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*School Daze*
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Chapter 44
“Sheridan! Sheridan! Wake up!” Why did she feel like she had done this before? “Luis,” she said groggily. “Luis…what happened?” Luis slipped an arm beneath her back and helped her sit up. His brown eyes were twinkling with amusement. He ducked his head, but Sheridan could still see the smile threatening. “You passed out on me. Again,” he chuckled. “That makes it twice in 24 hours. I don’t know if I should be flattered or embarrassed.” “Flattered,” Sheridan blurted. Luis grinned at her. “You’re blushing,” he teased. Caressing her cheek lightly with his knuckles.
In the kitchen, Gwen laughed helplessly while Kay groaned in frustration. “Those two…God! Why is she so damn shy around him? He’s only a guy.” “Kay,” Gwen snorted. “Okay,” Kay rolled her eyes. “So he isn’t an ordinary guy. At this rate, my grandchildren will have to endure this…this stupidity. That’s it! We’re going to have to get her drunk again. That’s the only way she’s going to spit it out.” “I don’t know about that,” Gwen smirked. Kay poked her head back around the kitchen door. Hanging on every word.
“Luis,” Sheridan gulped nervously. “Luis…about last night…” “Yeah,” he encouraged. Taking her hand in his and turning it palm side up. “Luis,” she continued. “I may have said some things…” Her blue eyes fluttered shut at the gentle touch of his fingertips tracing the lines of her palm. “Yes! Luis!” Gwen cheered as Luis cupped Sheridan’s hand to his cheek and kissed it sweetly. “She’s going to crack,” Kay said gleefully. “Sheridan,” Luis prodded. “You were saying…” “Would you look at that? He so knows what he’s doing.” “Who knows what he’s doing?” “Holy @#$%! Mrs. Crane! You scared me!”
Ivy’s blue green eyes sparkled mischievously. “Ooo. I just love eavesdropping.” Kay’s brows shot to the top of her head. “Really?” Gwen stumbled into the kitchen counter as Ivy wedged herself in between her and Kay. “Hey! You’re hogging up the best spot,” Kay glared. Ivy gave the teen her best ‘Don’t you dare mess with me’ stare. Gwen’s mouth hung open in shock when Kay didn’t back down. “Shh,” Gwen raised a finger to her lips. “Stop fighting. I can’t tell what’s going on.”
“You know,” Sheridan babbled. “I had too much to drink, and I really don’t know what I said. One time when Gwen and I went to a party…I had the bright idea to go skinny-dipping. In front of 50, 60 fully clothed people. It was so embarrassing! Not as embarrassing as this, though,” she muttered under her breath. Luis shook with laughter. “Now that I would kill to see.” “Meow,” Ivy purred. “What I wouldn’t give to see the good Officer…” “Ivy!” Gwen gasped. Kay snarled her nose. “Don’t I see a wedding ring on that finger?” she sassed. “Ugh," she shuddered uncontrollably. "Who wants to see Julian naked? No offense, Ivy.” “None taken,” Ivy grinned. “It is rather…pathetic’s too kind a word.”
“Sheridan. Slow down,” Luis grinned. “You weren’t that bad. In fact…you were the life of the party.” “You’re just being nice,” Sheridan said softly. “No. Really,” Luis laughed. “Kay has the pictures to prove it.” “K-Kay? That girl,” she shook her head. “Uh oh,” Kay grumbled. “Bust-ed.” “You have pictures?” Ivy perked up. “Yeah…but they’re going to cost you. I can sell them to you for…$50.” “What the…$50! For pictures?” “They’re really good pictures,” Gwen smirked. “Luis…I…I have a history of making a fool of myself when I’m with you. I can’t even look at you without blushing,” she blushed. “I like that about you,” Luis laughed. “Uh huh, Sheridan. All those naughty thoughts and fantasies filling your head. No wonder she has trouble staying conscious. He is drop-dead gorgeous,” Ivy sighed. Visions of Sam flashing before her eyes. "Geez,” Kay hissed. “You haven’t…you know…in a very long time, have you? And they say teens have sex on the brain. Obviously they haven’t met you.”
“Did you mean it?” Luis asked seriously. Staring into Sheridan’s blue eyes. Sheridan opened her mouth to speak but no words would NOT come out. ‘Hell, yes!’ she wanted to shout. But all that would come out was a tiny squeak. “Cause if you meant it…I…” “What? What, Luis?” she whispered softly. Barely able to breathe. “I think…I think…” “Okay, Elmer Fudd,” Kay rolled her eyes. “He’s just as bad as her.” “Shut up,” Gwen hushed. Ivy crossed her fingers. “I think I l-l-…” “DIOS MIO! LUIS! MIJO! IT’S TERRIBLE, MIJO,” Pilar burst through the cottage door in tears. Julian seconds behind her. Chugging a stiff brandy. “Mama? What is it, Mama?” Luis asked. Jumping to his feet. Sheridan slumped against the couch cushions wearily. Dammit, dammit, dammit, she screamed silently. Always an interruption. Ivy, Kay, AND Gwen jerked their heads back. “Your sister,” Julian spat. “Theresa? What about Theresa?” Pilar shoved the newspaper into Luis’s hands.
“THERESA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sheridan took the newspaper from his hands, and her blue eyes nearly popped out of their sockets. “Oh god,” she groaned. “They didn’t.” “They DID,” Luis roared. ‘What?’ Ivy mouthed. Kay shrugged her shoulders. “Come on,” Kay whispered. “Come on. Read it. Read it.” “Crane Heir elopes with Bride of Chucky!” “Oh my god!” Kay snickered. THUD! “Poor Ethan. I’m so sorry, Gwen. But hey…now you’re free to go after Uncle Hank. He’s a great guy. Really. Gwen? Gwen!” Ivy stepped over Gwen’s prone body, stomped out of the kitchen and snatched the newspaper out of Sheridan’s hands. “Where is he? I’m going to kill that son of mine! She isn’t even out of high school!” "Ivy," Sheridan gasped in surprise. "Where did you come from?" Ivy ignored her and stalked out the door. Luis close behind her. And of course, Sheridan *had* to go. She had a few choice words for Ethan. “Hey! Wait up for me!” Kay called. “Sorry, Gwen. I can’t miss this!” she apologized. Before racing off after the angry mob.
Chapter 45
"ETHAN SAMUEL CRANE!"
"Ethan Sam…Ivy Dear," Julian muttered sarcastically. "Don't you mean Ethan Julian Crane?" "Not now, Julian," Ivy barked impatiently. "Ethan! Unlock this door this instant!" Pilar bowed her head and prayed softly in Spanish. "Would you put a plug in it!" Julian spat. "So annoying," he confided to Sheridan. "Sheridan Dear," he grumbled. "You haven't run off and eloped with Officer Enchilada have you?" "JULIAN!" "OOOOOWWWW!" Julian screamed like a woman when Sheridan shoved him in the chest. "His name is Luis. L…U…I…S," Sheridan spelled. "What did I miss? Did I miss anything?" Julian looked down his nose at Kay. "And who might I ask are you? The Little Match Girl?" "Well, well," Kay snarled. "If it isn't the Dirty Old Man."
