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| kolman@japanese.engin.umich.edu (Kristopher A Kolman) writes: |
| How many "War Ships" have we
seen in B5. No we've seen Vorlon and Minbari cruisers, the raiders,
and then B5 of course. I'm asking because I've downloaded various
Pictures, but I couldn't find anything on Earth, Narn, or Centari
cruiser/battleships. Ah, the Centauri Ships of the Line! Now *those* are
real ships! The filigree! The porticos! The balustrades! The red velvet
with all the lovely mirrors! The reason you haven't seen these extremely
detailed ships yet is ... THEY ARE STILL BEING RENDERED! I can tell you a
little. But don't ask me for more information! -- My lips are sealed.
There's a hole in my mind. Park not good with details. |
| |
| POLTROON CLASS
These are the top-of-the-line Centauri war vessels, usually used as
admiral's flagships. Every deck has its own gourmet restaurant and
brothel. Even steerage! Fourteen decks of catapults, each able to place a
minor trade bureau squarely amidships an enemy up to 400 kilometers away.
More if the stellar wind is with you. Complement of 400 officers and up to
2400 personal servants and social facilitators. Propelled by
laser-supercharged steam. Slow, but the other ships know enough to wait
around for it. Gold plated with some tasteful diamond accents around the
admiral's private bridges. If the finish did not uniquely identify them,
the three-level parking structure at the rear for the officer's gigs would
be all you'ld need to see. |
| |
| SYCOPHANT CLASS Sycophant class warships carry
the Centauri fleet's copier machines. Two to four batallions of crack
Centauri Space Copier Service Marines keep the paperwork flowing smoothly
under the most difficult battle conditions. Emergency deliveries (e.g.,
laundry lists and golf scores for officers and their retinue or even third
notices of medical supply requests from the staff infirmaries) are
transferred between a Sycophant and another ship in the fleet by railgun.
The Centauri use a discarding sabot of emerald-plated platinum-iridium
costing as much as an entire Narn outpost. These are destroyed to prevent
navigation hazards, as practice targets for junior officers within three
degrees of consanguitiy to the admiral. Ordinary transfers are by standard
government barge. |
| |
| DECIDUOUS CLASS Three Sycophants are usually tended by
one Deciduous-class supply ship carrying about 11 square kilometers of
genetically-engineered fast-growing pulpwood trees similar to Earth's
scrub poplar. These occupy three to five decks of artificially-lighted
hydroponic "forests" in these inlaid j'Quan wood ships. Periodic
bulk shipments of previously-ignored documents are shredded for security,
perfumed, and sent on to the fleet's Sycophant-class ships to stoke the
boilers. |
| |
| PROTHONOTARY CLASS These silver-and-platinum plated
edifices are the workhorse vessels of the fleet. They carry a
nine-level organizational apparatus (9-LOA) diagrammed in charts 13
through 18 that is mission-oriented along functional lines such as
Diplomacy, Trade Relations, and Tax Evasion. Matrix management
techniques (MMT) require each functionary below section chief to
fill in at least three project numbers on their time cards each week
from projects supervised out of other functional mission divisions,
preferably on sister Prothonotaries, and in other fleets if
possible. This keeps the three Auditor Decks under control by
extending the duration of typical investigations to more than three
times the average Centauri lifespan (chart 19 in the errata). This
cross-training based staff development methodology (CTBSDM,
pronounced "ctbsdm") is said to be the envy of the Narns:
They suffer under a rigid heirarchical rank structure in which the
only career advancement path involves distateful amounts of
pouch-kissing and shouting (PK&S). Seven high-security decks of
the forty-three in these bloated, convex-hulled vessels are given
over to the reviled Total Quality Management Officers (TQMO), who
wear severe beige uniforms with only a hint of ormoulou piping on
the forepleats. On the other hand, Prothonotary-class ships are
justifiably famous for having the most advanced repetitive strain
injury (RSI) clinics in the fleet. |
| |
| WARD HEELER CLASS Frankly, the
Centauri are a little embarassed about these unglamouous but necessary
dreadnaughts, which typically skulk about in the shadows of the larger
ships, emitting puffs of smoke. As much as 60-70% of the crew may come
from a commercial background, with only a thin layer of ranking officers
from the nobility as they should be. Occasionally, whole decks are found
to be infiltrated by academics. These individuals are quickly placed on
sabatticals, on the largesse of the fleet's least-favored officer of
Baronial rank or lower. A Ward Heeler is easily identified by the narrow
"waist" that separates the officer's quarters from the hoi
polloi and the sewage recycling plant. In an emergency, such as a
breakdown in management-labor communications involving large-caliber slug throwers, the officer's quarters (the larger of the two parts of the
ship, with the fresh paint) can be explosively -- very explosively! --
separated from the crew's "half" (a Centauri Navy term meaning
"cubicle"). Yet who carries out the unglamorous planet side
footwork of colonist expectation management and revenue enhancement? Who
defaces election posters? Who suborns influential natives? Who laces the
local drinking-fluid reservoirs with generally recognized as safe
stimulants to increase production? Credit for all these workaday tasks of
empire has to go to the hard-working rank and file of the Ward Heeler
ships. And it certainly would if there were not more deserving officers
and nobility on the capital ships to claim it. |
| |
| Respectfully submitted (in
triplicate), SS/Bill Park ============ WTP:x-$m Attach. Encl. Errat.
Original printed on recycled pulp no feeders were harmed in the writing of
this article unfortunately the views expressed in this document do not
reflect those of the Centauri Republic or its lawyers documents on screen
may appear longer than they are. -- Grandpaw Bill's High Technology
Consulting & Live Bait, Inc. |
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