"Woof woof," said the dog.
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She was born on April 9. That makes her an Aries (e.g., an overly assertive billy-goat-gruff). Monica has brown hair. Monica
has two eyes, and lots of teeth in her mouth, and no cavities in her teeth.
She is very proud of this and smiles often to show off her mouth. Favorite Things: Monica is one of those dangerous "thrill-seeker" personalities. For fun, she visits potentially murderous pawn-shop owners and taunts them by trying to buy cheap bicycles out of the cellar room. When she's finished there, she drives grad students to murderous rages by being a poor role model. This is when she's not mountain-biking on impassible trails. Her favorite books are Das Capital (translation: All About Ottawa) by Karl Marx and The Great Big Encyclopedia of Che Guevara. She likes to go to movies, and one of her favorite movies is Showgirls (for its hilariously bad acting and wacky plot). Since the X-Files has concluded, Monica spends her time watching marathon sessions of The Decorating Challenge, Trading Spaces, Blind Date and The Antique Roadshow. She is a vegetarian, and as a result, she currently has only 2 iron atoms in her entire body. Her favorite saying is “%#&*! that, you $#%-er!” If
you ask Monica what her best feature is, she will say, “My seductive belly
button.” Things to Know About Monica: Once upon a time, Monica had some money. And then she bought a little Green 1967 Volkswagon bug. Monica crashed the car repeatedly, and the little green bug sucked up all her money. Monica never killed anyone with her driving (although her younger brother Stephen did have cause to fear for his life while in her car). Monica is allergic to nuts. Monica likes to go to school and to travel. She went to grade school, and then to high school, and then to University. And then she went to Halifax, and then she went to Korea, and she got her sister Bernadette to take her to Kyrgyzstan, and then she went on a trip to Kiev and St. Petersburg. And then she went to Edmonton, which is where she is now. She does not like Ralph Klein. When we asked Ralph for his opinion on her, he said, "She's just a big crybaby."
The last we heard of Monica, she was dancing with strange men in parking lots in exchange for old cigarette butts (see shocking photo at left).
Charlotte's POV: Monica thinks I look cute when I'm fat & fuzzy! Relevant Monica-Related Links: Where does she spend her money?
You can also email Monica at flemon1000@yahoo.com or chemon2000@canoemail.com
This page was last updated on 01/08/04. |
More
recent photos of Monica indicate that her lifestyle has taken a turn for the
worse. We were horrified to learn that she is now addicted to NICOTINE (that's
in addition to the booze, of course).