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zima.n.portents
After finally viewing "Signs and Portents," I lapsed into Arc
Fever. In my delirium, the following commercial formed in my mind. My
apologies to Joe, B5, and Zima. All in good fun, of course... =====
CAPTION ON SCREEN: "Zigns and Portents." [ The Man with the Hat
stands in C&C, looking into the camera. ] Man: Zay you've been
exploring out on the Rim... [ Cut to G'Kar's quarters. Morden is speaking
to G'Kar. ] Morden: What do you want? G'Kar: [ Simply ] Beer. Morden: But
what do you *want?* G'Kar: I want something that goes down smooth, with no
aftertaste. A tall forty-ouncer, ice cold, and I'd like to drink it all
out of a Centauri skull. Morden: And then what? G'Kar: [ Surprised ] I
don't know. As long as I don't get a hangover, I don't know that it
matters. Morden: [ A trace of disappointment? ] I see. Well, thank you for
your time, ambassador. [ Turns to leave ] Good day. [ Leaves ] [ Quick cut
to outside Londo's quarters. Morden is now talking to Londo, who clearly
seems annoyed by Morden's presence. ] Morden: What do you want? Londo: [
Sighs ] Do you really want to know what *I* want? Do you really want to
know the truth? I want alcohol beverages to be like they used to be, with
lots of ethanol, and a taste like Alka-Seltzer Cold Formula. I want a
rebirth of clear, cheap swill. Does that answer your question? [ Turns to
leave ] Morden: [ Under breath ] Yes. Yes it does. Ambassador? [ Londo
turns. Morden approaches him, and takes him gently by the arm. ] Morden:
Come on. Let's go to Happy Daze. Londo: Happy Daze? What for? Morden: Have
a drink or two. Zima? Londo: [ Breaks into a bemused smile ] Zima's
good... [ Both leave ] [ Cut to C&C again, with the Man in the Hat. He
addresses the audience again. ] Man: [ In loud whisper ] Zima's a unique
alcohol beverage... [ Cut to Happy Daze. Morden and Londo enter, and
approach the bartender. ] Bartender: What'll you have? Morden: Zima. [
Bartender turns to take two bottles from the many crates behind him marked
"Zima." He places them on the bar. Morden comes closer to take
them. Suddenly, Kosh steps between Morden and the bottles. He has an
unusually odd sway about him. ] Kosh: < buzz click whir gargle >
They are not for you. Morden: [ Face hardening ] Why not? Kosh: <
squeak bubble whiz pop > They are mine. [ Odd hiccuping sound comes
from the translator. ] Leave this place. Go. Now. [ Kosh turns to take the
bottles. Suddenly, a longish-haired human intervenes, and takes the
bottles. Other humans rush behind the bar and grab the crates. ] Human: [
Speaking into communicator. ] Six to One. We have the sauce. We're ready
to go. [ Turns with the rest of the raiders to run out of the bar.
Sinclair and Garibaldi rush in, and a brief firefight ensues. The raiders
get away. ] [ Cut to just outside the station. A small ship darts out and
enters a waiting transport, which turns and vanishes into a newly-formed
jump point, which itself vanishes. ] [ Cut to Happy Daze, somewhat later.
Sinclair, Garibaldi, Londo, and Ladira sit around a table, dejectedly
sipping ordinary beer, except for Garibaldi, who instead has his requisite
water. Ladira looks into the sudsy surface of her beer, and sees the
transport ship come out of a jump point. Almost immediately, a *very*
large, dark ship, with many spikes, appears out of nothingness. A beam
lances out from it and strikes the transport, cutting it into ribbons in
seconds. In surprise, Ladira drops her beer, and the mug shatters to
pieces on the floor. ] Londo: [ Dejectedly ] Light beer that bad, Milady?
[ Cut to Londo's quarters, later still. Londo stands in the middle of the
main room, a disgusted look on his face. He belches, and then grimaces, as
though a bad taste has just welled up in his mouth. His door chimes, but
he ignores it. After a moment, it chimes again. ] Londo: All right. What's
one more annoyance? Enter! [ The door opens. It is Morden, carrying a
cloth-covered box. ] Morden: Good evening, ambassador. Londo: You? Go
away! It's late. I'm in no mood for your games. Morden: I'm leaving
shortly - I got what I came for. But before I go, a gift, from friends you
don't know you have. [ Morden gives the box to Londo. Londo turns, and
removes the cloth, revealing a charred box. He opens it. Inside are
several bottles of Zima. ] [ Quick cut to the Man with a Hat in C&C,
who thrusts a bottle of Zima towards the camera. Cut back to Londo. ]
Londo: [ With shock and surprise ] Zima! How? [ He turns, and notices that
Morden is gone. He runs out the door, thinking Morden has walked out.
Loudly- ] Come back and have a drink, eh? How can I ever find you to repay
you? Morden: [ Voice is disembodied ] We will find you, ambassador. We
will find you, in the morning... [ Fade to black. The Zima logo fades in
in the middle of the screen, then back out. ] ===== Dave... ===== David S.
Pieczkiewicz, B. A. dsp3@falcon.cc.ukans.edu Department of Anthropology
dsp3@po.cwru.edu University of Kansas, Lawrence (913) 864-4103 Back
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