I walk alone through town, noticing the pitiful glances from passersby. He’s gone, has been for months and yet I can’t face the fact that he isn’t around anymore. Harmony is so cold and lonely without him, so empty. The homey feeling that I had whenever he was around is long since gone…

We buried him on Christmas day. It is one holiday I will never celebrate again because there is no cause for celebration. I lost the only man I was ever meant to love.

We buried an empty coffin; we never did find the body down in Bermuda after the hurricane. I can remember walking along the shore, well more like crawling, looking for him after being washed up on the beach. Somehow we found each other; though how is nothing short of a miracle. I clung to him then, whispering how much I loved him and how glad I was that he had survived. There and then, we made love in a sandy alcove before the storm hit. But when the storm hit, we were again torn apart and I lost him that time, never to see him again.

To think back on it hurts terribly. We had so many dreams, so many plans and now I don’t have him. I wonder where he could be, where he finally washed up and if I’ll ever find him. Then I remember he’s gone and there’s no hope of finding him. Luis is dead.

Am I sorry that I fell in love with him? That we went to Bermuda and had one last memorable moment together? No, because I was blessed to at least meet him. Having that chance to have him in my life, even briefly, is the reason I keep on going, the reason I survive. To know Luis Lopez-Fitzgerald is an honor that I thank God every day for.

And yet that honor has caused me more pain then I can ever bear.

Everywhere I look I always see Luis. He’s everywhere: in the Youth Center where I am now director to his bedroom at Pilar’s house where I am currently living. Yes, I live with his family and I sleep with his picture beside his bed. The room still smells of his cologne and his uniform still hangs pristinely on the back of his door in the plastic wrapper from the dry cleaners. I wear his grandmother’s ring everywhere, refusing to take it off for even a moment, and I dream about him every night.

When I close my eyes, the first thing I see is Luis’ face when he found me on the beach back in Bermuda. I can hear his voice whisper, “Sheridan, is that you?” the statement full of disbelief. Then his strong, warm arms surround my shivering body and he sobs, hugging me close. “I love you,” he whispers over and over. “I was so afraid I lost you.”

I begin to cry too, seeing the bomb again in my mind, the timer counting down before the deafening boom as the ship blew up. I remember the waves pulling me along as I nearly drown in their brutal force and still I am there with him again…

But when I open my eyes, he’s gone again and I’m alone in this God forsaken little town. But I can’t leave because this is where my heart is. He owns my heart even from the other side and I will always reserve it for him. I refuse to give it away again and I won’t leave the last place we called home…

Harmony.

People try to tell me that Luis is always with me and I guess he is, thought I’m not sure how I’ll ever make it without him. I cut off all ties with my family, I know that would please him, and I’m determined to find out what the Cranes did to Martin Fitzgerald. I’m doing that for both of us. But it’s so terribly cold out tonight and it’s been four months since I last held my Luis, four long terrible months…

And they only promise to get longer because I see him over and over again. It’s killing me inside, especially when I pass the places that mean most to us…

The beach where we met jogging…

The youth center where we worked together…

The Police station where he arrested me…

My cottage…

His house…

And where I am tonight: the cemetery.

I finally find his grave amongst the others and kneel beside it, placing a red rose on the cold, froze ground. We haven’t had any snow this winter, despite the bitter cold and the icy rain that often falls. I guess snow is too beautiful to be bestowed upon this sad little town. With a sigh, I brush a kiss to my icy fingertips and then touch his headstone.

“Hello, Luis,” I whisper, feeling the tears begin again. His love gave me wings and made me feel special…important. What will I do without him now?

“I’ve been thinking about you, Luis, every day all day. Mama misses you terribly and Theresa hasn’t stopped crying since the funeral. We gave up hope in finding you, but I guess you knew that. Well, I’ll never give up hope, but I’ll let them think I did,” I sniffle. “I hope you know it’s the love you gave me over the last year that is keeping me going. You’ve been my hero, but don’t let it go to your head…we all know your ego doesn’t need help in getting any bigger.”

I begin to sob. So much for a joke.

“When I lost you that day in Bermuda during the hurricane, I held on to the hope that you and I would meet again soon. It was your love that pulled me through and helped me find my way back to the hotel, which was barely standing. Looks like it was hit worse than we were. Ethan, Theresa, Chad and I set out the next morning to find you, but you were already gone and all I saw was that stupid hat! I HATE that hat for surviving when you didn’t!”

I get up and start pacing, kicking a nearby rock and stomping on the rose I placed on his grave. I soon collapse onto my knees, crying into my hands. “I hate the memories and the dreams, Luis! I hate this SUFFERING! I hate that you’re not here with me now and I hate how people keep saying ‘Luis is in your heart, Sheridan.’ It still hurts to know that you died saving me during that storm…it’s killing me to think that I’ve lost you for good this time.”

I huff and look down at the gold locket that Pilar and Ethan bought me for Christmas. Inside is a picture of Luis and me from the engagement party and the other side is currently blank. I click it open and look down at his smiling face. “I carry you in my heart, always.”

I shut it and look at his grave again, my eyes tearing because I destroyed the rose. “Sorry about the rose. I’ll bring a new one tomorrow,” I sniffle again, wiping at a renegade tear. “Besides, it wouldn’t have lasted long.”

I get up again and sit on a nearby bench for a moment. My back aches and the ground is too cold to remain sitting on for too long. I bury my head in my hands again and this of all the times we spent together, the tangos and kisses we shared, when we made love, our Christmas miracle and our time together at the Youth center. I never told him, and I regret not telling him, that I loved him from the very moment I saw him. Stupid huh? We wasted so much time hating each other and fighting our feelings and look where it had gotten us! I lost the only man I was meant to love and I was too stubborn to see it sooner. He was everything to me!

He still is…

I still thank God every night for sending me Luis and I don’t blame Him for taking Luis away. I know my family had something to do with that blasted bomb and I know we both would have survived had we not been searching for each other after the explosion. Revenge, however, won’t bring Luis back and I just don’t have the energy to go up against Alistair and Julian. I only wish I wouldn’t have listened when people told me to ignore what I was feeling…

Because maybe Luis and I wouldn’t have gone sailing…

And maybe we would both be here together now…

And maybe, just maybe, we’d be married in a church and not that stupid hotel chapel where we eloped. Yes, we eloped, so I’m no longer Sheridan Crane…I’m Sheridan Lopez-Fitzgerald and it helps me to continue on knowing that I married the man I belonged with.

I get up and leave, not saying goodbye because I promised Luis I never would. I walk down the short hill, huffing slightly. My breath turns to smoke before my eyes and the tears begin to sting again. Leaving him is always hard, but I know I carry him with me in more ways than one. I’m having his baby…

Yes, I’m pregnant.

I found out I’m having a son and I’m going to call him LJ, Luis Junior. I want him to know his Daddy as best he can, given the circumstances, and that’s why I’m living with Pilar. She and I are going to raise LJ together and I will always have Luis with me in our son.

I only wish he could have the chance to see his baby boy because I know he’d have been a wonderful father. Turning around, I see his grave high on the hill and one last tear rolls down my cheek.

“I love you, Luis…you’ll always be with me. I promise,” I whisper and caress my stomach where our baby lays. “Forever.” And then I leave the cemetery and head back to the place I call home, seeing him everywhere because I feel him with me…

And as the cool wind blows I swear I hear his voice say. “I love you too, mi amor, always and forever.”

Sheridan opened the front door to the Lopez-Fitzgerald home and inhaled the smell of something wonderful cooking. Pilar must have gotten home already and started dinner. Silently closing the door behind her, she walked into the living room, reveling in the warmth of the house, and found Theresa and Ethan sitting on the couch, snuggling together. They offered her a brief smile and then returned to their sullen faces. Even Ethan missed Luis.

“How was work at the Center?” Ethan asked, watching as Sheridan hung her jacket on a wall hook. It was actually Luis’ coat from the Harmony PD, but she had worn it ever since they returned to Harmony. She snuggled in it’s warm folds and enjoyed the smell of his cologne when she put it on, though the scent was slowly fading.

