Yellow Roses, part 13: Go the Distance

Summary: Lun@'s confusion grows as she finds herself in the midst of things she does not understand.

Warnings: Open, explicit sex and major character death. Not! Nothing really objectionable. Rated maybe PG-13, just to be safe.

Author's note: 89-thousanth verse! Same as the first! A little bit louder and a WHOLE LOT WORSE!! Nahh, I'll spare you. Basically, though, this is one of the parts that I've been wanting to write for a LONG time. We're finally getting to the meat (or, if you're a vegetarian, the vegetables), and the pace will pick up a bit. I notice, though (rather ironically, I might add), that (in general) the pieces that the author wishes to write tend come out kind of trite and ill-written. Oops! Hope that this one isn't like that!

Sailor Moon Note: For those of you new to Sailor Moon and thinking the grammar is a bit funky, that's copied almost exactly from what they say. It's weird, I know. Confused? Write to me and I'll explain.

Website: The Scribs: Home of the Insane Fanfiction Writer Cassima

I have often dreamed
Of a far off place
Where a great warm welcome
Will be waiting for me.
Where the crowds will cheer
When they see my face,
And a voice keeps saying
This is where I'm meant to be.
I can find my way.
I can go the distance.
I'll be there someday,
If I can be strong.
I would go most anywhere
To feel like I belong.

--"Go the Distance", Hercules

Lun@ stared at her plate without interest, using her fork to rearrange her food. How could she eat? I feel like I've betrayed her.

The image flashed in her head again: Buffy staggering, her own staff swinging down in a neat arch to connect with a ripe melon-sounding thump. Buffy dropping like a stone, a glimpse one of her brown eyes betraying the surprise and hurt at the flash of calm, almost disgust at the easy victory in her own green ones. The Slayer had missed the regret that clouded there for moment, regret aimed at the traitorous feelings that colored the mock-battle. Regret that Lun@ herself had barely even realized was there, in her adrenaline-hazed, self-satisfied fog.

She was well aware of that regret now, though; it coupled with the overwhelming guilt.

Lun@ pushed her food again, almost violently. I've betrayed myself. What I stand for. What I am. They look up to me. How can I meet their eyes? Or even look in a mirror?

Her dinner partner watched her carefully, reading into every movement with the eye of one who knew her heart. "You can't blame yourself. Why do you feel that you're at fault?" he finally asked, setting his own fork down.

Turning her plate around, she tilted it so he could see.

The food smiled back at him from the plate and he had to chuckle. She gave an answering slight laugh, more at his response to her antics than in real humor. Turning her plate around and studying it, the smile left her face. "Mamoru, I'm losing my grip on reality."

His smile faded, too, but he said nothing, just listened.

"I can't... I don't... " The words danced around her, taunting her. "I knew how everything worked. Now, suddenly, it's slipping from me. I didn't mean for my fight with Buffy to go that far. I wanted to... to... I wanted to prove something to myself, not to her. I wasn't out there to teach. I was out there to show myself that I could still do one thing right, that I still had a grip on myself. What I proved, though, is that I'm unstable."

"You didn't kill her," he broke in. "You did what everyone agreed was necessary. It was your duty, as a teacher."

"It was cruel and unnecessary!" Lun@ tightened her grip on her fork.

"Was it?" He stared at her. "Lun@, from what you're telling me, it was the opposite. You were teaching her that she is not the infallible immortal that she thinks she is. You were teaching her that she has more to learn. You were doing your job."

"All teenagers think they're immortal. It's the teenage mentality. There must have been a better way." She abandoned her fork for her napkin and began twisting it.

"Perhaps."

She smoothed out the napkin, trying to make the square of paper flat again. "Do you know how long it took me to make the healing rune work? I used to spin them off in rapid succession and not feel a thing. Now it takes me fifteen minutes to do one. One! And I was exhausted after!"

"It was an emotionally draining day," he pointed out, sipping his tea. "That could have been any combination of things." Secretly, though, he wondered. I've never heard of healing runes acting so. "I don't really see you as the rune-type, though," he admitted.

She began to shred her napkin, without even realizing what she was doing. "What do you mean? I always do magic that way. That's how it works."

