Cast: Greg Proops, Karen Maruyama, Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, and Clive Anderson

Superheroes: crisis = perishing elastic; Greg = Mr. Muscle Zimmer Man; Ryan = Seductive Eating Man; Colin = Incoherent Boy; Karen = Shampoo Commercial Girl
After an audience member called out "Mr. Muscle" for Greg's superhero name, Clive accepted it but decided they needed to combine it "with something funny". So that's how we ended up with Mr. Muscle Zimmer Man (a shortened form of Zimmer Frame Man). The first crisis suggested was painful nipple erections, which provoked a response not only from Clive, but Greg ("That's not right"), and unusually from Ryan too. (He didn't say anything but visibly reacted which is rare.) Clive decided that while painful nipple erections may be a problem for the audience member, it was hardly a crisis for him, and asked for another crisis suggestion. The next one: perishing elastic.

Greg wasn't sure what exactly what "perishing elastic" was. I don't know if Clive honestly didn't know that we Colonists don't use the word "perishing" in that manner, or not. But he proceeded to explain what elastic is to Greg. After he finished, Greg just looked at him sadly and asked, "When is it going to stop? The aggression?" Clive: When you give us our colonies back. (The audience loved that.) Whether he misheard or not, Greg started teasing Clive about "his" colonies. "Clive's colonies." As if Clive had said that he personally owned the colonies.

When we finally get to the game, Greg walks in from stage left using a walker, which he accidentally crushes with his muscular arms. He discovers the crisis and announces that we'll all be stuck in one place with no waistbands. (I really had to think about that for a while because it doesn't make sense. I think Greg was implying that if we walked around, our pants would fall down because of the stretched elastic. So to keep our pants from falling, we'd all have to stay in one place.) Ryan comes on. He would have been here sooner but he was bungee jumping and got stuck. He pulls out a banana and starts eating it seductively, of course. The way he was eating it though would have worked much better with an ice-cream cone because he was taking long licks along the length of the banana more than biting if off. Colin popped in. "I would have been here sooner, but I came late." Can't argue with that Colin. And that was the next to last intelligible line we got from Incoherent Boy. Karen bounced in. She would have been here sooner but she had a painful nipple erection. A very nice reference to the first crisis suggestion. The only other phrase we understood Colin to say was her name: Shampoo Commercial Girl. After getting the name, Karen started flipping her hair and shaking her head. With that long black hair, she was very effective. I liked her crisis solution too. She had a friend who has a rubber tree farm, so she was going to see him. Greg told Colin to leave in his own babbling language (Colin finally understood that.) And Ryan had to go off to buy some kiwi fruit. (I never thought of kiwi as seductive fruit before.) Finally, the game ends. As the players walk back to their seats, you can just hear Ryan asking what a Zimmer Frame was. Greg demonstrates that it is a three-sided walker. Ryan replies that he never would have known that.

Let's Make a Date: Greg = contestant; Karen = call girl; Colin = first time nudist; Ryan = thinks Greg is the ugliest woman in the world
Clive introduces this game by saying that if Greg guesses the bachelors then we'll have a good game, "or at least provide Greg with a social life." Greg demonstrated an amazing amount of self-control by not responding to that jibe especially since we know that he heard it from his facial expression. Karen took her quirk one step further than the card's suggestion by playing the call girl as a VERY cheap hooker ($5.00) with a broken command of the English accent. I sort of imagined her as working Rosie's Bar next to the MASH 4077 (especially after hearing how much she charged). I loved how she introduced herself to Greg. "I love you hard and long." (Colin loved it too.) According to Greg, that was all he needed to hear for his first question. His second question was about shopping and for some reason, Clive found it very humorous. Don't quite know why, though. Greg really didn't have any problems guessing her other than he was trying to be circumspect in describing her quirk for some reason. He was trying to be "ginger. Or any Spice Girl for that matter." (Ryan laughed at that one. Spice Girls were a small running gag in this episode.) (Comment: I'm always surprised when Greg is embarrassed or reluctant to name things outright because he strikes me as someone with few inhibitions.)