“Fine, actually, the children are very supportive. They miss Luis as well,” she sighed, adjusting her black blouse. It had only been three days since the funeral and Sheridan refused to alter her mourning garb. She wore black and planned to wear black as long as she could, though black maternity clothing was hard to come by.

“That’s good,” Ethan replied, though it was half-heartedly. That brought another brief conversation to a close.

The pause was deafening and Sheridan took this time to look around the house that had become her home since their return from Bermuda. The Christmas tree was gone; it had been a little tabletop tree that they decorated simply not having been much in the mood for the holiday. Luis’ pictures had been moved from the mantle to the bookshelf where Martin and Antonio’s pictures rested, the eternal mourning place for the missing souls. Pilar still had hope that her family would one day be together, but it wasn’t possible. It wasn’t ever going to be.

Placing a protective hand on her stomach, Sheridan passed Theresa and Ethan without another word and walked into the kitchen to find her mother-in-law. Pilar had taken Luis’ death the hardest, even harder than Sheridan if that was possible, but she was looking forward to the birth of her first grandchild. Sheridan could still hear her mother-in-law crying herself to sleep at night, much like Sheridan did. Both were suffering and yet both tried to be a pillar of strength for others.

“Hello, mama,” Sheridan said as she entered the kitchen, the door swinging shut behind her. She had taken to calling Pilar “Mama” because she knew Luis would have wanted it that way. Pilar had enjoyed hearing the younger woman call her Mother, it made her feel even more connected to the woman that had stolen her son’s heart.

“Sheridan, mija, how was work?” she stopped her fussing over dinner and went to her daughter-in-law, giving her a gentle hug. That was a safe question and Sheridan knew that was why she asked it. In fact, it was the first question everyone seemed to ask her lately.

Sheridan returned the hug, reveling in the feel of a mother’s love. “It was fine. The children say hello and Beth says she’ll stop by tomorrow to see you. She’s sorry she wasn’t in town for the funeral.”

Pilar simply nodded and returned to cooking, humming to herself. This was her way of distancing herself when someone mentioned Luis’ death. Pilar had depended on Luis for so long and now she had lost him too. Sheridan sighed; it had been like this for the past two months when they returned without Luis. Pilar would cook and pray, lighting another candle for her son even when other’s said that Luis had to have died in the storm. Sheridan wished it wasn’t true, prayed along with her mother in law, but she wasn’t sure how long she could deny the truth.

Luis was gone.

He had to be. He would have returned by now.

Yet there in the window were three tall candles: one for Martin, one for Antonio and one for Luis. They burned dimly through dinner and until morning. Sheridan only wished Luis would come home to that burning candle and soon. She didn’t want to have their child without him.

“How is Neito?” Pilar asked, stirring the contents of one of the pots.

Sheridan rubbed her belly. “He’s fine, I have an appointment with Eve tomorrow, in fact. She’s going to take another sonogram of the baby. Would you like to join me? I’d love to have you see your grandson.”

Pilar smiled slightly. “I wish I could, I start my new job tomorrow and can’t take the day off. I’m sorry.”

Sheridan nodded. “I understand, Mama.” With a sigh, she sank into a nearby kitchen chair, her heart sinking as well from disappointment. She watched Pilar and felt tears fill her eyes as the pain in her chest grew worse. Before she realized what she was doing, Sheridan was silently crying with words pouring out of her mouth uncontrolled. “Mama, I miss him so much sometimes. Like now…when we would be cooking dinner together or at night when we’d snuggle…Mama, I want Luis,” she sobbed.

Pilar dropped her spoon and quickly went over to the table, putting her arms around Sheridan. “Oh, mija, I miss him too. Luis loved you so much, mija, he would hate for you to suffer so.”

“It hurts, Mama, it hurts so much,” her shoulders shook with sobs. “I need him more now than ever Mama.”

“I know, mija, I know. Let it out.”

“Why? Why did he leave me, Mama, why? He promised to never let anything happen to either of us. He swore he’d never let anything tear us apart! He LIED to me!”

Pilar knelt beside Sheridan’s chair and wrapped her arms around her, gently rubbing her back. “He tried, Sheridan, I’m sure he tried. He would have never given up unless he had to. You know that.”

Sheridan sobs continued, shaking her body. “I love him.”

“He loved you too.”

“It’s not fair! I need him,” she cried.

“I know, mija,” Pilar pulled away and gently wiped the tears from her daughter-in-law’s cheeks. “We all needed him and we didn’t know how much until now.”

“I did…I just never got to tell him…Mama, did he know how much I needed him? How much he meant to me?”

“I’m sure he did,” Pilar replied, placing a kiss to Sheridan’s forehead. “Go lay down, mija, dinner will be a while yet.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Sheridan asked, wiping away the tracks of her tears.

“No, mija, you and the baby need rest. You work too hard at the Youth Center.”

“I’m trying to fill his shoes…they’re hard to fill,” she replied.

“I know, mija, but I thank you for trying.”

“Anything for you, Mama. I love you,” she stood from her seat, heading for the kitchen door.

“I love you too, mija, very much so.”

With a weak smile, Sheridan nodded and left the room, turning to her immediate left and heading for Luis’…her bedroom. She cracked the door open, hoping that she would find him sitting on the bed, but of course he wasn’t. Sliding inside the room, she shut the door silently behind her and then headed over to the bed. The entire room was one big reminder of Luis, from the shelves covered in his trophies to the clothing still in the closet, but she wouldn’t have chosen another place to stay if she had even had a choice.

She sighed again; she had been doing a lot of that lately, and then laid down on the bed facing her picture of him. She had many pictures of him, but this was by far her favorite. It was of him alone and she had taken it during one of their dates at the cottage. She had framed it immediately after it was developed and it had been beside her bed before they left for Bermuda.

Now it permanently resided in his room.

Placing one hand on her stomach, she used her free hand to place the picture on the bed and trace the lines of his face and the smile that she loved. She hoped their son had that smile; it would make life easier to get through if her son looked just like his daddy…

Or at least she hoped it would.

Closing her eyes, Sheridan imagined that Luis was with her, his hand resting on the swell of her stomach and his hard body was pressed against her. He was whispering how much he loved her, how much she meant to him and how happy he was that they were going to have a baby, a son.

“Oh Luis,” she whispered in that place where sleep meets reality. “I love you so much…”

And she could almost hear him reply, “I love you too.”

But she didn’t, because he wasn’t there.

“Sheridan, dinner’s ready,” Theresa knocked on the door. ”Well, it’s almost ready, but I know it seems to take you forever to get to the kitchen lately.”

Sheridan smirked. “Talk to me when you’re four months pregnant and dealing with a late bout of morning sickness.”

Theresa smiled faintly. “Mind if I join you?”

“Not at all,” Sheridan pushed herself up.

“How is the baby?” she asked, sitting beside her on the bed.

“Fine. I have an appointment with Eve tomorrow. I really wish…” she let her request fade off. She was sure the baby didn’t need this stress and she wasn’t going to take any chances that she would lose her son.

“I know,” Theresa sighed, flopping down onto her back. “I wish he was here too. Paloma’s coming home though. She wants to be closer to Mama now.”

Sheridan nodded. Perhaps that was the silver lining in this terrible, black cloud. At least Pilar would have her remaining family around her. “Theresa, would you mind telling Mama I’m not very hungry and decided to just turn in early. I’m not feeling well.”

“If that’s what you want…can’t I at least bring you something to eat?”

Sheridan offered a feeble smile. “I’d really just like to go to bed. I’m just drained.”

Theresa patted her sister-in-law’s hand. “All right. If you need anything you know where to find me.”

Sheridan closed her eyes. “Thank you, Theresa.”

“You’re welcome,” she said, leaving the room and silently shutting the door.

Opening her eyes, Sheridan looked up at the ceiling and then forced herself up to get changed into a pair of Luis’ boxers and an oversized Harmony high t-shirt, also Luis. She was in a rush to get to dreamland where she could feel him holding her again. She may have to spend the days without him, but at least at night she was in his arms one last time.