"Runes are crude and imperfect, like words," he explained. "What I feel from you is more of a surging."

"Maybe I'm missing something," she muttered, "but I don't feel anything." She pushed her napkin pieces into two piles.

"Maybe that's your problem." She's organizing the chaos, controlling it, he realized with a start. First the food on her plate, now the napkin pieces. Everything makes a pattern.

Sure enough, she began to organize the squares into a checkerboard, her mind busy on his words but her hands moving without thought or direction. "I've considered that. I feel empty a lot lately. Confused. Unsure. Perhaps a bit impatient. And, I've been taking it out on Buffy and Angel."

"Angel?"

"My friend. He always... well... There was a time, once, when he was cruel, but not anymore. The rest of the time, though, he's been my best friend. My only friend. I think he's more shocked with my behavior recently then I ever was with his." The checkerboard became a long row of napkin pieces.

"I think you need to meditate." He tried to phrase it delicately as he picked his fork back up to eat his salad. "You need to dig deep within yourself and see what's bothering you."

"I tried that," she replied tensely, using pats of butter to equally divide the napkin into two rows. "I hit upon a pocket of pent up energy so bad that I had to run around the temple a few times. As soon as I went out, though, a million thoughts demanded my attention, all at once. They refused to let go."

"And?"

"And I ended up making a drawing of the Sailor Senshi, of all things." A reluctant smile spread across her face at the ridiculous situation.

He considered this matter carefully. "You know of the Sailor Senshi?"

"Yeah." Picking a piece of her roll off, she examined it before sticking it in her mouth, breaking her day's fast. "I'd heard about them a long time ago, and I so I started doing research. Just recently, I've made a lot a breakthroughs. I was studying the Ginzouishou Cult, and I realized that I'd made a lot of... assumptions. I hear the Sailor Senshi protect Tokyo."

"Yes," he said gravely. "They protect us all."

She mulled this over for a bit, turning another piece of her roll over in her hands. "Are they powerful?"

"Yes, very. I met a few of them, once," he decided to divulge to his surprised comrade. "They'll protect this planet with their lives, if necessary."

"How odd," she murmured, looking at her hands. "I have so much power, but I use it to teach another to help instead of following the example of these... children, these girls... Why?"

"The Sailor Senshi bring out such musings in us all." He reached out and took one of her time-worn hands in his own. "We all do what we must to balance the circle of life and keep it balanced."

She nodded, accepting it for the moment. "You're right, Mamo-chan." Her use of Usagi's nickname for her boyfriend sounded strange on her tongue, and she decided that was a bit too familiar. "For some reason, you're right."

She thought it out later, as she crept into the girls' room back at the temple. Why did he always say the right things? His words had a comforting effect. She knew that she could tell him anything, and a simple phrase would soothe her fears.

People are funny creatures, she repeated to herself as she slipped into bed. I doubt I'll ever understand them.

She lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling, arms folded behind her head. Where do I belong? The thought just popped into her head. They say home is where the heart is. I've always felt at home where ever I was. Does that mean that my heart is accepting of situations, or that I'm adaptable, or that I have no heart? She frowned. Sometimes I feel that I'm experiencing a "perfect moment", one that I'll never forget, no matter how insignificant it seems at the time. This is a turning point in my life, no matter if I want it to be, or not. No matter what, I have to deal with these feelings I have, or they could be the death of me.

And with that, she slept.

A girl in a dark cloak beckoned her. "Come," her whispery movements commanded, "come join my quest." And this girl could be trusted.

The woman placed her hand in the girl's larger one. "How can I serve? Where is my prince?"

"He is in danger," was the grave reply. "As are you."

"My duty is to my liege."

"I expected as much. To get to him, we need more power."

"Andy can help."

"He will have to."

Scully awoke with a jolt. Raising her hand to her head, she wiped her hair away from her face and cuped it there for a moment. These dreams get stranger and stranger. This was the strangest one this night. Moving her hand over her face, she felt something warm and sticky. What the--? Oh, shit. With a resignation born from experience, she rose from her bed and headed towards the bathroom to rinse off the blood leaking from her nose.

Stupid, traitorous blood.

Stupid, traitorous, cancerous blood.