Colin took an interesting tact in portraying his first time nudist, but unfortunately it wasn't a portrayal that would help with the guessing. He managed to sit on the stool covering up all of his private parts, making himself as small as possible. He would quick look at the other contestants making sure they weren't checking him out. When Greg started talking to him, he complained about the breeze that Greg was producing. (That misled Greg into thinking Colin was an Eskimo.) For the second round, Colin did his "Are these seats vinyl?" joke but he delivered it in a totally different way. Not arrogantly proud like he did in a playing of Weird Newscasters, but more surprised. As if vinyl seats were an aspect of being nude that he hadn't considered before.

Greg's first question to Ryan was if he'd sleep with the contestant on the first date. "Not without a bag over your head." Ryan's response to the second question was even better. Greg had said something about liking boxing. (I think the question was "what kind of sport do you like?") Ryan: "I can tell you do. I'd be interested in knowing if you ever won a fight." Hmm. I'd love to go on a date with a guy like that, wouldn't you? Greg guessed Ryan as "a big jerk". Clive: But what's he pretending to be? Ryan grabs his card and rereads it just to make sure he wasn't totally off base. (Colin cheats and reads over his shoulder rather than play along with the guessing.) Greg never gets Ryan right. One out of three for Greg.

World's Worst: chat up line; all four
The cut game. I'm neutral about this. I don't know whether this was supposed to be better than any of the other games or not. So we'll go with it being cut.

Dead Bodies: Ryan and Karen = lovers at the beach; Greg = bully who comes along; Colin = body mover
Colin begins by having Karen ask Ryan for some suntan lotion. Colin has a little trouble getting Karen close enough to Ryan so that Colin can manipulate Ryan into putting lotion on Karen's back. So the end result is that Karen falls face forward into Ryan's lap. When Colin has Ryan "ask" Karen if there's enough lotion, Colin mumbles Karen's response. Which is entirely appropriate since Karen is face down in Ryan's lap. But for some reason, Ryan found the mumbling very funny and had a real hard time staying dead at that point. Why? I dunno. Go ask Ryan. Greg comes in and dies. And Colin rushes over to catch him. I think Greg should have walked a little farther towards center stage before dying because Colin had to walk Greg's body closer in so that he could manipulate all three. Colin made Greg kick sand onto the couple (although Greg's first kick looked more like a goose step; he caught the knee for the second kick and it looked more real). And then in order to control Ryan and Karen again, Colin leans Greg up against his back. Now, I'm sure that Greg wasn't putting his full weight on Colin, but even still Colin looked like he was having trouble with Greg there. After "Karen" asked Ryan if he was going to stand for the bully's treatment, Colin reached as far over as he could in order to move Ryan's chin. I guess Colin decided he really couldn't reach that far so instead of moving the chin as he normally does, he started moving Ryan's lower lip to talk. It took every piece of self-control Ryan had to keep from breaking down completely, I think. Ryan has always had trouble staying dead in this game. And this time was the worst one I've seen. After the game ended, Ryan and Karen gave up completely. And you could hear them laughing all the way back to their seats. (I sure hope you've seen dead bodies before because that game has got to be one of the hardest ones I've ever had to describe.) Clive gave 900 points to Colin for the game. No one else got any points because they were dead. So they didn't care.

