These are also known as those hilarious BumperStickers. But I and some friends of mine love to put these on our emails as signatures!
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Montana -- At least our cows are sane!
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
Keep honking...I'm reloading
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be
misquoted, then used against you.
I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Famous last words: I wonder what would happen if i put these two wires tog - AHHHHHHHHH.
Constipated people don't give a crap.
Practice safe sex, go screw yourself.
Honk if you've never seen an uzi fired from a car window.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
Warning! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.
This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
So many pedestrians -- so little time.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Illiterate? write for help.
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
Horn broken... watch for finger.
If you're not a hemorrhoid, get off my ass.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me
I fefuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person
I do whatever my rice krispies tell me to
I haven't lost my mind, it's backed up on disk somewhere
If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...
Fight crime: shoot back!
Cat: the other white meat
Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
Expressions For a Woman's High Stress Day
I use these as sigs too!! Quite funny!!
Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done.
Earth is full. Go home.
Is it time for your medication or mine?
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.
Hey.. If you have anymore of these funny sigs, feel free to Email me.. I'd love to have more!! Anyway, thank ya much fer reading em.. dont ferget to sign muh guestbook and tell me whatcha think!!
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Lyrics Page/Funny Sigs