Ivy's fists pounded on Ethan's bedroom door. "Mot…ouch!" "Serves him right," Kay whispered. Grinning broadly when Ivy's fist connected soundly with Ethan's head. "Did you hear that? Maybe I should start calling him the Hollow Man. There's nothing in there. I mean there can't be. He married her," she shuddered. Sheridan raised a hand to her mouth at the sight of Theresa. "Aww. Isn't it sweet? Your nephew finally got the life-size Barbie he always wanted." Luis glared at Kay. "Okay," Kay grumbled. "Sorry." "Mommy," Ethan pouted. "Why did you hit me?" Kay's eyes almost rolled all the way back in her head. "EEEEEEEEETTTTTTHHHHHAAANNNNN!!!!! Your family's here to welcome me into the family. Isn't that nice of them?" she bubbled.
"Mija!" Pilar gasped in shame. "Where are your clothes?" "Mama," Theresa twittered. Batting her big brown eyes at Ethan. "It's my honeymoon." "Yeah, Pilar. It's her honeymoon," Julian added gleefully. "Yuck," Kay groaned. "No wonder she hasn't had any." "Huh?" Sheridan asked cluelessly. "Theresa…you look wuvly," Julian slurred. "Oh thank you, Mr. Crane!" Theresa gushed. Hugging his neck tightly. "THERESITA!" "Theresa!" "Aww. Luis…are you jealous?" "Ethan my boy," Julian grinned. Giving his son a thumbs up sign. "Not too bright, is she? Those are the best kind. How is she in…the you know."
"What Father?" Ethan asked dumbly. "In the…" "Alright! Alright! Forgive me for saying this…but I SO do NOT want to hear this!" Sheridan yelled. "I know the feeling," Kay agreed. "Dizziness. Overwhelming nausea. Hysterical blindness. Fear for the all mankind's future. Oh my god! Just think if they have children. The world is going to Hell in a Handbasket." "That's impossible," Luis ground out. “No, it’s not, Luis.” Theresa grinned proudly. “I’m a woman now.” Pilar sobbed quietly. "Come on, Theresa. We're getting this 'marriage' annulled. You’re under-aged." “And she’s NEVER been in her right mind,” Kay added. "NO! LUIS! You can't. No," Theresa screamed hysterically as Luis pulled her by the arm.
"Fa…Father! What's Wuis doing?" "He's taking your little Chiquita Banana, Son. Stand up to him. Don't let him do such a thing." "JULIAN!" Ivy screamed. "Are you even hearing what you're spewing?" "Aunt Sweridan," Ethan pouted. "Don't let Wuis do this to us. We're in wuv," he slurred. "Ther…she adores me," he said in a hushed whisper. "She says she's wuved me ever since she met me." "Is that what she said?" Kay scoffed. "She's loved you? Listen Forrest…where I come from…we call it a Fatal Attraction. You should be scared. Very scared, Dumby. This is one of those 'run for your life' moments."
"Don't do this, Luis! Please! Please don't! I love him! I've loved him my whole life!" Theresa cried. "Luis…is she okay?" Sheridan asked worriedly. "That?" Kay groaned. "No…she is NOT having a Grand Mal seizure. It just looks like it." "Mommy…mommy, I'm scared," Ethan cowered. Theresa threw herself down on her knees. "ETHAN! ETHAN! TELL THEM! YOU LOVE ME!" "Filthy, stinking drunks," Kay muttered. "No," Sheridan said in a puzzled voice. "Ethan, maybe. But I don't think…" "Theresa's NOT drunk," Luis sighed.
"Ethan?" Sheridan smacked her nephew upside the head. "The lights are on, but nobody's home," Kay smirked. "You can say that again." "Gwen! I'm so glad you're alright. Ooo. Does that hurt?" Gwen rolled her eyes and rubbed the goose egg on the back of her head. "Not as much as it could," she answered. Staring into Ethan's clueless blue eyes. “Gwen…don’t worry. This marriage…it won’t last,” Ivy consoled. “Ethan belongs with you.” “I’m not so sure,” Gwen said softly. “Ethan?” “Hen?” Kay and Sheridan snickered helplessly. “Do you love her? Does she make you happy?” “Yeah,” Ethan said stupidly. “He’s my whole world,” Theresa babbled. “I’d die without him. I really would,” she cried earnestly. “Damn,” Kay swore softly. “If only…” “Okay,” Gwen smiled. “O-O-O-kay?” Ethan stuttered. “Okay! Okay! Oh! Thank you, Gwen! Thank you!”
Luis shook his head helplessly. Why fight it? “IT’S FATE, ETHAN! IT’S FATE! WE’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER! FOREVER AND ALWAYS! DESTINED!” “Come on, Pilar,” Sheridan said. Placing a comforting arm around Pilar’s waist. “God help you,” Kay said in all seriousness. “God help you. Hurry up, Gwen. Let’s go drown your sorrows,” Kay said gleefully. “I knew you were smart. You have to hook up with Uncle Hank.” Gwen’s laughter echoed in the halls. “Soon!” “Dear Lord!” Julian cringed. “It’s not necessary to…” Ivy grew faint as she watched her son swap spit with Pilar’s unbalanced daughter. “Julian,” she said weakly. “I need a stiff drink.” Julian’s ears perked up. And he smiled devilishly. He was always up for another drink.
Chapter 46
“Thank you, Mijo. Sheridan,” Pilar sniffled. “I’ll…see you at home, Luis.” “Bye, Mama,” Luis waved. Gwen kissed Sheridan’s cheek. “Are you sure you don’t want to go paint the town red?” she teased. Sheridan groaned. “Gwen!” “Oh! I get it,” Gwen smirked. “You want Officer Yummy all to yourself.” Kay snickered and gave Gwen a high five. “When you’re right you’re right.” Sheridan blushed a deep red.
“NO! Really…we’re just going to talk. We NEED to talk. On second thought,” she said in a panicked voice, “I WILL go with you two.” “No, you don’t,” Kay grinned. “You’re staying right here.” “Bye, Luis,” Gwen called. Luis raised a hand in goodbye. “Consider yourself lucky, Gwen,” Kay could be heard saying as the door shut behind them. “You didn’t want the Lethal Weapon stalking you two all your unhappily married lives, did you?”
Sheridan’s lips twisted into a smile. “That girl.” “She’s something else, isn’t she?” Luis agreed. Patting the space on the plush sofa beside him. “I do believe we have something to discuss,” he smiled. Sheridan fidgeted with the rings around her fingers. “I still can’t believe they did it. Eloped! Luis…you know what this means, don’t you?” Luis’s brown eyes sparkled at her as he took her hand in his. “We’re related.” Sheridan sighed and leaned back against the pillows. “You’ll be Uncle Luis to Ethan’s children,” she smirked. “Oh god,” Luis groaned. “Can we talk about something else?” “Sure,” Sheridan said softly. Squeezing his hand. “Anything?” Luis queried. “Anything,” she whispered.
“Sheridan…look at me,” Luis requested. Sheridan’s blue eyes met his steadily. “Did you mean it? Did you mean what you said at the dance?” “I…I…Luis…I…” “Shh,” he hushed. Brushing his knuckles across her cheek. Great, Sheridan. Doesn’t the man realize you’re melting into a gooey pile of mush right before his very eyes? Luis grinned at the irregular sound of her breathing. He affected her as much as she affected him. “Luis…” “Don’t tell me. Show me,” he breathed. She kissed him with a sigh. And delved her fingers deeper into his black hair. Luis smiled against her lips and took a ragged breath. “Are things a little clearer now?”
“What?” she gasped. Resting her head against his chest. “Sheridan…” His eyes fluttered shut at gentle touch. The tickle of her nails as her hands slipped under his shirt. “Why Officer,” she teased. “Now who’s the one speechless?” He chuckled. Brown eyes smiling at her. His hands rested at her waist. Sheridan bit her lip when she felt his warm touch on her bare back. “I love the sweats,” Luis grinned. “Very…sexy…look…for…you,” he said between teasing kisses to her lips. Her brow. “And I thought the red dress was your favorite,” she pouted playfully.