Mission Improbable: catching hairy caterpillars; Ryan and Colin = spies; Greg = voice on tape
Clive asked the audience for a suggestion for something that was fairly straightforward. I don't know about you, but catching hairy caterpillars isn't something that I'd qualify as straightforward. As first, Clive said catching caterpillars, but the audience member corrected him saying "hairy" caterpillars. Clive wondered if that was a crack at him. "My caterpillar is perfectly hairy, thank you." Ok. My imagination went straight to the gutter there. I think Ryan's did too. With a slight delay, he gets this surprised expression on his face and quickly turns away, bringing his hand to his mouth to cover the growing smile. Greg begins the game as the voice on the tape, sending the men out on Ryan's last assignment. A mission that is "fraught with danger and rife with adventure". Isn't the expression usually said the other way around? "Fraught with adventure and rife with danger"? Either way, Ryan found it amusing. Each time I watch a new Mission Improbable game, I become more and more convinced that this game is essentially Colin's to own. With his absurd imagination, Colin can come up with things that Ryan just doesn't expect. Ryan was saying how he couldn't remember whether hairy caterpillars lived in trees or bushes. Then Colin discovered the Hairy Caterpillar Farm, stopping Ryan dead. Ryan was broke and couldn't pay the admission. Colin had his collapsible pole vault pole and the two vaulted over the wall. (Colin's mime was more convincing than Ryan's there.) Ryan wanted to stuff the caterpillars into his pockets. No, Colin said they should put them on his head to look like hair. Colin wanted Ryan to capture one. Why me? It's your last mission. If you die, who cares? Ryan got it down and started styling it on Colin's head. Only it started making a ticking sound (Ryan's contribution). They toss it aside at the last minute. Oh! It didn't explode. Must have been wearing a watch instead. Colin decided they should do the hairy caterpillar-mating dance. Ryan didn't know it, but he'd follow Colin's lead. Once the caterpillars came down from the trees, they started leading them off.

Party Quirks: Greg = host; Karen = infomercial for exercise equipment; Colin = waking up during surgery; Ryan = dog in car
When Comedy Central came back from its commercial break, we got a shot of Colin looking sad and forlorn drinking some water. Ryan reaches over and pats him on the shoulder. I just want to thank Comedy Central for editing out whatever proceeded that shot. Heaven knows, I wouldn't want to know what made Colin sad enough that Ryan felt his friend some needed consoling. Clive brings Greg down the steps as usual while the others are reading the cards. And asks Greg if the party is ready as usual. Suddenly fans of Greg and Clive's banter were treated to a feast of barbs, some of the best the two had traded and even better than the colonies bit we had had earlier. Greg starts the party. The theme of the party is Come as Colin Doing a Dinosaur. (I wonder if he was inspired by Colin's dinosaur cameo in News Report from the companion episode?) And Greg starts doing the dinosaur across the stage. A slightly surprised Colin watches from the step.

Clive: Lets hope he's not doing that. Colin is very good at doing dinosaurs. Better than say.... You. Greg: You know, I could sit in the chair and smart off and you could get your butt up here and work. Clive: You've got to get a better agent. Greg: Oh, I can hold this door closed as long as you quip. But I won't... Clive: What are you hoping to do? Wear my finger out? I've had long years of practice with that finger.

At that point, Greg finally does open the door and let Karen in. I should add that while all this is going on, the other three are left waiting at the step. At one point, Greg opens the door slightly and Karen drops into character. But Greg shuts it in her face. She drops out of character and looks back at Colin who smiles and nods reassuringly. Sort of like, yeah, just let them go. Ryan even drops out of his traditional pre-Party Quirks trance to acknowledge the Clive's comment regarding his finger.