Quickly saying her prayers that everything would go well with her pregnancy and that perhaps Luis wasn’t truly lost, Sheridan climbed beneath the cold gray sheets and shut her eyes. Immediately, she could see his face and he was smiling. She felt her own lips curve into a smile.

“I love you, Luis,” she whispered, just before she fell asleep.

“Good morning, Liz! I listen to your show all the time and I’m so excited that you’re letting me do this on the air!” A giggle followed the statement from an obviously happy female. Too happy and far too enthusiastic for whatever time it was.

Liz’s laughter then filled the room and Sheridan groaned; it should be illegal to be that giddy when other people were suffering, especially when one of those people was she.

“No problem,” Liz’s chuckles subsided. “Ok, Susan, tell everyone why you’re calling this morning.”

Who cared? She was blissfully happy and ruining Sheridan’s morning all ready. Couldn’t she just go away?

“Well, Liz,” the over exuberant woman replied. “I just found out that I’m pregnant and my husband doesn’t know yet, he works the night shift at the Harmony PD and I’m dying to tell him about the baby!”

‘Good for you,’ Sheridan thought, rolling onto her side.

“Well, Susan, what if we tell you that you already did?”

“What?”

“Go on, Mike…”

“Susan, baby! I can’t believe it! We’re preg…”

And that was all Sheridan heard before she slammed her hand against the blasted alarm clock, shutting it off with a cruel beep. It wasn’t fair that Mike O’Leary and his wife Susan were able to be so joyful this morning, sharing information that a couple should in private. Luis had a right to know about his son, but he didn’t and never would. Her eyes filled with tears; it just wasn’t right that Mike received the news she had been dying to give to her husband. Right now she seriously hated Mike and Susan!

Sighing, she looked through bleary eyes at the glowing green numbers and pushed herself up. Another morning without him in her life…

“Good morning,” she grumbled, looking over at his picture and attempting a smile. She just wasn’t able to pretend that everything was going to be all right this morning. It wasn’t all right and it was never going to be all right again.

Pushing herself off the bed, one hand immediately went to her stomach as she walked towards the closet to find something to wear. She had a doctor’s appointment so it had to be easy to remove, but she also had work to do at the center with the children, which meant she also needed something comfortable. Sighing, she opted for a pair of sweats and a baggy T-shirt…

Sometimes being pregnant had its drawbacks.

Grabbing the selected items from the closet, she trudged back to the dresser for some underclothing and then headed for the bathroom. She was in dire need of a warm shower…

And Luis, but she would have to settle for the shower.

Twenty minutes later, Sheridan exited the steam filled bathroom, fully dressed with her hair in two tiny ponytails on the top of her head. Now all she needed was some breakfast and then she could leave to meet Eve. She had been going every month since she found out about the baby for an appointment, watching the baby that appeared on the monitor and wishing Luis could be there to witness the miracle that was happening.

Shaking her head, Sheridan wearily left the room, her feet dragging along the gray carpet as she headed for the glorious smells coming from the kitchen. Pilar was at it again, cooking up a storm in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for the five people still living in the house. Of all the ways Pilar found to distract herself from the pain of losing Luis, it just *had* to be cooking! Pregnancy and Pilar’s cooking were definitely hazardous to Sheridan’s figure!

“Morning, Sheridan,” Ethan greeted her in the hall as they both headed for the kitchen. He seemed calmer this morning, though not happy, but at least it was an improvement.

“Oh thank God, just the person I could use this morning. Ethan, I know you might hate this idea, but I really need someone to massage the muscles in the small of my back…”

“Cramp again?” he asked, his hands beginning to massage her sore back like he had done before. Everyone in the house had taken turns helping Sheridan through morning sickness, cravings and cramps. After all, she was carrying Luis’ baby…the only grandchild he would ever produce.

“Yes,” she whined, immediately relaxing as his hands began to rub soothing circles on the small of her back. “Oh thank you, Ethan, I really needed that and I just can’t reach.”

“No problem, Sheridan, you know we’re all here to help you through this,” he dug his thumbs into her aching muscles.

She sighed. “Luis should be doing this, you know?”

“Yes, Sheridan, I know, but he’s not here and he won’t be doing this any time soon…” he felt terrible saying it, but he couldn’t seem to control his mouth.

“Go on and say it, Ethan,” she stepped away and turned to face him. “Luis won’t be doing it ever because he’s gone. He’s never coming back…”

“Sher…”

“No, no. It’s all right. I guess I should learn to face it, right? I mean husbands just don’t come back, do they?” She whimpered. “He really isn’t coming back, is he?” her eyes began to fill with tears.

“No, Sheridan, I’m afraid he isn’t,” he pulled her in for a hug. “Sheridan…”

“Please don’t, Ethan,” she pushed him away, swiping angrily at the drops of water rolling down her cheeks. “I don’t need anymore pity from anyone in this town; I get it every day! What I need is my husband…the man whose child I am carrying!”

“I can’t give you that,” he replied softly.

“I know,” she sighed. “No one can,” she left him standing in the hall as she pushed through the doorway to the kitchen. There was Pilar, washing the pans she had used to make the breakfast feast, and Theresa, sitting at the table beginning to munch lightly on the eggs, bacon and toast. If she couldn’t have Luis back, she would settle for bringing a little cheer into this house. Of course, she was on the right track with the baby. The family was looking forward to her son’s impending birth almost as much as she was.

“Sheridan, mija, sit…eat!” Pilar instructed, quickly drying the frying pan and putting it away.

“Pilar, what is all this? There are only five of us…” Sheridan shook her head, grabbing a dish and placing some food on it.

“Yes, but one is eating for two and two always eat for three. I didn’t know that Ethan and Miguel could possibly consume so much…”

Sheridan chuckled lightly. She wouldn’t have believed it either if she hadn’t witnessed Luis eating three eggs, two pancakes, four slices of bacon and three pieces of toast one morning for breakfast…and that was after he had a banana and two glasses of milk. That man was constantly eating and still managed to lose weight. Then again, he also was very…energetic. She smirked. Ok, so she might have had something to do with the way he kept off the pounds.

“How are you this morning, mija? Sleep well?” she asked, setting a glass of juice down before Sheridan and ignoring the blond’s reaction.

“I miss coffee,” she huffed, looking at the glass of juice with disgust. “I really miss caffeine.”

“You don’t have any choice, mija…it’s…”

“For the baby, I know,” Sheridan sighed again, imagining Luis saying something similar to her. He would have been all over her about the way she was eating, the amount she was eating and what she was eating. With a shake of her head, she erased her thoughts and turned her attention to Pilar. “In answer to your original question, I’m fine and I slept the same as always.”

And that brought that conversation to an end. They all knew how Sheridan slept at night, curled up on her side and whimpering in her sleep, as she was plagued with nightmares of losing Luis again and again. For months it was like this, her mind replaying the nasty events of the stormy night so long ago when Luis was taken from her. It was horrible, but at least she was able to see him again.

“What time do you go to work, Mama?” Theresa asked, looking up from her barely touched plate of food.

“I should leave soon. I am so glad to have found this new job after…”

Sheridan nodded in understanding. “I’m glad you found it too. Luis would be proud…”

“Luis would have thrown a party,” Theresa tried to sound cheerful, but failed miserably.

Sheridan simply nodded. “Pilar, breakfast looks wonderful, please eat something before you leave.”

“I’ve eaten, mija. Besides, I’m leaving now,” she placed a kiss on Theresa’s head and then Sheridan’s “I will be home late tonight, mijas. Have a good day,” she called as she dashed from the kitchen.

Sheridan pushed away her dish. “Ever suddenly lose your appetite?”

“All the time,” Theresa replied, motioning to her dish. “Don’t you have an appointment with Eve today?”

Sheridan nodded. “Feel like coming?”