She felt the hopelessness settle in. Another long, lonely night lay before her, and it was all she could do to not cry.

"Next time you have a dream... wake me up and tell me while it's still fresh in your mind."

Lun@'s words echoed through her head.

"...wake me up and tell me..."

"...tell me..."

How could anyone refuse a command like that?

The small plastic pieces sat in their confining squares, the unadorned, plain figures slightly unnerving in their boldness. They weren't really shaped like anything but board game pieces, with the exception of perhaps Hershey's Kisses.

Yum, chocolate... Buffy's mouth watered as her musings on the game of Clue went a bit overboard.

"Buffy, it's your turn. Buffy? Buffy!" As a pair of dice were thrust into her hand, she quickly awakened from her chocolate-craving daze.

She quickly rolled and moved her piece the designated number of squares. "Uh... Mrs. Peacock, with the... lead pipe, in the Ball Room."

"You're in the Conservatory. You have to ask about the room you're in." Lun@'s tone was softened somewhat by the tentative grin on her face.

"Oh, yeah. That's what I meant."

"So, now she decides to start playing by the rules," muttered Xander. The whole group knew exactly who the bitter comment was aimed at. No one tried to correct him.

Buffy, slightly embarrassed by her friends, pretended that she didn't hear him. "The... what's a conservatory?"

"Like a sitting room with plants." There was no trace of hurt in the dry response.

"Ah. What exactly IS a sitting room, anyway?"

"A parlor."

"Wh--"

"A place to entertain guests," Lun@ cut her off with a grin.

"Thanks!" Buffy chirped with a tentative smile of her own.

The game continued. The group was tense tonight, though; the fight between Lun@ and her protégé had left them all at ends. Which side should they choose? Perhaps Willow's thoughts summed it up best.

I kinda see why she did it. It just seems so.. cold-blooded and ruthless and conceited. And look at her. She doesn't even seem bothered! How does she stand it, knowing that she's lost our trust for the time being? How does Angel stand it? Poor guy... I can't help but wonder how Lun@ can keep such a calm exterior about her, though. I hope I can have that extent of control someday. What am I saying; she's a monster! No, she's... well...

And so, the group said nothing. Tension built as the game went on, and none of their hearts were really in to winning.

Every fiber in her being was screaming for her to leave the room. It was as if an invisible threat was unraveling the very cloth of her existence and yanking the resulting fibers to another place, the most unsettling feeling of being needed elsewhere. Right Then.

She became more and more unsettled, looking at the door frequently and paying the game only a scant, disinterested attention.

Her distraction did not go unnoticed, but it did go unmentioned.

"I would like to make an accusation," Xander told the group cattily. "Some one here is about to go down."

"I have to leave," Lun@ blurted out, throwing her cards down, standing, and running to the door all at once. She disappeared into the blackness of the night before anyone had a chance to comment on it.

Willow and Buffy exchanged a glance. That had definitely been unexpected.

"She's guilty," Xander declared. "I knew it all along."

"Guilty of what, Xander?" Buffy snapped. "Trying to improve my fighting skills? I'm just getting sick and tired of you ragging on her. I don't need your protection! You think, just because a kid beat me, that now I suddenly need you hovering over me? Well, guess what? She beat because she's good. Really good. Better than me, is that what you want to hear?"

"Easy there, Buff." He held out the answer envelope, giving her a hurt look. "She's Mr. Green. Mr. Green is the murderer. Wait, I didn't hurt your ego by telling you that, did I?" Getting up from the low table, he left the room. "I'm going to bed."

Everyone watched silently as he left the room. "Uh... I gotta..." Angel slunk out, too, followed closely by Giles.

Willow took a deep nervous breath. "Buffy... uh... we gotta talk."

"What now?"

"Buffy, you're... ah... scaring us. I mean, me. I mean, us. I mean... Buffy, you're acting really weird. Like after the Master died. You've been kinda... cruel all day, and we were kinda hoping to catch it in the bud this time." Willow looked at her hands desperately, as if they held the secrets of the universe.

"Lun@ put you up to this, didn't she?" Buffy's voice was resigned and she slumped. "No, she wouldn't... Giles, right?"

"Uh... yeah, Giles 'n' everyone else. They thought a one-on-one talk might be more effective than everyone ganging up on you. Xander volunteered, but I thought... maybe..."

