anger, negativity, irritability, depression, cynicism, and bitterness about the blessings of others can still be considered as burnout syndrome.

Burnout causes you to be "out of control" and no longer producing good fruit. Ignoring God's laws causes burnout. You cannot overwork your mind, emotions, or your body and not eventually pay the price for excessive abuse.

Whose pace are you moving at? Are you keeping the pace God has set for you or someone else's pace? Are you stressed out from trying to keep up with everyone else? Are you living under the stress of competition and comparison? Are you a perfectionist with unrealistic goals?

I believe we can live stress-free in a stressful world, but it will require some decisions, which can possibly be radical. Allow God's Spirit to lead you out of a stressful lifestyle and into one of peace and joy. Respect your body. Treat good health and feeling good as a valuable gift. Do not waste the energy God has given you on stress. Save it for living and enjoying life.

Here are some wise instructions from God's Word to make the practice of peace a part of your everyday life. First of all, Be still! Hush. Stop all the rushing around. Psalm 46: 10 says, Be still, and know that I am God. (KJV). The creator of the universe wants a word with you, but how can He really talk to you if you're always on the go? Chill and listen!

Second, prepare your heart to receive from Him -- to hear His voice on a regular basis. oh, that they bad such a [mind and] heart in them always [reverently] to fear Me and keep; all My commandments, that it might go well with them and with their children forever! (Deuteronomy 5:29). Can you hear the earnestness in God's voice as He makes that statement?

If you don't like yourself, you're not going to enjoy life very much. People who don't accept themselves and don't get along with themselves have a difficult time accepting and getting along with other people. The bible says, "Love your neighbor as you love yourself." I personally spent years having a hard time getting along with other people and finally realized through the Word of God that my difficulty with other people was rooted in my difficulties with myself.

The bible says a good tree will bear good fruit and a rotten tree will bear rotten fruit. The fruit in our lives comes from the roots within us. If you're rooted in shame, guilt, inferiority, rejection, lack of love and acceptance, etc., you will bear bad fruit in your relationship with yourself and others until you get rooted and grounded in God's love. Once you have a revelation that God loves you unconditionally, you will be able to begin to accept yourself and eventually these new roots will produce good fruit in your relationship with other people. Stop for awhile and ask yourself, "How do I feel about myself?"

I want to share 10 tips on how to succeed at being yourself. I believe they will help you. Also, I encourage you to purchase the special Tape Series we are offering this month, which is an in-depth study on "How to Succeed at Being Yourself."

1. Never, Never say negative things about yourself - things like "I never do anything right. I'll never change. I'm ugly. I look terrible. I'm dumb. Who could ever love me? etc,". Matthew 12:37 says, "...by your words you will be justified..., and by your words you will be condemned ... In other words, however we talk about ourselves is the way we feel about ourselves.

2. Don't meditate (think on) negative things about yourself. Proverbs 23:7 says, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."

3. Speak (as private confessions) good things about yourself. Say something about yourself in line with what the Word says about you. For example: "I am the righteousness of God in Christ. I am made acceptable in the Beloved. God created me and formed me with His own hand and God doesn't make mistakes." I like to start my day saying good things about myself, the day, my future, etc., perhaps while you're taking a shower, driving to work, or cleaning the house. I also encourage you to look at yourself in a full-length mirror and say out loud, "God loves you, I love you, and I accept you." Also, you might try giving yourself a hug. This is very beneficial to people who have lacked love and acceptance in their lives.

4. Never compare yourself with other people. God must love variety or we wouldn't all look different. We are all created differently even down to our fingerprints. You'll never succeed at being yourself if you're trying to be like someone else. Other people can be a good example to you; but even then, good traits if duplicated will manifest differently through your individual personality.

5. Focus on your potential instead of your limitations. I read an interesting story about Helen Hayes. She was a great actress who was told in the early days of her career that if she were 4 inches taller she would be the greatest actress of her time. Helen was 5 feet tall. Her coaches tried various methods of stretching her but nothing increased her height. She refused to concentrate on the supposed limitation of being 5 feet tall and decided to concentrate on her potential. As a result, she was eventually chosen to play Mary, Queen of Scotland, one of the tallest queens who ever lived.