“Can’t, I have work too…”

Sheridan nodded. “I better get going. I have to meet Hank at the center to open and then I do have a rather early appointment with Eve. I have my cell if anyone needs me for anything. Ok?”

Theresa nodded. “Are you going there again today?”

Sheridan offered a weak smile. She knew exactly where “there” was. With a nod, she replied, “Don’t I always?”

Handing Sheridan some money, Theresa said, “Daisies. I always gave him daisies when he was sad. Can you bring him one for me?”

Sheridan’s eyes teared. “All right, Theresa, I’ll bring him a daisy. Anything else?”

“Tell him…tell him I’m sorry I haven’t been by more…”

Sheridan gave her sister-in-law a hug. “I’m sure he understands. Not all of us are able to live in the past,” she replied, leaving the kitchen and heading for the front door. As she slid into his coat she whispered, “And some of us just never leave the past because we don’t have any reason to.”

With a final sigh, she walked out the front door and headed for her car.

Sheridan pulled up to Eve’s office and sighed. Another appointment to see her son, another chance to witness his growth…

Another trip without Luis holding her hand and smiling at her side like the other fathers…

And it hurt.

Getting out of her car, she was immediately stung by the frosty air as she walked towards the tall medical buildings. She saw some other happy couples arriving as well, their hands linked and their smiles bright as they talked about names for their child. One man had his hand around the woman’s waist and a gentle hand caressing her stomach. Sheridan wanted that; she wanted to be with Luis while they discussed names for their baby, where they would live, what color the nursery would be. Sure, they were simple little things, nothing too important, but still they meant the world to her.

“Ma’am,” a young gentleman held the door for her, his wife already inside the lobby. The man was tall, dark brown hair and matching eyes with wire glasses. He was handsome too, wearing his business suit like it was made only for him. His wife was rather tall as well, shoulder length blond hair pulled into a braid that hung loosely behind her head. She had blue eyes and wore a maternity dress that Sheridan thought might have been a tent once. It was simply huge! Both seemed friendly enough as she waddled through the door.

“Thank you,” Sheridan smiled, rubbing her belly gently, soft soothing circles that often made her feel better. Today it wasn’t working.

His wife smiled at Sheridan, taking her husband’s hand into her own as he joined her in the lobby. She looked Sheridan over, trying to decide what to say. “First child?”

Sher nodded, surprised that the woman was talking to her. “Yours too?”

“No, third for us,” she giggled, placing her hand on her belly. “We have three-year-old twins at home with their Grammy.”

“Wow, do you know what you’re having?” Sheridan asked as they all headed for the elevator. She couldn’t even begin to imagine *two* children without Luis; she was having a hard time with just the one!

“Yes, a girl,” the man smiled proudly. “We have two boys so we’re very excited…”

“He is, I love my sons. Hand them a truck and they’re just fine. Girls get so complicated, I should know,” she laughed.

Sheridan offered a weak smile as they climbed into the elevator. She would have loved a daughter, one with her blue eyes and Luis’ dark hair and features. Their daughter would have been just beautiful, not that she wasn’t looking forward to their son. “Mind if I ask your names?”

“Not at all,” the woman replied with another giggle. “My name is Jill and this is my husband, Drue. We’re the Martins.”

“Pleasure to meet you both,” Sheridan smiled. “I’m Sheridan…Sheridan Lopez-Fitzgerald.”

“Where’s your husband, Sheridan? Is he a workaholic like me?” Drue chuckled, motioning to his business suit. Obviously he had to go to work after the doctor’s appointment and had no plans to stop and change afterwards.

“He was at one point,” Sheridan’s smile faded, her hands beginning to play with her wedding band. “My husband was killed in a storm on our honeymoon. We had only been married forty-eight hours.”

“Oh, Sheridan, I’m sorry,” Jill gave her a hug before Sheridan could protest. As soon as she moved away, she looked at Drue. “Drue, give me one of your business cards.”

Drue dug into his pockets, removing a card from his law firm. “Why, Jill? I don’t think Sheridan needs an advertisement.”

Jill rolled her eyes; sometimes she worried about her husband. Grabbing a pen from her purse, Jill added her cell phone and home number to the back of the small white card. “I know we just met,” she began, handing Sheridan the card. “But if you need anything, and I’m talking right down to just a ‘Hi. How are you?’ call me.”

Sheridan stared at the card, her eyes blurring with tears. “Maybe we can have lunch some time…you can tell me about this baby raising stuff. I don’t have many people to talk to about it.”

Jill nodded. “I’d like that,” she grinned, just as the door opened for Sheridan’s floor. “Going to see Dr. Russell?”

Sheridan nodded. “You?”

“No, actually we’re here for Drue today. He broke his ankle a while back and it’s been hurting lately. The doctor thinks it may be arthritis.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Sheridan offered him a smile. “Hope you feel better soon,” she stepped off.

“Thanks,” Drue smiled. “Bye Sheridan.”

“Call me!” Jill exclaimed as the door closed.

Sheridan smiled. She would definitely call Jill. She didn’t know why, but she felt very close to her…

Closer to her than anyone before…

Sheridan arrived at the Youth Center by ten-thirty. Already tired and irritated, she wasn’t looking forward to a cold afternoon with over two-dozen rambunctious children. The only thing she could possibly be thankful for was Hank. Amazingly, with some coaching, Hank wasn’t half bad as a counselor. In fact, he was just a giant kid trapped in a man’s body anyway. He was kind and compassionate, friendly and funny and the children simply adored him. Some of the girls even had crushes on him and the boys loved beating him at basketball. He was amazing and Sheridan knew that he would make a great father one day…

Just like Luis…

She parked the car as close to the front door as she could, not really in the mood for walking across the parking lot. Actually, she wasn’t sure she wanted to get out of the car at all. This building was one of the hardest for her to enter and leave, one of the many places in Harmony she and Luis shared. Sheridan considered this place their starting point, the place their lives first meshed for beyond their wildest dreams. This was the location that forever bound them, the place that changed them once and for all. She would never be able to thank God for helping her find Luis, for having her hit his car those years ago during her rush to get home. In fact, she couldn’t imagine one moment of the last three years being different in the least.

Well, she could imagine ONE moment being different.

She would have loved to change her honeymoon, begging him not to take her out on the boat but instead staying in the room…dining in the restaurant…making love in the hot tub again and again. She would give up everything she had to have Luis at her side now, to have him hold her at night again. But she wouldn’t get him back and she would never get revenge on her family…

She was failing Luis.

Closing her eyes, Sheridan could see the last time she held him…

Crawling along the beach, Sheridan tried to see without the sunlight, the wind blowing the sand up into her face. Her eyes teared, trying to protect themselves from the harsh grains of sand. She had to find him; she just had to be in his arms again.

“Sheridan,” a voice called, so softly she wasn’t sure she was hearing it. Where was he?

“Luis?” she called out, continuing to move along in the dark. “Luis is that you?”

“Sheridan!” he called again, this time somewhat louder.

“LUIS!” she finally spotted his body to her left near an alcove. She quickly made her way to him, collapsing into his strong arms. “Luis!”

“Sheridan,” he kissed her. “I thought I lost you for good this time.”

She looked into his eyes. “So did I, Luis, so did I.”

He kissed her again, this time lingering against her cool lips. “I found a cave. We can take shelter in there…”

The door to her car flew open, waking Sheridan from her daydream, and a hand appeared in the open space. “Need some help getting out, Sheridan? I remember Grace had problems getting around sometimes,” Hank’s voice filler her car, his head appearing moments later.

“No, I can get out of the car, I just wasn’t so sure I wanted to,” she pulled herself out of the car and locked it, leading him inside.

“How are you feeling today?” he asked, helping her into a chair in the office and smiling. His hand lingered on her arm for a second, before he moved away slightly.

She sighed. “Tense, irritable, tired, depressed…about normal I think. Though I did meet a very interesting couple at the doctors this morning. Very sweet…”

“That’s good,” he sat across from her. “You need to meet more people, especially mothers-to-be. You don’t get out as much as you should.”

