Yellow Roses, part 16: The One Where It Goes To H-E-Double-Hockey-Sticks

Summary: A certain ex-angel goes on a little trip...

Author's note: This promises to be a shorty; but, not to worry, other parts will come soon... and other confusions... heeheehee...

Website: The Scribs: Home of the Insane Fanfiction Writer Cassima

Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket?

The man in the shadows raised one strong hand to her. "Beware."

Scully began to draw impatient. "What? What's going on?" she demanded again. "What do you want me to beware? Give me a hint!"

The background changed around them in flashes of red. The FBI agent caught glimpses of some of the pictures flashing behind the red:

A vampire.

A streak of something.

A flash of gray.

A person in white--no, silver--no, white--

Another picture. Too fast!

They were coming too fast!

"No," Scully cried, clamping her hands to her face. "NO!"

And her nose bled on.

Lun@ stretched uneasily. Yesterday's--actually, this morning's-- series of events weighed uncomfortably on her mind. What was she doing?

Rising from her cot and padding silently to the door, she began to reason with herself. Does anyone ever really know what they're doing? No, of course not! You stumble through life, taking what is dealt to you, and working it into your own game plan. But... what's my game plan?

Outside, near the temple stairs, the girl noticed Mulder working his calf-muscles in preparation for a run. He's got the right idea. Softly, she approached him. "Going for a jog?"

"Yeah."

"Want some company?"

"Whatever." Not really.

"Okay, good." Becoming the little dog, she stretched, shook, and stretched again, yawning. "Let's go."

The jog went quietly for a while before Lun@ spoke:

"You're angry at her."

"What are you--"

"Don't be angry. It's a difficult subject."

His voice was fastidiously controlled. "You knew."

"I know a lot of things."

There was another pause as they jogged towards the park. "What are you?" Mulder finally asked.

"Damned if I know," she replied with the hint of resignation she couldn't hide. "I don't know if I've ever known...

"I used to be Death."

"Death."

"Death. That's how you know me. Scully was supposed to be one of my clients, but she... you cheated me. You two cheated death."

Rolling his eyes, the FBI agent played along. "What about all the times we've courted you?" Mulder asked a bit sarcastically. "Where were you then?"

"You forgot my flowers. Chocolate. Long walks in the park..."

They ran in silence as they passed another couple joggers.

"So, this jog could be potentially dangerous to my health?"

"Nah... I was fired. Not scary enough... or something."

"I find that hard to believe."

"You're such a flatterer. I'm blushing." They paused for a moment to catch their wind. "She needs you."

"Death?"

"Scully. More than you need her. If she's your strength, you're hers. This case... these vampires, they're a problem. You've seen how Angel looks; those vampires last night were not normal. Staking them seems to work, but not everybody has arm strength like Buffy, and I'd really rather not leave it all up to Sailor Moon. These creatures are a weird dark magic and vampire hybrid, and you guys have seen strange things before. You're experienced. You are even semi-versed in demon lore. We need you... So, just kiss and make up or whatever, 'cause this is important."

"Scully and I are just friends. Our relationship is purely platonic." He fixed her with a hard look.

He had never known a dog's face could look so skeptical.

"So that's what they're calling it these days."

"Look, what Scully and I are is none of your business, okay? So butt out."

"Touché."

"Bet your ass."

"You're sure this is gonna work?"

"Look, you little pissant, SHUT UP already!" Spike threw his girlfriend an exasperated look. "Can I eat 'im, love? Please? He's so bloody annoying..."

"Look, you, you..." the man sputtered. "You need me!"

"He'd probably give you indigestion," Queen Cancerman murmured dryly. "You're sure about this plan?"

"No need to worry about that, love. I already sent the Bots to take care of her." He lit a cigarette of his own and took a deep drag off it.

"Excellent." What the Queen was actually thinking, however, had to do with the waste of good tobacco on a creature who didn't breathe.

"Sir, the law says you need to have your dog on a leash." The policeman narrowed his eyes at Mulder.

"I'm sorry offic--what dog?"

"Why, that dog right--" The officer frowned as he looked for the gray dog that the man had been jogging with only moments before. "Where'd he go?"

"I don't own a dog, sir. I was just jogging." Mulder motioned towards the park when the officer looked like he was going to protest. "May I continue, sir? I need to be back in time to get to work."

"Carry on, then," the puzzled man told him gruffly, one last glare an attempt to salvage his wounded pride.

Mulder jogged off, glancing at the girl now at his side. "That was cruel," he told her mildly.

She shrugged a little. "But handy."

"True," he conceded. "So, tell me a little about being De--"

His inquiry was interrupted by a Giant Robot stepping in front of them. "Target found."

Mulder and Lun@ exchanged concerned looks.

"Retrieval initiated."

"The Hell?!" Lun@ yelped as the robot reached for her. She looked around at all the bystanders, who stood around, mouths agape. "Someone, HELP!! Call the police!!"

Delivering a round of painful-sounding kicks and punches to the machine, she emitted an uncharacteristic squeal of surprise and outrage as the robot deftly picked her up around the middle.

"Mulder!" she screamed, and he already had his gun out and pointed at her captor.

"FBI! Let her go!" he hollered before firing. The bullets had about as much effect as Diab's earlier ringing blows: absolutely nothing.

The creature frowned, however, and turned towards Mulder. "Threat discovered."

"Oh, shit." Mulder fired again, this time aiming for the "head" of the robot.

The bullet made a "ping"-ing noise as it glanced off of the shiny metallic skin. "Eliminate," decided the robot.

"Mulder, run!" Lun@ yelled, squirming. "Go get the senshi!"

Mulder fired at the Robot again. "Release her!"

"Mulder!" Lun@ struggled frantically to trace symbols of power in the air, but they refused to flow out of her fingertips. "Work, damn you!" she demanded, almost in tears. But instead, all that trickled into her hand was that annoying gray rod that she had sworn she had left under her pillow. With only a second glance at it, she heaved it at Mulder, screaming, "CATCH!!"

He snagged it out of the air as the Robot raised it's arm and fired. The laser beam shot out straight towards Mulder.

He ducked and rolled, neatly missing the shot. It flew behind him into a tree, where a tree branch, weakened by the recent heavy rain and wind storms in the area, came crashing down.

Right on his head.

"Threat eliminated."

"MULDER!" Something flashed in Lun@'s eyes, and a bit of Diabolique began to return to her. Scully's gonna KILL me... "Did you kill him, you hunk of scrap metal?!" She writhed, furious. "You are SO dead!" Her hands flew up and began to weave the mystical, deadly signs of short-circuit--

--And fell back to her sides as the robot conked her over the head. "Target sedated."

Witnesses could still see the glint of the early morning sun reflecting off her Death's Cross, the lone symbol of her previous life, as she was carried off by the lumbering metal giant.

Scully frowned and looked at her watch again. As usual, Mulder was late.

Taking another sip of tea, she dialed the number of his cell phone and impatiently awaited the man's answer. Even Mulder wouldn't leave without his cell phone--especially not since he'd learned of the re-appearance of her cancer...

"Hello?" a strange voice answered.

Scully gave her phone a doubtful look, as if it was the cause of this strange occurrence. "Who is this?" Don't tell me he lost another cell phone... she prayed.