Luis lowered her onto her back and threaded his fingers through her short golden curls. “Ms. Crane,” he said seriously. “Everything you wear is my favorite.” “Luis,” Sheridan whispered. Tracing the line of his jaw with her fingertips. “I didn’t mean it.” Luis pulled his hand free. “No…Luis…I don’t think I love you,” Sheridan admitted. Tears clinging to her lashes. “I KNOW I love you,” she said sincerely. Kissing his palm. “You make me crazy,” she laughed nervously. “I’m a complete mess around you. But I love it. I love you.”
Luis broke out into a slow grin. And he pulled her into his arms in a fierce hug. “So…I bring out the worst in you, is that it?” he teased. Sheridan smacked his chest playfully. But he grabbed her hand in his. “If that’s the worst…I can’t wait to see the best. You’re amazing. Mess or not,” he whispered. Wiping her happy tears away. Kissing the tip of her nose. He cupped her face lovingly. “Ms. Crane…I love you, too,” he smiled. “Oh Luis!” she cried. Throwing her arms around his neck. “Say it again. Say it again.” Luis laughed and kissed her lips gently. “I…Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald…am crazy in love with you…Sheridan Crane. How’s that?” Sheridan cut him off with a kiss.
“HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH! HAL-LE—LU-JAH!" "IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!” Gwen shouted.
Sheridan collapsed against him in a fit of giggles. And Luis groaned.
“KKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"GGGGGGGGWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Chapter 47
"OOOOHHHHHHHH!" Ivy groaned. Rolling over. What the hell was that? It felt…soft. Mushy. And reeked of alcohol. "OH MY GOD! JULIAN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?" she screamed. "Iv..Ivy…what the devil are you yelling about?" Julian grumbled. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "This is the worst hang-over yet," he muttered. "This can't be real. Ivy would never…OUCH! Why didn't you warn me?" "I rather enjoy watching you in pain," Ivy said sweetly. Yanking the sheets from the bed and wrapping them around her. "GET OUT! GET OUT NOW!" she cried. Throwing the bedroom door open for him.
"AH! My nose! I think it's broken! ETHAN! ETHAN, WHERE ARE YOU?" Theresa's arms flailed wildly. "Theresa," Ivy gasped. "What on earth are you doing here?" "I thought it'd be nice if we had a big family breakfast," she pouted. "Gag me," Julian mouthed. Ivy grabbed a box of Kleenez from her nightstand. "Thank you, Mrs. Crane," Theresa smiled. Holding the tissue to her nose. "Theresa!" Ethan skidded past the bedroom door. "Theresa! Are you okay? What happened?" "Nothing," Theresa shook her head. "Oh! Ethan! I'm dizzy," she swooned. Ivy rolled her eyes when Ethan swept his teen-age bride up in his arms. "Is there anything I can do to make it better?"
Theresa's big brown eyes welled up with tears. Crocodile tears, Ivy'd bet. And her lower lip jutted out in the most ridiculous pout she had ever seen. "I want us to be one big, happy family," she sniffled. Ethan's brows shot up. "My family? Theresa…you have NO idea…" "Ethan," she trembled. "Please." "Mother…" HELP, he mouthed. "Get your clothes on before I go blind, Julian. We have a family breakfast to attend." "Why don't you just shoot me now?" Julian moaned.
"Ethan! Ethan!" Theresa squealed as they descended the stairs. "Someone's at the door! Can I go answer it? Please. Pretty please." "Pilar's never been so THRILLED about her domestic duties," Julian mumbled. "Ouch! What was that for?" "Oh…no particular reason," Ivy grinned devilishly. Pulling her robe tighter across her waist. "GOOD MORNING!" Theresa gushed. Sheridan jumped on the other side. A hand over her heart. "Theresa," she laughed nervously. "You…surprised me." Actually…well, it wouldn't be too nice to tell the newest member of your family they scared you.
"MS. CRANE! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! WE'RE RELATED NOW!" "Um…Theresa," Sheridan gasped. Trying desperately to pry her arms loose from her neck. "I…can't…breathe." "Sorry," Theresa apologized. "Aunt Sheridan," Ethan cried. Sheridan bit her lip. By the looks of things…Ethan's alcoholic fog was clearing. He looked scared to death. "What are you doing here so early?" "Good God," Julian blustered when his eyes found the clock. "The dew is still on the grass! I never get up before 11 on Sundays!" Sheridan rolled her eyes at her brother. "I came by to see if you and Theresa wanted to go to church with me and…Do you want to go or not?"
"We'd be delighted," Ivy answered for them all. "WE MOST CERTAINLY WOULD NOT!" Julian roared. "Oh, Ethan!" Theresa bubbled. "I can't wait to show off my new husband to all my friends!" Ethan shrugged his shoulders. But Sheridan could tell the idea appealed to him greatly. "We'll go," he smiled. "Great! I'll just wait for you in the living room."
"Would you can it?" Sheridan groaned. "What's the matter with you, Julian? Afraid the saints and angels will turn you away at the door?" Julian crossed his arms in annoyance. "You're smothering me, Diddums," he snarled at Ivy. Ivy pointed at Theresa practically in her lap. "Do I look like I can help that?" she hissed. "Theresa, Dear. Don't you think that is enough..." "Mrs. Crane! I know! I have too much blush on and not enough eye shadow. Thank you! You're the greatest mother-in-law a girl could have!"
"I'm in HELL," Julian muttered. Fishing his flask of liquor out of his suit pocket. Sheridan snickered beside Ethan. "Aunt Sheridan...what am I going to do?" The limo slowed to a stop, and the door opened. "M'lady." Sheridan beamed and took Luis's hand. "I'm in HEAVEN," she sighed. "Sorry," she mouthed to Ivy. And she couldn't resist the urges of her inner child...she stuck her tongue out at her stuffy, older brother. "Help! Help!" Julian cried as the limo door slammed shut in his face.
Chapter 48
"Can you believe it, Whit?" Theresa sighed dreamily. "It's almost Christmas. And Ethan and I are married." "A whole two months," Whitney agreed. "And who says there aren't miracles?" "Miracle? Try freak of nature," Kay snorted in passing. Simone giggled. "I can't believe we only have one more day of school before Christmas Break. It seems like only yesterday…" "Yeah, yeah, Simone," Kay rolled her eyes goodnaturedly. "Hey! Watch out! Too late," she muttered as Theresa 'accidentally' tripped Jenn. And Jenn went crashing into the Christmas tree in the middle of the hall. "I've lost count, Simone. What is that? Victim #896?" "Morning, Girls," Sheridan said cheerily. Sweeping by. "She's always so damn happy it's pathetic," Kay grumbled. "I swear Simone. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in this totally ridiculous alternate reality. I mean it can't be real, can it? Lethal Weapon actually married the object of her obsession. And Ms. Crane...she and Officer Wuis are like these characters from a cheesy Harlequin romance."
"Kay!" Simone scolded. "If Ethan wants to stay married to Theresa that's his choice." "More like fatal mistake," Kay crossed her arms. "Do you know what she's doing now? Handing out invitations to a Christmas party at the Crane Mansion. A slumber party. In her and Ethan's bedroom. I'll let you in on a little secret, Simone," Kay whispered conspiratorially. "She has NSYNC posters plastered all over the wall up there. All the boy bands. And good ole hubby, too." "How?" Simone sputtered. Kay shrugged her shoulders. A devious twinkle in her dark eyes. "The door's always open. Apparently any lunatic can get in," she said. Casting a pointed look Theresa's way. "Theresa hardly got the Dynasty fantasy she's been dreaming of. It's more like the Addams Family over there."
