Cast: Steve Frost, Colin Mochrie, Brad Sherwood, Ryan Stiles, and Clive Anderson

Questions Only: on Noah's Ark; all four
Steve and Brad start the game. Steve has never been very strong at Questions Only, and Brad is quite good at it. So the moment Brad asks Steve "Why did you bring me as your pair?", Steve is out of the round. (I don't think Steve ever learned how to respond to innuendo questions.) One thing I like about how Brad plays Questions Only is that he tends to reference the previous line of questioning when the next player comes on. So when Colin hopped in for Steve, Brad says to Colin "Weren't you taller just now?" as if Colin was still Steve. Unfortunately for Brad, he tripped over his response to Colin's question ("Haven't you heard of water shrinkage?") and was out of the round himself. Ryan comes in asking Colin if he fed the goats. "Was I supposed to?" And surprisingly, Ryan goes totally blank. At least that's how I figure it, since he doesn't respond at all. Verbally or physically. So Brad steps and references the previous line of questioning, "Well DID you feed the goats?" "What should I feed them?" "Did you feed them the ducks?" The idea of feeding the ducks to the goats seemed to floor Colin, so he screwed up his face, chuckled a little, and walked off. To be honest, I can't remember what Steve said when he came back in, so I guess it wasn't memorable. Nor do I remember how Brad was thrown back out. I think he just froze or was buzzed out for pausing too long.

That left Ryan and Colin together. And they settled into a pattern that could have lasted them all night if Clive hadn't stopped it, I think. Ryan: Were you at the front of the boat? Colin: You mean the pointy end? (My question: why do they always refer to the bow as the pointy end? Why not just say "the bow"??) Ryan: Didn't I tell you to stay away from there? Colin: Why? (Typing the word, "why" doesn't do justice to Colin's delivery of that question. In what had to be the best delivered line of the show, Colin managed to put about four syllables into the word. Each syllable reflected a different emotion — confusion, suspicion, curiosity, denial. Very, very nice.) I don't remember how the questions got back to Colin, but he asked Ryan if he hadn't seen the leak. Playing up another meaning, Ryan turned the game around with "You took a leak?!" It's a shame, really, that Clive buzzed in there. Neither Ryan, nor Colin, nor I was ready for the game to end. Too sad because I thought the game could have gone on for much longer. But then, I'm partial to Questions Only, which I think is one of WLiiA's great games.

Film and Theater Styles: Colin = policeman investigating reports of a strange disturbance on a chicken farm; Ryan = chicken farmer [styles: Star Trek, Riverdance, Jurassic Park]
I always laugh when Colin starts a scene by literally repeating the game description given by the host. "Hi, I'm a policeman investing some strange disturbances here at this chicken farm." Meanwhile, Ryan is facing backwards, slightly bent over, hands about a foot below his waist, and making some strange and disturbing chicken noises. "Oh, you suspect fowl play?" (OUCH! — Clive rightly deducted some of Ryan's points for that one.) "I can't lie to you. I've shared some things between chicken and man that man and chicken weren't meant to share." Ryan got about halfway through that line. And then I think his mind caught up to where his mouth was going, and his face could barely maintain its composure. And, of course, good friend Colin was no help by responding simply, "Go on." Fortunately for Ryan, Clive buzzed in with the first style — Star Trek.

As they normally do, Ryan went for Mr. Spock "on my planet, it's called Glooky. It's not logical for the chickens to live out here while I'm in the house." As usual, Colin went for Captain Kirk, which he does very well. (So well in fact, that Brad is doubling over in laughter by the end of the style.) "Of course, it's not. Chickens were made for love." Colin starts whirring a gadget at the chickens. I think Colin was going for a tricorder-type gadget. I think Ryan knew what Colin was going for but described it as a fan anyway. Chickens like to be kept cool was Colin's explanation. Then Ryan cuts Colin with his ear. And Clive buzzes in with the Riverdance style. I'm not sure why Clive keeps using this style because there isn't a whole lot that can be done with it. Ryan decides that Colin needs to look at something more closely. Colin agrees, "For I am the Lord of the Chickens!" So they dance their way across the stage. And that's about as much as can be done with Riverdance. Fortunately, Clive knew that and buzzed in. Then Colin did an unusually bizarre thing. Colin has always been very good about freezing in place whenever the buzzer sounds. But for some reason, he stopped dancing (as did Ryan) and started panting. And panting ... and panting ... and panting. I'm not sure why he kept on going for so long afterwards. How Ryan kept from laughing, I'll never know.

