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Why did the chicken cross the road? |
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| Bester: (to the chicken) Why did you
have to cross the road? We are your family. We raised you, clothed you. We
are your father and mother. Don't force us to do this.... (the chicken
squawks in mortal terror) Bester: The bird has obviously gone rogue. |
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Capt. Jack Maynard: It lost the lock-on signal from the curb. |
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| Carrion
Eater: "That chicken killed in the middle of the road? Tastes just
like Narn." |
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| Catherine Sakai: And then it goes like this: I ask you
about your duck, and you ask me about my pussy and we end up regretting it
all afterwards. Catherine Sakai: Wow, Jeff... I thought you were into
ducks! |
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| Centari Chicken: Actually, it was a duck. |
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| Chicken: Do you know
who I am? |
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| Delenn: Valen asked the chicken, "Will you follow me into storm, into darkness,
into fryer, into death?" And
the chicken said... "Yes." |
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| Delenn: Such a deed enriches its soul. There
can be no greater honour for an avian. |
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| Delenn: You think you are doing the
correct thing. So does the chicken. Which one is right, and how do you
prove it? No. The Minbari cannot become involved in this manner... |
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|
Dr. Franklin: It obviously didn't know the medical risk involved. |
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| Dr.
Franklin: Why did the chicken cross the road? |
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| Garabaldi: Because it was
his birthday. (look for the hidden message) |
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| Drazi Green Chicken: Run
over by a purple car. |
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| G'Kar: "Weep for the chicken, Na'Toth. Weep
for us all." |
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| G'Kar: (puzzled by the question) The Minbari wouldn't do
it. The Centauri are too frightened. The Vorlons don't care... |
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| G'Kar: For
the first time in my life, my destiny is clear! Either I cross that road
with the chicken, or I die in the attempt. |
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| G'Kar: I had done everything!
I'd made my sworn statement, I had put my affairs in order, and then
suddenly the chicken has the _indecency_ to get run over on its own! |
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| G'Kar:
I'm thinking of thinking of crossing the road, right after my afternoon
nap. |
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| G'Kar: To take back the road that was unjustly stolen from its
people! |
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| General Hague: That's on a need-to-know basis... and you don't. |
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| Grey Council: "That can't be
possible!" |
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| Delenn: "But it is true -- he [this captured Earth
Force pilot] has a Minbari chicken!" |
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| Harlan Ellison: I've got
better things to do than...hey, where'd you get that? |
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| Ivanova:
"...and if the chicken ever crosses the road again, Ivanova will
personally rip its LUNGS out!" |
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| Ivanova: Don't recall the script, but
do the sex scene and replace 'how much money do you make' with 'why did
the chicken cross the road' |
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| Ivanova: Five! Four! Three! ...
(question-asker departs CinC post haste). |
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| Ivanova: I've got three chicken
stories to deal with, all of them bad. |
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| Ivanova: In Russia, chickens cross
roads! They do not ask why! |
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| Ivanova: Ivanova is always right. The chicken
will listen to Ivanova. The chicken will not ignore Ivanova's
recommendations. Ivanova is God... |
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| Ivanova: No squelch. No squelch today.
Squelch tomorrow. There's always a squelch tomorrow. |
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| Ivanova: No, I'm not
having sex with a chicken. I'd never be able to pullet off. |
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| Ivanova:
Possibly to avoid its first officer, who has been known to stake
individuals next to an anthill when they pester her with childhood
riddles! |
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| Ivanova: When I tell you to cross the road, you cross the road!
Ivanova is GOD! |
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| Ivanova: [to Na'Toth] Why don't you check the chicken's
beak while you're at it? Na'Toth: Good idea! |
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| JMS: "We weren't
going to discuss Sheridan's chicken until the middle of season
three...." |
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| JMS: That would be telling. |
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| Jack the aide: The chicken
turned to his friends "Be seeing you"! |
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| Jason Ironheart: To
become... flat. |
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| Jason Ironheart: "One chicken in a thousand is
hatched near a road. One in every ten thousand of those ever tries to
cross it. Half of them are run over by cars." |
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| Jeff Sinclair,
quoting Tennyson: "To seek, to strive, to find, to cross the road,
and not to yield...." |
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| Jeff Sinclair: I don't care if it had a
commandment from God complete with stone tablets... Jaywalking in a space lane is a serious offence. |
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| Jeff Sinclair: I told you, I don't
remember. I blacked out. |
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| Jeff Sinclair: If you ask any two chickens about
the future, they'll disagree on everything, except the need to get to the
other side; and on that they all agree. |
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| Jeff Sinclair: Not like this! If
I'm going to get run over, then I'm taking you chickens with me! |
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| Jeff
Sinclair: These are my scouts. I call them 'Chickens'. Please give them
any assistance necessary in helping them to cross the road. |
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| Jeff
Sinclair: This chicken was a Ranger with vital information to deliver. |
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| Jeff
Sinclair: Watch out for chickens... they cross the road when you're not
looking at them. |
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| JMS:
(he did it again) |
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| JMS: you'll find out next season. |
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| John Sheridan:
"Why did the chicken cross the road? I've been here six months, and
it's about damn time I found out!" |
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| John Sheridan: I expect you to take care of these
details. |
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| John Sheridan: I'll allow its pedestrian outings as long as it
doesn't interfere with the smooth operation of this station. |
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| John
Sheridan: That reminds me of a story my father once told me... |
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| John
Sheridan: The last time a chicken crossed the road, I blew it straight to
hell! |
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| John Sheridan: There is an old Earth proverb: A chicken in the hand
is worth two in the bush. |
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| John Sheridan: You tell me. It was YOUR chicken
who appeared in my dream three weeks ago! Or was that a pigeon... |
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| John
Sheridan : Why did the Chicken cross the road? Kosh : I cannot tell you...