"Oh, Will..." Buffy leaned in to hug her friend. "She's so strange... Sometimes, I want to hug her, and other times I just want to kill her! What am I going to do?"

"Don't worry," Willow soothed. "I'm sure Lun@ knows exactly what she's doing. Everything will be just fine."

Lun@ raced down the street, the streetlamps making an eerie contrast to the darkness around her. What the hell am I doing? she wondered, a hint of nervous laughter coloring the thought. Where am I going? She paused as she came to a side street. I should turn right around and head straight back for the temple. I should try to smooth things back over with Buffy. I should--turn left--try to bury the pain with some first-aid ointment... no, that's not my job... I should--what the...? She skidded to a stop at the edge of a park... and a battle.

Almost unconscious of her movements, she reached down to her right side with her left hand and pulled over her head. Where her hand dragged, black cloth followed, until it became apparent that she was pulling a black robe out of thin air over her head. Later she would think and wonder about this miracle of creating something from nothing.

Crouching behind a bush, the black robe engulfing her short stature, she watched the battle.

"RAAADDDDIIIIAAATTTIIIOOONNN!!!" The monster made a few more nonsensical cries, blasting at the two Sailor Senshi dancing around it. "Die! Die! Radiation!"

"Hold still for a moment!" cried the angry senshi in red.

"Mars..." correctly identified the hidden Lun@. "And Jupiter."

"Where are the others?" moaned Jupiter as a little lightening rod shot out of the tiara on her head in preparation for her attack. "Vital Pressure!" The attack, a ball of lightening, was heaved at the monster.

It hit the creature, and it's hands fizzled and blackened.

"Did I get it?" Jupiter asked, her brown ponytail swinging behind her. As the blackened stubs on the creature re-formed, she gasped. "This one's strong!"

"Mars Flame Sniper!" cried Mars. The Senshi of Fire smiled grimly as a flaming arrow slammed itself into the creature's heart. "Eat some fire power!"

The monster grinned in return as she absorbed the fire into her body and made a returning blow. "Radiation!!!"

Mars ducked the blast neatly.

"Venus Love-Me Chain!" A chain of hearts whipped out and trapped the Radiation monster. The chain's owner gave a tug and the monster fell. "Don't worry," chirped the perky blonde in orange, "Sailor Venus here to save the day!"

"About time!" muttered Mars.

Lun@ smiled. She's almost as grumpy as Rei! The thought struck out at her and she frowned. Rei...

"Hey, I was in the middle of a date! Unlike some of you guys, I have a social life!" Venus glared at Mars, giving the chain in her hand a vicious yank.

The monster, "Radiation", roared and broke free of the chain. It wound up to do another radiation attack when a ball of light charging through the ground jumped up and crashed into her.

There was a short pause as everyone looked at the ball's source. A few pink rose petals fluttered through the wind.

"Sailor Uranus!" Jupiter yelled gleefully.

"Sailor Neptune!" Venus cried, equally gleeful.

"Heralded by a new age, I am Sailor Uranus, acting gorgeously."

"The same goes for me, Sailor Neptune." She tossed her aqua-marine- haired head and the two struck a pose.

The monster, shaking her head, retaliated at that very moment. "RADIATION!!!"

The two jumped, but Uranus didn't tuck her legs quite tight enough and she was shoved back into a tree. With a dull "thud", she slid to the ground.

"Uranus!" Neptune screamed. Her eyes narrowed at the monster.

The monster gulped.

"Deep Submerge!" The ball of water crashed into "Radiation".

The monster sputtered and looked at her. "Radiation!" it gasped out, growing back the parts that had just been knocked off.

"Eww!" Venus squealed, making a face as the severed limbs wriggled.

Jupiter took the calm moment to check on the fallen warrior. "I wish Mercury was here," she muttered. "I could use her medical knowledge right about now. Uranus, are you okay?"

The warrior of the air, Uranus, groaned.

Lun@ began to worry and shifted position for a more comfortable stance.

"Radia--"

"Shine Aqua Illusion!"

The monster's cry was halted in mid-attack as ice engulfed her. The surprise on her face was apparent, even from Lun@'s awkward position. She seemed to glare.

