JC was checking his voicemail messages when Izzy’s voice came over the speaker. She didn’t say anything, she just started singing softly,
“It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart.
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark.
Try as I may I could never explain,
What I hear when you don’t say a thing.”
He looked around the area and couldn’t see her. He quickly went on a search for her all along listening to her sing,
“The smile on your face let's me know that you need me.
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me.
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.”
“Damn where is she?” He thought as he walked around the stage. He had been having a bad day and they got into an argument this morning after breakfast. He hadn’t seen her since and he knew that she was avoiding him. In fact he had been avoiding her at the same time, then she had to go and do something like this. How did she know exactly what he needed to make his day brighter?
“All day long I can hear people talking out loud,
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd.
Old Mr. Webster could never define,
What's being said between your heart and mine.”
Just hearing her voice like this made him smile brightly as he continued to look for her. In fact he found everyone except for her. He was determined to find her, come hell or high water he was going to find her.
“The smile on your face let's me know that you need me.
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'd never leave me.
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.”
JC stopped Joey,
“Joey have you seen Izzy? I need to find her!” He said urgently,
“Whoa, C, where’s the fire?” Joey joked and JC looked at him,
“I don’t have time, I need to find her.”
“Okay, okay, the last time I saw her she was talking to Chris in our dressing room.”
“How long ago?”
“Two seconds ago.” Joey didn’t even finish and JC ran off in the direction of their dressing room, Joey laughed to himself at JC’s actions.
“The smile on your face let's me know that you need me.
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'd never leave me.”
He prayed that she was still there. She was the only thing he wanted right then.
The touch of your hand says you’ll catch me if ever I fall.
You say it best when you say nothing at all.”
JC ran into the room and saw her still talking to Chris. The two looked up at him as he ran into the room. JC didn’t waste anytime, he dropped his phone on the couch and went straight for Izzy. He scooped her up into his arms and kissed her. Chris sat there awkwardly for a minute while the couple kissed and then backed away slowly,
“So, um, yeah, we’ll finish our conversation later Iz.” He said and left the room shutting the door after he left.
JC broke from their kiss but kept her close,
“I’m sorry about this morning.” He whispered and dropped another loving kiss on her lips. She smiled at him,
“I’m sorry too.”
“You’re amazing, you know that? In two minutes you managed to change my whole day around and made me feel a million times better.” Izzy shrugged and rested her forehead against his,
“I was just trying to tell you how I felt, how you make me feel. It was partly my fault that you were having a crappy day.”
“No, it wasn’t your fault at all. I was just in a bad mood and I took it out on you, I’m sorry.”
“Shh, stop apologizing. It doesn’t matter any more.” She kissed him again and this one lasted as JC deepened it and pressed her up against a wall.
Justin walked into the room,
“Chris! I said that I was just getting my-” he saw the couple’s make out session going on, “Oh, I’m just going to leave now.” He said backing up and going out the door, “Jesus, Chris! Why didn’t you warn me about that?!”
It didn’t last long, and all too soon she heard the boys bounding over to her.
“Geez, it’s hot enough to fry an egg out here!” Chris yelled.
“I know, I can’t believe you’re laying out here in this heat. Are you trying to kill yourself?” Lance joked and JC stared at him wide eyed,
“Lance that’s not cool to joke about!” He yelled and stormed off. Izzy got up quickly and caught him a little off from the guys.
“JC! What’s your deal? It was just a joke!”
“Well I didn’t think it was a very funny one.”
“This is what I was talking about last night. I’m cool with it.”
“Well, maybe I’m not! I can’t help it if I get all these images of you lying lifeless in a pool of your own blood! It scares me to death!”
“Then why’d you ask?” She shouted back.
“Because I wanted to know why someone like you would try to kill themselves!” He yelled back at her and everything went silent. Izzy looked at the guys who were all staring at her,
“What? I tried to off myself with a razor! Happy now y’all know?!” She turned back to JC, “Thanks Chasez, I really appreciate it.” She said and walked off,
“Iz, wait!” He called after her but she kept walking, “Great.” He muttered to himself, “Good job, C.”
“What the hell did Izzy mean, C?” Joey asked,
“What the hell do you think she meant?” He yelled back and stalked off.
“It’s unlocked,” Her voice drifted from inside and he walked in the door,
“Hey can we talk?”
“Been waiting for it.” She sighed,
“Izzy I’m just confused, that’s all.”