perhaps tomorrow. |
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| Kosh: "You are not ready to
understand." |
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| Sheridan : On Earth, we have a saying : "Tomorrow
never comes." |
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| Kosh (after a sinister pause) : How perceptive. |
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|
Keffer : Why did the Chicken cross the road? Maynard : It thought it saw
something on the curb, way over the other side of the road... |
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| Knight
Two: Wait! There is voice that says, what if were still crossing? |
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| Knight
Two: "Do you really expect us to believe it was to get to the other
side? WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD?" |
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| Kosh: "It
did." |
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| Kosh: "tweetle* *blatt* *flash* Let them pass. |
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| Kosh:
"tweetle* *blatt* *flash* NEVER ask that question! |
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| Kosh: "tweetle*
*blatt* *flash* The avalanche has already started. It is too late for the
chickens to vote. |
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| Kosh: "tweetle* *blatt* *flash* Yes. |
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| Kosh: *burp
glip tweep* "He has always been there." |
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| Kosh: *tweetle* *blatt*
*flash* Understanding is a three-edged sword. |
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| Kosh:
"Never ask that question." |
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|
Kosh: That is not the question you must ask. You must ask yourself why it
did not reach the other side... |
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| Kosh: The cars have already started
running. It is too late for the chickens to vote. |
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| Kosh: The chicken has
always been on the other side of the road. |
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| Kosh: The stinging jewel...
curses its mask. |
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| Kosh: They are not for you. Go! Now! |
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| Kosh: To get to the
other side. |
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| Kosh: Your chickens have always been here. |
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| Kosh: [Beethoven's
Ninth Symphony in B flat, arranged for bagpipes, Jew's harp, whiskey jug,
and harpsichord, at breakneck speed] "I listened to the chicken. Your
thoughts became the chicken. I met you on the other side of the
road." [William Tell Overture, second movement, first eight measures,
inverted] |
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| Lennier: I don't know. But understanding is not required.
Only obedience. |
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| Lennier: If you cross the road, I will follow. |
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| Lennier:
Why should poultry transversing a thouroughfare be humorous? |
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| Londo Mollari: "cluck, cluck? Must
be Earth humor." |
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| Londo Mollari: Do
you know what the last chicken said as it tried to cross the road?
"Squawk...ugh!". |
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| Londo Mollari: I feel like I'm being nibbled to
death by chickens! |
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| Londo Mollari: So, the chicken crossed to the other
side of the road? Why does there have to be a reason? |
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| Londo Mollari: What
were those Earth animals again? Feathers. Earthers raise them for eggs. Go
"cluck." |
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| Vir: Dogs. |
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| Londo Mollari: Why doesn't the chicken try
to cross a divided highway while it's at it? |
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| Morden: One road at a time,
Ambassador. One road at a time. |
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| Londo Mollari: Why, for a *drink*, of
course! Perhaps I should join my *good* and *dear* friend in a celebration
of his good fortune... |
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| Lou Welch: Hey, chief! There's some bozo here
asking about something about a chicken and a road? |
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| Lyta Alexander:
What? Oh, sorry, I wasn't listening. I was dreaming of Bob... |
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| Michael
Garibaldi : 'Scuse me, just wanted to ask you a quick question. Why did
the chicken cross the road? Crook (looks puzzled for a minute.) : I don't
know Michael Garibaldi : Nah, me neither. (Biff, wham, thud...) |
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| Michael
Garibaldi: I guess I'll just have to make chickens my FOURTH favorite
thing. |
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| Michael Garibaldi: Look, I dunno, but the whole thing just feels
wrong. |
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| Michael Garibaldi: That chicken has crossed roads before. I can
tell. |
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| Michael Garibaldi: The chicken in the middle of the road is looking
for you. |
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| Minbari Chicken: "It made it all the way across the road,
was about to step onto the other curb when it surrendered. It still hasn't
told us why." |
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| Mojo Liebowitz: I dunno, but look at the cool
lens-flare effect we did on frames 1132-1164. |
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| Morden: It was what the
chicken wanted. |
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| Morden: What did it want? |
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| Morden: Where do you want the
chicken? |
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| Na'Toth: Give me a few moments alone with it and I shall
uncover its motives. |
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| Narn Chicken: consensus seems to assume they are
one in the same. |
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| Police Officer: Nothing to see here, move along, move
along. |
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| Sarah: The chicken is safe now. But we still don't have enough
evidence to go public. |
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| Shadow Chicken - appears out of nowhere in the
middle of the road, blows the hell out of everything - cars, trucks,
pedestrians, the road - then vanishes. |
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| Streibs: "We were about to
dissect the chicken to discover the answer, but a giant rooster appeared
out of nowhere and pecked our ship to pieces..." |
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|
Talia: I knew it would happen. I could sense it. |
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| Talia: We just made it
think that it crossed the road. |
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| Talia: Well, there is another option. |
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| Back |