Clive announces the last style, Jurassic Park, which I don't remember being called out. But Clive's been known to throw things in on a whim. Ryan compliments Colin on his dancing. In fact, he dances really well ... for a human! Ryan reaches up and yanks down Colin's full body disguise revealing Colin's true dinosaurian nature. Colin starts roaring and chasing Ryan who for some reason runs around the stage in a knock-kneed pigeon-toed silly girl fashion. (They must have danced past a sex change clinic during the Riverdance segment.) Clive buzzes the end of the game, and the guys stop. But then, Ryan looks back at Clive (I assume), and both he and Colin start up the action again. Then they drop it a second time and go to their seats. It was as if they weren't sure the game had ended or not. Odd.

Old Job New Job: Brad, Ryan = Brad's finacee; Steve = Brad's father (used to be a dog show judge)
The cut game. I've been told that this game has some great Ryan expressions in it. And that it's a shame that Comedy Central cut the game. I've always enjoyed Old Job New Job although it's not one of my top favorites. I don't know what I would have traded to see it though. Have I mentioned lately that I hate that Comedy Central edits WLiiA?

Quick Change: Brad = general; Colin = messenger telling Brad that they're under attack; Steve = Change caller
Once again, Colin begins the scene by walking up to Brad and repeating the host's scene description. "General, we're under attack." And once again, I laugh. (I told you I always laughed. Just to be fair to me, Clive laughed both times too. So there.) Brad is standing there smoking a pipe. Maybe he thought he was MacArthur or something. Brad gets the first quick change call after asking Colin how bad the situation is. Most of Brad's changes stay within the realm of realistic ways to rephrase the question. Colin makes little effort to stay realistic which is what I love about how Colin plays this game, and this playing was no exception. After getting the call to change when he mentioned 100 German officers, he moved to Lithuanians and somehow ended up with a circus troop surrounding them with elephants. Later on, his bazooka-carrying acrobats ended up distracting Colin's men with shadow puppets made from the acrobats' genitalia. (Please, don't ask me to explain how Colin got there. He probably didn't know himself. And he's the one who went there. Not me.) Finally, Brad asked him what language they were speaking but through the change process, the language question mutated into a question about giving hand signals. Which Brad wanted demonstrated. Reluctantly (I thought), Colin demonstrated the hand movement. (In several neighbors, that hand motion could get you killed.) Steve called change. And Colin took off. Flailing his arms, making all sorts of gestures that the human body wasn't designed to make. Steve could barely call change fast enough to keep up with Colin. It was as if Colin were controlling the change calls, not Steve. And it was funny to watch. (If you remember when Colin did the credits with as many positions as possible, it was similar to that.) Clive finally buzzed in ending the game, possibly to give Colin a chance to breathe again.

Home Shopping: Ryan and Colin sell waders with holes; chewing gum chewed by someone else already; a solar-powered torch
If Colin was into repeating the host's descriptions this night, Ryan was into really, really bad puns. We'd already had the pun about the fowl play. When Clive hands Colin the waders, Ryan calls out "Waiter!" for no reason other than to make me groan, I'm sure. The solar-powered torch was an audience suggestion, and when the camera returns to Ryan and Colin, you can see Colin is whispering something to Ryan. I am 99% sure that Colin was explaining what a "torch" means in the Queen's English to Ryan. (Colin had said once that he often had to explain Briticisms to Ryan.) I can't figure out what Colin is saying, so I'm not 100% positive. But when Colin stops talking, Ryan bobs his head as if to say "I get it" and twice later he mentions a torch without a flame, so I'm going to stick with my guess that that's what Colin was saying to Ryan just before the game starts.

Ryan starts the game by introducing himself as "Seadrow Wooley". Colin comes right in by introducing himself as "Woodrow Sealy". I don't know if that was some part of an old routine of theirs (maybe Second City?) or whether they thought of it on the spot, but it was very funny. Ryan starts to sell the already chewed gum. It wasn't his best ever sales pitch. He might have thought (as I did) that the idea of already chewed gum is really disgusting. Mostly, Ryan talked about how he liked sticking things to the bottom of chairs, but didn't have time to actually chew the gum himself. By using already chewed gum, he could save time and do something else he'd rather do.