Sheridan nodded. “You’re telling me. I’m going to need all the help I can get,” she began caressing her stomach. “So, I was wondering if you would mind doing the arts and crafts lesson for me this afternoon, I’m really not in the mood for panting with Patty and Pam.”

“Oh man, those two are hold terrors, aren’t they? The purple and pink panting wars are like a daily thing though, I don’t know why we don’t just make them use crayons.”

She giggled. “Because kids prefer finger panting to crayons, Hank, get with the program.” She smiled, her eyes twinkling. For once she looked genuinely happy.

He laughed. “That’s the first time I’ve seen you so happy…”

And the smile was gone.

“Sheridan, I’m sorry that was incredibly stupid…”

“It’s ok,” she offered a weak smile. “You know, I’m feeling kind of hungry, Hank. Would you mind running to the Book Café and getting my usual from Beth?”

“Sure, Sheridan, but I want to talk to you later. I have something important I need to ask,” he grabbed his coat and left her office.

“If it’s what I think it is, Hank, it won’t happen. I won’t betray Luis’ memory by seeing his best friend,” she sighed, opening the ledger in front of her. She had some work to do before Hank got back and she wanted to be ready for the swarm of kindergarteners that were due in an hour. Looking at the picture of Luis on the desk, she smiled slightly. “Love you baby.”

And she could have sworn she heard him say it back.

Chapter Four

Sheridan continued to peruse the finances of the Youth Center trying to find just a little more money for the programs. How could she get more sports equipment if she couldn’t pay for it? This was the worst part of being the director; often there was more she wanted to do than could be afforded. She was fortunate enough to have a crew of counselors that went “volunteer” so that she could have that much more money to spend on the children. Of course, those counselors were slowly growing restless waiting for the day that Sher could offer them something for their work. How had Luis done this for so long?

Sighing, she realized that she was really thinking of him again, not so much the pages of numbers before her. She was trying though; she couldn’t help it if she failed. So she just let herself dream of him…

His eyes…

His lips…

His kiss and his touch…

Her favorite memory was their sultry tango from the night before the hurricane. The way his body melded against hers, the two completely and totally in sync as they danced together…the caresses! It was sheer perfection and she often relived it in her dreams. After all, it was the best memory she had of their little time together in Bermuda. It was hot and passionate and symbolized what their lives should have been like. It was also the only dance they had on their wedding night and right now, that’s exactly what she was picturing…

Their dance…

But the slamming of the outside metal door to the Youth Center interrupted her dreams, returning her to reality in a very cruel way.

“Hello? Hank?” she called from the office, pushing herself from the chair and waddling towards the gym. When no one replied, she added, “We’re not really open yet…”

“Yea, but I knew you’d be working here today,” a very deep voice replied.

“Oh! Hi, Brian,” Sheridan replied, entering the gym and pausing near the hallway’s entrance. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I know,” he pulled a hand from behind his back to reveal a sunflower. It was slightly wilted, most likely from the cold, but still a touching gesture. “But I wanted to bring some sun to your dreary day.”

She offered a weak smile. Brian had been there for Sheridan since the day after the hurricane. He had been the one to bring her to a doctor and retrieve some clothing for her that morning on the beach. Brian had been at her side for the long, tiring, search for Luis, even for the unsuccessful ending to the mission to save her husband. His arms provided comfort on more than one occasion and his hands wiped away her tears. In return, Sher had asked him to return with her to Harmony, needing the security of his friendship, which he willingly provided.

But he just wasn’t her Luis.

His blue eyes were filled with such hope when she asked him to stay in town, when she found him a home and a job. She could tell that he wished that she wanted more from him, more than the kindness he offered. But all she wanted was that same companionship he had offered before, not the love he was determined to give her now…

But he never pressed her for more and still was her shoulder to lean on when the pain was the worst.

Slowly, she found her heart opening to him, but never let it get further than a friendly hug or a kiss on the cheek in thanks.

And still he never asked for anything more.

“Thank you, Brian, you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he neared her, handing her the flower. “Sheridan, I was wondering…I know you said you’re not ready, that it felt as if you were being unfaithful to Luis, but I would like to take you out tonight…on a date.”

‘Funny,’ she thought, ‘Hank seemed to want the same thing and simply hadn’t had a chance to ask.’

There was hope in his eyes again and she felt no need to break his heart, to dash his dreams. He was handsome and kind, trustworthy and sweet. His heart was pure and he treated her with respect.

Any woman would be lucky to have him.

But she didn’t even feel an ounce of love for him, because she was in love with Luis.

Yet she found herself nodding and her mouth replied, “I think I’d like that,” before she could resist.

He smiled, wider and brighter than ever before. Quickly, he closed what little distance was between them, pulling her into a hug and gently kissing her cheek. “Eight o’clock?”

“Make it seven. I’m usually asleep by nine,” she gently caressed her belly.

“Seven it is. See you then,” he chuckled and left.

And then she was alone.

What in God’s name had she just done? Agreeing to date a man! She was married for Heaven’s sake!

“But Luis is gone,” something inside her argued.

Shaking her head, she turned to walk away when she heard the door open again. About ready to ream Hank out for taking so long to get her something to eat, she was surprised when a female voice began to echo in the gym.

“Hey, boss,” Jasmine called walking into the gym, her sneakers squealing on the floor.

Sheridan turned and smiled at the girl. Jasmine was twenty-four years of age and originally from Manhattan, having lived there for the better part of her life. She was tall, about five-foot-six, with long brown hair and big blue-green eyes that were always sparkling with laughter. Jasmine was a teacher and writer who had moved to Harmony just prior to Sheridan’s return to Paris. Wonderful with the children at the center and the school she worked, Jazz, as she was fondly called, had worked for Luis, hating it when he called her Jasmine Noel Wade, her full name, which he often did. Now, she happily worked for Sheridan and loved to torment her boss, who had turned out to be a close friend for her. The two shared many secrets over glasses of milk and brownies from the Book Café.

“Jazz, how many times have I told you not to call me that?” Sheridan huffed, pretending to be angry. ”Don’t make me use my secret weapon.”

Jasmine laughed. “You know, Luis didn’t appreciate that either. Guess you two hate acknowledging your leadership skills. Sorry.”

Sheridan laughed lightly, trying to ignore the stabbing pain at the mention of her deceased husband. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Um, hello, I’m at work,” Jasmine laughed, walking to the office to hang up her coat. “We had a half day at the school I’m working in. I’m surprised the kids aren’t here already,” she placed her coat on the hook and walked to the desk. “So what do you have me doing today? Paperwork? Dealing with Patty and Pam?”

“Now that you mention it, Hank never did agree to do arts and crafts today…”

“Oh no! Hell might as well freeze over because I so am not going to deal with the finger painting queens of Harmony. I ruined a perfectly good pair of Nikes because of those brats. I didn’t wear my good sneakers to have them painted purple you know.”

“And here you’re the educator…”

“Yes, and this is why I teach middle school not kindergarten!” she laughed. “How’s the tot?”

“Growing. Eve says he is just fine,” Sheridan rubbed her belly. “He’s going to arrive right on time and be the light of his mommy’s life.” She paused. “Jazz, can I talk to you about something?”

“Nope,” she teased. “Come on, Sher, have I ever stopped you from yakking my ear off before? We’ve known each other how long?”

Sheridan giggled. “Ok, ok. Brian was here.”

“I know, I saw him as I pulled into the lot,” her eyes glazed over. “So, what did the living god want today?”

Sheridan shook her head and chuckled. “He asked me out…on a date…as more than friends.”

“And you told him no like you did Hank last week, right?” Jasmine asked, looking at the afternoon schedule.

“Actually, I said yes,” her reply came softly.

“You what?” Jasmine spun around. “Wait, Miss Lonely Hearts Club president said yes to a date from a man that has been at her beck and call for the last four months?” She crossed to the window and looked outside, scanning the sky.

“What are you looking for, Jasmine?” Sheridan questioned, joining her at the window.

“Pigs. If you’re going on a date then pigs have GOT to be flying,” she continued to peer outside.