"Kay," Miguel chuckled. "It's not that bad." "Sure...sure..this from the boy who's new favorite activity is to mooch off the baddies in town. How do Julian and sweet Charity get along?" Miguel's brown eyes glazed over at the sound of Charity's name. "Charity...I have to go find her." “Bye…Zombie Boy,” Kay sighed. Thank the good Lord I finally got over you, Miguel. Oh sure…you’re still nice to look at. And my oldest friend. Simone smiled at the Toothache Twosome. “They’re so…” “Sweet. I know, Simone. And I’m happy for them.” Simone looked at her incredulously. “Really,” Kay said. “Miguel IS a dreamboat. Yeah…with the personality of a plank of wood.” “Kay Bennett! Are you sure you’re not sick?” Kay slapped Simone’s hand away from her forehead. “I’m 100%. Look Simone…hate to run. But…” Simone raised a shaky hand to her OWN forehead as she watched Kay fall into step beside Reese and traipse into Ms. Crane’s classroom. “Toto…I have a feeling we aren’t in Kansas anymore,” she muttered under her breath.
The bell rang, and students scattered to and fro. Rushing to their respective classes. It WAS Finals Week, after all. “Alright class…this is it,” Sheridan smiled. Perching herself on the edge of her desk. “The end. Fini,” she said in a stage whisper. Whoops and hollers sounded from the back of the classroom, and the pout on Sheridan’s lips lasted maybe a full 10 seconds. “I love you, too, Bradley,” she grinned. Batting her eyelashes. She hopped down from her desk. Grabbing a stack of papers a mountain high. “Jeez, Ms. Crane,” Kay grumbled. “Are those our lumps of coal?” a tiny, timid brunette from the back corner winced. “You guys,” Sheridan laughed. “It’s Christmas. And I don’t look like The Grinch. Do I?” “No. I’d say…you look more like an elf,” Kay snickered. “With a gigantic hickey on your neck,” she hissed. Cracking up when Sheridan blushed a deep red to match her festive outfit.
The Final? Well…it was a cinch. Kay really couldn’t believe how easy it was. She actually got kind of choked up when she handed in her paper. “Kay,” Sheridan teased. “Is that…wait…let me look a little bit closer. Yes, it is,” she smiled. “I’m going to miss you, too.” “Okay. Okay,” Kay raised her dark brows. “I liked your class. A lot more than I thought I would.” “So…,” Sheridan ventured. Waving goodbye to Miguel and Charity. “Does that mean you’ll be taking the second session next semester?” “Anything’s possible,” Kay grinned. “Besides…someone has to keep you on your toes. Hey! What was that for?” Kay cried when Sheridan thumped her on the backside with her very own test. “Child abuse! Don’t think I won’t do it,” she challenged. The twinkle in Sheridan’s blue eyes told Kay she was on to her game. “Wow! It only took you half a year.” “Go on, Kay. Shoo!” Sheridan laughed. Following her out the open door. Right into Theresa’s path.
“Ms….Sheridan…Ms. Crane…Oh! You’re family now. You don’t mind me calling you Sheridan. Do you?” Theresa bubbled. Extending a…er, helping hand. Sheridan winced as she rubbed her elbow gingerly. “No. I don’t mind. But Theresa…I’d prefer it if you’d call me Ms. Crane during school.” “No problem,” Theresa nodded her head vigorously. Kay made goofy faces behind Theresa’s back. “Ms. Crane,” Theresa gushed. “I’m having a Christmas party. Maybe Ethan’s told you about it already.” Sheridan opened her mouth to say ‘no’, but Theresa plowed ahead. “Anyway…it’s just…me and the girls. And I…you’re invited,” she said with a silly grin. “Please say you’ll come,” Theresa pleaded. Shoving the hot pink invitation in Sheridan’s hand. “You’re Ethan’s favorite aunt, and my brother…Luis is crazy for you. I want to get to know you better,” Theresa said breathlessly. Bouncing on the balls of her feet. “I…uh…Theresa…I…” “OH! THANK YOU SO MUCH!” Theresa squealed. Hugging Sheridan tightly before skipping back down the hall. Kay snatched the invitation from Sheridan’s hand. “Barbie! I bet you all play Truth or Dare and fill out all those stupid polls from Seventeen magazine. And to think…for a split second there I was upset I didn’t rank high enough with the Lethal Weapon to score an invite. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya!” Kay shot over her shoulder as she hurried to her next class.
Chapter 49
“Hhhhhhhaaaaaaavvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeee yoursssssseeeeellllllllfffffffffff a Merry little Christmas,” Julian bellowed over his brandy glass. “Aww. Mr. Crane…,” Theresa bubbled. “I love your Santa hat.” “Tank you,” Julian slurred. “Theresa,” Ethan whined. “A slumber party? A slumber party?” he shook his head. “THIS is what I have to look forward to in my last days,” Ivy muttered under her breath. “Theresa, dear,” she said sweetly. “Would you like some eggnog?” “Oh! Yes, I would,” Theresa said enthusiastically. Ivy poured her a glass and held it out to her. “Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! They’re here! They’re here!” Theresa squealed. Ivy rolled her eyes and raised the glass to her own lips. “Diddums,” Julian practically purred in her ear. “Want to thake dis party upthairs? I can thing for you. Your wish is my command. What thong would you like to hear?” Julian asked. The bell attached to his red cap made the most annoying noise as his head bobbed up and down. “I think I’m going to be sick,” Ivy gagged. “Ches—NUTS,” Julian’s voice came out as a high squeak as her knee met with a..um…sensitive place. “Roasting on an open fire,” he finished weakly.
“Jenn! You came!” Theresa jumped up and down excitedly. The look on her face matched the deer in the headlights look that seemed to be a permanent expression on Ethan’s face these past two months. “Amy! Lisa!” “You forgot me!” Kay squealed. Holding her arms out wide. “But…but…” “I’m Ms. Crane’s guest. Aren’t I, Ms. Crane?” Theresa smiled giddily at the sight of Sheridan. “The slumber party wouldn’t be complete without you,” she sighed. “And I brought Simone along as my guest. She’s never seen the inside of the Mansion before,” Kay piped up obnoxiously. Dragging Simone inside. “Julian? What’s wrong with you?” Sheridan asked curiously when she caught sight of her brother hunched over in the corner. “Little Julian isn’t feeling well,” Ivy said dryly. “Little Julian? Mrs. Crane! I didn’t know you and Mr. Crane had a son named Little Julian. Aww….how cute!” Julian swore under his breath as Ivy’s eggnog dripped into his eyes. “Mother!” Ethan exclaimed. “How come you never told me about another brother?” Sheridan rolled her eyes. “This is going to be a long night,” Kay mumbled beside her. “Hey! Where’s the kitchen?”