“Oh, Joey-bear, I’m not mad at you.”
“It’s JC, I know.”
“No, it’s me because I was a dumb ass when I was thirteen and now it’s biting me in the ass. That’s all.”
“Thirteen?”
“When I tried to kill myself.” Joey thought a minute,
“That was right before you came to live with us. And we only spent the summer apart, you went to camp. How could you try to-”
“Joe, I wasn’t at camp. I was in the psych ward. They didn’t want to worry you.”
“I don’t understand, why would you though? It’s so unlike you.”
“Yeah, well, you and your family moved away, Gina moved away, Pauley went to boarding school, nana died and Mom hated me. I was lonely and depressed, it was the only way out that I could think of.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I didn’t want you blaming yourself for my dumb move. Plus I got to live with you in the end.”
“I want to see the scars.” He demanded and she flipped over her wrists and moved the bracelets that she always wore, Joey gasped, “Jesus Izzy what were you thinking?”
“That I wanted to die, Joey.” He sat down hard on the bed next to her and put his head in his hands. They were silent for a while as Izzy let Joey process everything he had just learned,
“Did mom and dad know?”
“Yeah.”
“And that’s why you had to see Charles.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I’m sorry that I left you all alone.”
“Joey, it wasn’t your fault. I just didn’t know how to deal with my life, I took the coward’s way out instead of facing my problems.”
“But what if they didn’t find you, what if-”
“Tony did and I’m okay now.”
“Jesus, Tony found you? He had to be what? Ten?”
“Nine, but it’s the reason he became a doctor. He told me that he had felt so helpless when he found me that he never wanted it to happen again. So you see it was a blessing in disguise.” Izzy took one of Joey’s hands into hers and kissed it, “I’m okay now, I have great friends, a wonderful boyfriend who drives me insane with his love, and my best friend is back in my life again. I’m fucking delirious with my life and there’s no way that I am ever going to give it up unless someone makes me.” There was a knock on Izzy’s door and she quickly got up to answer it. On the other side was JC looking like a puppy who had lost his way.
“Izzy, honey I’m so sorry. I just-” Izzy silenced his words with a finger to his lips,
“It’s okay, it’s done with.” She replied and pulled him into the room. JC saw Joey sitting there and Izzy closed the door turning to them, “Okay you two, let it go. Bringing it up again won’t make it better. I can joke about it just fine, it was a long time ago. Is there anything else you guys want to talk about? We’ll make this like group therapy.” She joked and the they laughed a little,
“I can’t believe you’re cracking jokes about this.” Joey said
“It’s how I deal with everything. Laughter they say is the best medicine.” She smirked putting her hands on her hips. The two guys just sat there silently, staring into their hands. “Okay hold on like two minutes, I’ll be right back.” She said and quickly left the room before either of them could protest. They sat there for a few seconds,
“I can’t believe that I missed something as big as that.” Joey said, “I mean she’s my best friend, how could I miss the fact that she tried to kill herself?” Joey sighed,
“You weren’t there to see it Joey.” JC said trying to comfort him,
“That’s exactly why it happened.”
“There were other factors too. It wasn’t just because you moved away.”
“But if I had been there maybe I could have done-”
“No, you couldn’t have. You know how she is, when she gets an idea in her head nothing can stop her.”
“I could have, I could have called more, had her visit, something!”
“Joey, she’s fine. You see that now, look how good she is. Then think back when she was living with you, you did save her. She wouldn’t be the person she is today if you hadn’t been a part in her life. You’re one of the main reason’s she’s alive now.” Joey looked at JC with new respect,
“You know she told me that you’re another main reason that she’s alive.”
“Really she said that?”
“Well she mentioned some boyfriend that drove her insane with his love, I figured that it was you and not like Chris she was talking about.” He joked and he chuckled softly,
“Yeah, well she does the same for me.” He smiled,
“I know I can see. I’m sorry about when you guys first came out about you know, you two. I’m really glad she has you.”
“Thanks Joe, that means a lot coming from you.” He replied and Izzy came back in the room trailed by the other three Nsyncers.
“Iz, why do you need to talk to all of us?” Justin whined and sat down on her bed next to Joey. The other two found various spots in the room and faced Izzy.
“Because,” she answered Justin, “I need to talk to all of you at one time, so I don’t have to explain it five times.”
“So what’s this all about?” Lance inquired.
“Okay,” she said and slightly paced in front of them, “I think I need to explain something to you.”