6. Find something you like to do that you do well, and do it over and over. If you spend your time doing things you're not good at, it will frustrate you and cause you to feel defeated and unsuccessful.

7. Have the courage to be different. Be a God pleaser, not a man pleaser. Read Galatians 1: 10.

8. Learn to cope with criticism. If you dare to be different, you'll have to expect some criticism. Going along with the crowd when you know in your heart God is leading you in a different way is one of the reasons people don't succeed at being themselves. You won't like yourself very much if you go against your own convictions.

9. Don't let the way another person treats you determine your worth.

10. Keep your flaws in perspective. People with a high level of confidence have just as many weaknesses as people without confidence, but they concentrate on their strengths not their flaws or weaknesses.

All of us have large portions of our time that need to be devoted to what we will call "common life and everyday business." I'm sure you know what I mean, things like, laundry, grocery store trips, auto repairs, dentist's visits, sweeping the floor, washing the dishes, going to work, etc. We tend to see these chores as being quite different from and even far below our "Spiritual Life," or the things we do which we consider to be holy. Most of us who really love and are devoted to God prefer the holy times to the common. Holy times are like praying, spiritual reading and meditation, sharing conversation about the Lord with friends, going to church, or other spiritual meetings. Seeing the two sides of our life as being in two entirely different categories usually causes quite a problem within the believer.

Often we feel divided within ourselves struggling to get finished with "common life and everyday business" so we can return to holy things, because we feel that we are holier or more right with God when we are doing what we believe to be holy things.

I believe this is one of the greatest deceptions of Satan. It keeps most people in a state of turmoil; dreading, and even despising the tasks of common life and everyday business. All of us must do them; it is part of life. They cannot be avoided. So we must have understanding on how in reality (truth) there is no difference between common and holy, except in our own minds. And if we will read the bible properly and not be so religious in our thinking, we will move into an area of freedom that will shake the gates of hell. SATAN DOES NOT WANT YOU TO ENJOY YOUR LIFE. Naturally, if he can keep you thinking that God is only pleased with you when you are engaged in some sort of a so called "spiritual activity"; He can keep you unhappy a large part of the time. This misconception is one of his greatest tools to keep people from enjoying life. Often this comes as a vague feeling that makes a believer miserable, and he doesn't even understand what is wrong with him. All he knows is that something is amiss.

Everything we do is to be offered to the Lord; and if done so with a pure heart of love, it becomes holy. You can do common tasks, like go to the grocery store, and it will be just as holy as prayer, as long as you do all to the glory and honor of God. In the realm of importance, prayer is certainly more important than a trip to the grocery store, but not any holier. What I mean by prayer being more important is that it has eternal value, whereas a trip to the store or mopping the floor doesn't.

Romans 14 is an excellent chapter in the bible to bring liberty in this area. Verses 5 & 6 (paraphrased) say: One man esteems one day as better than another (holier), while another man esteems all days alike (holy). Let everyone be fully convinced in his own mind. He who observes the day, does it in honor of the Lord. He also who eats, eats in honor of the Lord, since he gives thanks to God; while he who abstains, abstains in honor of the Lord and gives thanks to God.

Let's rewrite Romans 14:5-6 for a minute (Joyce's translation): One man sees prayer and bible study as better (holier) than ordinary tasks. While a person that is really free in the Lord sees them all alike (all holy), because whatever he does, he does it in honor of the Lord.

This is true liberty -- to be able to live an undivided life where we categorize some things as common and some as holy. Thereby as a result, we never enjoy the common because we are desperately trying to either avoid them completely or at least to rush through them so we can get to those things that are holy.

I just learned this lesson while travelling on an airplane to a speaking engagement. I was pondering on the thought of how glad I would be when I get to my destination, so I could pray and study. I was feeling very restless. The Lord began to minister to me that I needed to thoroughly enjoy the airplane ride and that it was just as holy to Him if I would offer it to Him. He is Holy, and He lives in you so that makes you holy. Therefore, wherever you go and whatever you do becomes holy. Now I realize, we are growing in manifesting holiness, but I'm sharing that it is His presence that makes things holy.