The doorbell rang, and Theresa scrambled to answer it. “Theresa!” Whitney laughed at the sight of her best friend’s impersonation of a gymnast doing the splits. Theresa grabbed hold of Whitney’s hand. And they knocked heads on the way up. “Sis,” Luis shook his head. “Can’t you keep yourself out of trouble?” Theresa’s brown eyes lit up. “Luis! Wait a minute…why are you here? This party is only for girls. No boys allowed.” Luis’s brown eyes searched the room over for Sheridan. “Uh…I came to keep Ethan company,” Luis came up with a quick answer. “Oh Luis! I’m so happy you want to get closer to Ethan. We really are one big happy family,” Theresa gushed. “Hi Luis,” Ethan said boredly. Luis could practically see the word “HELP” flashing like a neon sign on the kid’s forehead. But hey! It wasn’t his problem. Ethan was the Harvard-educated lawyer. Let him figure this one out on his own. “Sheridan!” Luis lit up like a…well…a Christmas tree when he saw her. “Ooo,” Kay grinned evilly. “This party IS going to be fun. The things we can do, Simone.” “Kay…”
“Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer!” Theresa sang gleefully. Stringing popcorn for the tree. “This is going to look so pretty, isn’t it?” “Yeah,” Ethan said. Popping another kernel into his mouth. Theresa held up her homemade decoration. “That’s weird. It never gets any bigger.” Whitney bit her lip to keep from laughing when Ethan’s face blushed a bright red. “A family trait, I see?” Luis teased. “But red is definitely your color. Doesn’t do too much for the good ole brother-in-law.” “Luis,” Sheridan elbowed him. “Be nice.” “They’re like Dumb and Dumber,” Simone said boredly. “But I can’t tell who’s who?” “Where’s Ivy?” Kay questioned. “I think I saw her…you know what, Kay? I don’t know where she went.” “Come on, Simone. Let’s go upstairs.” Simone looked back at the dwindling circle of people. “…then after we get back from caroling, we’ll come back and watch NSYNC’S Christmas special. Won’t it be so fun, Whit?” “Okay,” Simone agreed readily. “I think they have the right idea,” Sheridan giggled. Watching Kay and Simone disappear up the stairs. “Ms. Crane? Where’s the bathroom?” Lisa, Jenn, and Amy chimed.
“Luis,” Sheridan gasped as her back hit the door. The upstairs bathroom door to be exact. “What?” Luis mumbled against her neck. “Not here,” she managed to squeak. “Come on, Ms. Crane,” Luis whined. “This is so much more fun than…” “Luis!” Sheridan scolded. “Your own sister!” Luis grinned at her. “Yeah, well…” Sheridan laughed and threaded her fingers through his. “Come on. I’ll show you my old room.” “Ooo. Your old room. The possibilities.” “Shut up,” Sheridan giggled against his lips. “Shh,” Luis put a finger to his lips. “I think someone’s outside.” “Kay! Kay Bennett! Where are you taking me? You’re going to get me in trouble again, aren’t you?” Sheridan and Luis scooted down the hall unnoticed. “Bingo!” Kay yelled triumphantly. “What?” Simone asked dumbly. “I don’t get it.” “This is Theresa’s bathroom.” “What? How? Doesn’t she share a bathroom with Ethan?” “Nope,” Kay shook her head. “Only enough room for her eyeshadow. Her lipstick and blush are in here. With all her other stuff.” “Kay! What is that? Oh my…” Kay cackled devilishly as she put krazy glue around the edges of Theresa’s wand of lipstick. “With any luck…she’ll never be able to say another word.” “Permanent ink in her blush! Kay Bennett…you really are evil incarnate.” “Simone…you wound me.”
“But Whit! Where’d they all go?” Theresa trembled. “Theresa…Honey…” “I know!” Theresa shouted for joy. “Don’t you get it, Whit? Hide and seek! How come I always have to be the one that seeks?” “Mrs. Crane…” Theresa bubbled when Ivy descended the stairs on shaky legs. “Shoo. Hide. I’ll find you.” Ivy arched a golden brow at her daughter-in-law. Hiding didn’t sound like such a bad idea. “Okay, Dear. Close your eyes,” Ivy played along. When Theresa opened her brown eyes…she was all alone. “This is so much fun!” she cried. Bounding up the stairs. Two at a time. Until the top step jumped right up and hit her in the face. “Ow!” “Dammit!” Jenn hissed down the hall. “The Terminator is on the loose again.” Lisa and Amy’s faces were ghostly pale with fear. “In here,” Jenn motioned. Julian blinked his eyes once. Twice. Three times. “Julian…you muthst have been a good boy. A very good boy,” he grinned idiotically. Hugging himself. “Come in, come in.” Jenn shrugged her shoulders, and Amy and Lisa crept closer and closer. Amy snickered. “Love your Grinch boxers, Mr. Crane.” “Grinch boxers! Oh my god! I…I…I think I’m going to be si--------------------------“ Lisa heaved. “Not on the carpet,” Julian winced. Too late. Oh! What the hell! “Girls…would you care for a drink?” Jenn’s eyes went wide. An adult…practically begging them to drink alcohol. “Sure thing, Mr. Crane,” she smiled. Flopping down on the bed beside him.
“Ethan! Ethan! Where are you?” Whitney called. “Great, Whitney,” she muttered under her breath. “That’s it. Get lost in this big ole mansion.” The Christmas lights blinked outside. A thousand flashes of brilliant color. And Whitney suddenly had an idea. She rubbed her arms roughly at the gust of cold air when she pushed the window open and climbed outside. “Ethan! Mrs. Crane!” “Shut the window, Whitney! Hurry! Quick!” Ethan said in a blind panic. Ivy clutched the thick blanket around her shoulders. “Nice view, isn’t it?” The lights of Harmony twinkled back at them. “Yes. It is,” Whitney agreed. “OH! THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!” Theresa babbled to herself. Ethan shrank back from the window. Not daring to breathe. “Coast clear,” he finally whispered. Exhaling a huge sigh of relief. “I think we’re safe for now,” Ivy agreed. “Marshmallow, Whitney? You’re Dr. Russell’s daughter, aren’t you?” Whitney could only nod dumbly when Ivy produced a thermos of hot chocolate and some mugs. “She never finds us out here,” Ivy said simply.
Sheridan knelt on her knees in front of Luis. “Sher…I feel…I don’t know...” “Shut up, Luis,” Sheridan laughed. Kissing him teasingly on the lips. Luis moaned and kissed her back. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Luis panted. “We waited this long…we can wait a little while longer…” “Luis,” Sheridan smiled. A finger on his swollen lips. “We’ve waited too long. You’re killing me,” she groaned. Running her hands up and down his muscled chest. “I love you. I want to make love to you. With you. As long as I’m with you…that’s all that matters. YOU make it perfect. Not the place. Not the time. Not the..” Luis cut her off with a kiss. One more passionate than the one before it. And eased her back against the pillows. “I love you,” he smiled tenderly in the darkness. Slipping his hands underneath her red sweater and bringing the material up with them. “COME OUT! COME OUT! WHEREVER YOU ARE!” Sheridan shook with laughter. Luis grabbed one of the stuffed animals from the mountain high pile they’d scattered in the floor earlier and crammed it into her mouth to stifle her giggles. She only laughed harder. “AHA!” Theresa threw open the door. “FOUND YOU! Oh my goodness!” she said. Covering her eyes at Sheridan’s appearance. “Ms. Crane…I’m so sorry.”
