Title: When Mutants Attack
Summary: From an idea of Vic's, out of a conversation between Vic & Pete. Also my answer to the all-conversation challenge of Vic's.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Please don't hurt me.
Archived at: www.angelfire.com/tv2/legendmf, sometime.
Thanks to: Vic, Pete, Jen, and Dot, as always.
"Welcome to the show. Our topic today is mutants with fur, in love, who have been experimented upon. With us is our first guest, Wolverine. Welcome, Wolverine."
"Hey."
"Wolverine was forced to undergo an experiment which involved the insertion of an adamantium skeleton. He has a healing factor which means he can overcome everything from broken bones to hangnails, considerably faster than we average human beings. Why don't you tell us about the experiments, Wolverine?"
"Jerry, I told your people that I'm not willing to go into detail about the experiments. I'm not sure this is a good idea, bub."
"Perhaps we should ask for questions from the audience. Yes?"
"Hi, Jerry. I wanna know, Mr Wolf-Man, are you single?"
"Uh, not really. I have a girl back home. Hey, don't boo me!"
"Someone else has a question? I saw a hand - yes, you."
"Yo, Jerry. Love you, love your show. Wolverine, does the healing factor mean you, heh, recover faster, like in bed?"
"Whoa. I - uh - I -"
"Perhaps it's time to bring in our second guest. A man from Wolverine's past. These two share a long and murky history, and also fur and claws. Please welcome - Sabretooth."
"Sabretooth! Springer, you did NOT say anything about that BLEEP being on this damn show!"
"You can't cope with me, Wolverine? Awww. Poor little BLEEP."
"You BLEEP BLEEP! Why don't you BLEEP your BLEEP sideways with an orange BLEEP and a chicken!"
"Wolverine! Sabretooth! Put down those chairs, and that security officer! This is a family show!"
"Why didn't you tell me he was gonna be on the show, Springer?"
"Ah, uh, Wolverine, please retract those claws. They're digging painfully into my - thank you. We need to deal with the situation at hand. Perhaps some more questions from the audience."
"Yeah, Jerry, what I wanna know is, if they're meant to be toGETHer, why do they hate each other so much? What happened to LOVE?"
"No love, scum."
"He's a BLEEP, but he's right. We ain't in love, bub. And if YOU wanna be able to love your girlfriend there ever again, you'll refrain from mentionin' stuff like that."
"Gentlemen, please. Our audience is struggling to understand your situation. Could you tell us more? Tell us why you appear to hate each other so much? Sabretooth, could you please stop tossing that man in the air and answer the question?"
"Get away from him, 'Tooth! You BLEEP!"
"Wolverine, language, please."
"Hell, BLEEP me, Springer! I've had enough of this!"
"BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP!"
"BLEEP with a BLEEP BLEEP!"
"You BLEEP-assed BLEEP with the head of a BLEEP BLEEP!"
"And now, my final thoughts. No one wins when mutants argue. If you love each other, keep the claws - AARGH! You punctured my BLEEPing LUNG!"
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