“Funny, Jasmine Noel, funny,” she grumbled.

“Oh no! You so didn’t go there, Sheridan! You so did NOT use the middle name,” she laughed.

“I did,” she replied stoically.

“Oh, I would so quit if I was actually getting paid,” she teased. “Ok, since you have a date this evening, I’ll take arts and crafts AND I’ll close up with Hank so that you can be out of here in time for it. Ok?”

“Thanks, Jazz.” Sheridan didn’t seem thankful.

“No problem,” she headed for the door. Pausing for a second, she eyed her friend, who had been staring out the window still. The way she stood, one hand on her belly with her sad eyes staring at the dreary sky, caused Jasmine to shiver. “Sheridan?”

“Yes, Jazz?” she looked at her friend and co-worker.

“In answer to your unasked question, no, you’re not cheating on Luis. In fact, I’m positive he would want you to move on. He loved you, Sher, and he wouldn’t want you to be in so much pain,” she left the room.

Sheridan just stared at the door. How had Jasmine known she was thinking that? Shaking her head, Sheridan realized that Jasmine was usually right about things like this. She had an amazing way with the kids, often helping to figure out what was troubling them long before the child would admit it. She’d been the reason that two children had been removed from abusive households and all she had done was watched their behavior. So in all reality, it wasn’t surprising that Jasmine knew Sheridan feared that Luis would be displeased.

Sighing, she walked over to the couch and sank onto it, looking at the wilting sunflower on her desk. Even with Jazz’s reassurance, Sheridan felt that she was disrespecting the memory of her husband…

And that hurt.

“I’m sorry, Luis, but just this once I have to do something that gets me away from all the memories. I know Brian will help for tonight. Forgive me?”

The flower’s weight tipped the glass vase over, spilling the contents. As she picked it up, a chill ran down her spine and she swore she heard the word: “Forgiven.”

Chapter Five

Jasmine sat on the bleachers, watching as the smaller children began cutting out the pictures they had drawn to make puppets. Lions, tigers, bears…footballs. Ok, so there was no such thing as a talking football, but who was she to dictate the laws of creativity? She could only thank God that the finger paints had been empty; she wasn’t ready for another day of paint wars. Of course, that meant “Double P,” as she now referred to the O’Neil twins, refused to do arts and crafts and were attempting to weasel their way into a game of tots’ basketball with Hank, who looked none too pleased. He disliked working with them as much as she did. Oh well, at least they weren’t HER problem today.

Sighing, she glanced towards the office, seeing Sheridan in the small room working feverishly on the books for the month. She was still trying so desperately to find money for more activities, while fighting with memories and dreams. Jazz knew all too well what she was feeling. She had lost both her parents in her late childhood, watching their lives fade slowly from their bodies in a car accident that left her the sole survivor. Of course, the love she had for them was monumental, but nothing like the soul meshing love Sheridan obviously had with Luis. Still, she had an inkling that there was more to Sheridan than she was really showing and she wanted to tear that wall down and help her friend through this.

But it wasn’t easy. Sheridan often refused help and when things like Brian asking her out for a date popped up, she suddenly was lost and seeking someone’s opinion. It wasn’t easy for Jazz to give her help with this situation either. After all, she had never been married and her love life was sorely nonexistent.

Then again, Jazz hadn’t been completely honest with her friend either, but that was another story entirely.

Her thoughts were interrupted when her cell phone rang on the cold metal bleacher beside her. Sighing, she grabbed the tiny silver phone, flipping it open. “Hello?”

“Jazzy?”

She knew that voice, having heard it often at the Youth Center and in her dreams. It was the deep, soft, caressing voice of Brian O’Leary, fisherman extraordinaire. “Hi, Brian,” her voice dropped. “What can I do for you?”

“I have a huge favor to ask of you, Jazzy,” he replied, his voice tinged with the slightest bit of begging and a tiny bit of apprehension.

She knew she wasn’t going to like this, could almost read his mind. This had something to do with Sheridan and their date; she could sense it. The last thing she wanted to do was help Brian romance her friend, but what could she do if asked? Say no? Well, ok, so she COULD say no, but she wouldn’t. Jazz just wasn’t that type.

“Jazzy? Are you there?” he asked.

“Yea, Brian, I’m here. What do you need?” she asked softly.

He slowly told her every detail of his idea for his date with Sheridan, specifying everything from the color of the tablecloth he was using to the music that would be playing while they ate and hopefully dance, even though Sheridan was pregnant. Of course, that was followed with exactly what he needed from her, which of course had to do with their date. She wanted to cry. Some women had all the luck…

If she wanted to call losing your husband twenty-four hours after your wedding in a dangerous storm, only to be found by the second sexiest man on earth, who instantly fell in love with you, lucky.

Ok, so it wasn’t really luck and she sure as hell wouldn’t call it FATE, because she refused to turn into Theresa. She shuddered at the thought.

“So, will you do it, Jazzy? For me?” he begged.

“Of course, Brian, I’ll try to have it set up for six-thirty, might be hard but I’ll try,” she promised.

“Thanks, Jasmine, you don’t know what this means to me,” his deep voice filled with gratitude. “Talk to you soon.”

“Bye,” she whispered, closing the phone. “If only he knew.”

“If only he knew what?” Hank asked, sitting beside her on the bench. He offered her a smile, leaning closer to her to ask, “Something wrong, Jazz?”

“No,” she shook her head. Hank had to be the most annoying flirt of a man she had ever met. He hit on anything that could walk and breath that looked legal. Of course, some women found that flattering, but to Jasmine, it was the biggest insult on earth. Perhaps that was why Sheridan refused to date the dork. “Hank, what’s the chance of the center closing early tonight?”

“With Sheridan gone, we could have most of the kids out by a quarter to seven I guess,” he replied. “Depends on when she leaves.”

Jazz nodded, trying to decide if she could have enough time to pull her errands off for Brian.

“Hot date or something?” he teased.

“Definitely or something,” Jazz sighed, rolling her eyes. “Can you watch my puppeteers for me? I have to go see Sheridan.”

“Sure, but hurry back would you? P and P are bad with paint, but their terrible with other kids and sports as well. I swear those two are going to be isolated from society one of these days.”

Jasmine laughed. “I don’t doubt it,” she motioned to the net. “Looks like someone deflated a Nerf ball…”

“But you can’t…” he looked over at the girls. The ball torn to shreds, little orange pieces scattered all over the floor, as well as in the girls’ hair and mouths. “They killed a Nerf! It’s IMPOSSIBLE to kill a Nerf!”

She laughed. “Obviously not that impossible,” she stood and walked away, her laughter echoing in the giant gym. Not that impossible at all. Now getting Sheridan to leave early…

That was going to be impossible!

Sheridan was still dressing when the doorbell to the Lopez-Fitzgerald house rang. Pilar had been surprised that Sheridan planned on going out with Brian. Well, more than surprised…shocked. After all, Sheridan seemed intent on remaining single now that Luis was gone. Still, her mother-in-law had been supportive, reminding Sheridan that Luis would want her to be happy; that he would have wanted her to move on with her life and find love again. But it was so hard to be happy without him and she was positive no love from any other man could compare to Luis’.

Picking up her purse and coat, Sheridan gave herself a once over in the mirror. A stray hair fell across her brow and she brushed it away, trying to tuck it into place. She wasn’t looking her best, but she didn’t feel the need to put as much effort into this…

This what? Relationship? One time thing? What was this exactly? She was still in love with her husband so it couldn’t possibly be a relationship. Heck, she wasn’t even sure what had possessed her to say yes to this date tonight! Shaking her head, she left the room to get the door before someone else did. She was too late, however, finding Pilar and Brian standing in the foyer having a polite conversation about their days as they waited for Sheridan to join them.

“Sheridan,” Brian smiled, stepping further into the house. His eyes quickly looked her over before locking her gaze. “You’re looking beautiful.”