Believe it or not, friends, we actually had a game after all this dialogue. When Greg finally got around to opening the door, Karen yells (startling Colin) and jumps off the step. Greg offers her some snacks, but she refuses because they have too much fat in them. She throws Greg for a loop when she asks him to hit her. (Karen wanted to demonstrate how taut her stomach muscles were.) It was a very effective performance. When Greg opens the door for Colin, he finds a sleeping Colin who awakens and starts yelling. (Ryan came out of his trance to watch that performance.) Colin steps off and falls back asleep. Not knowing quite what to make of the whole thing, Greg pulls Colin over to Karen saying that her date was here. (Karen pulls Colin farther across the stage for some reason.) As soon as Greg opens the door for Ryan, Ryan snaps his palms back to the side of his head with his fingers sticking backwards. He cocks his head and his eyes go wide. His entire body is quivering with excitement. It's a very effective performance. I wanted to get out my dog's doggie biscuits and give him one. Ryan starts running around the stage asking Can we go now? Can we go? Before he settles somewhat on the World's Worst step, curled and panting. Karen goes into full infomercial mode and Colin wakes up screaming again. Greg is lost in a sea of chaos. Ryan hops up. Can I get in the front seat? Or in the back seat? (My dog NEVER takes the back seat, Ryan, we have to force her back there.) Greg finally gets Ryan and then works on guessing Karen. After a couple of false starts, he manages to guess her. That leaves Colin. Once again, Colin adds in that last tidbit to help the guesser. (He's very good at helping in Party Quirks.) "I shouldn't be seeing this! I shouldn't be seeing this!" That was the last piece of the puzzle that Greg needed, and he quickly guessed that Colin was waking up during surgery.

Hoe-down: giving birth; all four
The idea behind this Hoe-down was something painful. I think most of the players would agree that this hoe-down was painful enough, forget about bothering with the topic! In a delightfully rare screw up, Greg substituted his punchline word, "drugs", for his rhyme set up word and totally lost control of his verse. So he started talking about failure. What I really found interesting was how Clive was pressing Greg to get back to creating a hoe-down. Was the taping running late or something? After all the banter, those two had engaged in, it was a little odd to hear Clive censor Greg. Greg did get in a good hoe-down on the second try. Still using the drugs punchline — which was probably Ryan's verse based on his reaction. Greg's screw up gave Karen more time to think and she seemed grateful for the opportunity. Just to show you the difference a female perspective brings, how many male players would create a hoe-down verse containing the phrase OB-GYN? I doubt there would be many. Colin felt there was nothing more special on earth than watching a wife give birth. But he was very glad that the person giving birth wasn't him. And I think Ryan lost another verse there too. When Ryan finally got his chance, he sang about being run out of the hospital. It seems that the woman had never seen him before. (Considering how many members of the hospital staff wander in and out of the room during a hospital stay, how would she have known?) Ryan tripped slightly over his lyrics and at the end you can just hear him turn to Colin saying something about not getting the verse out. (I can't make out the middle words.) Greg chimes in at the chairs, commenting about having more time.

Credits: Greg, Karen, and Ryan = people at their high school reunion going through the yearbook
When Clive announced the winners, Greg, Karen, and Ryan, he repeated the statement twice which he often does. After the repeat, Colin started clapping enthusiastically and then paused and put his head in his hand, disappointedly. I think it was an act though. I'm basing this on four things. One, in an earlier season, Tony won once. Colin started clapping but Ryan played the angry, disappointed competitor. Colin stopped applauding and followed Ryan's lead. Two, Colin was one of the winners in the other episode from this taping so it's not as if he didn't do any credit readings that night. Three, I doubt any of the regular players care WHO reads the credits although the first ever reading is probably special to the individual. And most importantly, four, Colin didn't seem to mind during the actual reading of the credits themselves. He sat back and listened and laughed at the other three. Mostly the three talked about their sexual conquests of the people in the credits. The comment that Colin laughed most at was Ryan's final comment about Dan P: "I shagged him under the bleachers."

Best Game:
This is actually a hard one to pick but I'm going to go with Party Quirks. All four were great in the game, and the banter was priceless. I have to admit I felt Greg went a little too far in the banter. I think he should have stopped when he opened the door to let Karen in. She had prepared her entry and was ready to go. To give her a false start was a little inconsiderate, I thought. Greg's need to have the last word overruled his thoughts for Karen's performance. But that's a minor quibble. On the whole, Party Quirks with its intro was great.

Overall comments:
Greg fans will adore this episode and treasure it always. WLiiA fans that aren't specifically Greg fans will have much to love here too. This was a winner. Karen fit in well and came across strong with original ideas especially in Let's Make a Date. I liked this one a lot.

© LKK 11/25/00