The Femme's Primer on Butch
The fact that you are here looking at this page.. indicates that you have either loved a butch or you are about to.. It also could mean you are just a nosey butch who thinks she's going to glean some femme secrets.. So be prepared ladies.. there are a few certain hometruths you will need to deal with:
1. There is a limit to the number of beer huggies, plastic water bottles and "go-cups".. that you should allow.. but do leave the poor darling at least two.. so she is not entirely bereft.
2. Contrary to public sentiment.. most butches are secretly pleased to dance attendance upon you while you are shopping… it gives them something they can bond over with their butchbuddies later. *S… take her shopping.. she will be secretly grateful.
3. The Femme's Sports Primer:.. the shortstop is between first and third base. When the dimeback guy in the big shoulder pads scores a goal everyone dances and its a grandslam, or something like that!.(this is when you pretend to look avidly interested if you have been unfortunate enough to be hauled to a game, match or tournament or gawd forbid.. some kinda race.)
4. When you ask your butch.. if your bottom looks fat.. and she responds with, "kinda looks like two weiner pigs fighting in a sack"… it is entirely permissible to starch her boxers using industrial strength starch.
5. If you should be dragged into a hardware/home improvement store with a butch.. and her eyes glaze over and her breathing is becoming rapid.. …. Do Not Panic.. this is a normal reaction in knowing that what ever she spends on a power tool.. she is going to have spend double on in the jewelry store. Just be patient, smile and bide your time.
6. All protestations to the contrary ... she is not looking at Playboy for the articles.. and she does not know those women on a first name basis..
7. Contrary to what she may tell you… the remote control is NOT an extension of her hand However, if you should "accidentally" lose the remote…Do NOT stay in the house.. go shopping with your girlfriends… Safety first, after all.
8. Yes, she does think about sex all the time.. but that's only when she is not watching sports, belching over a beer or polishing her power tools for the 106th time.
9. It is perfectly permissible for you to cry in the Hallmark store, over a Downey commercial or over bellybutton lint if you want to. Do not let her tell you otherwise.
10. There may come a time (not often but it happens) that she may want to cook. Do not laugh when you are served tortillas with raw onions and ketchup. Or … groan*.. bratwurst on burnt toast. Just remember these culinary urges of hers will pass and your kitchen will eventually return to normal. And hopefully your digestive system will too.
The preceding has been brought to you in the best interests of butch-femme relationships everywhere. Vive la difference!