“What? Is Chris wearing your underwear again?” Justin joked,
“I’m sorry Iz, I just can’t stay away from your pink lacy panties, they’re too comfortable!” Chris joked and they all laughed except for Joey and JC who shot the two looks.
“Well I want them back, no wait on second thought you can keep them. God I’m gonna need therapy for that image.” She shook her head with a smile, “Actually I need to talk about something else. Joey and JC already know about it and you guys sort of know about it.”
“Did C knock you up?” Chris quipped and JC smacked him upside the head, “Ow! Hey! I was just kidding! Wait! You did!” Chris said all shocked and Izzy intervened,
“Chris, I’m not knocked up as you so politely put. Really, just shut for a few seconds so I can explain something to you.” She took a deep breath and waited till she had all five of their attentions. “Okay, now earlier today I, well JC and I had a little tiff and I just wanted to explain it to you guys, all of you.” The guys sat there silently and she went on, “Okay, when I was thirteen I attempted suicide.” She paused and looked to the guys for their reactions. Lance, Justin, and Chris looked like they didn’t know what to do. “I just want to say that it’s in the past and I’m okay now. I can joke about suicide and dying and all that fun shit. Besides my family and Joey’s parent’s, you guys are the only ones who know and I want to keep it that way. It’s in my past and that’s where I want to keep it. So I guess, pretend that you never even knew it about me.” She looked to each of the shocked guys, “So, do you guys have any questions and anything?” They were all silent for a few minutes, till JC got up off the bed and went to join Izzy in front of the group.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He whispered in her ear and kissed her cheek. She turned to him and took her hand in his,
“Thank you.” She whispered back with a smile.
“Wow, Iz. You’re okay and everything?” Justin said standing up off the bed and she turned to him,
“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ve never been better.” Chris stood up after him,
“I’m sorry about the jokes, I didn’t know that’s what you wanted to talk about.”
“Chris, it’s cool. I always appreciate your jokes and trust me you can keep the pink lacy panties. My gift to you.” She smiled and he laughed,
“Whoo hoo!” He shouted doing a victory V over his head and everybody laughed easing the tension in the room.
“Okay, I think that’s the cue for you guys to head on out.” She laughed.
“Aw, you’re kicking us out already?” Justin said getting up.
“Squirt, you were just complaining about being here and now you want to stay?” He just shrugged his shoulders,
“I just like being a pain in the ass.”
“You got that right.” She rubbed his head affectionately, “Now out.” She pointed to the door, Chris and Justin were the first to bound out of the room after quick hugs. Lance swept her up into his arms,
“Thank you for telling us, it took a lot of courage. If you ever need to talk, you know where I am.” He whispered into her ear and she pulled back running a hand down the side of his face,
“Thanks, I appreciate it.” She smiled and Lance left leaving Joey and JC in the room. She put her hands on her hips,
“Okay, you know I love you Joey but really, I think I just want to take a nap and as fun as a threesome sounds. I just don’t think I have the strength.” Joey broke out into a smile and then it turned into a full fledged laugh till he was tearing. He finally got a hold of himself and reached for her bringing her into a huge bear hug.
“I love ya Iz.”
“Love you too Joey-bear. Thanks for always being there and saving me.” She whispered into his ear. He looked down at her,
“Thanks for always being there and saving me too.” He whispered back, dropping a kiss on her cheek and then backing away from her. “Well I do believe it’s my turn to leave. See you tomorrow Jace. Goodnight guys.” He waved and left leaving the couple alone. JC pulled Izzy to him,
“Well once again, what a night we’ve had.”
“That’s to say the least. How about that nap?” She smiled up at him,
“Baby, you read my mind.” He said and pulled her to the couch. JC laid down and buried his face in between her breasts. It was coming one of his favorite places to sleep lately.
“Searching for buried treasure?” She teased him and felt him laugh a little. He wrapped his arms tighter around her middle.
“Belly?” He asked and she looked down at him as she played with his hair,
“What hon?”
“Sing me the song please?”
“I thought you wanted sleep?”
“I do but I need some help.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I just want to hear the song.”
“You’re the only man I sing for you know?” She sighed happily,
“Please Belly?’ He mumbled as he got more comfortable,
“Okay, okay.” She waited for him to settle in and she sang,
“It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart.
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark.
Try as I may I could never explain,
What I hear when you don’t say a thing.” She felt his breathing deepen as she continued to sing softly to the man she loved.