“You truly are, mija. Red is certainly your color…” Pilar shook her head sadly. Her daughter-in-law could only be more beautiful if she was happy and had a smile that finally reached her blue eyes again.

“Thank you,” she replied shyly, running her hands over the blouse she now wore; one reminiscent of the one she had worn when she had given Luis the slides of Spain. Of course, she couldn’t wear the other one right now, her pregnancy making it far too tight. But she had found this one and now she wore it with a pair of pants that was the same shade of gray as the skirt she had worn that day. Ok, so perhaps she was living a little too much into the past right now, but she missed her husband dearly and little things like similar outfits made her feel closer to him.

“For you,” Brian handed Sheridan a bouquet of six, long-stem red roses, his blue eyes sparkling happily as he looked her over one more time. He looked like a man smitten with a woman and Sheridan felt terrible just looking at him. How could she do this? Wasn’t this leading him on?

She gently removed the roses from his hands, holding them to her nose and closing her eyes. Tears were beginning to pool there as the scent of the flowers assaulted her senses. Roses…their flower…Luis had always brought her roses, never anything else. Yellow…red…pink…white, ones he had taken from the bushes outside of the cottage or ones he had bought on the way home from work. But always roses…

Why did Brian have to bring her roses now?

“Let me take those, mija, I wouldn’t want you to be late for your reservations…” Sheridan reluctantly handed Pilar the flowers, opening her eyes to look at Brian. He was still smiling as if nothing was wrong. Couldn’t he see that everything was wrong? That this entire situation was wrong? Was he really so blind?

“Ready?” he asked, taking her coat and helping her slide it on, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze once it was in place. “I hope you don’t mind if I don’t take you to the Lobster Shack like most people here in town…I had other plans.”

“That’s fine,” she replied. In fact, it was a great idea. She was happy that they weren’t going there. Her first date with Luis had been there, the one where they had truly bonded after he had shot down the bribe from the Cranes. It was the moment she realized that Luis was going to be the man that she had waited her entire life for, even if she did end up fighting those feelings for nearly a year afterwards.

“Good, now that that’s settled, we can leave.”

“Sure,” she looked at Pilar. “I’ll be home by nine, Mama.”

Pilar offered her a weak smile. “Have fun, mija,” she turned and entered the kitchen, her shoulders slumped slightly. Sheridan could almost read her mind; she was losing a daughter after losing her eldest son.

“Ok, let’s roll,” Brian led her out of the house. Sheridan shivered. Why did she suddenly feel as if she was losing her connection with Luis? And if she was, how could she ever get it back?

He pulled his cherry red pickup truck into the parking lot of the Youth Center, laughing at Sheridan’s confused reaction. How he wished he had a camera to save this moment forever! Her look was priceless, eyebrows cocked and eyes wide with bewilderment.

“Brian…why are we at the Center?” she asked, looking the place over. “It closed nearly a half hour ago.”

“We are here because this is where we’re going for dinner.” Sheridan merely blinked, unable to respond. How did he plan on having dinner at the Youth Center?

He didn’t say anything else, only climbed out of the truck and walked around to her side, helping her out. Taking her hand, Brian escorted Sheridan into the Center, helping her remove her coat once safely inside. Soft music was playing and the gym was dimly lit. Again she tossed him a look. This was just like the time she showed up for the New Years dance before it began just to wish Luis a Happy New Year. But then she had ended up in his arms for one of the best slow dances she ever had with a man.

“Come on, I had a friend work really hard to set this up for me,” he offered his hand. “She’d kill me if you didn’t enjoy this.”

She slowly took it, following him into the gym. It looked like it was ready for a dance…a candlelit dance. She half expected a dozen or so teens to be milling about. Hanging around the room were pictures the children had obviously made, pictures of trees and houses, what appeared to be dogs and children. She giggled. Obviously that was to set the décor. It was rather cute. In the very center of the gym was a table with a blue linen tablecloth and another red rose set in a small crystal vase. The table was set for two, complete with plates covered to hide their contents. She identified the song playing; ironically it was Faith Hill’s There You’ll Be, a song about the loss of one’s true love. Did Brian realize it? Glancing over at him, she realized he didn’t. He was still happy as ever, his smile unwavering.

In the mean time her heart was clenching in her chest as tears formed in her eyes. This was the song someone had played at Luis’ funeral, trying to tell Sheridan that his love would always be with her. She wasn’t sure she could handle much more, but then it ended and a new song began, one she couldn’t identify.

“It’s beautiful…and very sweet,” she replied, walking to the table and running her hand over the wood of the chair. “Who did this?”

“Jasmine was kind enough to set it up,” he responded, joining her at the table and pulling out her chair. “Madame.”

She sat, allowing him to push the chair in before thinking about how much this must have taken for Jazz to set up. That girl was definitely a romantic at heart, but Sheridan knew that deep down inside she was hiding something. Jazz was in love and there was no denying it. She just wondered who the man was.

Brian slid into the seat across from her. “I wanted to go on a picnic, but it’s far too cold. So I was wondering how we could have something like a picnic, with chairs so your back wouldn’t ache too badly and without worrying if the weather was too bad. This was the best solution I could find.”

“It’s fine,” she offered him a faulty smile. He didn’t seem to notice as his eyes continued to shine brightly. Brian seemed so enamored with her and she felt bad being with him. In fact, she felt miserable. She sneakily checked her watch. Only an hour and a half before this date was over…not too long!

Brian removed the cover from her plate, revealing a seafood dish from the Lobster Shack. Ironic that he hadn’t taken her there, but he had ordered the food from there. She almost cried when she realized it was a dish Luis had once tried and spit out into his napkin. What had he called it? The worst thing to have hit a dish since her scrambled eggs? She hadn’t realized then that it would be one of the few memories she would have of him when he was gone. They had both expected to make a lifetime of memories.

That was the final straw and the tears began to roll down her cheeks; large fat cheers that wet her blouse when they dripped off her face. She pushed herself up, looking at Brian and whispering, “I can’t do this,” before rushing outside, grabbing her coat and pulling it on before the cold air could bite into her skin. Still, she shivered inside of the coat, tears still rolling down her cheeks as she gazed at the dim stars.

Brian exited the Youth Center a few minutes later, locking the door behind him. He took the steps two at a time, coming to her side and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Would you like me to take you home?”

“Please,” she replied softly. “I just don’t think I’m ready…”

He nodded in understanding. “I can wait.”

“It might be a lifetime,” she replied. “Brian…”

“Shh, you’re just tired and still hurting Sheridan. The pain is still fresh and you really haven’t had any closure. I’m sure that in time you’ll be ready.”

She just nodded; too tired to argue.

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he assisted her into the truck and then climbed into the drivers side.

And from that point on neither seemed to say a word. Before long, the truck pulled up to the Lopez-Fitzgerald house and Brian cut the engine, turning to Sher. “Would you like me to walk you to the door?”

“No thank you,” she replied, removing the seatbelt.

He nodded, taking her hand and kissing the top. “Good night, Sheridan.”

“Night, Brian,” she opened the door and climbed out, hurrying inside the house. She wasn’t too surprised to find it silent and dark inside, not even Theresa’s somewhat animated chatter going on anywhere. It was surprising, considering it was relatively early, but then again Ethan and Theresa had been house hunting recently and going over to see Ivy afterwards.

With a sigh, she headed for Luis’ old room, going inside and silently closing the door behind her. Slowly, she changed for bed, sliding into the cold gray sheets and sinking into the pillows. Taking the picture from the nightstand, Sheridan ran her thumb over his face, trying to remember what his cheek felt like beneath her fingertips.

“I miss you,” she whispered, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks again. “So very much. Why’d you have to go?” She placed the portrait back on the nightstand. “Why?” she sobbed, closing her eyes and bringing a hand to her abdomen.

The only response she received was the very first kick from their unborn son before she cried herself into a restless sleep, unaware of her mother-in-law hearing every word and tear from the hall.