Another thing that had quite an effect on me in this area was a plaque I saw in a pastor's office. It said, "My work is worship." As long as I remember that, I find myself enjoying everything common life and everyday business as well as prayer, bible study, and other things we define as spiritual.

The Bible clearly teaches us to "be content" no matter what our circumstances are. In Philippians 4:11 Paul said, "I have learned in whatsoever state I am in therewith to be content". The Amplified Bible describes being content as "satisfied to the point where you are not disturbed or disquieted". It doesn't say satisfied to the point where you don't want change, but satisfied for now until God brings the change. Philippians 4:6-7 sheds more light in this area by saying, "Have no anxiety about anything, but in all things by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, continue to let God know what you want", and verse 7 "the peace that passes understanding shall keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus". Allow me to paraphrase these scriptures in my language for you. Don't be upset about anything, no matter what is happening. Pray about it, and tell God your need. While you are waiting for God to move, be a very thankful and grateful person for all that God has done for your already. (Note: Let me say here that if God never did one thing for us except write our names in the Lamb's Book of Life, that alone is more than enough.) Being thankful from the heart is necessary for the receiving of God's continued favors in our lives. Then verse 7 says after this: 1. Have no anxiety or care, 2. Tell God your need, and 3. Be thankful. Then you will have tremendous peace and contentment no matter what state you are in while you are waiting for God to work out His will in your life.

Let us not forget Romans 8:28 that says, "All things work together and are fitting into a plan for good to those who love God and are called according to His purpose." Even the hard times can work into God's perfect plan for your life. Cast your care, and be a thankful person. Take inventory each day of what you have instead of counting up all the things that you have not. Meditate on what God has done in your life instead of what you are still waiting on Him to do. Your flesh wants you to concentrate on what you don't have. Your spirit wants you to ask God for what you don't have, yet concentrate on what you do have.

John 14:27 (Amplified) says, "Stop allowing yourselves to be agitated and disturbed; do not permit yourselves to be fearful and intimidated and cowardly and unsettled." Jesus left us a legacy of peace, and He wants us to use it. I have discovered through years of experience, many of these years spent in frustration and discontentment, that the secret of being content is to ask God for what I want, and know that "if it is right" He will bring it to pass "at the right time," and if it isn't right, God will do something much better than what I asked for anyway. We must learn to trust God completely if we ever intend to enjoy peaceful living. It is good to trust God for something, but God is calling His people not only trust Him "for something," but to trust Him "in everything."

In Genesis 50:20, Joseph, speaking to his brothers who had severly mistreated him, said "As for you, you thought evil against me; but God meant it for good." The very things we think are awful right now, very often can turn out to be a great blessing. The greatest trial can develop in you the greatest faith. God spoke this to my heart a while ago: "Joyce, you see to the end of your nose (which isn't very far), and you assume that anything that doesn't feel good isn't good. But I see from beginning to end because I am The Beginning and The End, and I know many things you don't know." We know in part. God is "The All''

Exercise doesn't feel good, but it is good. When a rebellious child receives a spanking, it doesn't feel good, but it is good. Hebrews 12 teaches us that no chastening for the present seems joyous but grievous, nevertheless, later on it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Perhaps we need to learn to be more concerned with later on than with right now. Hebrews 12 also says that for the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the cross, despising the shame, but He is now seated at the right hand of God. Let's be willing to endure for a season, if it will seat us at His right hand of authority and power.

Stress is on the rise in today's world. The good news is that, although Christians may be in the world, according to the words of Jesus recorded in John 17, we are not of the world! We do not have to operate on the world's system -- thinking, talking, or acting like the world and we shouldn't! In fact, our attitude and approach toward situations should be entirely different from the world's.

The source of our stress is not really difficulties, circumstances, and situations -- but our attitude and approach towards them. The world (unbelievers) responds to difficulties with upset; but Jesus said in John 14:27 to stop allowing yourselves to be agitated, disturbed, and upset. He never promised that we wouldn't have to deal with anything disturbing or disappointing.

In John 16:33, Jesus said, ...In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.] Jesus said difficulties would come our way, but they do not have to upset us. We don't have to accept the stress being offered. We have the privilege of approaching the challenge in a calm, peaceful manner.