Simone watched. Entranced as the last of Theresa’s ‘normal’ make-up whirled down the commode. “That’s it,” Kay sighed in satisfaction. “Now she has no other choices…she’ll have to wear this,” she brandished the krazy glue lipstick and permanent ink stained blush. “And only this. She’s going to freak out the little kids at Midnight Mass. She’s going to scare the whole town @!$%less.” Simone dangled her feet back and forth from the bathroom counter. “This bathroom is the size of our kitchen. Can you imagine living like this? It’s so unfair.” “I know,” Kay growled. “The Lethal Weapon stumbles onto all this. But I’m not jealous, Simone. She’s married to Forrest. Thank God she put him out of commission. I I shudder to think…married to that Dimbulb.” Simone giggled and kicked her feet back and forth. “Jeez, Simone. You’re getting as bad as her,” Kay teased. Stooping down to turn the waist basket right side up. “Hey! What’s this…OH MY GOD! NO FREAKING WAY!” “Kay? What? You’re scaring me,” Simone said in a complete panic. “Ew,” she scrunched up her nose. “It’s a…” “…pregnancy test,” Kay finished. “A pregnancy test? A PREGNANCY TEST! Kay! There’s a plus sign.” “I should just kill myself now. The Terror’s pregnant. This whole world’s going to Hell in a handbasket.”
“WHAT did you say?” Ivy demanded.
Chapter 50
“A what?” Luis roared. Ivy’s blue green eyes flashed at him. “A pregnancy test,” Simone whispered. “And it’s positive,” Kay grumbled. “With the kind of gene pool this kid’ll have…Come on, Simone. We have to get to the church quick.” Simone stared at her open-mouthed. “But…” “I’m telling you, Simone. I’m afraid for my life. We have to get to the church.” “Why?” “To pray!” Kay shuddered. “This is awful. This is a nightmare.” Sheridan finally shut HER open mouth. “THERESA!” Luis’s voice echoed down the endless halls. “Luis,” Sheridan placated. “She and Ethan ARE married.” Ivy lifted a shaky hand to her brow. “And it could be…” “THERESA!” A loud crash sounded from…Julian’s room. “I think we found her,” Sheridan said. “Maybe not,” she muttered as Jenn, Lisa, and Amy flew by them “AAAHHHH!!!” “Girls! Oh girls!” Julian called. Staggering out of his bedroom. “Come back! I thought you wanted to be Santa’s elves.” “JULIAN! YOU PIG!” Ivy screeched. “Whitney? Have you seen Theresa?” Luis questioned. Whitney rubbed her arms briskly. “She and Ethan left early for Midnight Mass. Wait a minute…what’s going on?” “I’m not too sure,” Sheridan answered her. Running after Luis. Ivy and Whitney raced after her. Julian stumbled down the stairs. Santa costume and all. “Where’s my reindeer when I need them?”
“Would you stop following me like a lost puppy?” Gwen grumbled. Crossing her arms and walking ahead of Hank. “It’s been like this for the past two months. I should have Luis arrest you for stalking,” she said matter-of-factly. Hank’s grin was so bright…”What? Do I have…what?” she asked anxiously. “Hank…it’s cold out here. And I’m going to be late for…” “Do you really think I’m cute?” Gwen rolled her brown eyes without thinking. “YOU! Always fishing for compliments.” Hank caught her by the arm before she could stalk off. “Do you have fun with me?” he asked. Creeping closer. Gwen was getting more flustered by the minute. “Do you…” “W-W-W-hat?” Gwen gulped. The height difference wasn’t so bad, she told herself. It was kind of nice. Being eye-level with someone. Without shoes, of course. “You have nice eyes,” she blurted. “You didn’t answer my questions,” Hank smirked. Lifting his hand to her cheek. A soft sigh left Gwen’s lips as his knuckles grazed her cheek. “W-W-W-hat are you doing?” she stammered as his lips inched closer to hers. “Okay…okay…I find you…somewhat attractive,” she muttered. Pushing him away weakly. “Not good enough,” Hank shook his head. Brown eyes twinkling as he leaned in closer. “You’re…dammit Hank! What’s going…” Gwen leaned her forehead against his and took a shaky breath. After one the best kisses of her life. She was sure they could work their way up to mind-blowing with lots of practice. “Yes,” she admitted grudgingly. “To?” “All of the above,” she sighed. Hank grinned in delight. “I love mistletoe, don’t you?”
“Mama,” Theresa bubbled. Looping her arm through Pilar’s. “This is the best Christmas ever! All my dreams have finally come true.” Pilar smiled at her young daughter. She WAS ridiculously happy. Theresa let go of Pilar’s arm and skipped ahead. “ETHAN! Let’s make snow angels!” “Theresita!” Pilar called. To deaf ears. Charity giggled at her side. “She’s such a…” “Child?” Miguel laughed. “Come on, Charity. Let’s go get a seat.” “Pilar,” Eve greeted. “So nice to see you. Theresa’s still on cloud 9, I see.” T.C. looked away in slight embarrassment. “Where’s Luis?” “Right here,” Luis answered. “Mama? Have you seen Theresa? It’s very important I talk to her.” “Mijo…what about? Sheridan?” Sheridan’s blue eyes shied away from Pilar’s scrutiny. “I’m afraid this news is not for the faint of heart,” Ivy quipped. “MR. CRANE! IS THAT YOU?” “Oh dear god…,” Eve muttered in disbelief. “A Santa suit? I knew you liked to…role-play…but isn’t this taking it a tad too far?” “What did you…Eve? How did you…” UH OH! “Oh! Mr. Crane!” Grace cooed. “The kids are going to LOVE you. How wonderful!” Sam glared at Julian. “You, you naughty boy, are getting a lump of coal in your stocking,” Julian blustered. Playing the part. “Eve? How did you know…” “T.C…Honey…I think it’s time we went inside and got a seat.”
Julian stumbled down the aisle. Ivy hung her head in mortification when he slumped in the pew beside her. “WHY are we here, Diddums?” he hiccuped. “Mr. Crane’s looking a bit green around the gills, don’t you think Simone?” Kay giggled. “I would too. I mean…if I just found out my daughter-in-law—with hot pink cotton candy for brains—was about to pop out the spawn of Forrest Gump’s twin, I wouldn’t just be green around the gills. I…” Simone shifted restlessly in her seat. “There’s Gwen!” Kay grinned. “With Uncle Hank! They’re holding hands! Actually…she’s trying to shake his off. But…they still make a cute couple. I was thinking…” “This seat taken?” Chad interrupted. A smirk on his lips. The peanut gallery. “No,” Whitney smiled. “Simone doesn’t mind. Do you, Simone?” “Do I mind? NO!” Simone rushed. Kay clamped a hand over her mouth. “Simone! Father Lonagin’s blind. Not deaf!” “HELP ME!” All heads turned to witness Victim #89…900-something topple to the ground. Well…to say it was a domino effect was a huge understatement. “Look at that…Lethal Weapon’s tears are good for something,” Kay snickered. “She put out the fire.” Chad and Simone laughed so hard the pew shook. Whitney couldn’t help a tiny smile.
Sheridan threaded her fingers through Luis’s. “Oh Luis…it’s so beautiful. I hate to think I’ve missed this for so long.” Luis lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her palm. “You won’t have to miss it. Ever again,” he promised. Sheridan cuddled closer. And Luis felt this amazing feeling wash over him. This was right. This was…what he wanted to do forever. Hold her. Be this happy. “Sheridan,” he whispered in her ear. Unable to stop himself. “This is the best Christmas.” Her blue eyes smiled up at him. “It is,” she said softly. “I want all my Christmases to be like this,” he said. Reaching over and taking both her hands in his. “Luis,” she laughed self-consciously. “What are you doing? And why are you doing it in the middle of Christmas Mass?” Luis’s brown eyes looked away in embarrassment. “Everyone’s looking. Aren’t they?” Kay gave them a thumbs-up sign. And Theresa bounced giddily. When did the girl not bounce with excitement, Sheridan wondered. Pilar watched them with careful eyes. “Yes,” she blushed. “No one’s paying attention to Father Lonagin.” “We can’t have that,” Luis smiled. Tugging her after him down the aisle. Kay, Simone, Chad, Whitney…everyone nearly broke their necks trying to see what was happening. Except Theresa, that is. Theresa…well, she just jumped to her feet and skipped down the aisle after them. “Theresita,” Pilar hissed. “Come back.”
