When I stepped on the scale that day, there was a big, fat 271.4 staring at me. I can't say I was entirely surprised, but seeing something like that in print is a lot to take in while you are just standing there. I'm glad I didn't wait any longer. I turned pretty hardcore "diet lady" after that day. Since then, I've lost 37.6 pounds, and have gotten some wonderful praise from my friends and family. I still consider myself fairly monstrous, but it's nice to finally be told that I'm "looking good". It's been awhile.

Starting a "total shift in my eating habits" (I hate the word "diet") was hard. Hard and frustrating. I couldn't believe what it had come to when I purchased fat-free ranch dressing at the grocery store. But I knew that if I wanted to continue having ranch dressing with my food, that's what I had to do. And I had to do that with a LOT of things. But it doesn't feel like a diet, because I'm not really "giving up" a lot of things, I'm merely altering the things I like. Take pumkin pie, for example. A typical slice of pie can run around 8 points (I count points, sorry. It's roughly 400 calories), which is like an entire meal to me! But I found a pumpkin custard recipe on the Weight Watchers website that was only 1 point (50-ish calories), and with a dollup of fat-free Cool Whip, it's maybe 2 points and tastes lovely. Sara Lee makes 45-calorie slices of bread, whereas a typical slice of bread can run you around 110, which adds up if you like more than one slice for a sandwich! And I sure wasn't about to give up sandwiches!

But hardest of all, the absolutely most horrible thing I've had to deal with--and this goes for any diet--is just flat-out not eating all the time. I could sit and eat low-point/low-calorie things all day and be fine, but that's not what I want to get out of this. I'm the kind of person who eats when I'm happy, sad, bored, busy, tired, hungry, not hungry, whatever. I just enjoy the activity of eating. Food tastes good, and I like to have lots of it. A lot of the time when I'm just sitting around with nothing to do, I'll wander into the kitchen and start opening the fridge, freezer, cupboards, etc. I don't even have to be hungry. It's just something fun to do. So, while I was trying to avoid food one afternoon, I did this instead:

If you are anything like me (and I really hope I'm not in this boat alone), please, print this out and tape it to your fridge, freezer, cupboards, wherever.

01.31.2005. Update! I had a weigh-in this past Friday, and I'm down 41.4 pounds! I was so excited that I went straight to Lane Bryant to buy a new pair of pants. They were size 20s. When I started the program back in October, I was wearing 28s! These new pants are a little snug, but at this rate, they'll fit great in no time!

02.05.2005. Today I'd like to talk about walking. Tim and I went on a two-hour walk last night. Haha, not straight, of course. We walked the 2.5 miles to Denny's, rewarded ourselves, and then walked home. You can be successful on a diet by cutting calories and eating better, but the double-threat, if you will, is adding exercise to that. If exercise isn't part of your daily routine, it should be. Even if it's not taking the elevator or parking far back in the parking lot. My favorite thing to do is just go for walks. That's the best place to start if you've never really been into exercising before. If you are a big person like me, you'll burn more calories in 30 minutes than a skinny person would doing the exact same thing. Our bodies have to work harder to adjust to the work we're doing. If walking gets too easy for you, try carrying weights, walking backwards sometimes, or *gasp* jogging. There are a lot of things to do out there. "Exercise" isn't so much the key word as "Activity". Just get up and do stuff. Sitting at home all day makes us prone to eating. Just keeping yourself occupied will be a step in the right direction, whether you are "exercising" or not. You can refer to my "Not Hungry" file above.