Recently, I have noticed in a greater way than ever before how my own situations can be turned around by the right attitude and approach. If I approach something in dread, I have already set myself up for misery before I begin. If I believe a thing is going to be hard -- I get what I believe! On the other hand, if I refuse to dread or have a negative outlook, I open the door for God to work and help me. I am learning to push my "Reset" button when Satan gets me upset!

We are created by God to handle a certain amount of stress. It is impossible to be alive and never experience stress at all. It comes in the form of mental, emotional, or physical tension and strain. However, if we do not manage it and take measures to avoid more stress than we can properly handle, we are asking for trouble. Sickness is definitely a result of long-term stress. Even mental illness can result from a lifetime of stress. As I mentioned earlier, stress is a result of a wrong attitude and approach -- not the result of circumstances.

We can think of any number of examples:

1. With the proper attitude, I don't have to get upset if I get caught in a traffic jam.

I can decide to enjoy myself right where I am, even though I would rather not be there. Or, I can become upset trying to do something that I cannot do anything about...

It Is My Decision!

2. If I have a plan, and it becomes evident that my plan isn't working --I can get upset, angry, confused, and even try to make it work out (even though I see clearly that it is not going to). I can also choose to adapt and go with the flow, determining not to lose my peace over something that I can't change anyway...

It Is My Decision!

3. When people don't act or respond the way I think they should or would like them to, I can try to change them, resent them, hate them, be angry at them, or be offended. I also have the option to choose to forgive, realizing that I, too, have weaknesses and can respond the way Jesus would...

Just as I was working on this article today, I have had to deal with about four disappointing situations. It has been one of those testing days. Early this morning as I began to see the way things were going, I declared out of my mouth, "I am not glad this happened, but I am not going to lose my joy. I can be happy with or without it!" I believe when we respond in this way, we are setting borders for the enemy. We are saying, "You may have touched my outer life, but you cannot get to my inner life."

The kingdom of God is within us. Kingdom living is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17). Do not allow Satan to keep you upset and stressed out all the time. Change your attitude and approach, and God will change your circumstance in due time.

Stop thinking and talking about your problems. The state of upset or arousal sets off an alarm in the body to defend itself from threatening, hostile events. Even thinking of an upsetting event or imagining danger can also trigger the alarm. A chain of responses are set into motion inside us to fight or run from the circumstance.

Don't be overcommitted, Do you have too much to do? This seems to be the number one complaint I hear today. "There is just too much to do and not enough time to do it all." When I ask people how they are, about fifty percent respond, "I'm busy." Do you need to say "no" more often? We should be sure when our heart says "no" that our mouth is not saying "yes." Sometimes trying to keep other people happy can make us very unhappy. A person must be really careful in this area-especially if he has a tendency toward being a people-pleaser.

Common sense tells us that God is not going to stress us out and lead us to do more than we can. Therefore, if we are being led by God's Spirit, saying, "yes" when He says "yes," and "no" when He says "no". We should be able to accomplish what He gives us to do and walk in peace.

Receive God's grace. Grace is the power of the Holy Spirit to live without stress. God, however, will not give us the grace to be disobedient. If He is telling us not to do something that we decide to do anyway, we will experience the painful loss of His anointing. Grace equals ability. God gives us grace to match our call. When we do our own thing, we do it on our own. When we follow His leading, He always supplies the energy. Remember, God will feed Isaac, but we will have to feed Ishmael!

Remember when God promised Abraham and Sarah a child? They got ahead of God and worked out a plan to have Ishmael. Finally, Isaac came according to God's promise. Ishmael's name means "man of war." Isaac's name means "laughter." Ishmael represents works of the flesh (which always produce struggle and stress). Isaac, however, represents waiting for God's promise (which requires faith and always brings rest).

God wants us to burn on, not burn out! Burnout comes from physical and emotional exhaustion, especially as a result of long-term stress. Stress depletes our bodies, our immune systems become weak, and sickness (even depression) can set in. Are you suffering from burnout? Manifestations include; extreme fatigue, headaches, insomnia, gastrointestinal problems, tension, nerves tied in knots, unable to relax, and the doctor can't find anything wrong. Other symptoms may be: emotional exhaustion (crying easily), anger, negativity, irritability, depression, cynicism, and bitterness about the blessings of others.