“Luis,” Sheridan stared at his handsome face in open astonishment as he led her outside. Under the stars. And softly falling snow. “What is this all about?” “Sheridan…Marry me,” Luis blurted. “M-M-Marry you,” Sheridan sputtered. “You want me to marry you?” Luis’s face fell. “You don’t want to. It’s too soon. I’m sorry. I mean…I don’t even have a ring for you. I was…it’s just…your face in the candlelight. The sparkle in your eyes. The feeling I get when I’m with you, Sheridan,” he said quietly. Brushing a snowflake from her blond hair. “There’s never been anything like it. And I know there never will. I want to capture this feeling. So that it never ends. But I shouldn’t have…I jumped the gun. We haven’t known each other that long. I’m sorry…” “Luis,” Sheridan laughed lightheartedly. Happy tears shimmering in her blue eyes. “It’s okay, Sheridan. Really. I understand. I…” “YES! Yes, I’ll marry you,” Sheridan exclaimed. Throwing her arms around Luis’s neck. “Yes?” “Yes,” she repeated. “Have you ever seen ‘Jerry Maguire’, Luis?” A slow grin spread over Luis’s face. “You had me from ‘hello’,” Sheridan kissed his lips gently. Her radiant smile making her glow. “Really?” Luis teased. “Really,” Sheridan kissed him again.
“Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness!” Theresa burst back through the church’s doors yelling. Father Lonagin paused mid-sermon, and all eyes turned to the exuberant girl. “LUIS JUST ASKED MS. CRANE TO MARRY HIM. AND SHE SAID ‘YES’!” “YES!” Kay shouted. “Sorry, Father Lonagin,” she apologized. Father Lonagin smiled. “No need. Such news as this…is good news indeed. And calls for celebration. AFTER Midnight Mass,” he said gently. “Sheridan must be so happy,” Gwen smiled at Hank. “Luis, too. Are you happy?” he asked. Brown eyes studying her. She thought about their earlier kiss. “Yeah…I’m happy.” Grace beamed from ear to ear. And Sam couldn’t help a smile himself. Maybe not all Cranes were bad. “Ethan,” Theresa bubbled. Plopping down beside him. “Isn’t this the best news?” “Best news?” Julian grumbled. “My sister. Married to Officer Low—Lopez-Fitzgerald,” he amended at Ethan’s pointed look. “I’m sure nothing can top that,” he mumbled. Voice dripping with sarcasm. “Think again, Julian,” Ivy said. Not without a small measure of glee at his pending hours and days and months and years of torture. “Luis is not the only new member of the Crane family.” Julian puffed out his chest. Looking utterly ridiculous dressed as old Saint Nick. “Really, Diddums? What can possibly ruin my Christmas more?” Ivy crossed her arms about her chest. “I’m pregnant,” she announced with a shudder. “PREG-----PREG---“. And all the little children of Harmony screamed in horror when Santa Claus passed out cold. “MOMMY! WHAT ABOUT MY PRESENTS?”
Graduation Day
“Dumb…dumb, dumb, dumb, ddduuummmbbb, dumb. Dumb…dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb,” Kay hummed under her breath as Harmony’s graduating class of 2000 plodded along the entire perimeter of the football field to get to the podium! “Kay,” Jessica pinched her arm. “Ouch!” Kay grumbled. “Do that again and you’re toast, Jess,” she warned. Jessica rolled her eyes at her older sister. “You won’t think it’s so dumb next year when it’s you.” “Whatever,” Kay shot back. “At this rate…damn Theresa! Did you see that?” Kay hissed as a hush went over the crowd. “ETHAN!” Theresa waved wildly. Conveniently forgetting to watch WHERE she was going. “She plowed Jenn over like a Mack truck,” Kay shook her head. “Lethal Weapon strikes again.”
Simone snickered. “Kay…I hope you know you’re being taped,” she told her. Pointing the video cam right at her. “Dr. Russell…Coach Russell…you should seriously consider taking out a life insurance policy on Whitney. Being Theresa’s best friend is simply not safe. It’s detrimental to her physical health. And I’m not even going to go into the mental health aspects. Let’s just say Theresa…O-H…M-Y…G-O-D! Reese FINALLY made it!” Simone followed her best friend with the camera…OKAY, she thought. Zooming back in on her sister’s happy face. That kiss was NOT PG-13! Mrs. Bennett would surely suffer a case of hysterical blindness, and Chief Bennett might never let Kay out of the house again.
Eh…Whitney’s smile was frozen in place as Principal Reid stammered over the list of the Graduating Class of 2000’s accomplishments. When he called out Theresa’s name as Homecoming Queen, she stood on shaky legs and squealed “ETHAN!” “I almost feel sorry for him,” Kay muttered. “The Tammy Faye look is back in full force. It’s a damn shame. All that makeup. Just drizzling down her face…look at her gown, Simone. It looks like a friggin’ rainbow!” “Rainbows are so pretty,” Charity sighed. “But not as pretty as you, Charity,” Miguel parroted. Kay and Simone looked at each other. And all they could do was laugh. “Miguel? Are you sure you weren’t accidentally transported from the early 1950’s to the year 2000 in a freak accident or scientific experiment a la ‘Back To The Future’?” “Good one, Reese,” Chad chuckled.
“Look! There’s Uncle Hank! Hey Uncle Hank! Gwen! Up here!” “Kay,” Simone frowned. Pointing at the video cam once more. “Gwen,” Kay yanked Gwen down beside her. “Anything important you want to tell me?” she smirked. Raising her hand up eye-level an d giving it careful inspection. “Uncle Hank! Get your hiney in gear! I thought you were going…” Hank’s hand motions were frantic. “Going to what?” Gwen looked at her with sparkling brown eyes. “Oh! It’s too late, Uncle Hank. She knows! She knows already! You sneak!” Gwen’s cheeks turned the most amazing hue of red Kay had ever seen. “Knows what?” Hank played dumb. “Simone! Get this on tape! Forget about Whitney and the Terminator! This is SO much better than watching Theresa crying buckets and washing the whole population of Harmony away in a freak flash flood.” “Hank…,” Gwen knelt on bended knee. “I got tired of waiting,” she smiled mischievously. “So I thought I’d take matters into my own hands. Will you marry me?” A slow, lazy grin broke out over Hank’s face, and his brown eyes darted around to make sure EVERYONE was looking. Kay slapped his arm. “Say something before she turns blue down there. A person can only hold their breath so long.” “Yeah. I’ll marry you,” he finally answered. “We don’t do anything normal, do we?” he laughed as he pulled a ring box out of his trouser pocket. Gwen’s eyes sparkled with happiness as he slipped the diamond on her finger. “You’re too damn short to do the whole one knee thing.”