Colin's waders with holes were much more interesting. Agoraphobia is ruining many of our young adults. They simply can't go fishing. But by wearing waders with holes, the water slowing seeps into the boots through the holes. And the agoraphobes can "feel happy with the water". Once again, words on the screen cannot do justice to the second best delivered line of the night. As Colin drags through the word "feel", and you can feel the water yourself. And you are indeed, happy with the water. Very Zen-like.

Once the agoraphobe is happy with the water, he'll want to go fishing. Maybe at night. But how can you go fishing at night with the moon? (Colin tripped up a little with that line since fishing by the full moon is often done.) And as Ryan points out, you don't want to use a torch with a flame because that might scare the fish. Maybe a solar-powered torch??? Colin: "A solar-powered torch? How will that work at night? Well, Ryan will explain." Surprised, Ryan almost fumbled, but he did manage to catch the toss. You see, it's always daylight somewhere in the world; that's why every solar-powered torch is 5000 miles long. So it's always in the daylight........... Quick thinking there, Ryan. Nice job all around, guys. And what were you two whispering to each other afterwards? Or was Steve saying something to you from the chairs? I can't quite figure it out. Man, I wish I could control the sound editing.

Party Quirks: Brad = host; Steve = strict German nanny; Colin = physically in love with food; Ryan = film extra in a bar room brawl
Brad is one of the most laid-back party hosts, I've ever seen. Unfortunately, I don't mean that as a compliment here. He didn't seem to put any effort into to creating a host persona. He's done better party quirk hosts. Steve's strict German nanny seemed to suit him. Chastising Brad, trying to protect Brad from the others' colds. Brad didn't have too much trouble guessing Steve except that he went for a headmaster instead of a nanny. Given what Steve had done with the quirk, I'd say Clive was right in letting Brad have the guess even though it was slightly wrong. Brad did get the German and strict parts correct.

How ever I thought Colin was going to play his quirk, it certainly wasn't how he actually played it. Colin came in and headed for the snack table. Spotting a turkey, he picked it up, cradled it like a baby, and started caressing it. Then he put his hand in the giblet cavity and started caressing the inside. Finally, he placed the entire turkey over his head in ecstasy. I guess Colin's interpretation of the quirk was a bit more literal than mine was. After the turkey, Colin discovered the corn on the cob and finally the corn nibblets. Brad guessed him as a porn star, then as a performance artist that used food. Clive let him have the quirk then. I was glad. And hungry. Go figure.

Ryan's quirk was fairly straightforward. I was a bit surprised at how many guesses Brad took to get it right. I think Clive was stricter with this quirk than with the others. Ryan's performance was a wonderful piece of stage fighting. Even more impressive in that, while he was fighting invisible opponents but because of the intensity of his mime, I always knew exactly where Ryan's opponent was in the fight. And once he started fighting, I never saw him take a breather. If he did, it happened off-camera. It's a good thing, Brad finally was able to guess the quirk; I'm not sure how much longer Ryan could have continued the fight.

Mission Improbable: mowing the lawn; Ryan and Colin = spies; Steve = voice on tape
Colin's inventive mind came up with a new way to listen to the tape — a Russian tape recorder. Like an early phonograph, the tape record had to be wound in order for the tape to play. So there was some nice fun there between Steve and Colin as the two of them didn't quite have their play speeds in sync. After the tape, Ryan and Colin go out to mow the lawn, but they don't want to be seen. So they put on disguises. In a very rapid sequence, Ryan comes up with a fish impersonation and then a penguin impersonation. Now, he's done both of those before, of course. But it was the speed at which he cycled through the mimes that impressed me. Neither impersonation lasted more than a second or so, yet I knew instantly what animal he was. Colin tells him to just wear the nice suit for a disguise. Question: who wears a nice suit to mow the lawn??? What kind of a disguise is that?