Burnout causes you to be "out of control" and no longer producing good fruit. ignoring God's laws causes burnout. You cannot overwork your mind, emotions, or your body and not eventually pay the price for excess. Whose pace are you moving at? Is it the pace God has set for you or someone else's pace? Are you stressed out from trying to keep up with everyone else? Are you living under the stress of competition and comparison? Are you a perfectionist with unrealistic goals?

Recently, the Lord gave me this Word for a meeting I was preparing for, and I believe He wants me to give it to you. He said:

I want to love My people, but they hold Me at arm's length and won't let Me really love them because they have been hurt by others. They fear I will reject them because of their weaknesses like people have. But I will never reject them. TELL THEM I LOVE THEM . Ask them to stop trying so hard to be acceptable to Me and to realize I accept them where they are. Tell them I don't want PERFECT PERFORMANCE from them. I want them to love Me and to let Me love them."

The Lord has been having me minister to the body of believers concerning how He looks for a perfect heart and not perfect performance. We will not impress God with our works unless our heart is pure. A lot of people think God won't use them until every area of their life is perfected. That type of thinking keeps people from allowing God to use them. He uses us in spite of us, not because of us. This doesn't mean that we should have a loose attitude and not desire to live a holy life. A person whose heart is perfect towards God is always going to earnestly and zealously desire to please God in all things. But we must also remember that Hebrews 4:15 teaches us that we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a fellow feeling with our weaknesses, infirmities and liabilities to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning. Verse 16 encourages us in light of verse 15 to draw near to God's throne and receive mercy for our failures and to go ahead and get grace to help us in our time of need. This is one of God's way of saying He won't reject you because of your weaknesses or because of your mistakes.

Most of us have grown up on a "merry-go-round" of trying to please people so they won't reject us. We all have an inbred need to be loved. People usually love you based on your performance. If you do what they want you to do, they accept you. But if you don't, they reject you. This is the operation of human love, and none of us know how to do anything else until we taste of God's agape or His type of love that is not based on man's performance but is based only on God. He loves you and accepts you because He decided to, not because of what you do or do not do. Once again let me say, this doesn't mean you shouldn't desire holiness; but you'll never arrive at new levels of holiness if you think God rejects you and withholds His love every time you fail. Remember Hebrews 4:15-16. He knows you're weak. Admit you are and let Him help you anyway.

II Chronicles 16:9 says, "... the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to

show Himself strong in behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward Him- " (KJV)

I Corinthians 1:27-29 says God purposely chooses the weak and foolish things of the world to confound the wise.

I would think (in my natural thinking) He would look for a perfect specimen -- someone who has it all together; a strong person who would never fail Him or let Him down, but instead He looks for a person WHOSE HEART IS PERFECT TOWARDS HIM.

God desires to heal His people from past hurts caused by rejection. He wants you to know HE WILL NEVER REJECT YOU. He says in Matthew 11:28-30, "Come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." This is referring to those who are laboring at trying to be perfect and then beating themselves (with guilty feeling) when they fail.

Jesus was talking to the people who were trying to live under the laws of the Pharisees. It takes a lot to please a Pharisee, and they are still around today. I'm sure you all know one -- someone who conveys to you the message, "I'll accept you if you perform perfectly and please me. I'll reject you and withhold my love if you don't."

During my childhood, I was abused sexually, emotionally, verbally, and physically.

Many of you reading this article have also been abused, or you deal with someone in your life who comes from an abusive, dysfunctional background.

What is abuse? It means to misuse, to use improperly, to use up, or to injure by maltreatment. Let me give you a brief definition of the four types of abuse.

Sexual abuse: considered to be the most degrading and offensive. It consists of molestation, rape, incest, exhibitionism, voyeurism, obscene phone calls, etc.

Emotional abuse: withholding of love, attention, loving touches, or words of acceptance. Love is only given based on acceptable performance, etc.