• Set specific, realistic goals and know why you're trying to reach them. It's hard to carry through with a plan if you don't know what you want to get out of it. I knew I wasn't going to lose 100 pounds in a few months, so I'm shooting for 10 pounds a month. Maybe you want to go down 4 pants sizes or you want to have more healthful eating habits. Whatever the goal, make sure it's defined.
• Eat better. I know it seems obvious, but there are people who think that just exercising and keeping the same eating habits will produce results. Eating better doesn't involve eating salads all the time and never eating a dessert, chip, or well, anything good ever again. It's just making small changes so you can keep enjoying things you love. Try switching to diet soda, skim milk, reduced-calorie potato chips, or even just LESS sweets in general. Those small changes will go a long way.
• Don't measure your success solely by what the scale says. Even if you aren't losing lots of pounds, you'll be noticing your clothes getting looser, and you will just all around feel better (and I'm sure the compliments will be there too!). Reward yourself for those little victories. Go buy a new pair of pants, or go to a restaurant you like (everything's ok in moderation!).
• Speaking of which, everything's ok in moderation. I have a piece of candy every once in awhile. A piece. I once heard, "The first bite's as good as the last bite." Just savor your one chocolate/slice of pie/scoop of ice cream/etc and be satisfied knowing you were able to have that at all!
• Ration out bulk items. If you have a giant bag of chips/carrots/etc, figure out what one serving size is and separate the servings into sandwich bags. This way you can just eat what's in the baggy and know you didn't go overboard. It also aids in packing sack lunches. Remember, just be lucky you can have chips at all.
• Journal everything you put in your mouth, along with the calories and fat. Some people think they eat fairly healthful things and can't figure out what happened. Once you see it all on paper, it'll make sense, and it will be a really good way to figure out where you need to start. You may even go so far as to write down what time you ate those things too. You may notice a pattern ("Huh, it looks like I have 2 cups of ice cream every night at 10:00.").
• Plan ahead. A lot of the time, you will be forced (well, maybe not forced) into situations where there will be a lot of temptation. Parties, buffets, parties with buffets, holidays, holiday parties with buffets, etc. Know what you are getting yourself into and know ahead of time what you are going to do while you are there. If you know it's going to be a big family dinner, have a light lunch and skip on the extra gravy and butter, and have small portions, so you can enjoy a variety of items. It'd be sad to waste all your allotted calories on a big pile of potatoes and gravy. Find out which foods are better for you, and plan on having more of those. Then hopefully you won't be so hungry for the other, worse-for-you stuff.
• Treat your allotted points/calories for the day like money. If you are on a 1500-calorie/day plan, then treat it like it's 1500 bucks. You wouldn't invest in something you would later regret, right? Treat the food like purchases, and you will start to prioritize and know what you should be saving your money for.
• I heard this story at a meeting, and I think it's a wonderful idea: If you are sitting at home on a day that you would normally be at work (like a holiday), and you are tempted to hang out in the kitchen all afternoon, set a timer. If you were at work/class/etc at this time, you wouldn't be eating, right? So why now, just because you are at home? Set a timer and don't allow yourself to enter the kitchen until it goes off.
• Any place is walking distance if you have the time! Sometime, just pick a location that's a few miles away and plan to walk there. When you get there, reward yourself by doing stuff there! That way, you get the 5-mile walk in, but you are able to break it up along the way!
• You don't have to be good 100% of the time to be successful. There's "planning for dinners so you don't go over your allotted points/calories for the day". And then there's "a blatant disregard for your diet." I have days like that. And for those days, I plan too. It's always being aware of what you are putting in your mouth, and then figuring out how you are going to deal with it. Valentine's Day, I ate until the alfredo sauce came out my ears. But I also was good all week until then, went to my aerobics class before dinner, and then I was good and active the rest of the week after that. I lost over two pounds at my weigh in the following Saturday. So nobody's perfect, and around here, we aren't expecting you to be. Just know what you are doing, and get right back on track tomorrow.

My Actual Progress

• 10/08/04: 271.4 Start Weight
• 10/15/04: 267.4 (-4)
• 10/22/04: 266.0 (-5.4)
• 10/29/04: 261.0 (-10.4)
• 11/05/04: 258.2 (-13.2)
• 11/12/04: 255.0 (-16.4)
• 11/19/04: 252.8 (-18.6)
• 11/27/04: 251.6 (-19.8)
• 12/03/04: 249.8 (-21.6)
• 12/10/04: 245.8 (-25.6)
• 12/17/04: 243.7 (-27.7) 10%
• 12/23/04: 241.6 (-29.8)
• 12/30/04: 239.4 (-32)
• 01/01/05: 237.0 (-34.4)
• 01/14/05: 235.0 (-36.4)
• 01/21/05: 233.8 (-37.6)
• 01/28/05: 230.0 (-41.4)
• 02/04/05: 228.8 (-42.6)
• 02/11/05: 227.6 (-43.8)
• 02/19/05: 225.0 (-46.4)
• 02/26/05: 224.2 (-47.2)
• 03/05/05: 220.4 (-51)
• 03/12/05: 221.0 (-50.4) Whoops!
• 03/19/05: 217.4 (-54) 2nd 10%

--Clothes fit better. Like I mentioned before, I'm down 3 pants sizes. I'm really looking forward to hitting the teens! I haven't bought new T-shirts yet. The ones I have always worn are starting to fit like they are supposed to!

--In November, I went to get my new driver's license. I said I was 240 (I was 255 at the time), and now I finally weigh less than what it says. Not everyone can say that!

--Compliments aplenty! For the first few weeks, you may not notice yourself getting smaller, but you also stare at yourself in the mirror all the time. The first time I started getting compliments was amazing. It was nice that people were taking notice of me, and then took time out of their busy days to say something nice. All the while, I had no clue I was getting smaller (apparently the numbers on the scale weren't enough for me!).

--Stuff gets easier to do! You'll notice that you won't get as winded after walking up some stairs or after taking a long walk. Imagine every 5 pounds you lose as one of those 5-pound bags of flour. So far, I've lost 8 of those. That's what you were carrying around 24/7 before losing weight!