They have to cross the lawn in order to get the lawn mower because Colin has foolishly locked it in the shed. Ryan burrows under the grass like a mole (or was it a gopher?) while Colin just walks across because it wasn't mined or anything. It was perfectly safe. The door to the shed is locked, so they jetpack to the roof to climb in through the skylight. (A skylight in a shed?) It's a long drop to the floor. Must be four feet. Wait! Colin's thought of something! He asks Ryan: How tall are you? Ryan: Six foot five. Ryan steps down into the shed. (Ryan says he is 6' 6" in America. But he says he's 6' 5" in England. Do you think the heavy London fog causes his spine to compress an inch?)

Colin drops down into the shed as well. And neither of them bothers to bend over when they're inside the shed. (Think about it. They were on the roof. There is a four-foot drop to the floor. The shed is only four feet high inside. Neither should be able to stand up straight.) They try to open the door but it's locked. Locked from the outside. Locked from the inside. As Ryan says, that's one tricky door. They'll have to blow the door! Blow the door, are you out of your mind??!! No, I mean blow it up. Oh. You had Mexican for lunch, didn't you? I think I see where you're going with this........

They go to wheel the lawn mower out, but they need a disguise. To cover their nice suits, I guess. Colin will get a sheet. Ryan: "What good will a sheep do us?" Colin: "No, a sheet! Wait, a sheep! What about the sheep that we keep in the ......... other part of the shed?" They open the other part of the shed and discover lots of sheep. (They've been cloning them.) The sheep will help them mow the lawn, or eat the grass, or whatever they do. Colin tells Ryan that he'd better put on the alluring sheep costume to lead them outside. Ryan: "Why do I always have to wear the costume?" Colin: "Because you smell like one!" "It's working!" Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Of the entire WLiiA game canon, I think Mission Improbable is my candidate for the game that becomes the most bizarre, the greatest number of times. I like it! LOL!

Greatest Hits: Songs of the Farmyard; Ryan and Colin sell; Brad sings
Greatest Hits is normally one of the highlights of any episode it appears in for me. But for this playing just wasn't there. The banter wasn't clever, and I wasn't impressed with the songs either. Mostly, I noticed the oddities in this playing. Ryan seemed to be signaling Colin to join him with a big arm wave as he was walking towards the stools. Why? Dunno. Clive introduced the game as Songs of the Farmyard, but Ryan promptly turned it into Songs of the Barnyard. An easy enough to make mistake, I guess. Colin used an ear of corn in the title of the punk song. I wonder if this game was before he went crazy for corn in Party Quirks. Or do you think Party Quirks is what inspired him? I think I'm tired of the Maurice Chevalier impressions for the French love song, but I was amused that Brad actually mentioned him in the verse. I think the funniest part of the game for me was when Brad and Richard Vranch got their signals crossed during the French song. Richard ended after Brad's traditional four lines. Only Brad wasn't quite done. Oops. Let's add a little more piano, shall we? All in all, a disappointing round of Greatest Hits.

Credits: Ryan and Steve = two construction workers on a scaffolding
Does this credit reading sound familiar? It should. It's been used before. But what really surprised me when I rewatched this episode is this. The actual reading is the same as in the other episode. But the part where Clive thanks the contestants is not. Think back to the other episode. In that one, as Clive is thanking the contestants, Ryan gets up and wanders downstage, not realizing that Clive hasn't finished. Ryan realizes his mistake; the other contestants especially Steve, wave him back upstage. Ryan rushes back and sits down looking all innocent just in time for Clive to say Ryan Stiles. None of that happens in this episode. However, the actual reading that Steve and Ryan do is the same. So we have a repeat of the readings combined with a different set of thank yous. And if that doesn't blow your mind, I don't know what will.

Best Game:
I'm torn among three candidates for the episode: Quick Change, Home Shopping, and an old favorite, Questions Only. I think I'm going to go with Home Shopping. It's not a landslide winner, and the other two are certainly worthy candidates. In fact, I started with Quick Change, then I remembered the Questions Only game, and changed winners, then I remembered Home Shopping, and changed winners again. If I'd remembered them in a different order, I might have picked a different game. Who knows?

Overall Comments:
This episode doesn't really grab me much. I have a hard time remembering the details of the show. And that's usually not a good sign. It's not horrible or bad. I can't point my finger at anything and say, "Bad Show". I can remember snippets of games, but rarely the entire game. I guess what I'm saying is this episode is your average non-descript B-student type of show. And I probably won't go searching for it often in the future.

© LKK 01/07/01