Abandonment: would fall under the category of emotional abuse and can occur when one or both parents leave the child physically or mentally. Adults can also experience the devastating effects of abandonment if important people in their lives leave suddenly or violently.

Verbal abuse: People must hear loving words of acceptance to develop properly. Verbal abuse can be overt or covert. Overt: aggressive, angry words which tell you that you are flawed or unacceptable Covert: loving words withheld

Physical abuse: beatings, unfair discipline, locked in closets or dark rooms, food withheld, etc.

The effects of abuse can be devastating and long lasting. Many people never recover from abuse.

Although I functioned as what appeared to be "normal" in society, I had multiple inward problems and complicated personality disorders. I will name a few of the things going on in me at that time that prevented me from righteousness, peace, and joy that Romans 14:17 declares is the kingdom. God the Father sent Jesus so we could have and enjoy "the kingdom."

I was bitter about my past and had a chip on my shoulder, which caused me to have the attitude that everyone owed me preferential treatment. I was full of self-pity, especially if things did not go my way. I was controlling, manipulative, fearful, insecure, and harsh. I was just plain hard to get along with and often downright obnoxious. I was judgmental, suspicious, and very negative.

I experienced a lot of guilt and condemnation. I had a shame-based nature; therefore, everything I attempted was poisoned. Since I did not like who I was, I spent many years trying to be like someone else -I am sure you are getting the picture that I was quite a mess.

Now, what I am getting ready to say is important. I WAS BORN AGAIN AND ACTIVELY INVOLVED IN CHURCH LIFE. We attended church regularly and did church work. Our lives revolved around the church, but I was not getting victory over my problems. In fact, the really sad part was that I did not even understand that I had a problem. I thought everyone else had a problem; and if they would change, I would be happy.

In 1976 1 received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. Acts 1:8 speaks of receiving the power to be witnesses. Notice it does not say to do witnessing, but to be witnesses. The Bible says we are to be living epistles read of all men, light in a dark world, and the salt of the earth. Doing is a different thing than being. I had my outside polished up, but my inner life was a wreck. Quite often the inner turmoil exploded, and then everybody could see I was not quite what I appeared to be.

The outpouring of the Holy Spirit in my life gave me a real love for God's Word and an ability to understand the Word like never before. II Corinthians 3:18 (paraphrased) says that as we look into the Word of God, it is like looking into a mirror; and we are transformed into His image from glory to glory.

I have been changing ever since. I have changed, and changed, and changed; and I am still changing. Most of those problems are completely gone and the rest only flare up occasionally. I even look differently -- I look younger, happier, and more peaceful.

II Corinthians 5:17 (paraphrased) says if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things have passed away; behold, all things are made new. But that really does not mean everything from the past just vanishes. The Amplified Bible brings it out this way, "Behold, the fresh and new has come!" In other words, without Jesus there is no hope of newness of life; the past always affects the future without the power of God to overcome it. But even with Jesus, it is not automatic. When the fresh and new comes, there is opportunity; but we must give the Word of God an exalted place in our lives. We must face the truth as revealed to us in His Word, and then the truth will set us free if it is acted upon.

I want to encourage you! Keep pressing on. You will keep changing if you stay in the Word. Philippians 1:6 (paraphrased) says He that has begun a good work in you is well able to bring it to completion. Hebrews 12:2 (paraphrased) says look to Jesus who is the author and the finisher of our faith.

Many people ruin their lives and their health by eating the poison of bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness. Matthew 18:23-35 tells us that, if we do not forgive people, we get turned over to the torturers. If you have a problem in this area or have ever had one, I am sure you bear witness with what I am saying. It is torture to have hateful thoughts rolling around inside of you toward another person.

Who Are You Helping When You Forgive?

Who are you helping the most when you forgive the person who hurt you? Actually, you are helping yourself more than the other person. I always looked at forgiving people who had hurt me as being a really hard thing to do. I thought it seemed so unfair for them to receive forgiveness when I had gotten hurt. I got pain, and they got free without having to pay for the pain they caused me. Now I realized that I am helping myself when I choose to forgive. I am helping the other person also by releasing them, so God can do what only He can do. If I am in the way, trying to get revenge or taking care of the situation myself instead of trusting and obeying God, He has no obligation to deal with that person. However, God will deal with the people who hurt us if we will put them in His hands through forgiveness. It is our seed of obedience to His Word; and once we have sown our seed, He will bring a harvest of blessing to us one way or another.