Simone panned the video around the crowd. Searching for one person…er, make that couple in particular. The soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Lopez-Fitzgerald! “Ah…the Honeymooners. Geez! You’d think they’d save something for the actual honeymoon,” Kay commented. “Twenty bucks says they haven’t even done IT yet.” “So concerned with others’ sex lives,” Gwen shook her head disapprovingly. “Uh!” Charity gasped. “Oh, Gwen,” Kay grinned. “I forgot to tell you…you’re not allowed to talk about S-E-X in front of Pollyanna and Jimmy Bean,” she hissed. “Charity thinks ‘Happily Ever After’ is it. Fini. Kaput. She has no clue what goes on the wedding night. And I’m beginning to think Miguel doesn’t either. Such a shame. I mean…look at the role model he had. Luis is Ms. Crane’s own personal sex god.” Gwen’s shoulders shook with laughter. “Would you look at them? If Principal Reid wasn’t so busy trying to keep Theresa on two feet, he’d fire her for sure.” “Wow!” Jessica whispered. “Cover your eyes, Jessica,” Gwen snorted. “You’re too young to see THAT.” “Father Lonagin’ll probably have to physically break them apart tomorrow at the wedding,” Kay muttered. “Weddings are so beautiful,” Charity sighed blissfully. “But not as beautiful as you, Charity,” Miguel grinned goofily.
“This has got to be the biggest group of dumbasses in the history of Harmony,” Kay sighed heavily. “I mean, for Theresa to be 3rd in her class…” “I heard there used to be a landfill around here not too long ago,” Reese quirked a brow at his girlfriend. “THAT explains it!” “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN…BROTHERS AND SISTERS…HUSBANDS AND WIVES…” “Ahem,” Principal Reid cleared his throat. Theresa’s brown eyes glittered with tears, and her shaking was visible even from where they were sitting. On the very top row! “I ALWAYS BELIEVED IN FATE SINCE I WAS A TINY, BEAUTIFUL LITTLE GIRL GROWING UP DREAMING ABOUT MARRYING THE MAN OF MY DREAMS. HI ETHAN!” she paused to wave at her hubby. “She still ain’t legal,” Kay mused. “If this town wasn’t full of morons…most of present company excluded, legislature would pass making it illegal for her and Dimbulb to procreate.” “IT WAS MY DESTINY TO BECOME MRS. ETHAN CRANE. FATE MADE ME WHAT I AM TODAY.” “Fate Schmate. Yeah. Good one, Stalkerita.” “Kay!” Simone hissed. “…WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS HOW HONORED I AM…” “Blah, blah, blah. You know what would really be hell? Ethan running for political office. And Theresa,” Kay shuddered violently, “being his First Lady.”
“Hey! Ms. Crane and Loverboy are leaving,” Kay stood up. “No fair. Come on, Reese,” she tugged him by the hand. Reese gasped for air as he tried to keep up with Kay. “Luis!” Kay scolded. “Leaving your own sister’s graduation ceremony? I want to come,” she whined. “Me, too,” Simone pleaded. The video cam still rolling. “Sheridan? What’s going on?” Gwen asked. “Ivy’s in labor. Right now,” Sheridan rushed. “We have to get to the hospital.” “Wait for me!” Eve flagged them down. “YOU’RE Ivy Crane’s doctor?” Kay said incredulously. “Dr. Ruth is out of town,” Eve explained. “And I’m on call.” “We can’t all fit into Luis’s jeep,” Kay grumbled. “Where’s Dad? This is NOT the kind of thing you can be late for.” “That’s why Sheridan’s going to drive,” Luis smirked. “Oh no! You can’t be serious! She’s a terrible driver!” “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Kay,” Sheridan rolled her blue eyes. Turning the key in the ignition. “I’m here,” Sam yelled. “Hop on, Eve,” Sam ordered. Revving up Miguel’s motorcycle. “I’ll get you to the hospital in time!” Kay rubbed her eyes with her fists, and Jessica grabbed hold of her arm for support. “This is surreal.”
Somehow they all made it to the hospital in one piece. “OOOOOHHHHH! OOOOOHHHHH!” a pitiful voice moaned. “This is all your fault!” “Dirty Old Man!” Kay shouted. “Ivy!” Sheridan laughed. The entire gang raced down the hall. “Simone!” Kay grinned deviously. “You have got to get THIS on tape.” Simone blanched. “Uh…no thanks!” Kay took the camcorder from her hands and ducked behind Eve. “Kay Bennett! You’re not allowed in here.” “He,” Kay pointed at Julian, “hired me to tape this blessed event.” Ivy snatched a clamp from the nurse’s hands and started beating Julian over the head with it. “See? Primo evidence for the murder trial,” Kay piped up. “Uh! You disgusting pig!” Ivy screamed. “I hate you! I hate you!” “DIDDUMS!” Julian held his hands over his head defensively. “But I don’t hate you.” Ivy’s blue green eyes softened. For a millisecond! Make that a millisecond of a millisecond. “Push Ivy! Push!” “Uh…EWWW!” Kay covered her eyes with her hands. “I think you’re an awesome lady, Mrs. Crane. But I never wanted to know you THAT well.”
Outside in the waiting room…Sheridan rested comfortably in Luis’s lap. Nuzzling his cheek. “I love you, Luis. I can’t wait…” “Can’t wait ‘til what?” Luis asked with an engaging smile. Sheridan lifted a hand to his face and traced his features lovingly. “I can’t wait to start a family together.” Luis wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer. “Me, either.” “They’re so sweet,” Gwen sighed. “What?” Hank shrugged his shoulders. “And we’re not sweet?” Gwen snorted. “Hardly,” she ran her fingers through his brown hair. “But that’s how I like it.” “Babies are such gifts,” Charity smiled a saccharine smile. “But not as much…” “Would you please can it?” Jessica shouted. “We get it! You’re in love! Big deal.” “Way to go, Jess,” Simone gave her a high five. “OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!” Theresa cried frantically. “WE DIDN’T MISS ANYTHING, DID WE?” Ethan caught her before she did the splits on the hospital floor. “AAAAAHHHHH!!! JULIAN!!! I’M GOING TO KILL YOU AS SOON AS EVE GETS THIS THING OUT OF ME!” “Oh my god! It’s got a brandy stuck to its lips! Oh! That’s a hand! Thank goodness! How embarrassing would that be?” Kay’s snickering could be heard plainly. Followed by a baby’s lusty screams.
“It’s a girl!” Kay ducked her head out to announce.
“A really big girl,” she grinned later. “!0 pounds! Brandy Champagne Crane!” “Poor kid,” Luis commiserated. “Julian had a concussion. He wasn’t…nevermind,” Sheridan rolled her eyes. “Julian’s never been in his right mind.” “What’s Ivy’s excuse?” Gwen smiled when the…well…tiny just wasn’t the appropriate word…baby grasped her pinkie. “With a name like that,” Reese shook his head. “Mr. Crane will never drink a drop again.” “Ooo,” Jessica cooed. “She has Mrs. Crane’s eyes.” “Excuse me,” Eve knocked on the door. “I think the ‘happy’ family deserves their rest now. It’s been a long, trying day.” Simone backed out of the room. Capturing it all on film. “That’s it, Kids. I hope you enjoyed my public announcement. And remember…always use protection. Or this…,” she stretched her arms out to reveal Ivy passed out on the hospital bed. Drool clearly visible. Julian. Unconscious in the bed beside her (Mrs. Crane was a woman of her word; the arraignment was set for next week). “…could be the result. The happy family,” Kay sighed. “CUT!” This was one graduation video she couldn’t wait to see. :)
This story is the property of the author. Copyright 2001. Nothing may be reprinted in whole or in part without the written permission of the author.
School Daze- Copyright © 2001 - All Rights Reserved.
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