"Dead Scream." The whispered purple attack spun at the monster and Mercury and Pluto joined the group.

"Mercury! Pluto!" The other senshi sighed in relief. Now, if only Eternal Sailor Moon would get her butt down here...

Mercury was the senshi that Lun@ had been drawing before. Scully had been correct; everything about her was molded with water in mind.

"Mercury, Uranus is hurt." Jupiter gratefully handed her patient off to the other girl.

Mercury, with a quick nod, gently tugged on her bottom left blue earring. With a quiet swish, a translucent blue visor extended over her eyes. Pulling out a tiny calculator-like device, she began to scan the creature. "It's strong, you guys. It's pulling energy from atoms!" She processed the information quickly. "This is like nothing we've ever seen, so be careful, everyone! It's weakest point is the gem on it's stomach, so aim for that!" She turned around and headed for their injured comrade. "Uranus, are you okay?"

With a scream, the monster broke through the ice prison it was trapped in and glared at the group.

"Crescent beam!" Venus shot a sharp, pointed beam of light at the sparkling gem.

With a grunt, Sailor Pluto slammed the end of her Time Staff into the corner of the gem in an attempt to dislodge it.

Lun@ watched the senshi's efforts in wonder as they fought as one. Their coordinated attacks were amazing to watch as they battled, not only for their own lives, but for the city of Tokyo. "Bet they never have problems with their powers," grumped a jealous Lun@.

Her attention shifted to the lady warrior of ice, Sailor Mercury. The blue-haired, blue-themed senshi was quickly examining her fallen companion.

Lun@ could barely make out Uranus' words. "Mercury," she gasped, "my knee."

"It'll be fine," Mercury soothed, scanning it with her visor. "You'll have some swelling later, but it should heal up perfectly." She smiled lightly at her friend. "For now, though..." She gently touched the knee with one hand.

"C-cold!" Uranus yipped. "Thanks, Mercury." She gave the smaller senshi a smile. With a glare at the Radiation monster, she stood and pulled out a jeweled sword. "This bitch is going down."

"Raaaadiiiiaaa--" The monster wound up for a doozy of an attack, and Lun@ flinched in sympathy.

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, SCUMBAG!"

A blond sailor senshi with wings and long pigtails appeared, arms crossed in a defiant expression. The other senshi all gave way to this beautiful warrior, respect and love in their postures. Their leader?

"I am Eternal Sailor Moon, the champion of justice! On behalf of the Moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil. And, that means you!"

Wait, those weren't just pigtails... they were coming out of buns, one on either side of her head... like meatballs...

"And I am Sailor Saturn," announced the dark-haired child at her side. "The Senshi of Silence and Death." She readied the spear-like weapon with her hands, her precious Silence Glaive.

The monster looked even more frustrated, if possible. "Radiation?"

"Eternal Sailor Moon, it's the gem causing all this trouble," Jupiter told her helpfully.

"What took you so long?" Mars scolded angrily. "We were having problems, here!"

"What, Mars, you couldn't handle it? You? Say it, Mars," Eternal Sailor Moon crowed, "say you need my help!"

"Will you just get to work!!!" Mars screamed, furious.

"Nag, nag, nag, that's all you do." Mars rolled her eyes at her friend. "You're too cruel, Mars."

And then, to Lun@'s intent dismay, Eternal Sailor Moon, leader of the nine Sailor Senshi, Protector of the Solar System and single most powerful entity within, began to wail like a baby with a messy diaper.

The other senshi looked at each other in exasperation. The monster looked at the two quibbling senshi in disbelief.

"Eternal Sailor Moon," reminded Saturn gently, if a bit disgustedly.

"But she's so meeeeeaaaaaaaaaaan!" sobbed their leader.

"Sailor Moon, please!" snapped the normally cool-headed Jupiter.

"Err... right, Jupiter. Ready, Senshi?" The warrior was back.

They all nodded and began the disarming process.

"Bubble spray!" Mercury called, fogging up the air.

"Huh?" Radiation looked around, confused.

At that moment, Uranus and Saturn lunged at the monster with their pointy weapons.

Venus prepared her crescent beam, Mars her flame sniper bow and arrows, and Jupiter a disc of lightening to hurl at the gem.