Chapter Six

Sheridan returned to her depressed funk after her date with Brian, just laying in Luis’ bed and staring at his picture. So much for all of the progress she had been making since her return to Harmony. Brian had managed to destroy it with one date…

And he really hadn’t intended to. His idea was sweet enough; she just wasn’t ready to let the past die…

Ok, poor choice of words.

Pilar, being the ever-worried mother, had finally called in the troops, without Sheridan’s knowledge. In fact, Jasmine was now standing at the doorway watching Sheridan stare at Luis’ photo. She sighed. This was just like the Sheridan that she had nursed back to health the first week after the funeral. The Sheridan that didn’t eat…

Or sleep…

Or get up…

“Knock, knock,” Jazz said from the doorway, leaning against the frame as she waited for Sheridan to acknowledge her presence. Plan A: pretend to be a comic for about fifteen minutes or the first smile appeared. If that failed, well she just hoped it didn’t!

Sheridan looked over at her and offered a weak smile. “Hi, Jazz.”

“Well, that’s an improvement, at least your talking this time around. I thought I’d have to read your mind for at least an hour first,” she stepped inside, nearing the bed. “So what happened this time? Break a nail? Spilled some milk?”

Sheridan scowled. “Funny.”

“I try. Seriously, Sheridan, Pilar’s going to have an aneurysm if you don’t get your butt out of bed sometimes this century. She’s in there praying the rosary…has been for nearly three hours. I think she wore the paint of the beads!”

Sheridan smirked. “I’ll have to buy her a new set.”

“Oh! Oh ha!” Jazz laughed slightly. “She’s joking around! Sheridan make a joke, alert the media!”

Sheridan giggled. “I’m supposed to be depressed, Jazz, what are you doing to me?”

“Sorry, Sher, but life sucks sometimes. I should know,” she walked over to the bedside and stole the picture of Luis from Sher’s hands. “I happened to get this card from Pilar, who found it on your dresser. It had this woman’s phone number so I decided to call her and ask her if she’d like to join us for lunch…”

“Jazz!” Sher groaned.

“Yup, you guessed it. I’m here to drag your ass out of that bed and take you to Sammy’s for a nice little lunch with me and your budding friend, Jill. Doesn’t that sound exciting?” she feigned excitement.

“Thrilling,” Sher replied sarcastically, while pushing herself up. “Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care,” Jasmine replied, pulling some clothing out for Sheridan. “Someone has to keep you going, Sheridan, because obviously it won’t be you. Now I know you miss him and I can’t say I know how that feels but I know you need to keep going for yourself, for that baby and for Luis…”

Sheridan sighed dramatically. “When did you get to be so smart, Jazz?”

“Dunno, happened sometime between birth and puberty,” she smiled. “Now come on. Jill is meeting us at twelve and she promised to bring plenty of pictures of her boys. That’s something you’ll need to learn, Sher, how to brag. All mothers carry wallets full of pictures.”

“Really?”

Jazz nodded. “Now get showered and changed,” she left the room.

Sheridan sighed. She needed to find some friends that weren’t so bossy and allowed her to wallow in self-pity. It just wasn’t any fun to be depressed anymore. She disappeared into the bathroom to do as told. So much for mourning…

Now she had to make it through lunch…

Sheridan looked at Jazz, her eyes shooting an icy stare. She couldn’t believe she had honestly gone through with it and invited Jill out for lunch! Originally she had believed her friend was joking and now…

Well now she couldn’t believe her friend could be so mean!

“Sher, you can cut it with the ice princess act, I’m not backing down. You needed to get out and this is the best way. Now perk up! Jill should be here any minute,” she sipped at her ice tea.

Sheridan sighed. She missed caffeine. “No fair, couldn’t you have ordered a water too? I mean I can’t have caffeine, the least you could have done was struggle with me.”

“Sorry, no can do. I’m here with two pregnant hormonal women. There is no way in hell I’m going to last through it without caffeine. It may be bitchy, but it’s my prerogative!”

Sheridan sipped her water. She really hated Jazz at the moment. But her hate was soon forgotten when she heard Jill’s jolly voice from the doorway. “Sheridan!”

“Jill,” Sher stood, hugging her friend. “I can’t believe you came,” she eyed the woman’s swollen stomach. Is that really what she would look like in two more months?

“Oh please! Jazz said that this was important and that you were having a bad time. I couldn’t miss it. Besides, I owed you some maternity info,” Jill smiled, sliding into a nearby chair.

“Ahem,” Jazz muttered. “I’m Jasmine, the lunatic that called you at seven am. Sorry it was so early but Pilar, Sheridan’s mother-in-law, made it sound like the world was about to end and I couldn’t let that happen.”

“No problem,” she smiled at Jazz. “This was serious. I couldn’t let a friend suffer a minute longer.”

“See Sher, people do care,” Jazz shot her a look.

Sheridan stuck out her tongue in reply. “Look, I couldn’t help it ok? You two didn’t lose your husband!”

“No,” Jazz replied. “But I could very well lose my best friend and I refuse to let that happen!”

Sheridan sighed. “Sorry. It’s been a bad week.”

“Tell me about it,” Jazz grumbled. “Do you know that Brian thought his date with you was a success?”

“Brian?” Jill asked, looking at the pair.

“Oh, I’ll let Sher fill you in on HIM,” Jazz looked the menu over.

Jill’s eyes went to Sheridan.

“He’s the man that helped me look for Luis after the storm.”

“And then followed her home like he was a lost puppy,” Jazz interjected.

Sheridan shot her a look. “When we were in Bermuda, Luis and I nearly drowned in a boating accident, but he and I managed to get to shore and find each other in a terrible storm. We ended up…making love,” she blushed, “in an alcove.”

“Could have left that part out,” Jazz replied.

Sheridan glowered. “Anyway, the storm worsened and we lost each other. Brian found me the next morning and tried to help me find my husband. When we didn’t find him, Brian returned with me to Harmony and has been here ever since…”

“And he has a crush the size of the Antarctica on Sheridan,” Jazz grumbled.

“Who’s telling this story?” Sheridan whined.

“No one now,” Jazz replied with a smile. “It’s pretty much over.”

“How does this have anything to do with her being depressed this week?” Jill asked confused.

“Sheridan went out with Brian,” Jazz quickly replied.

“Hey! It’s my story!” Sheridan pouted. “I went out with Brian…”

“Suddenly theirs an echo,” Jazz teased.

“Jazz!” Sher exclaimed. “Behave!”

“Yes mom,” she got up. “I’ll go order.”

“Salad for me,” Sher and Jill said at the same time. Jazz laughed and left.

“So,” Jill said. “What about this date?”

“It was sweet, but the memories were terrible and I had to have him take me home. I cried myself to sleep and haven’t been out of bed until twenty minutes ago. I miss him terribly, Jill. It’s hard being a mother without him around.”

“I’m sure it is,” she patted her friend’s hand. “I’d be lost without Drue.”

Sher sighed. “I want to move on, seriously I do, but Luis owns my heart and I don’t want to do this without him. I’m scared.”

“You seem to have plenty of friends willing to help you, Sheridan.”

“But they aren’t my Luis,” she looked down and fiddled with a napkin.

“Have a picture of him?”

Sheridan nodded, digging into her pocket book and removing her wallet. “That’s him,” she pointed to their wedding picture from the hotel.

“He’s very handsome,” Jill looked the very HOT man over. “How did you meet?”

“It was a long story…”

“And we have all the time in the world,” Jazz replied joining them. “The three of us are going to have a full girls’ day out, courtesy of my little nest egg.”

“Sounds like fun,” Sheridan offered a weak smile. “So where do we begin?”

“How about the beginning?” Jill replied.

And so Sheridan began at the beginning of her adventures with Luis and for hours the trio chatted and covered Sheridan’s entire history with the man she loved. By time she arrived home that night, Sheridan was tired, satiated and feeling much better than she had in months. Lying in his bed had a new meaning to her that night; her heart had finally mended some. The pain was fading but the love for him was still there.

For the first time in months she slept peacefully, dreaming of the good and not the bad…

Seeing him during their happier times…

And dreaming of their one dream destination…