I am helping myself, because when I forgive I release God to work. I am happy when I am not full of the poison of unforgiveness. I feel better physically. Serious diseases can come as a result of the stress and pressure that bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness put on a person. Mark 11:22-26 clearly teaches us that unforgiveness hinders our faith from working. The Father cannot forgive our sins if we do not forgive other people (we reap what we sow). Sow mercy, and you will reap mercy; sow judgement, and you will reap judgement. Do yourself a favor and forgive.

There are still more benefits of forgiveness. When you are willing to forgive, your fellowship with God has a free flow. Unforgiveness blocks it. Paul said that we are to forgive in order to keep Satan from getting an advantage over us (11 Corinthians 2: 10-11). Ephesians 4:26-27 says that we are not to let the sun go down on our anger. Do not give the devil any such foothold or opportunity. Remember that the devil must have a foothold before he can get a stronghold. Be quick to forgive. Do not help the devil torture you. I also think it is hard to hate one person and love another. When we are full of wrong things, it is hard to treat anybody right. Even people you want to love may be suffering from your bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness.

How To Forgive

Like everything else, there are practical steps to forgiving people that must be taken if we are going to be successful at it. I asked the Lord why so many people seem to want to forgive and yet are not successful doing it. He said, "because they are not obeying what I tell them to do in the Word." As I searched the Word, I found the following instructions:

1. Decide - You will never forgive if you wait to feel like it. Choose to obey God and steadfastly resist the devil in his attempts to poison you again with bitter thoughts. Make a quality decision, and God will heal your wounded emotions in due time.

2. Depend - You cannot forgive without the power of the Holy Spirit. It is too hard to do on your own. If you are truly willing, God will enable you; but you are going to need to humble yourself and cry out to Him for help. In John 20:22-23, Jesus breathed on the disciples and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit. " His next instruction was about forgiving people. We certainly can use this as an example and ask Him to breathe on us that we might be able to forgive those who hurt us.

3. Obey -There are several things we are told do in the Word concerning forgiving our enemies.

a. Pray for your enemies and those who abuse and misuse you. Pray for their happiness and welfare

(Luke 6:27-28 Amplified. As you pray, God may be able to give them revelation that will bring them out of deception. They may not even be aware they hurt you, or maybe they are aware but are so self-centered that they do not care. Either way, they need revelation.

b. Bless and do not curse them (Romans 12:L4). In the Greek, to bless means "to speak well of" and to curse means "to speak evil of. " You cannot forgive and gossip or be a talebearer. You must stop repeating the offense. You cannot get over it and also continue to talk about it. Proverbs 17:9 says that he who seeks to cover an offense seeks love.

Who Should Forgive?

Forgive the person from long ago who hurt you very badly and also the person whom you did not know in the grocery store, for stepping on your toe. Take those two extremes and forgive them in addition to everyone in between. Forgive quickly. The quicker you do it, the easier it is. Forgive freely. Matthew 10:8 says freely you have received, freely give. Forgiveness means to excuse a fault, absolve from payment, pardon, send away, cancel, and bestow favor unconditionally.

When you forgive, you must cancel the debt. Do not spend your life paying and collecting debts. Hebrews 10:30 says that vengeance belongs to the Lord; He will repay and settle the cases of His people. Let God pay you for past injustices; do not try to collect from the people who hurt you, because the people who hurt you cannot pay you. Matthew 18:25 says …he could not pay".

Also forgive yourself for past sins and for hurts you have caused others. You cannot pay people back, so ask God to.

Forgive God if you are angry at Him because your life did not turn out the way you thought it should. God is always just. There may be things you do not understand; but God loves you, and people make a serious mistake if they will not receive help from the only One who can truly help.

You may even need to forgive an object -- the post office, bank, a certain store you feel cheated you, a car that always gave you trouble, etc. Get rid of all poison that comes from bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness; and remember Proverbs 4:23 (Amplified), "Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance ... for out of it flow the springs of life."