"RADIATION!!" The blast knocked all the senshi flat in a burst of terrifying red.

Lun@ whimpered and covered her head with her arms, cowering behind her bush. If this happens much more, I'm going to have to find a new bush! she moaned internally. Besides, this hurts, dammit! Then, she looked around.

The senshi were scattered, flat on the ground. Radiation smiled, showing all of her ugly teeth, and attacked again.

And again.

And again.

The senshi were broken and beaten before Lun@'s horrified eyes, and yet, for some reason, her limbs were paralyzed, refusing to obey any command to move, help, or even to flee. She couldn't drag her eyes from the horrible sight in front of her. She could feel the heat from the attacks burning her skin, frying the edge of the long braid hanging from high on her head.

Then, suddenly, something broke the spell.

A rose.

A red rose streaked through the air, neatly striking the gem on the creature's stomach. She looked down in disbelief. Stopped by a measly flower.

"Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailor Moon cried joyfully, rising unsteadily to her feet.

"Terrorizing a city? I don't think so! Not as long as there is... Tuxedo Kamen!" The man in the tuxedo, top hat, red cape, and white mask hopped down from the tree, throwing more roses.

Lun@ winced in sympathy. His speech-writer has got to go.

It got worse. "Eternal Sailor Moon," the man intoned, sounding sort of like a game show host, "believe in yourself. Only then can you triumph over this evil." He threw more roses, and their razor-sharp stems stuck in the ground where the monster had once been.

The senshi began to collect themselves, standing to throw more attacks at Radiation. Tuxedo Kamen kept chucking those roses, some of them landing haphazardly near Lun@'s hiding place.

Even so, despite the corniness, despite the man's lack of practicality in choosing a fighting costume (formal wear?? Hello, Tux-boy!!), despite his strange taste in fighting materials--or, actually maybe because of them--she felt a strange sympathy for this man.

Which was why, when he shoved Sailor Moon out of the way of a blast, only to get caught himself, she felt such anger and took personal offense.

"Son of a..." The words were barely louder than a whisper. Pulling herself out of her hiding place, she snatched up one of Tux's discarded roses and heaved it at Radiation. Watched as it shot through the air, the red on the blossom dripping off, revealing yellow underneath.

Watched as it struck the already loosened gem slightly off-center, causing it to slip from its precarious perch onto the ground.

"Now, Eternal Sailor Moon," Lun@ prompted the winged woman in a growl.

The warrior nodded in tight agreement, secretly marveling at this imposing figure. Extracting her wand from wherever she kept it, she shouted, "Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss!"

The dubious-sounding attack ripped through the creature that was Radiation, obliterating it completely. A whisper of the creature's last testament, "Beautiful!", rang delicately over the suddenly quiet grounds.

Eternal Sailor Moon surveyed the damage, her precious warrior friends laying on the ground. "Everyone!" she murmured in dismay, slight tears filling her eyes. She paused in her flitting from person to person to look back at Lun@. "Who are you? Are you an ally?"

The black-cloaked figure chose not to answer, instead moving to Tuxedo Kamen's side. Running fingers over his grievous wound, she shuddered and gathered him close. A hand on her shoulder stopped her.

"What are you doing?" Eternal Sailor Moon's eyes tightened, as well as her grip on her powerful wand.

"Don't touch me."

The whispered command sent Eternal Sailor Moon back a couple paces.

The black figure stood, looking around at the senshi. Once, so full of life, and now... eerily still. Hands came together, and a giant healing rune was traced in the air. Flaring to life, it hovered there, trembling with power.

"Heal your brave warriors." Bending down, the figure picked up the still form of Tuxedo Kamen in a fireman's carry and began to walk away.

"Leave him alone!" The blonde warrior rushed the cloaked figure in a panic. "Leave Tuxedo Kamen alone!"

"Your friends need you."

"Tuxedo--"

"Go."

"But--"

"Go."

"No! I won't leave him."

And the black-cloaked figure left.

"Tuxedo Kamen!" Eternal Sailor Moon dropped to her knees in real tears, the bodies of her closest friends scattered around her. "No!"

But the figure was gone, disappearing into the absent mist.